First, what is prayer?
“Prayer is exhaling the spirit of man and inhaling the spirit of God.” ~ Edwin Keith.
And that’s one way prayer helps victims cope: it infuses them — and everyone who prays — with a calm, loving, compassionate, forgiving spirit that lights the way and eases the burden. If you yearn for a deeper prayer life, read Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind
If you’re being abused by your partner, read Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Here’s what a new research study says about the effects of praying on victims of domestic violence…
How Prayer Helps Abused Women Cope With Domestic Violence
Prayer offers personal comfort in hard times. According to a University of Wisconsin-Madison study, the 75% of Americans who pray on a weekly basis do so to manage a range of negative situations and emotions – difficult situations such as illness, sadness, trauma, anger, and abuse.
But, how do people who pray find relief and consolation? What are the specific benefits of prayer? Shane Sharp, a graduate student studying sociology at UW-Madison, interviewed dozens of victims of domestic violence. Here’s what he learned about the benefits of prayer, and how praying helps people cope with being abused.
Though Sharp’s study focused on victims of domestic violence, these powerful benefits of prayer extend to everyone who prays.
Prayer Offers a “Listening Ear”
Those who were boiling with anger said they found “a readily available listening ear,” says Sharp. “If they vented their anger to their partner, the result was likely to be more violence. But they could be angry at God while praying without fear of reprisal.”
“I looked at the act of praying, of speaking to God, as the same as a legitimate social interaction,” he says. “Instead of a concrete interaction you would have face-to-face with another person, prayer is with an imagined other.”
That’s not to diminish God’s role by considering him an imagined participant in a prayer. “On the contrary, I wouldn’t expect prayer to have these benefits for people if they thought God wasn’t real,” says Sharp. “The important point is that they believe God is real, and that has consequences for them emotionally and for their behavior.”
Prayer Changes How We See Ourselves – For the Better
Anytime we talk to or related with other people, we can’t help but consider how we look through the other’s eyes. When we pray, we consider God’s view of us. “During prayer, victims came to see themselves as they believed God saw them,” says Sharp. “Since these perceptions were mostly positive, it helped raise their senses of self-worth that counteracted their abusers’ hurtful words.”
Abused women often have a low sense of self-worth because their abusers deliberately destroy their self-esteem and self-confidence. Women who see themselves through God’s compassionate, loving, just, forgiving, and caring eyes may see themselves differently.
Prayer Distracts Us From Difficult Emotions and Circumstances
This researcher also discovered that prayer offers a helpful, healthy distraction from a bad experience or painful emotions. The victims of domestic violence in this study reported that simply folding their hands and concentrating on what to say to God was a reprieve from their anxiety, stress, and sadness.
Praying offers a similar comfort as having a conversation with a close friend or a parent – it offers a release from pain and discomfort.
Can Prayer Be Harmful?
Believe it or not, praying doesn’t always offer positive results! “Through prayer, some victims learned to forgive their abusive partners, to let go of their anger and resentment,” Sharp says. “But that’s a double-edged sword. It’s good for those who are out of that violent relationship to let go of it to a certain extent. But if they’re still in their violent relationship, it may postpone their decision to leave, and that can be bad.”
Forgiveness, compassion, and love can lead victims to stay in abusive relationships longer than is healthy. Prayer may increase their hope and faith that an unhealthy, angry, abusive partner may change.
If you’re being abused by your partner, read Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
What do you think of how prayer helps abused women — and all people in pain? I welcome your thoughts below…
If you’re dealing with domestic violence or other painful situation, you may find How to Cope When Your Life is Falling Apart helpful.
Research Source: “Prayer Can Help People Handle Difficult Emotions, Study Suggests”, University of Wisconsin-Madison.