“I used to be The Wife,” said Shirley Valentine. “I used to be The Mother. But now I’m Shirley Valentine again. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

This woman – who was living an “unused life” – lost her self-identity and the pizzazz of her youth. The young Shirley Valentine had personality and attitude, but she drowned in her marriage and kids. Her daughter and husband took her for granted and treated her like a servant…but she let them. Somewhere along the way Shirley Valentine taught her family how to mistreat her.

Valentine eventually found her way home to herself, and what a journey it was! If you haven’t seen Shirley Valentine, you must rent the DVD or borrow it from the library – it’s a great example of how to “See Jane Soar.” And if you feel like you’ve lost yourself, here are Susan Liddy’s tips for reconnecting with who you were….

Finding Strength and Wisdom in Your Past

“You are a gifted and empowered woman,” says Liddy, who created a free Passages to Empowerment video series. “You have a brilliant mind, a beautiful heart, and a spiritual and deep soul.”

And all those “younger you’s” who live inside you – who were rebellious, naive, feisty, curious, artistic (like Shirley Valentine!) – can serve you now! Embrace and love them, listen to them, feel them, and understand them. Follow your heart, and make choices based on who you are (and were!), what fulfills you and what brings meaning to your life.

4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were

1. Play with different careers. Be aware of the moments that feel passionate and purposeful. Find out what you were meant to do… maybe it’s even a number of different things or a career change. Approach your job with the same, open-minded inquisitiveness you had when you were fresh out of school.

2. Open your heart to romance. Let yourself love and be loved… even if only for a fleeting moment. Invite someone to go beyond that protective exterior, to meet the youthful spirit living inside, who yearns for affection, adventure, companionship and passion!

3. Explore new friendships; rekindle old ones. Give all of yourself, should that be your wish. Step out of your circle and welcome relationships with different kinds of people. Allow yourself to learn something from a new friend. And take the risk to love and find out how lovable you are!

4. Take up an old forgotten pastime. Or, take the time to master a few new tricks! Write, paint, dance, kickbox, run, read, create. Volunteer. Do something because a friend invited you and you’ve always wanted to try. Or, do something that no one is doing… just because it’s what you want to do.

Acknowledge and love yourself every step of the way.

Have you lost yourself – and do you want to reconnect with who you are? I welcome your thoughts and comments below…

 Susan Liddy is the founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, a life coaching company on a mission to empower women globally. Susan is the author of the “Secrets to Ultimate Living; What you wish you knew when you were 20!”

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
2. 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck
3. 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah

George Eliot was a big believer in not losing yourself, in standing up for yourself, in following your heart, and in achieving your goals.

“Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade,” she said.

My friends, a long-term committed romantic relationship can be the best thing that ever happens to you. Or it can be the worst thing – if you lose your personal identity in that relationship. If you’re struggling with life, losing yourself, and figuring out who you are, click on This is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down by Deborah Collins Stephens et al. It’s one of my favorite books on how to be authentic and successful.

And, read on to learn how not to lose your personality identity in a romantic relationship…

How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship

Realize when you’re “giving yourself over.” Healthy romantic relationships require compromise on both parts. To keep your personal identity, recognize when you’re acting on behalf of the relationship (such as going to boxing matches with your sweetie or making some sort of sacrifice) versus soaking up new likes or activities that aren’t who you are (such as taking on the “I love boxing!” mentality).

Spend time with your friends. Many women lose touch with their friends when they fall in love…it’s a normal part of the whole romantic relationship cycle! When you’re first falling in love, you spend more time with your lover. But, it’s important to balance that new, exciting part of your life with your “old” life: your friends and family. To keep your personality identity, keep your friends (if you struggle with toxic friends, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez).

Confess the bad bits to your friends and family. I’ve dated men who had personality and character traits that I could not tell my friends and family about! I was embarrassed and even ashamed that the man I was in a romantic relationship with had those traits…so I didn’t tell anyone about them. That, my friends, is one way to lose your personal identity in a romantic relationship. To stay connected to who you are, talk about the things that bother you about your boyfriend and your relationship. Force yourself to be honest and real.

Listen to the poet Rumi, and “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” In the first blush of love, you want to be together all the time! Stop that. Take a step back. Tune into your heart and soul, and make sure you’re staying connected to who you are. Think about who this man is and what you want out of life…are they compatible? Make decisions about your relationship with both your head and your heart…not just your heart.

If you’ve lost yourself or your personal identity in a relationship, find hope and inspiration in George Eliot’s words: “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”

What do you think of these suggestions for not losing your identity in a romantic relationship? I welcome your comments below…and if you want to find who you are after losing yourself in a relationship, let me know! I’d be happy to write that article.

Related posts:

1. Reclaiming Your Personal Identity or Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach
2. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert

I don’t think achieving fast fame and fortune should be any woman’s ultimate goal. We need to learn to follow our hearts – and be open to the possibility that fame and fortune could find us!

If your heart is set on being a famous writer, actor, or celebrity, click on How I Became a Famous Novelist for Steve Hely’s story (he’s an Emmy-award winning TV writer and book author). And, read on to learn how to follow your heart to fame and fortune, based on info from Marc Shapiro’s J.K. Rowling: The Wizard Behind the Harry Potter.

How to Follow Your Heart to Fame and Fortune – J.K. Rowling

Do what amuses you – and find a way to get paid for it. “I just write what I want to write,” says Rowling. “I write what amuses me. I never in my wildest dreams expected this popularity.” What are you doing when you lose track of time? What can you do for hours – and walk away feeling energized? Can you find a way to earn money from it? Those are the questions to focus on. Then, whether fame and fortune follows you or not, you’ll be happy!

Be selfish. Carve time out of your day to follow your heart. “In an ideal day, I’ll work six to ten hours,” says Rowling. “But now I’m fighting to get the time to write. I use cafes like offices and I try to get away from the house whenever possible.” That’s why she’s a successful woman: she knows what she loves – and she finds time to do it. If you struggle with procrastination, read 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Nourish your compulsion. “I literally don’t feel quite right if I haven’t written for awhile,” says Rowling. “A week is about as long as I can go without getting extremely edgy. It really is a compulsion.” Her compulsion to write isn’t necessarily something she was born with. Her writing habit grew: the more she wrote, the more she wanted to write. If you want to follow your heart to fame and fortune like J.K. Rowling, you need to make it part of who you are. Do you need a push? Go to 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women.

Remember that this, too, will pass. “[Fame] will go away. That’s the nature of the game,” says Rowling. “And when it does I believe I will be happy. And I will have fond memories of the time I was famous.” Whatever you’re dealing with — the struggle to do what you love, a physical or emotional illness that holds you back, a family or job that occupies all your time — remember that it will pass. You will one day be in a position to follow your heart…whether it’s towards fame, or away from fame, like J.K. Rowling knows will happen one day.

For more info about J.K. Rowling, read J. K. Rowling: The Wizard Behind Harry Potter. To learn what she says about bouncing back from failure, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – J.K. Rowling.

What do you think of these life lessons about following your heart to fame and fortune from J.K. Rowling? I welcome your comments below!

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Cope With Mild Depression for Women – JK Rowling
2. 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling
3. 4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were – Shirley Valentine