A reader recently asked for ways to increase her spiritual connection to her husband, who doesn’t share her spiritual beliefs. Here are six ways to strengthen a marriage even when spouses aren’t spiritually connected…
First, though, here’s the reader’s comment and question on my 6 Spiritual Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day article:
“These are great tips, but my husband isn’t spiritual…and I am,” says Valerie. “It’s not really a huge problem in our relationship, but I wish we could be more spiritual together. Bringing spirituality into Valentine’s Day would be amazing. Any ideas on how I can do that?”
These tips for building a more spiritual relationship with a non-spiritual spouse aren’t just for February 14! They can strengthen your marriage all year round. For more tips on faith and love, click The 7 Spiritual Practices of Marriage: Your Guide to Creating a Deep And Lasting Love. And, read on for a few ways to increase the spiritual health of your relationship…
6 Ways to Increase a Spiritual Connection in a Love Relationship
1. Hold fast to your beliefs, spirituality, or religion. It doesn’t matter if your spouse is Christian and you’re Jewish, or if you believe in Zen meditation and your partner communes with Buddha…don’t let go of your spiritual beliefs and habits! Loving and living with a non-spiritual partner can distract you from your own spirituality. Don’t let that happen; consciously strive to keep nurturing your beliefs.
2. Don’t try to make your spouse more “spiritual.” The only person you can change is yourself – and believe me, changing oneself is more than enough for one person to tackle! Instead of thinking about changing your spouse’s spiritual beliefs or habits, focus on building your own spiritual health. Do you want to get closer to God? Read more Scripture, pray with fellow believers, and find ways to turn your religion into spirituality.
3. Connect in other important ways. If your spouse won’t or can’t accept your spiritual beliefs, don’t let it become a thorn in your marriage. Instead, focus on and strengthen the ways you do connect. For instance, do you agree on how to raise your kids, give to the community, or take care of your aging parents? Stay strong in those aspects of your relationship.
4. Let your spirituality speak for itself. Don’t hide your morning meditations or evening prayers. Encourage your spouse to be present while you read Scripture or listen to the DVDs or CDs that inspire you. Take St Francis of Assisi’s quotation to heart: “Preach the Gospel at all times…and if necessary, use words.” Let your actions – your spiritual habits – indirectly increase the spiritual connection between you and your spouse. Even if you don’t directly discuss your spiritual relationship, it is being strengthened by invisible threads!
5. Honor and respect your spouse, even if you have different spiritual beliefs. The Christian faith encourages husbands and wives to honor, respect, and cherish one another. If you’re a Christian married to a non-believer, it’s important to respect the Christian view of marriage…even if your spouse doesn’t. Don’t let your love and respect for your spouse deteriorate because you have different belief systems.
6. Accept – and embrace – your spouse’s spiritual journey. Just because your husband or wife doesn’t hold your spiritual beliefs doesn’t mean he or she isn’t on a spiritual journey! Have the faith and courage it takes to accept people for who and where they are. Don’t lecture your spouse or look down on him for his beliefs. Don’t criticize, and don’t complain about your spouse to other people. Be humble, walk softly with your God or whatever power you believe in, and have the grace to let your spouse find his or her own way home.
To learn about the power of prayer in marriage, read Tips for Praying With Your Husband or Wife.
Do you feel spiritually connected to your spouse? I welcome your thoughts below…
Hello Kim,
Thanks for being here; it sounds like you’re really searching for meaning in your life. I think we find meaning in different places — some people find it in a Christian God, others in the God of their hearts, others in Buddhist beliefs, and still others in ways that don’t necessarily involve spirituality.
Because your husband believes in God, I encourage you to start by exploring different types of God-related faiths. I’m not saying you should blindly follow God because your husband does, but it’s good to know who your husband believes in, and why.
My husband and I recently took the Alpha course together, which is all about the meaning of life from a Christian perspective. I wrote about it here:
Christian Courses for Spiritual Growth – The Alpha Course
Also, I think it’s important NOT to focus on trying to find one single truth, or one single “right way of believing.” I believe in Jesus Christ and God, but I’m aware that we’re only human beings who may not realize how vast and mysterious the “other” world is. I’ve chosen to believe in Christ because I love the teachings in the Bible, and know that they are healthy and good for both me and the people around me.
So, I encourage you to embark on a journey of spiritual exploration! Take classes with your husband, go to different types of lectures, sermons, and spiritual organizations, and read books about different types of spirituality.
I hope this helps, and welcome you back anytime if you have any questions or thoughts!
Blessings,
Laurie
Hi, I’m really unsure about alot of stuff when it comes to being spiritual, my parents never talked to me about god or any beliefs when I was a child . My spouse has a strong belief in god and I dont know how to talk to him when he starts conversations about it.(it upsets him) Im not saying I dont believe in god, I know there is something greater out there but just not sure of what? Is there a way to really find out the truth or what I should believe or what I should know..? I’m very confused!