“Women have to be able to champion other women,” said Michelle Obama in a recent issue of Oprah Magazine. “We have to root for each other’s successes and not delight in one another’s failures.”

Rooting for your friend’s successes can be difficult – especially if you’re prone to jealousy or insecurity (like we all are at times!). For more info about healing female friendships, click When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You. And, read on for tips on repairing relationships and keeping  friends for the long haul…

Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

Is there a friend who you don’t talk to? Did you argue about something, or just drift apart — or did you have an unexpected relationship breakup? Here are a few things to think about if you want to be friends again…

Figure out the cause of the estrangement. Female friendships can be broken through neglect, betrayal, arguments, or broken promises. Identifying and airing the cause of the breakup can make reconnecting with friends much easier. Plus, the more you know about broken relationships, the healthier your future friendships will be!

Make the first move to repair the relationship, says Michelle Obama. “If there is anyone who has a broken relationship with another woman, if there was a woman in your life that you have not communicated with because of ego or embarrassment or jealousy or fear of rejection, a sister or a friend or a mother or a child who could or should be a part of your community,” says Obama, “I ask you to reach out to that woman today.”

Remember that female friendships have ups and downs. Most relationships go through cycles of closeness and distance, connection and disconnection. To keep your friendships healthy and strong, accept that these natural stages – and perhaps pay a little more attention to your friends during the periods of distance.

Accept your friends for who they are. The best, healthiest part of friendship is not trying to change people! If you want to keep your friend, you should accept her quirks, weaknesses, and foibles…without wanting her to be different or trying to change her personality.

Identify toxic female friends. Some relationships aren’t worth repairing because they’re destructive, unhealthy, or difficult. To learn if you’re in a toxic friendship, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez. To find out if you’re the toxic friend, read Are You a Toxic Female Friend? George Eliot.

One last quotation from Michelle Obama:

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on healing female friendships or repairing relationships, I welcome you below!

Related posts:

1. Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez
2. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
3. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

First, two quotations about divorce from strong women in history: Zsa Zsa Gabor and Margaret Atwood….

“I’m an excellent housekeeper,” said Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”

On a more serious note, Margaret Atwood said, “A divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you.”

If you’re a woman considering divorce, you need to know the signs it’s time to leave your husband. Unhappy marriages often have solid indications that divorce is inevitable, according to Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Susan Pease Gadoua. Read the book for details, and check out these signs you should leave your husband…

Women Considering Divorce – Signs You Should Leave Your Husband

“There are certain factors that suggest a relationship is workable and salvageable,” writes Gadoua. “There are other factors in marriages that, if present, indicate a low probability that the relationship will be healthy or fulfilling. I call these workability factors.”

Here’s a list of Gadoua’s indications of unhappy marriages, specifically related to safety, love, and esteem needs (based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs).

You might consider divorce if your safety needs aren’t being met because of…

• Lack of trust
• Pathological dishonesty
• Lack of mental, emotional, physical, or financial safety
• Abuse (read Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship for more info)
• No communication

You might work on saving the marriage if trust was broken but is reparable, if there’s a mutual desire to create a safe environment, if there is care, concern, and communication.

It may be time to leave your husband if these love needs aren’t being met:

• Absence of mutual love
• Infidelity
• No shared interests
• One or both spouses aren’t fully committed to the marriage
• One-sided relationship

If you’re considering divorce, you might think about saving your marriage if there is a foundation of mutual love, if both partners are willing to work through physical or emotional infidelity, and if both spouses are willing to recommit to staying married.

But remember: love doesn’t conquer all! You can love your husband with all your heart, but not be able to build a strong, happy marriage together – especially if you’ve lost your personal identity. The lack of romantic love may not always lead to divorce, and the presence of love doesn’t lead to a happy marriage. As Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.”

You might consider divorce if your esteem needs aren’t being met because of…

• No esteem from self or spouse, and no desire to change
• No respect at all from spouse
• No common goals
• Unwillingness of at least one spouse to work on marriage

Does your marriage have a foundation of respect, some common goals, and a willingness to work on esteem and marriage issues on the part of both partners? If so, it might be worthwhile to try to save your marriage.

There are no quick and easy answers for women considering divorce – and even the surest signs that it may be time to leave your husband can be complicated and confusing.

“I’ve had countless clients tell me that they don’t want to divorce because they are afraid of losing the co-parenting relationship or their spouse’s income, only to eventually realize that they alone already carry the load of responsibilities,” says Gadoua. “The spouse doesn’t contribute to the marriage but, rather, takes from it.”

Sometimes, divorce for women leads to an easier, more liberated, happier life – especially if you’re leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship.

A final thought from Zsa Zsa Gabor:

“You never really know a man until you have divorced him.”

If you’re considering divorce and have questions or thoughts on these signs it’s time to leave your husband, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. Surviving Online Affairs – A Quips and Tips Article
2. Finding a Good Boyfriend – a Quips and Tips Article
3. Habits of a Healthy Marriage – Quips and Tips

Here’s what Eleanor Roosevelt said about friendship:

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

When you’re healing from a relationship breakup, one of the most important things to do is not take it personally and stay friends with yourself – especially if the breakup was unexpected! For more relationship advice, click on Extreme Breakup Recovery by Jeanette Castelli. And, read on for my ways to overcome an unexpected relationship breakup…

Ways to Overcome an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt

Don’t take the breakup personally. The reason for the relationship breakup could have nothing to do with you! Maybe something happened in your friend or partner’s life that requires distance, such as depression, physical illness, or unresolved emotional issues. It’s important to remember that he or she has a whole inner life that you may not be privy to. Don’t berate yourself for the breakup, or over what you did or didn’t do.

Let go of feelings of unworthiness and inferiority. This is a deeper exploration of “don’t take things personally”: don’t let the unexpected breakup destroy your self-confidence or self-esteem. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” said Roosevelt. Accept your hurt and confusion about the end of the relationship or friendship, but don’t let it make you feel unworthy or inferior.

Ask what happened. It’s acceptable and even healthy to ask romantic partners or friends for reasons behind the relationship breakup, especially if it was unexpected. Did you not live up to their expectations? Did you offend them, or were you insensitive in some way? If you’re wondering if you were a “bad” friend, you might find Are You a Toxic Friend – George Eliot helpful. But remember — an unexpected end of a friendship does not mean you’re a toxic or bad friend!

Accept that you may never know why it happened. Your friend or partner may not be able to express the reasons for the relationship breakup. Maybe he or she doesn’t know why the relationship can’t continue, or can’t express it properly. Or, perhaps he or she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. To overcome an unexpected relationship breakup, you have to accept a possible lack of closure.

Prime the “resilience” pump! How “bouncebackable” are you? Resiliency is a key to being a successful woman who can overcome relationship breakups and forge healthy new relationships. Everyone faces failures, setbacks, and obstacles in friendships and romantic relationships. Successful women just keep getting up and trying again, that’s all! For tips on bouncing back, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling.

Choose to heal. The most effective way to overcome relationship breakup – besides letting time heal – is to make the choice to move on. The end of the friendship or relationship happened, and there may be nothing you can do about it. You need to choose to heal and overcome your feelings of loss, pain, and helplessness; it’s a choice you may need to make every day.

Soon, you’ll find your pain over the breakup to be less distracting or debilitating. You’ll remember the relationship, but won’t be as burdened by it.

One last quotation from Eleanor Roosevelt (not necessarily related to ending a relationship or friendship, but it’s a great thought!):

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway,” she said. “You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” 

What are your thoughts or questions on overcoming unexpected an relationship breakup? I welcome you below…

Related posts:

1. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt