“If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies,” says Oprah. “And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.”

I tend to run full speed ahead without stopping to recharge, and I keep learning that doing too much actually puts me farther behind than stopping to rest! These five ways to recharge your batteries will help stop you from doing too much. If you’re interested in restoring unbalanced energy and guided mediation, click on The Gemstone Crystal and Chakra DVD, above.

5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries – Oprah Winfrey

You don’t necessarily need to get out of town and go to a day spa to recharge your batteries (though that often helps!). Sometimes all you need to do is stop and think for a few minutes…

1. Tell yourself that you have enough time. When I take a deep breath and reassure myself that I have enough time and I will get everything done, I almost immediately feel recharged! Telling myself I have enough time makes me feel lighter and more energized.

2. Stop taking things so seriously. I’ve found that I can get the same amount of work done when I’m stressed as when I feel light and happy. In fact, I can get more done when I’m feeling light and happy, because I’m not tense and anxious (which causes more errors). If you’re like me – a little on the serious side – you might find How to Lighten Up and Get More Done helpful.

3. Remember that you can’t have it all at once. This hint for recharging your batteries is inspired directly from Oprah. “I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time,” she says. One way to stop yourself from doing too much is to remember that there’s a season for everything…and now might not be the season to get what you most want out of life. Take this as a time to recharge your batteries, instead of dwelling on what you wish you could have.

4. Tune in to your intentions. To stop yourself from doing too much and draining your batteries, figure out what your intentions are. Oprah again sums it up nicely: “Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it’s right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.” For help figuring out your intentions, read Getting What You Want Out of Life – Angelina Jolie.

5. Remember that every decision you make counts. To recharge your batteries, stop shrugging off your options. Everything you do in life takes you closer to your dreams and goals…or farther away. “With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice,” says Oprah. To stop doing too much, look at every decision you make in the light of not just your truest intentions, but your overall life plan.

What have I missed – what are your thoughts on recharging your batteries? I welcome your comments below…

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. The Key to Success for Women – Oprah Winfrey
3. 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck

I don’t think achieving fast fame and fortune should be any woman’s ultimate goal. We need to learn to follow our hearts – and be open to the possibility that fame and fortune could find us!

If your heart is set on being a famous writer, actor, or celebrity, click on How I Became a Famous Novelist for Steve Hely’s story (he’s an Emmy-award winning TV writer and book author). And, read on to learn how to follow your heart to fame and fortune, based on info from Marc Shapiro’s J.K. Rowling: The Wizard Behind the Harry Potter.

How to Follow Your Heart to Fame and Fortune – J.K. Rowling

Do what amuses you – and find a way to get paid for it. “I just write what I want to write,” says Rowling. “I write what amuses me. I never in my wildest dreams expected this popularity.” What are you doing when you lose track of time? What can you do for hours – and walk away feeling energized? Can you find a way to earn money from it? Those are the questions to focus on. Then, whether fame and fortune follows you or not, you’ll be happy!

Be selfish. Carve time out of your day to follow your heart. “In an ideal day, I’ll work six to ten hours,” says Rowling. “But now I’m fighting to get the time to write. I use cafes like offices and I try to get away from the house whenever possible.” That’s why she’s a successful woman: she knows what she loves – and she finds time to do it. If you struggle with procrastination, read 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Nourish your compulsion. “I literally don’t feel quite right if I haven’t written for awhile,” says Rowling. “A week is about as long as I can go without getting extremely edgy. It really is a compulsion.” Her compulsion to write isn’t necessarily something she was born with. Her writing habit grew: the more she wrote, the more she wanted to write. If you want to follow your heart to fame and fortune like J.K. Rowling, you need to make it part of who you are. Do you need a push? Go to 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women.

Remember that this, too, will pass. “[Fame] will go away. That’s the nature of the game,” says Rowling. “And when it does I believe I will be happy. And I will have fond memories of the time I was famous.” Whatever you’re dealing with — the struggle to do what you love, a physical or emotional illness that holds you back, a family or job that occupies all your time — remember that it will pass. You will one day be in a position to follow your heart…whether it’s towards fame, or away from fame, like J.K. Rowling knows will happen one day.

For more info about J.K. Rowling, read J. K. Rowling: The Wizard Behind Harry Potter. To learn what she says about bouncing back from failure, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – J.K. Rowling.

What do you think of these life lessons about following your heart to fame and fortune from J.K. Rowling? I welcome your comments below!

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Cope With Mild Depression for Women – JK Rowling
2. 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling
3. 4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were – Shirley Valentine

“Try to be completely who you are,” says Jolie. “Figure out what you love. And, go after it with everything you’ve got no matter how much it takes.”

What’s it gonna take to get what you want out of life? To become more effective – powerful, even – click Boost Your Brain Power Week by Week: 52 Techniques to Make You Smarter by Bill Lucas. This book goes far beyond improving your brain health (that book title is too limiting) - it’s a complete guide to living a successful life! For five ways to get what you want out of life, read on…

Getting What You Want Out of Life – Angelina Jolie

1. Figure out what you want. Sometimes I think I want a book deal; other times I wish I could blog for a living and not have writing deadlines. Sometimes I wish I had a child; other times I’m happy we don’t have kids! It’s good to see the pros and cons of any choice – but waffling on what you want out of life will prevent you from achieving your goals.

2. Ask the right person. Go directly to the person who can give you what you want. Ask your husband to do the dishes; ask your boss to give you the time off (bypass your coworkers); ask the store owner (not the clerk) to give you a discount if you buy in bulk. And, make sure you’ve built up your resiliency or “bouncebackability” so you can easily move on if you get a “no.”

3. Answer the “What’s in it for me?” question. Sometimes people will acquiesce to your request out of the kindness of their own heart – but more often, they give you what you want because they benefit somehow. Your husband gets on your good side, your boss gets a more productive employee, the store owner gains a repeat customer. When you ask people for what you want, tell them what’s in it for them. Make them want to say yes!

4. Ask for too much. A tried-and-true negotiation or sales technique is to ask for something you know you won’t get because it’s too much (“Honey, can you do the dishes all week?”). When he balks, ask for what you really want (“Well then, can you just do the dishes tonight and Weds?”).

5. Explain why you want it. If you’re asking your boss for an extra week of vacation this year, tell her why you need it. You’re more likely to persuade her if you throw in a “because.” For more ideas about asking for and getting what you want, read Communication Tips for Women.

One last quotation from Angelina Jolie: “I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, or we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about.”

What a peaceful place that would be.

What do you want out of life, my friends? How will you get it? I welcome your thoughts below!

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 10 Life Lessons From Thelma and Louise
3. Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

“As one goes through life, one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.” – Katharine Hepburn.

For more inspiration and motivation, click on This is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down by Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Crisini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro. And, read on for five steps to being a successful woman, inspired by quotations from Anita Roddick, Barbara Walters, Dorothea Brande, and Linda Ronstadt. See Jane Soar!

5 Ways to be a Successful Woman – Katherine Hepburn

You may be interested in reading The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt.

1. Take back your power. You give away your power when you say or think things like, “Oh, I couldn’t do that!” and “I don’t deserve this,” and “How could anyone find me attractive, or hire me, or pay me that much money?” The first step to being a successful woman is to take back your power. Find the support and guidance you need; overcome your habit of being your own worst critic. Listen to Katherine Hepburn’s advice, and learn to paddle your own canoe.

2. Identify what’s holding you back.  “It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not,” said Barbara Walters. Do you think you’re not smart enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, or not strong enough? The second step to being a successful woman is to identify how you’re holding yourself back. Be aware of what you’re afraid of.

3. Tune in to your talents. “Have you let other people talk out you of pursuing something you’re good at?” ask the authors in This is Not the Life I Ordered. ”Have you bowed to pressure and abandoned a project that was meaningful to you?” Don’t let other people’s criticism or indifference quell your dreams. And remember — you are meaningful and valuable just the way you are.  “If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito,” said Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop.

4. Clean up your “to-do” list. The fourth step to being a successful woman is to get rid of your emotional and physical clutter! Get rid of the things you don’t need to do, that don’t matter, that don’t create value, that don’t make a difference. Figure out if you’re taking responsibility for stuff that isn’t yours. Make sure everything takes you toward the your goals and dreams – not away.

5. Create an upward spiral. Successful women turn “woe is me” into action - and proceed confidently. Poet Dorothea Brande said, ”All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail.” No matter what you’re struggling with or how defeated you feel, take one step forward. Maybe that means calling for a college course guide or searching for grief support groups on the internet.

Maybe creating an upward spiral means that you have to accept change and take risks:

“So life changes and you have to change too. I don’t like change, but I’ve learned you just put your hands over your eyes and step off the edge.” – Linda Ronstadt.

What do you think about these steps to being a successful woman? I welcome your comments below…

Related posts:

1. 5 Signs of a Fearless Woman – Judge Marilyn Milian
2. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. 6 Steps to Solving Almost Any Work Problem – Helen Gurley Brown

Here’s her take on “seeing Jane soar”:

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect will spring,” said Didion.

How do you accept responsibility for your own life? It’s different for each woman – but one way is to learn how to communicate effectively. Women are great at building relationships, but can struggle to express what they really need, think, and feel! These communication tips for women are based on info from Nice Girls Can Finish First by Daylle Deanna Schwartz (another book I wish I’d written!). Click on the cover for more info, and read on for communication tips…

Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

1. Don’t talk on and on and on! The more you talk, the less you’re heard. Be specific and straightforward, skip excess details, and know what the purpose of your discussion is. Express what you authentically think and feel, but don’t ramble.

2. Be specific. “I’ve washed the supper dishes five out of seven times this week. Could we work something out, so I don’t feel like I’m carrying the whole load?” is a short, clear, specific request. Don’t let the discussion get derailed; stay focused on your goal of a more equitable arrangement.

3. Be clear about what you want. Successful communication for women (and some men – but more often women) is to stop being cryptic or expecting others to read between the lines! For instance, if a friend is chronically late, say “Tell me in advance if you’re going to be late, so I can get other things done instead of waiting. I’ve got things to do!”

4. Don’t push for change. Here’s an interesting communication tip for women: “You can only change yourself,” writes Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “But you can help someone understand your side.” You may not be able to force your partner or kids to do the dishes or your friends to show up on time, but you can be clear about how you feel and explain that you’d appreciate more sensitivity for your feelings. Practice standing up for youself!

5. Show appreciation and be positive. When asking someone to do something, express your gratitude that your listener is paying attention and allowing you to express yourself. Schwartz also recommends saying something positive about the other person to lower his or her guard. “I value our friendship and want to share something…” She also says to end on a positive note: “I’m glad I could be straight with you. Tension isn’t good, and I want us to be good.”

If you have any thoughts or questions about these communication tips for women – or being willing to take responsibility for your life – please comment below!

For more communication tips, Read Assertiveness Training Tips for Improving Communication Skills on my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals blog. And, you might like 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah, here on See Jane Soar.

Related posts:

1. Women Considering Divorce – A Quips and Tips Article
2. Is This a Risky Financial Investment? Money Tips for Women
3. Financial Independence for Women – Quips and Tips

The idea of connection as a key to success is new to me, because I’ve always been the strong, independent type. My “aha” moment came from Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success, which describes why certain people are extraordinarily successful.

Success isn’t all about talent and perseverance – Gladwell points out that one of the biggest keys to success is the people around you. People don’t succeed in isolation, and Oprah Winfrey is the perfect example of how connecting with others improves your life.

The Key to Success for Women - Oprah Winfrey

“Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us,” says Oprah.

But connecting with people isn’t just about getting through tough times! Connections can help you get what you want out of life, whether you’re selling your products or convincing your husband to move to Maui.

Successfully selling your product or service. I’m a freelance writer who pitches article ideas to editors regularly (visit me on Quips and Tips Successful Writers!). I’ve learned that if the editor doesn’t connect with my idea or story, she won’t assign it because she thinks the readers won’t connect with it. Further, if I have a personal or professional connection with the editor or magazine, then I’m more likely to get an assignment without even pitching an idea! Connecting with your clients or customers is not just a key to success for women…it’s the cornerstone of a successful career.

Convincing your family to “fall in.” Have you ever tried to force your child, spouse, or sister to do something they’re lukewarm about? It’s a losing battle – unless you can find a way to connect with them. I guess it’s about making them want to do the thing you want…and the key to convincing them is to find a way to connect. For a marriage, this could involve explaining why you need your husband to relocate to Maui with you (instead of just telling him you’re moving).

But remember – you have to be real! Connecting with others to improve your life can’t be superficial or one-sided. You have to give to get – and it feels great to help others. Connecting involves building relationships to help each other achieve, and not envying or resenting another person’s achievement. If you find yourself green with jealousy, read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

Also, people don’t like books or movies when they don’t connect with the characters, plot, or theme. For instance, I didn’t like the Titanic movie at all – because I just didn’t connect with it. As a writer, I have to keep remembering that if readers don’t connect to my topic, then they won’t read.

Connection is the key to success for women; luckily, we’re good at it!

Do you connect well with others — and has it helped your career? I welcome your thoughts below!

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries – Oprah Winfrey
3. The Key to Success for Female Entrepreneurs – Coco Chanel

Here’s what Gurley Brown says about envy:

“Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep.”

Few women are born successful, fulfilled, happy, and living the life of their dreams. To make envy work for you (instead of draining your energy and deadening your spirit), remember that the successful woman you envy had to work hard - and overcome criticism, rejection, and failure – to fulfill her dreams and aspirations. Did her success simply fall into her lap via an inheritance, marriage, or sheer stupid luck? Maybe, but don’t forget that she’s facing a hard battle, too. Life is hard for everyone – just in different ways.

The following info about envy comes from the amazing book, 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want by Kate White. I read the whole thing in a day – and I’m dying to read it again, because of all practical information and personal insights White offers. She was the editor-in-chief of Redbook when she wrote this (Helen Gurley Brown was the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine).

Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown

“What I learned from successful women is that rather than suppress or deny envy like the rest of us, they do something with it,” writes White in 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want. “Think of envy as a compass of sorts. An envy attack can point you directly to what you want the most.”

Envy can work for you by showing you want you really want out of life – not what other people think you should want, or even what you think you should want. I’ve always envied women who have strong family ties, because I grew up with a single mom and almost no relatives. It’s hard not to let my envy of close-knit families get the better of me – especially as I think about having children of my own – but I’d rather cultivate the relationships I do have than waste time wanting what I’ll never have.

“The big surprise about envy,” says Ann Ulanov, PhD, author of Cinderella and Her Sisters, “is that it really can lead to something good. If you can stop and examine the feeling of wanting what someone else has – which takes a lot of energy – you’ll find that what you’re seeing in the other person’s life is really a good thing. Envy, after all, is admiration gone sour. At the bottom of envy is a lavish, all-out sighting of good qualities and a registering of awe and amazement at them.”

To make envy work for you, remember that envy tells you what you want. Listen to your envy. Use your envy to nourish your passion and excitement at the thought of getting what you want out of life! Focus on motivation, connection, and direction (rather than dejection, bitterness, or pointless jealousy).

Do you envy a successful woman – and how do her achievements make you feel about yourself? Can you turn that energy around into a motivating force? And, if you have any thoughts on the difference between envy and jealousy, I’d love to hear them…

Related posts:

1. 6 Steps to Solving Almost Any Work Problem – Helen Gurley Brown
2. Making Yourself Sick With Breast Cancer? Olivia Newton-John
3. How to Use Your Instincts to Succeed at Work – Erica Jong

I first heard “well-behaved women rarely make history” from Canadian singer Jann Arden on CBC one morning. I was jogging, listening to her describe her latest album, Uncover Me. Oh, Arden’s voice…and OH, her words!

When she said “well-behaved women don’t make history”, my latest blog and possible idea snapped into place. See Jane Soar is all about practical life lessons from strong women in history – women who aren’t well-behaved, who make waves, and who forge ahead while overcoming fear and anxiety.

Here’s why Laurel Thatcher Ulrich coined this phrase and wrote the book Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, how it got so popular, and – as ever – a life lesson for successful women. 

Where “Well-Behaved Women” Came From – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

About Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. According to her book Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, Ulrich was a 36 year old housewife enrolled in a graduate seminar in early American history when she wrote the phrase. It was in a seminar paper about the funeral sermons that described the lives of pious women back in the day.

In the 1600s and 1700s, pious women didn’t preach, vote, attend Harvard, question God, or ask to be remembered on earth. Since their request was granted – they aren’t remembered – Ulrich decided to give them a history. A voice!

And that’s who she was referring to when she said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Ulrich’s slogan takes off 20 years later. Ulrich wrote it in 1976 and it exploded in 1995. Like many books, songs, businesses, and women it took a couple decades to flourish. A young woman called Jill Portugal asked Ulrich for permission to print it on T-shirts – and Ulrich now describes it as “my runaway sentence.”

The slogan has been emblazoned on T-shirts, coffee mugs, fridge magnets, and bumper stickers.

“Well-behaved women” run amok. Today, the slogan has extended far beyond its original purpose. Ulrich says her slogan has “allowed” some women to disregard copyright law and post her photo and phrase on T-shirts without permission. When Ulrich e-mailed them, they said, “I guess we are not very well-behaved girls.” Her slogan has also been connected to women in stilettos crushing cigarette butts, breaking social norms, and being wild and crazy (think Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or Madonna in her early days).

Life lessons from this slogan: First, pay attention to everything you publicize, whether it’s on the internet or in a university paper – because it could make its way back to you decades later! Second, trust that if something you do or create is meant to be successful, it will. You still need to work hard, promote, take risks, and create your own opportunities to get what you want out of life - but you must trust the Universe or God or whatever you believe in that your time will come. (And then it will go, but that’s another story).

What does “well-behaved women seldom make history” mean to you? Are you a well-behaved woman? My hubby often calls me a “troublemaker”…that could help me make history, or it could just land me in the slammer.

Related posts:

1. How to Make a Good Decision for Women – Margaret Thatcher
2. Overcoming Fear and Connecting With Courage – Suze Orman and Cher
3. 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women