“Women have to be able to champion other women,” said Michelle Obama in a recent issue of Oprah Magazine. “We have to root for each other’s successes and not delight in one another’s failures.”

Rooting for your friend’s successes can be difficult – especially if you’re prone to jealousy or insecurity (like we all are at times!). For more info about healing female friendships, click When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You. And, read on for tips on repairing relationships and keeping  friends for the long haul…

Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

Is there a friend who you don’t talk to? Did you argue about something, or just drift apart — or did you have an unexpected relationship breakup? Here are a few things to think about if you want to be friends again…

Figure out the cause of the estrangement. Female friendships can be broken through neglect, betrayal, arguments, or broken promises. Identifying and airing the cause of the breakup can make reconnecting with friends much easier. Plus, the more you know about broken relationships, the healthier your future friendships will be!

Make the first move to repair the relationship, says Michelle Obama. “If there is anyone who has a broken relationship with another woman, if there was a woman in your life that you have not communicated with because of ego or embarrassment or jealousy or fear of rejection, a sister or a friend or a mother or a child who could or should be a part of your community,” says Obama, “I ask you to reach out to that woman today.”

Remember that female friendships have ups and downs. Most relationships go through cycles of closeness and distance, connection and disconnection. To keep your friendships healthy and strong, accept that these natural stages – and perhaps pay a little more attention to your friends during the periods of distance.

Accept your friends for who they are. The best, healthiest part of friendship is not trying to change people! If you want to keep your friend, you should accept her quirks, weaknesses, and foibles…without wanting her to be different or trying to change her personality.

Identify toxic female friends. Some relationships aren’t worth repairing because they’re destructive, unhealthy, or difficult. To learn if you’re in a toxic friendship, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez. To find out if you’re the toxic friend, read Are You a Toxic Female Friend? George Eliot.

One last quotation from Michelle Obama:

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on healing female friendships or repairing relationships, I welcome you below!

Share/Save

Related posts:

1. Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez
2. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
3. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

The idea of connection as a key to success is new to me, because I’ve always been the strong, independent type. My “aha” moment came from Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success, which describes why certain people are extraordinarily successful.

Success isn’t all about talent and perseverance – Gladwell points out that one of the biggest keys to success is the people around you. People don’t succeed in isolation, and Oprah Winfrey is the perfect example of how connecting with others improves your life.

The Key to Success for Women - Oprah Winfrey

“Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us,” says Oprah.

But connecting with people isn’t just about getting through tough times! Connections can help you get what you want out of life, whether you’re selling your products or convincing your husband to move to Maui.

Successfully selling your product or service. I’m a freelance writer who pitches article ideas to editors regularly (visit me on Quips and Tips Successful Writers!). I’ve learned that if the editor doesn’t connect with my idea or story, she won’t assign it because she thinks the readers won’t connect with it. Further, if I have a personal or professional connection with the editor or magazine, then I’m more likely to get an assignment without even pitching an idea! Connecting with your clients or customers is not just a key to success for women…it’s the cornerstone of a successful career.

Convincing your family to “fall in.” Have you ever tried to force your child, spouse, or sister to do something they’re lukewarm about? It’s a losing battle – unless you can find a way to connect with them. I guess it’s about making them want to do the thing you want…and the key to convincing them is to find a way to connect. For a marriage, this could involve explaining why you need your husband to relocate to Maui with you (instead of just telling him you’re moving).

But remember – you have to be real! Connecting with others to improve your life can’t be superficial or one-sided. You have to give to get – and it feels great to help others. Connecting involves building relationships to help each other achieve, and not envying or resenting another person’s achievement. If you find yourself green with jealousy, read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

Also, people don’t like books or movies when they don’t connect with the characters, plot, or theme. For instance, I didn’t like the Titanic movie at all – because I just didn’t connect with it. As a writer, I have to keep remembering that if readers don’t connect to my topic, then they won’t read.

Connection is the key to success for women; luckily, we’re good at it!

Do you connect well with others — and has it helped your career? I welcome your thoughts below!

Share/Save

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries – Oprah Winfrey
3. The Key to Success for Female Entrepreneurs – Coco Chanel

Here’s what Gurley Brown says about envy:

“Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep.”

Few women are born successful, fulfilled, happy, and living the life of their dreams. To make envy work for you (instead of draining your energy and deadening your spirit), remember that the successful woman you envy had to work hard - and overcome criticism, rejection, and failure – to fulfill her dreams and aspirations. Did her success simply fall into her lap via an inheritance, marriage, or sheer stupid luck? Maybe, but don’t forget that she’s facing a hard battle, too. Life is hard for everyone – just in different ways.

The following info about envy comes from the amazing book, 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want by Kate White. I read the whole thing in a day – and I’m dying to read it again, because of all practical information and personal insights White offers. She was the editor-in-chief of Redbook when she wrote this (Helen Gurley Brown was the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine).

Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown

“What I learned from successful women is that rather than suppress or deny envy like the rest of us, they do something with it,” writes White in 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want. “Think of envy as a compass of sorts. An envy attack can point you directly to what you want the most.”

Envy can work for you by showing you want you really want out of life – not what other people think you should want, or even what you think you should want. I’ve always envied women who have strong family ties, because I grew up with a single mom and almost no relatives. It’s hard not to let my envy of close-knit families get the better of me – especially as I think about having children of my own – but I’d rather cultivate the relationships I do have than waste time wanting what I’ll never have.

“The big surprise about envy,” says Ann Ulanov, PhD, author of Cinderella and Her Sisters, “is that it really can lead to something good. If you can stop and examine the feeling of wanting what someone else has – which takes a lot of energy – you’ll find that what you’re seeing in the other person’s life is really a good thing. Envy, after all, is admiration gone sour. At the bottom of envy is a lavish, all-out sighting of good qualities and a registering of awe and amazement at them.”

To make envy work for you, remember that envy tells you what you want. Listen to your envy. Use your envy to nourish your passion and excitement at the thought of getting what you want out of life! Focus on motivation, connection, and direction (rather than dejection, bitterness, or pointless jealousy).

Do you envy a successful woman – and how do her achievements make you feel about yourself? Can you turn that energy around into a motivating force? And, if you have any thoughts on the difference between envy and jealousy, I’d love to hear them…

Share/Save

Related posts:

1. 6 Steps to Solving Almost Any Work Problem – Helen Gurley Brown
2. Making Yourself Sick With Breast Cancer? Olivia Newton-John
3. How to Use Your Instincts to Succeed at Work – Erica Jong