But first, here’s why counseling is so important…
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ Leo Tolstoy.
A Christian marriage counselor can help you cope with serious marriage problems and not-so-serious couple incompatibilities (that can lead to serious marriage problems). If your marriage is faltering because you and your partner have different spiritual beliefs, you might find Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage helpful.
And, here are five tips for finding a spiritual counselor…
How to Find a Christian Marriage Counselor
1. Take the stigma out of marriage counseling. A counselor simply offers an objective perspective on your feelings, thoughts, and relationship. Going to a counselor doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed or that you’re a “bad” spouse…it’s just like going to your family doctor when you’re not feeling quite right. A counselor can point out things that you can’t see, and can help you solve problems in a healthy, rational way. In fact, one of the best tips for a spiritual marriage is to invite a healthy external perspective in, to help you see what you wouldn’t otherwise see.
2. Ask friends and family members for recommendations. I know it’s embarrassing, but asking people you know is the best way to find a Christian marriage counselor! You don’t have to reveal all your marriage issues or even explain why you’re asking. You need only say, “I want to talk to a counselor for spiritual guidance. Do you know any Christian leaders I could talk to?” You’d be surprised at how many people have been to counseling, and how many recommend it.
3. Call your church or spiritual organization. Some churches offer free counseling, or at the very least know where to find a Christian counselor. Before we got married, my husband and I did a five week premarital counseling session through our church, and it helped us deal with minor issues that could have morphed into major marriage problems. We explored our family histories, personalities, relationship, and marriage expectations — all of which set the stage for a happy, healthy spiritual marriage.
4. Be prepared to make a rather large emotional investment. Counseling requires time to reflect on what you’re learning about your marriage, and energy to cope with the feelings and emotions that arise. Counseling also requires discipline to explore your issues on your own time. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it! Surviving marriage problems and pitfalls gives you more insight into yourself and your marriage than the happy fun moments. So, when you’re looking for a Christian marriage counselor, be prepared to make a significant emotional commitment.
5. Check the counselor’s credentials. Make sure your counselor isn’t just spiritual, but also qualified. Find a Christian marriage counselor who has some type of formal training, college degree, or some type of counseling education. Don’t be shy about asking marriage counselors what their educational background is, how many years they’ve been counseling couples, and what type of spirituality or religion they practice. Align yourself with a counselor both you and your partner trust and feel comfortable with.
If you and your husband are coping with infidelity, read Surviving an Affair in a Christian Marriage – 5 Ways to Overcome Infidelity.
And, if you have any questions or comments about marriage counseling, please share below…
Thank you for this article. My husband and I are struggling with marriage problems, and we’re both Christians. We need a marriage counselor for sure.