If you ask talk show host, best-selling author and moral compass Dr Laura Schlessinger — author of In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms — she’ll laugh hysterically. Of course working moms are stressed and unhappy – and so are their kids. Working moms aren’t there for their families. They’re not creating healthy homes that make their families feel safe, loved and protected – and they’re definitely not “their kids’ parents.”

But if you ask Vanity Fair contributing editor and author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? Leslie Bennetts, she’ll passionately refute Dr Laura’s opinions. Bennetts argues that working moms are less depressed, more fulfilled, and more independent than stay-at-home moms. They also have higher self-esteem and less anxiety – though many working moms feel guilty for enjoying their paid jobs. Bennetts admits balancing work and family can be tricky, but the benefits outweigh the frustrations for most women.

For more info about the pros and cons of working and stay-at-home moms, click the book covers. And, read on for a few thoughts on the happiness levels of each situation…

Is Financial Dependence the “Real” Feminine Mistake?

In The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts says, “Choosing economic dependency is the classic feminine mistake. No matter what the reasons, it’s simply too risky to count on anyone else to support you over the long haul. In an era of disappearing pensions, threats to Social Security, high divorce rates, a volatile labor market, and attenuating life spans, the social safety net continues to erode as the needs grow – particularly for women, who are twice as likely as men to slide below the poverty line in their later years.”

Dr Laura responds: “Leslie Bennetts is paranoid about divorce, your spouse losing a job, and widowhood as though the only answer to that is ‘do not be at home, do not take care of your kids, do not be your husband’s girlfriend.’ Well, my answer to something horrible happening is find another way to deal with it if and when it does, rather than giving up on your family.” Dr Laura thinks working moms hurt families. To serve the world, you need to focus on raising kids to be decent citizens.

Thoughts on Happiness From Working and Stay-at-Home Moms

Determining whether working mothers are happier than stay-at-home moms depends on who you ask.

“Women don’t realize how infantilizing it is,” said Rachel Stein, who has a Harvard MBA and was the chief financial officer of a major corporation before she stayed home full-time. “I think they come upon that realization very gradually. If you give up your financial independence, you’ve lost the only exit there was. The work is not just a paycheck; it’s an independent identity, separate friends, being with people who respect you. When you give that up, you’re totally at the mercy of your small family world; you’re totally dependent on it for feedback and rewards. And if that family world doesn’t give you the rewards you need, you’re trapped. If you have to ask your husband for money, you’re as trapped as if you were living in a trailer park, even if he’s worth a hundred million dollars; you just have prettier clothes. And if you have kids, you’re deathly afraid of ruining your children’s lives by breaking up the family unit.”

In contrast, a stay-at-home mom comments, “To me the best part of staying home is that I’ve blossomed as a person. Before, I worked 8-5, hurried to fix supper, do household stuff and collapse to rest for the next day. Now life is busy, but I get to do things I want to do, be with my kids, and participate more actively in my community. I volunteer with the Red Cross, participate in more activities with my church, and meet lots of new people with my children.”

Who Has Happier Children?

Some older children respect their working moms while others wish both their parents were more available. Some children see their working moms as role models and mentors while others need the emotional, social, and academic support their stay-at-home moms provide. Kids offer a huge range of responses to their mothers’ situations: respect, indifference, contempt, neglect, happiness, pride, bitterness, or relief – and sometimes a combination of it all.

“Statistically there’s no difference in the happiness levels of the children whose mothers work and the children whose mothers stay at home,” said law professor and working mother Linda Hirshman to ABC News. A child’s happiness depends on her age, temperament, maturity level, health, quality of childcare, and – perhaps most importantly – how happy and healthy her parents are.

A Season for Everything: Working, Staying Home, Going Back to Work?

“I have taken care of thousands of children from all sorts of backgrounds, and the one consistent thing in raising well-adjusted children was parents who were happy with their choices,” says a pediatrician in The Feminine Mistake.

This isn’t about “mommy wars” or whether Leslie Bennetts is wrong and Dr Laura Schlessinger is right or vice versa. It’s about making choices that best suit your passions, abilities, and options – and about respecting the choices that others make.

What do you think – are you happier as a stay-at-home or a working mom? I’d love to hear from you below!

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Related posts:

1. Hiding From Happiness – Dr Laura Schlessinger
2. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
3. How to Use Your Instincts to Succeed at Work – Erica Jong