“I’d rather be alone than unhappy,” says Houston.

Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness…or even love. Many women are lonely, frustrated, and sad in their relationships or marriages; it’s far better to be single than stuck in a bad relationship. If you’re struggling with your singleness, read Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent. And, here are several ways to be happily single…

5 Ways to be Blissfully Happy as a Single Woman – Whitney Houston

1. Figure out the source of your feelings. Do you feel depressed, sad, or lonely because you’re single? Figure out why you want to be in a relationship; is it because your sister is married with three children or you feel like an outsider at work or home? Maybe you feel worthless, and think a relationship will validate you as a woman. To be happily single, you need to figure out why you want to be married.

2. Refuse to dwell on the lack of love in your life. What you focus on expands, my friends. Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have (and causing your lack to grow), stay focused on what you bring to all your relationships. For instance, do you wish you were a more successful woman? Make a list of your wonderful qualities and personality traits. The more you love and appreciate yourself, the happier you’ll be – and the more attractive you’ll be to others. Don’t think about what you lack; instead, concentrate on what you want in your life.

3. Connect to your source of power and inspiration. “I had the money, I had the cars,” Houston told Oprah Winfrey in a recent interview. “I had the house. Had the husband. Had the kid. And none of it was really that fulfilling. For a time, I was happy…but I needed that joy. I needed my joy back. I needed that peace that passes all understanding.” No matter how wonderful a boyfriend or husband is, he can’t give you peace, self-acceptance, or happiness. You need to stay connected with your own source of inspiration and fulfillment; you need to protect your sense of self when you’re in love.

4. Stay emotionally, physically, and professionally healthy. What books, people, events, Web sites, or groups help you feel connected to yourself? For instance, I love Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort of Joy – just opening that book up to a random page makes me feel more focused and in touch with who I am as a woman. If you want to be blissfully happy and single – especially if you’re hoping for a new romantic relationship – make sure you’re taking care of all aspects of your health.

5. Don’t wait for a man before you pursue the life of your dreams. Do you want to take a month-long vacation in Bora Bora, start your own business, buy a condo, or move to New York City to be a Rockett at Radio City Music Hall? You don’t need to be in a relationship to pursue your dreams! In fact, being involved with a man can make it more difficult to achieve your goals; women in relationships have to consider their partners’ needs, lifestyle, plans, and family.

Whatever you want to do with your life, do it now.

“I know from whence my help cometh,” says Houston. “I do know that. And I know that it’s strong within me. If ever I get low, I get weak, I know where I can turn to. I love the spirit of God so much that I’m not willing to trade that for anything. Because I feel joy that I can’t even speak about. And peace that passes all understanding.”

If you have any thoughts or questions on being blissfully happy as a single woman, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. 4 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage and Self-Defeat – Erma Bombeck
2. 5 Steps to Being a Successful Woman – Katherine Hepburn
3. 10 Ways for Women to Get Ahead at Work – Reba McEntire

Susan B. Anthony changed women’s liberation in 19^th century North America, and was largely responsible for achieving women’s suffrage and voting rights.

“Independence is happiness,” she said.

Actually, I think interdependence is happiness: a healthy balance of being needed and needing people. If you’re totally independent, you’re not uniting or bonding with anyone – you’re all alone. For more info about the tension between independence and interdependence, click Know Yourself: A Woman’s Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence. And, read on for several ways to keep your personal identity intact when you’re in love…

Retaining a Sense of Self When You’re in Love – Susan B. Anthony

Take professional and personal risks. “Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform,” said Susan B. Anthony. “Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world’s estimation.” You may not be reforming women’s voting rights, but you’re reforming your world when you stay independent as a woman and cultivate healthy interdependence! Independence involves taking risks and learning what you can and can’t do. The more risks you take in your career and personal life, the more you’ll learn about yourself and others…and the stronger your sense of self will be.

Stay financially solvent. There’s nothing more crippling than having no money (besides struggling with poor health or a chronic illness). Without money, your choices are limited and your independence is compromised. If you’re married, keep a separate bank account and build your own little nest egg. Make sure your assets as a couple are in your name as well as his – and keep your eye on the bills and outgoing expenses. 

Embrace your age! “The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world,” said Susan B. Anthony. “I am like a snowball – the further I am rolled the more I gain.” I love this quotation – Anthony was a successful woman who changed the world. She recognized that her age was a benefit, a strength, not something to hide or be ashamed of.

Stay physically healthy. Exercise and eating foods to sustain good health isn’t just about weight loss and better health. Staying fit increases self-esteem, strength, self-confidence, and independence for women. When you’re physically fit, you feel better about yourself – and you have a stronger sense of self.

Stay emotionally healthy. What books, people, events, Web sites, or things help you feel connected to yourself? For instance, I love Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance – just opening that book up to a random page makes me feel more focused and in touch with who I am as a woman. When you’re in love – especially in a new romantic relationship – make sure you’re not succumbing to unhealthy fears, insecurities, or anxieties.

Have a life outside your marriage or love relationship. Who are you, apart from being a girlfriend, wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc? What do you love to do? To stay independent as a woman, take time to do things apart from your boyfriend or husband. Stay in touch with your personal identity by tuning in to who you are as woman, not just as a partner.

If you’re new to the dating game, read How to Find a Good Boyfriend Who Will Be a Loving Husband.

And if you have any thoughts or questions about retaining a sense of self when you’re in love, please comment below!

Related posts:

1. 7 Simple Habits of Healthy Women – Susan B. Anthony
2. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
3. Finding the Motivation to Do What You Love – Julia Cameron

I have some breakup advice for her – but first, a quotation from a funny woman!

“I love to shop after a bad relationship,” says comedienne Rita Rudner. “I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.”

I’m not a huge shopper (I despise shopping, in fact), but I can get behind Rudner’s breakup advice! It’s all about “self-soothing”, which I describe below. If you need help getting over a breakup, click on It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy. And, read on to learn how to stop feeling depressed when you’re letting go of someone you love…

How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner

Remind yourself that the breakup happened for a reason. No matter how you feel right now – trust me, I know how devastating it is to lose someone you love – the relationship was not working. To stop feeling depressed, stay focused on the fact that the relationship wasn’t meant to be. For whatever reason, you and he weren’t a good match. For more help, read Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Learn the difference between mourning and wallowing. The first few months after a breakup are the worst. Allow yourself to mourn your loss, but don’t let yourself wallow in depression because the relationship didn’t work out. Mourning involves crying or expressing your feelings in writing, painting, creative dance, etc for some amount of time each day. Wallowing is talking about the relationship breakup endlessly, obsessing about it, and refusing to think beyond your current feelings.

Think about your role in the relationship and breakup. To stop feeling depressed, find ways to empower yourself! Empowering yourself is about taking control, about learning how you can be a better, smarter, healthier woman. So, think about the breakup. Be honest about your mistakes and foibles. You don’t need to change who you are; you just need to learn from your experiences.

Learn how to “self-sooth.” I found this term in a book about eating disorders, and it’s great breakup advice! Self-soothing addresses Rita Rudner’s quotation about shopping and relationship breakups: to stop feeling depressed, do things that make you feel better. Avoid unhealthy habits such as spending too much money, overeating, or harming yourself. Self-soothing strategies come from inside yourself – not outside, like shopping (sorry, Rita Rudner! Your quotation about shopping and relationship breakups was funny). An example of self-soothing is to recall a time that you were happy, proud, and centered – perhaps after you made a mistake and moved on or accomplished something you were proud of.

Rebuild your personal identity. Take the breakup as an opportunity to figure out who you are. Many women lose their personal identities in relationships; now, you have a chance to get back in touch with your authentic self. What do you want out of life, who do you want to be, where do you want to go? You’re now free to answer all those questions; this breakup could open all sorts of doors for you.

I know I haven’t covered all the ways to stop feeling depressed after a relationship breakup! If you have suggestions – or questions – please comment below…

Related posts:

1. Stop Feeling Guilty Over a Relationship Breakup – Quips and Tips
2. 6 Steps to Healthy Weight Loss – Rita Rudner
3. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt

In fact, what your Halloween mask reveals could be more important than what it hides.

If you could dress up as anything you want for Halloween this year, what would it be? An Egyptian Queen, glamorous gangster woman, a blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe costume, or Queen Josephine in the picture? Whether you tend towards superhero costumes or nurse attire says something about your personality traits.

And the Halloween costumes your friends choose – as food items, famous movie stars, or stuffed animals – reveals their personality traits. If you go beyond the Halloween mask, you’ve also found a great conversation starter at parties!

For more info on a wonderful Halloween costume for women – Queen Josephine – click on the image to go directly to Amazon. And, read on for what Halloween costumes reveal about your personality traits…

What Halloween Costumes Reveal About Your Personality Traits

Superman, Wonder Woman, or Cat Woman Halloween costumes. If you gravitate towards superhero or heroine costumes, you could have a child-like fantasy of saving the world and a desire to fight evil. You like the feeling of being omnipotent and strong, admired and revered. Superhero Halloween costumes for women reveal personality traits connected with fantasies of good and evil….which are both part of our authentic selves.

Fairy Princess or Peter Pan Halloween costumes. The innocent costumes of your childhood could indicate a wish for youthfulness, and a desire to recapture the naïve tendencies of children. Perhaps you wish for safety and simplicity. Similar to the superhero persona, you may wish for the magical ability to save the world. Some Halloween costumes reveal not just personality traits, but also secret childhood wishes.

Strong women in history Halloween costumes. If you were to dress up as an amazing woman in history, who would you be? Some ideas are Frida Kahlo, Thelma or Louise (fictional women — but oh so daring!), Amelia Earhart, or Whoopi Goldberg. Whatever woman you choose has personality traits that you admire and perhaps even wish you had.

French maid Halloween Costumes. Your “trick or treat” mask could reveal a natural comfort or inclination towards a particular persona. If you choose an “oo la la” French maid or dominatrix costume, you could be either repressed or liberated in the bedroom. In other words, you’re yearning to explore your wild side, or you’re already game for anything in the bedroom…and you enjoy being the centre of attention!

Rabbits, horses, puppies or other animal Halloween costumes. Animals represent instincts and the characteristics of the creature of your choice. For instance, bears represent power and strength. Giraffes are peaceful and serene; bunny rabbits furry and cuddly. Animals have mythological as well as contemporary traits, such as loyalty (dog) and royalty or self-confidence (lion). Dressing as cat, for instance, could mean you admire independence in yourself — or you wish you were more independent.

Dark vampire or scary witch Halloween costumes. Scary creatures are a favorite Halloween costume trend every year; the scarier, the better, it seems! Choosing a macabre costume reveals personality traits that revolve around a fascination with the dark side, and perhaps a desire to get in touch with your own dark, hidden, nefarious self. If you’re into a gothic witch costume, click the image for more info.

Creative Halloween costumes for women and men may reveal personality traits, but sometimes “a cigar is just a cigar.” This means that sometimes a “trick or treat” mask is simply a quick and easy choice for Halloween – and not necessarily indicative of personality traits!

What are your thoughts on Halloween costumes and personality traits? I welcome you below… 

Related posts:

1. How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship
2. How to Be Authentic – Diana, Princess of Wales
3. 6 Steps to Healthy Weight Loss – Rita Rudner

George Eliot was a big believer in not losing yourself, in standing up for yourself, in following your heart, and in achieving your goals.

“Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade,” she said.

My friends, a long-term committed romantic relationship can be the best thing that ever happens to you. Or it can be the worst thing – if you lose your personal identity in that relationship. If you’re struggling with life, losing yourself, and figuring out who you are, click on This is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down by Deborah Collins Stephens et al. It’s one of my favorite books on how to be authentic and successful.

And, read on to learn how not to lose your personality identity in a romantic relationship…

How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship

Realize when you’re “giving yourself over.” Healthy romantic relationships require compromise on both parts. To keep your personal identity, recognize when you’re acting on behalf of the relationship (such as going to boxing matches with your sweetie or making some sort of sacrifice) versus soaking up new likes or activities that aren’t who you are (such as taking on the “I love boxing!” mentality).

Spend time with your friends. Many women lose touch with their friends when they fall in love…it’s a normal part of the whole romantic relationship cycle! When you’re first falling in love, you spend more time with your lover. But, it’s important to balance that new, exciting part of your life with your “old” life: your friends and family. To keep your personality identity, keep your friends (if you struggle with toxic friends, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez).

Confess the bad bits to your friends and family. I’ve dated men who had personality and character traits that I could not tell my friends and family about! I was embarrassed and even ashamed that the man I was in a romantic relationship with had those traits…so I didn’t tell anyone about them. That, my friends, is one way to lose your personal identity in a romantic relationship. To stay connected to who you are, talk about the things that bother you about your boyfriend and your relationship. Force yourself to be honest and real.

Listen to the poet Rumi, and “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” In the first blush of love, you want to be together all the time! Stop that. Take a step back. Tune into your heart and soul, and make sure you’re staying connected to who you are. Think about who this man is and what you want out of life…are they compatible? Make decisions about your relationship with both your head and your heart…not just your heart.

If you’ve lost yourself or your personal identity in a relationship, find hope and inspiration in George Eliot’s words: “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”

What do you think of these suggestions for not losing your identity in a romantic relationship? I welcome your comments below…and if you want to find who you are after losing yourself in a relationship, let me know! I’d be happy to write that article.

Related posts:

1. Reclaiming Your Personal Identity or Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach
2. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert

“One of the most important milestones we’ll hit along the way is the moment when we finally own our own unique point of view and realize how priceless it is,” writes Ban Breathnach in Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort of Joy.

Keeping your self-identity involves honoring and expressing your own unique point of view – which can be alot harder than it sounds! Especially because losing yourself is so easy:

“The greatest danger, that of losing one’s own self, may pass off quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss, that of an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. is sure to be noticed.” – Soren Kierkegaard.

It’s insidious and gradual, this losing of self. Just a speck at a time and suddenly there’s fuzzy grey matter where your self used to be, sort of like your sock gradually thinning until there’s a hole where your heel once rested. A speck at a time, you could lose your self. It’s relatively easy to detect and even prevent the formation of a hole in your sock, but how, exactly, do you recognize and hold on to the specks of your self? I’m not sure. When figuring out how to hold on to our self-identity, perhaps we should start with the end result – the loss of your self-identity – and work our way to the beginning.

Keeping Your Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach

In my marriage so far my greatest fear is being In Charge of the House.

To me, being In Charge of the House means knowing where everything is all the time, from the cottage cheese (easy) to the Murphy’s Soap (not so easy). It means taking over the laundry, cooking, groceries, dusting and wiping tables counters stovetops sinks bathtubs. It means organizing meals when I’m not around at dinnertime, or at least making food suggestions. It means making sure we don’t run out of oatmeal, chocolate chips, flour, or oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. It means making all the dentist or doctor appointments. It means ironing stuff.

To me, being In Charge of The House represents a loss of self-identity. But, keeping your self-identity for some women is being in charge of the house – because we’re all unique. If you’ve lost your sense of self, you might find 4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were – Shirley Valentine helpful.

Be in Charge of Fulfilling Your Dreams

I want to be in charge of fulfilling my dreams and getting what I want out of life, not the filling the fridge! I see so many moms take complete, full-time care of their homes, husbands and grown children for decades. How did it come to be? Did they succeed in fulfilling their girlhood dreams – and if so, bravo! – or did they quietly drift into their lives, not realizing they could be losing themselves speck by speck?

Kierkegaard’s belief that our selves “pass off quietly as if it were nothing” makes sense because it’s difficult to recognize loss when it occurs just a speck at a time. Holding on to your self-identity involves protecting each piece of yourself.

Finding Yourself a Speck at a Time

If we lose our selves speck by speck, then can’t we rediscover our selves speck by speck? I believe the technical term is “respecking your self” by holding on to your self-identity. I also believe the “inconsequential” actions gather strength and power, enough to thrust you into exciting adventures!

“Respecking” your self involves discovering what you really think, and then – when you’re ready – sharing it with your colleague, friend, spouse, child, or parent. It’s realizing that instead of working you’d rather be reading dancing gardening running daydreaming swimming – and doing it even just for half an hour. It’s heeding what you already know: what you want to do, how you want your life to be, who you are, and with whom you want to spend your time…and speck by speck creating, saving, recreating and just plain being yourself.

“Respecking” your self is how you hold on to your self-identity.

What do you think — are you focused on reclaiming your personal identity? I welcome your thoughts and questions below…

Related posts:

1. How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship
2. 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach
3. Sarah Ban Breathnach – Dream, Don’t Expect