If we each new how to mend a broken friendship, our friendships would last forever. Unfortunately hurtful words, miscommunication, and unconscious behaviors create walls so big, they seem insurmountable. But with a little patience, faith and love, many can transform walls into bridges and open up a new communication space with important friends.
Friendships add so much value to our lives – fun, companionship, support, clarity and wisdom. They nurture our mind, body, heart and soul on so many levels. An anonymous quote from Readers Digest touches on the true meaning of friendship:
“A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”
If you are looking for suggestions on how to mend a broken friendship, read on for my intuitive approaches and Laurie’s practical tips. If you’d like to read a touching book with animal illustrations about what makes friends so special, click on the book image, Friends to the End: The True Value of Friendship.
Intuitive Approaches to Mending a Friendship
Connect on a heart and soul level. When we communicate effectively from the heart and soul, we transcend polarities the intellect has created such as right and wrong, good and bad, sucess and failure. We see past behaviors and personality quirks and into the heart and soul of our friend. We know they are not perfect; they have wounds just as we do, and they make mistakes the same as other humans. And when we speak from our heart and connect to the soul in another it softens them, allowing them to hear us more clearly and move past old hurts. The next time you communicate with your friend, listen to your heart for guidance before you speak.
See life from your friend’s eyes. It’s easy to see only one side of a disagreement – yours – but there are always two sides. If we imagine things from our friend’s point of view, given their personality, life experiences, and wounds, we see the bigger picture and how it all fits together. Look at all aspects of the situation and then trust your intuition on what step to take next.
Forgive yourself and your friend. Before we mend a broken friendship, forgiveness needs to happen. Forgiveness is a state of letting go, releasing judgments, resentments and old hurts. It creates a clean slate to begin anew. Look within yourself to see if you are holding onto any resentments toward your friend and if you are, choose to let them go. Then look at anything you might have done to contribute to the rift and forgive yourself.
With a new perspective, forgiveness and a heart and soul connection, you’re ready for Laurie’s practical tips on how to mend a broken friendship.
Practical Tips for Healing a Broken Friendship
Don’t try to be right, or prove your point. When arguments happen and friendships are broken, we often focus on who was right, who was wrong, and who should apologize first. If you want to mend your friendship, I encourage you to let go of those thoughts! Instead, recognize that you were both a little “right” and a little “wrong.” Be vulnerable and honest, and be “big” enough to apologize without expecting an apology in return.
Be clear on why the friendship ended — and what has changed. If you stopped being friends because your friend was always late, then either your friend has to start being on time or you need to accept the fact that you’ll have to wait whenever you meet. If your friendship ended because you don’t agree on spiritual or philosophical issues, then you have to agree to disagree! Don’t attempt to heal the rift in your relationship without either solving or accepting the problem that caused the rift in the first place.
Accept your friend without judging or criticizing. This is similar to my first tip about mending a broken friendship — but not quite the same. This more general tip involves accepting your friend as a whole person, without thinking of how he or she could (or should) be different, smarter, more attractive, more popular, etc. Recognize and be grateful for the wonderful qualities your friends have, and let them be who they are. Accept them for who they are — warts and all! It’s about spreading positive energy around, my friend.
It’s important to recognize that friendships have their ups and downs, just like romantic relationships. Flow through the valleys of your friendship, and remember that the peaks will soon be in sight.
We welcome your questions and comments on healing friendship rifts below…