“I don’t act the way society dictates that a woman ‘should,’ writes Queen Latifah in Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman. “I am not dainty. I do not hold back my opinions. I don’t stay behind a man. I’m not here to live by somebody elses’ standards. I’m defining what a woman is for myself. Simply put, I am not interested in subscribing to what society has decided for half of humankind.”

Queen Latifah said this even before starting Jenny Craig’s weight loss program – and she’s been very clear that she’s not losing weight to society’s standards. Rather, she wants to be fit, healthy, and strong for herself — which is the best reason! Click on Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman to learn more about her, and read on for ten ways to build your self-confidence levels.

10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah

1. Accept that you might feel guilty when you say no – but say no anyway. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you fulfill everyone else’s expectations and behave the way society thinks you should. Instead, say “yes” only to the requests you can fulfill without depleting yourself, and separate others’ expectations from your own.

2. Make your appearance a part of who you are as a whole woman. You dishonor yourself when you dress for others and change your body to please your partner (wax, botox, hate your body, envy skinny models). Don’t compare yourself to others, especially images of air-brushed perfection. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, remind yourself that you are MORE than your appearance!

3. Plan small steps that move you towards your dreams and goals. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: Clean the house, garden, ferry kids to soccer practice, paint the deck, cook meals, darn the socks when you need to take care of yourself. Stop wishing, and start acting in ways that move you forward.

4. Own your career. Think of yourself as an entrepreneur, even if you work for someone else. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: don’t speak up at meetings, accept extra work even though you’re overloaded, let others take credit, don’t consider pursuing the education or job that you’re passionate about, or let colleagues destroy your self concept and self esteem. To build your self-confidence, focus on your career as if you were an entrepreneur.

5. Avoid soul-deadening activities. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you participate in activities you feel lukewarm about or outright hate, go to places that make you feel uncomfortable, or act like a martyr. Instead, tune in to your spirit through mediation, prayer, and time for yourself.

6. Take control of your health issues. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you ignore your physical problems and let your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor totally control your prescriptions, diagnoses, and schedule. Instead of hoping that they know what they’re doing, you can build self-confidence by taking charge of your health.

7. Know what you really think – even if you choose not to voice it. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you swallow your opinions, ignore your ideas, and stifle your creativity. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, express yourself through writing, painting, creating, producing, etc.

8. Learn why you’re overeating, overspending, overcriticizing. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you bury your feelings in chocolate ice cream, heroin, cigarettes, wine, excessive activity. Stop immersing yourself in shopping, watching TV, gossiping, and extreme busyness! Instead, face your feelings head-on. Face what you’re afraid to know.

9. Pick friends who support, honor, and love you. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you spend time with people who criticize, condemn, or deplete you. Instead of letting your family, friends or society dictate who you are, build your self-confidence by tuning into what you really think and feel.

10. Define what “taking risks” means to you – and take a little one every day. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you don’t trust yourself, don’t reach out to others, don’t be vulnerable, and above all don’t make waves. Take a small risk every day, whether that’s saying hi to your postal carrier or saying no to your mom!

My new favorite saying is: “To get something you’ve never had, do something you’ve never done.”

How do you build your self-confidence levels? Please comment below – I’d love to hear from you.

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Increase Self Esteem for Overweight Women – Queen Latifah
2. 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling
3. Improving a Negative Body Image – Christina Aguilera

“Men were designed for short, nasty, brutal lives,” said Ramey. “Women are designed for long, miserable ones.”

She was kidding, of course…wasn’t she? Women do live longer, and maybe we are more miserable. We’re certainly subject to the whims of PMS and perimenopause, and fits of jealousy and insecurity. We hold grudges and compare ourselves to other women (both successful and not). Are we miserable? More importantly: are YOU miserable?

Here are few facts about the late, great Dr Estelle Ramey, with a special emphasis on her wittiness, sense of humor, and ability to lighten heavy topics. Plus, how lightening up makes you more productive and effective! And, if you’re serious about lightening up, click on Simple Happiness: 52 Easy Ways to Lighten Up by James Ryan.

How to Lighten Up and Get More Done – Dr Estelle Ramey

My sister always told me, “Lighten up – don’t take everything so seriously!” The older I get, the more I agree with her. This life lesson of lightening up and getting more done is important because I’ve spent far too much time being grim. Life’s too short to be mad or bitter! Or jealousy — read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

Dr Estelle Ramey earned her master’s degree in chemistry at Columbia University in 1940 and a doctorate in physiology at the University of Chicago in 1950. Ramey was a teacher, speaker, researcher, and writer. One of the founders and the second president of the American Women in Science, Ramey wrote an article called “Men’s Cycles – They Have Them Too” for the first issue of Ms. magazine.

Definitely not your typical well-behaved woman!

Lightening Up and Achieving More

There’s nothing less healthy, less attractive, or less appealing than a woman with a grim face and stone cold sober personality. Lightening up reduces stress and draws people to you, which can help you get what you want out of life (if you learn to delegate and accept that people do things differently than you).

Whether you’re aggravated at your boss or disappointed in your partner, “grimming and bearing it” doesn’t help. I’ve gritted my teeth through work meetings, bad situations, and traffic jams – and in hindsight, I wish I would’ve lightened up because I had to experience it anyway.

Irritability or a grim attitude isn’t going to make the situation easier or more tolerable – so we might as well tap into our senses of humor, wit, and cheer. For an immediate laugh, read Funny Quotations and Sayings by Women – Paula Poundstone.

Lightening up helps you get more done by:

• Making others feel more comfortable and relaxed – and more open to cooperating with you.
• Keeping your stress levels low, so you can see new solutions and opportunities.
• Making you appealing to be around, which means you’re less likely to be left shouldering the burden!
• Keeping your thoughts clear and focused, so you can work more quickly and efficiently.
• Making you more memorable to others…in a good way.

Developing a sense of lightness, wit, and humor is a habit that can take you further in your career and personal life!

One last quotation from Dr Ramey:

“Now, I like testosterone. Every home should have some,” she said. “But it becomes damaging as a man gets older. I’m trying to help men live longer, although I’m not sure all of them deserve it.” See how she is honest, light-hearted, and authentic? Now that’s a life lesson from a successful woman: how to be real and assertive.

Do you think women are more serious – grim, even – than men? I do, and I think it’s because we take on more responsibilities and burdens. By the way, Ramey said the female of every species is stronger in terms of stamina, longevity and performance under stress.

To learn more about this woman who wasn’t well-behaved, go to The Washington Post’s Estelle R. Ramey: Used Wit in Women’s Advocacy by Patricia Sullivan.

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries – Oprah Winfrey
2. Living Lavishly in Poverty – Wangari Maathai
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

How do we know Maathai wasn’t well-behaved? Listen to how her ex-husband describes her:

“…too educated, too strong, too successful, too stubborn, and too hard to control,” he said.

You gotta admire his honesty! Mr Wangari wanted a woman he could control – but you can’t control women who aren’t well-behaved. For Wangari Maathai’s biography, read Unbowed: A Memoir. And, here are her recent comments about Barack Obama and Kenya, two life lessons, and a dash from her past…

Living Lavishly in Poverty – Wangari Maathai

Wangari Maathai was the first woman in Africa to earn a PhD. She taught veterinary anatomy at the University of Nairobi, where she earned her doctorate. She also studied in Kansas, Pittsburgh, and Germany.

Maathai has won at least 20 international awards, prizes, and medals – from the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004 to the Woman of the Year Award in 1983. She’s received four honorary degrees and is featured on the United Nation’s Global Hall of Fame. Maathai has been named one of the 100 heroines of the world – she’s currently into environmental and sustainability issues in Africa.

Life lesson: it’s okay to be the way you are. “African women in general need to know that it’s OK for them to be the way they are – to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence,” says Maathai.

That life lesson from this woman who wasn’t well-behaved woman isn’t just for African women…it’s for women all ’round the world. It’s okay to be the way you are.

Living lavishly in poverty. “Power in Africa is not about serving or working for the people,” said Maathai in a recent speech to Japan’s Prime Minister at the Fourth Tokyo International Conference on African Development in Yokohama. “It’s about acquiring wealth and living lavishly, even when surrounded by poverty.”

How do you live lavishly in poverty – whether you’re living in the slums of Nairobi or the spiritual wasteland of Vegas? You focus on the good you have, whether it’s a soul sister or a car that gets you from Point A to Point B. You stay connected to your spirit, dreams, and faith.

You chase your dreams with dogged determination, and realize that setbacks, obstacles, and delays are part of the journey.

Maathai’s comments about Barack Obama and Kenya. In a recent interview with The Daily Nation (April 12, 2009), Maathai said Obama can’t help Kenyans if they don’t help themselves.

This is another life lesson from this successful woman: nobody can help you if you don’t help yourself. Some Kenyans see Obama as “Father Christmas” – and Maathai says that’s a mistake.

Can you live lavishly in poverty? It’s definitely a matter of attitude, not circumstance! And by the way – money can weigh you down (though I’ve never felt the weight of too much money!).

Related posts:

1. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
2. Living With Diabetes for Women – Mary Tyler Moore
3. Lighten Up to Get More Done – Dr Estelle Ramey

Are you criticized for the clothes you wear to work? Don’t let it get to you! Take Whoopi Goldberg’s, who is a genuine “woman who wasn’t well-behaved.” But remember — there may be a cost associated with wearing whatever you want to work…

Did you hear Whoopi’s response on The View to the woman who criticized her clothes? Among other things, the woman said Whoopi’s clothes were baggy and unappealing; Whoopi told the critical woman to “Kiss my a–” and offered other choice words that don’t make her a well-behaved woman (my kinda lady!).

As a woman, should you wear whatever you want to work? Only if youd don’t care about furthering your career or if you’re established in your profession – like Whoopi Goldberg is. Here’s how wearing what you want at work can affect your career…and, to learn more about this successful woman, click on Whoopi Goldberg: The Journey From Poverty to Mega-Stardom by James Robert Parish.

Wearing What You Want at Work – Whoopi Goldberg

Don’t get “no respect” at work? Check your appearance… Like it or not, the clothes you wear to work affect the level of respect you get, the chances you’ll be promoted, and how credible you are to your colleagues.

“Before we even open our mouths, people have made a mental judgment about us based on how we are dressed, how we carry ourselves, and the demeanor with which we present ourselves,” writes Lois Frankel in Stop Sabotaging Your Career. “Within 30 seconds, a first impression is formed, so you’d better make that the best impression possible – it can make the difference in someone giving you the edge or simply dismissing you.”

But Whoopi Goldberg’s in a different class…or is she?

If you knew nothing about Whoopi and you came across The View, would her clothes (casual, comfortable, and baggy, like she’s hanging out at home) add to or detract from her opinions? Would you think Whoopi was a successful woman, based on what she wears to work?

Think long-term about what you wear to work. I love Whoopi Goldberg and I respect her for addressing the woman who criticized her clothes! But I do wonder how her clothes affect her long-term career potential. Now, I know that Whoopi is set for life and probably doesn’t have to worry about her next job or career step…but I also wonder if her appearance affects her long-term job prospects. If she was a young woman at the beginning of her career, would she dress differently? Maybe, because it would matter more what she wore to work.

We regular women at work need to consider our long-term career potential – and that includes thinking twice about what we wear to work. No matter what our fashion choices are, I think it’s important to be conscious of the fact that our appearance affects our colleagues, our income potential, and our future prospects.

Do you think Whoopi’s clothes matter? And what about your clothes – do you wear what you want to work? Has your appearance, image, and fashion style furthered your career, or stalled it?

Related posts:

1. 6 Steps to Solving Almost Any Work Problem – Helen Gurley Brown
2. Doing What Comes Naturally – Rachael Ray
3. 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach