The life lesson: knowing how to make mistakes and move on will make you healthier, happier, and more successful (no more feelings of guilt and shame!). The successful woman: Brenda Ueland — a  prolific writer, strong woman in history, and all-round self-confident dame.

We women are “too ready not to stand by what we have said or done,” says Ueland. “It is so conceited and timid to be ashamed of one’s mistakes. Of course they are mistakes. Go on to the next.”

I love this because I tend to berate myself endlessly for mistakes! If you’re the same way, you might find John Maxwell’s Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes Into Stepping Stones for Success helpful (click on the image for more info). And, read on for my tips on making mistakes and moving on, inspired by Brenda Ueland.

Making Mistakes and Moving On – Brenda Ueland

Figure out why it’s conceited to be ashamed of your mistakes. How do you interpret Ueland’s statement that it’s conceited to be ashamed of your mistakes? To me, that means we put too much emphasis on the importance of ourselves and our mistakes. Dwelling on the mistakes we’ve made, instead of bouncing back to push forward, means we’re focused on our own selves instead of what’s going on around us.

Practice “moving on” for one month. Making mistakes and moving on is harder than it sounds, but I encourage you (and me!) to try it for one month. Every time that critical inner voice berates and castigates you for making a mistake, practice accepting that you’re human, remembering what you learned from that mistake, and shaking it off. If you need help conquering that nasty inner voice, read 5 Tips for Taming Your Inner Critic (written by Gini Grey, a frequent contributor to the comments here on See Jane Soar!). 

Hold on to a successful woman who made mistakes and moved on. Learn from strong women in history like Eleanor Roosevelt or Amelia Earhart – or from a woman in your own life! When I worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters in Calgary, our public relations person made a grievous error in the quarterly newsletter. She accidentally published the name of an individual who made a significant donation to the organization; his only stipulation was that he remain anonymous. She didn’t realize her error until the newsletter was published and distributed to thousands of people; she had to call him and eat some serious humble pie. I’ll never forget how balanced she was! She tempered her deep regret for her mistake with a healthy dose of “this too, shall pass.” She had the self-confidence, self-acceptance, resilience, and experience to know that she made a mistake. She needed to move on.

What was the last or most memorable mistake you made — and have you moved on? Don’t cower and don’t be timid, my friends. Above all, don’t be ashamed. You may have messed up — we all do — but it’s over. Let it go.

And remember: “Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable,” says Brenda Ueland.

What are your thoughts about making mistakes and moving on? I welcome your comments below!

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Learn From Your Mistakes – Ella Fitzgerald
2. Overcoming Shame and Guilt – Erica Jong
3. 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling

“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself,” says Tina Turner. “If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”

Letting go, even when you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, is one of the hardest things you’ll do. For more relationship help, click on The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel. And, read on for the stages of leaving an abusive relationship…

5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Tina Turner

According to a new University of Illinois journal article, abused woman go through a five-step process of leaving abusive relationships. Below are the fives stages, based doctoral candidate Lyndal Khaw’s dissertation work at the U of I. If you want to leave your partner are scared, read Overcoming Fear – Suze Orman and Cher.

The rest of this article has been moved

Leaving an Abusive Relationship – 5 Stages Women Go Through

If you have any thoughts or questions on these stages of leaving an abusive relationship, I welcome your comments below…

Related posts:

1. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem

“If we are to embrace the quality of courage to its fullest,” says Suze Orman, “we can no longer allow ourselves to hide behind fear.”

For more info about overcoming fear, read Susan Jeffer’s book Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway (r). And, here are Suze Orman and Cher’s tips on overcoming fear…

Overcoming Fear – Suze Orman and Cher

“It can be difficult for women to connect to their courage,” writes Orman in her bestselling book Women & Money. “Women can be deflected from a course of action if they think that it might hurt someone else. It’s so much easier to hurt yourself than to hurt someone else, isn’t it? Women also lose their courage when they subscribe to a belief that someone or something is the key to their happiness – rather than recognizing that power lies within.”

I love that: your power is within. For more inspiration from Orman, go to Being a Financial Role Model – Suze Orman.

Overcoming Fear – Cher

When Cher was on the Oprah Winfrey show, she called herself a scaredy cat. I just about plutzed (and I’m not even Jewish!). Cher is 61 years old, has a regular gig performing in Vegas, wears all manner of garb to the Oscars and elsewhere, does whatever the hell she wants – and she calls herself a scaredy cat?! The superstar Cher struggles with overcoming fear and finding courage?

But the thing with Cher is, she does it anyway. She feels fear and takes risks.  

And here’s more on overcoming fear from Suze Orman:

“Fear is usually what stands between us and our courage,” she says. “We’re afraid to rock the boat. We’re afraid of confrontation. We’re afraid to upset someone. We’re afraid we’ll lose our job. We’re afraid he’ll divorce us. We’re afraid our kids won’t love us. We’re afraid of what others may think of us. We’re afraid we will be flat broke. The list goes on and on.”

My friend, if you’re a scaredy cat, you’re not alone! Being courageous is different for every woman. For me, it means saying “yes” when I’m scared I can’t do it well – like going on the radio to talk about my articles. For you, it could mean standing up to your boss, or showing your art or writing to the world. Overcoming fear and finding courage could mean being single and not letting it stop you from traveling solo, eating out, or going to movies alone!

Overcoming fear and finding courage means you know what you’re afraid of, and you’re not afraid to admit it. You may be white-knuckled, dripping with sweat, hyperventilating, quaking in your shoes, or screaming inside – but you do it anyway.

Just like “scaredy cat” Cher did.

How do you overcome fear in your life? I welcome your comments below…

Related posts:

1. Dealing With Different Money Personalities as a Couple – Suze Orman
2. Being a Financial Role Model – Suze Orman
3. How to Start a New Career – Suze Orman

I first heard “well-behaved women rarely make history” from Canadian singer Jann Arden on CBC one morning. I was jogging, listening to her describe her latest album, Uncover Me. Oh, Arden’s voice…and OH, her words!

When she said “well-behaved women don’t make history”, my latest blog and possible idea snapped into place. See Jane Soar is all about practical life lessons from strong women in history – women who aren’t well-behaved, who make waves, and who forge ahead while overcoming fear and anxiety.

Here’s why Laurel Thatcher Ulrich coined this phrase and wrote the book Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, how it got so popular, and – as ever – a life lesson for successful women. 

Where “Well-Behaved Women” Came From – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

About Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. According to her book Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, Ulrich was a 36 year old housewife enrolled in a graduate seminar in early American history when she wrote the phrase. It was in a seminar paper about the funeral sermons that described the lives of pious women back in the day.

In the 1600s and 1700s, pious women didn’t preach, vote, attend Harvard, question God, or ask to be remembered on earth. Since their request was granted – they aren’t remembered – Ulrich decided to give them a history. A voice!

And that’s who she was referring to when she said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Ulrich’s slogan takes off 20 years later. Ulrich wrote it in 1976 and it exploded in 1995. Like many books, songs, businesses, and women it took a couple decades to flourish. A young woman called Jill Portugal asked Ulrich for permission to print it on T-shirts – and Ulrich now describes it as “my runaway sentence.”

The slogan has been emblazoned on T-shirts, coffee mugs, fridge magnets, and bumper stickers.

“Well-behaved women” run amok. Today, the slogan has extended far beyond its original purpose. Ulrich says her slogan has “allowed” some women to disregard copyright law and post her photo and phrase on T-shirts without permission. When Ulrich e-mailed them, they said, “I guess we are not very well-behaved girls.” Her slogan has also been connected to women in stilettos crushing cigarette butts, breaking social norms, and being wild and crazy (think Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or Madonna in her early days).

Life lessons from this slogan: First, pay attention to everything you publicize, whether it’s on the internet or in a university paper – because it could make its way back to you decades later! Second, trust that if something you do or create is meant to be successful, it will. You still need to work hard, promote, take risks, and create your own opportunities to get what you want out of life - but you must trust the Universe or God or whatever you believe in that your time will come. (And then it will go, but that’s another story).

What does “well-behaved women seldom make history” mean to you? Are you a well-behaved woman? My hubby often calls me a “troublemaker”…that could help me make history, or it could just land me in the slammer.

Related posts:

1. How to Make a Good Decision for Women – Margaret Thatcher
2. Overcoming Fear and Connecting With Courage – Suze Orman and Cher
3. 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women

The life lesson: to succeed, you have to take risks. The successful woman in history: Amelia Earhart. Here’s how Earhart succeeded by taking risks…and how her experience applies to your life!

“…I believe that little red airplane said something to me as it swished by,” said Earhart – but even though she loved planes, she couldn’t “just” fly.

Earhart had to work hard to earn money to pay for flight lessons, planes, fuel, contest entry fees, navigators, and so on…and she earned her money by taking risks. These risks helped her succeed and increased her self-confidence. Here’s what Earhart did - and why taking risks helps women succeed.

To learn more about successful women, click on More Than 85 Broads: Women Making Career Choices, Taking Risks, and Defining Success- On Their Own Terms.

Succeeding by Taking Risks – Amelia Earhart

To pay for her flight lessons, Earhart drove a truck, hauled gravel, and worked at the telephone company. After she bought her first plane and in between flights, she taught English to immigrant factory workers and became a social worker.

Earhart reluctantly married publishing magnate George Palmer Putnam in 1931 – this was a risk that helped her succeed! She wrote him a letter stating that marrying him was “as foolish as anything I could do” (this, from a woman who flew alone over vast oceans through fog, rain, and darkness at 10,000 feet, inhaling gas fumes, barely eating or sleeping). After the wedding she insisted on keeping her full name – “Miss Amelia Earhart” – for business and writing purposes.

Putnam called himself “Mr. Earhart.”

Amelia Earhart’s Jobs

She definitely wasn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty. Her jobs included:

• Gravel truck driver
• Photographer
• Nurse’s aid in WWI
• Teacher
• Telephone company clerk
• Pre-med student at Columbia University
• Social worker
• Aviation editor for Cosmo magazine
• Career counselor for female college students
• Book author (20 Hrs., 40 Min. in 1928 and For the Fun of It in 1932)
• Fashion designer
• Lecturer (her principal source of income)
• Creator of and investor in National Airways, a commercial airline
• Endorser of products such as Kodak film, airplanes, gasoline and oil products, etc.

Earhart lectured about flying and wrote many articles and essays for magazines, as well as two books: 20 Hrs., 40 Min. in 1928 and For the Fun of It in 1932. Earhart was the aviation editor for Cosmo magazine and a career counselor for women students.

The “succeeding by taking risks” life lesson: Each job that Earhart took was a risk. She didn’t know if she’d be good at it (or even like it!), if the money was worth it, or if she’d lose her job within weeks or months. Earhart didn’t know how long she’d stay in that position, or what it would lead to. But she took risks anyway…and it worked.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin.

Have you succeeding by taking risks? Are you afraid of risk – and yet also afraid of remaining “tight in the bud”? For help overcoming fear, read Overcoming Fear – Suze Orman and Cher.

For more info about Amelia Earhart, visit the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum.

Related posts:

1. Earning Money to Pursue Your Passions – Amelia Earhart
2. How to Motivate Yourself – Amelia Earhart
3. Christiane Amanpour – Taking Risks

The life lesson: the better care you take of your breast health, the better equipped you’ll be to face breast cancer. The successful woman: Renée Zellweger.

“[Every woman] should put breast exams on a list of things you deserve to do,” says the Academy award-winning actress Zellweger. “You deserve to have a mammogram every year after a certain stage of life.”

Here’s how Renée Zellweger coped with a breast cancer scare, and how to take care of your own breast health. Being proactive and responsible not only gives you power, it increases your ability to cope with health scares…even the nasty ones like breast cancer. And, click on Better Breast Health for Life by Tirza Derflinger et al for more info on preventing cancer and other diseases.

Here’s a different take on health and illness: Making Yourself Sick With Breast Cancer? Olivia Newton-John.

Taking Care of Your Breast Health - Renée Zellweger

1. Do regular breast self-exams. How many times have you heard the importance of regular breast self-exams? Hundreds, I bet. How often do you actually check your breast health? If you’re like me, it’s “almost never.” Here’s Zellweger’s advice: “It’s your responsibility to be proactive. It’s your power. It doesn’t belong to someone else. It’s you in your shower, doing your self checks.”

2. Get your lumps checked right away. Zellweger found a lump in 1996, right after finishing the movie Jerry Maguire. She had a fine-needle biopsy at the Samuel Oschin Comprehensive Cancer Institute at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, and found out that it was benign (no breast cancer!). The life lesson from this successful woman: take care of your health even if you’re scared of the results. Whether it’s a breast cancer lump or a changing skin mole – you need to be proactive and take care of your health concerns as soon as they arise — and overcome your fear.

3. Find ways to enjoy a healthy lifestyle. “I love my salmon really crispy on a spinach salad chopped up with lots of onions and tomatoes,” says Zellweger. “It’s my favorite, favorite thing…I’d eat it every day if I could. I like to eat healthy food.” To take care of aspects of your health, find enjoyable ways to get and stay healthy! Play with different foods and ingredients until you find healthy recipes that you like – like Zellweger’s salmon and spinach salad. Find physical activities that you actually enjoy (read 10 Workouts to Boost Your Metabolism), that you look forward to doing.

What do you think of this info about taking care of your breast health? I welcome your comments below…

To learn more about taking care of your breast health, go to the American Cancer Society. And, read Women’s Health Tips for Disease Prevention for general health info for women. Source of Renée Zellweger’s info: Self magazine, “Facing Forward: Renée Zellweger confronts fears the same way she finds joy: head-on.” October 2008.

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Help a Friend With Breast Cancer – Suzanne Somers
2. Making Yourself Sick With Breast Cancer? Olivia Newton-John
3. Succeeding by Taking Risks – Amelia Earhart