These three ways to cope with relationship abuse are inspired by quotations from Eleanor Roosevelt, who was a strong, successful woman in history.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

What is the thing you think you can’t do? Instead of thinking you cannot…start thinking of how you can. Focus on how you want your life to be better, healthier, more whole. If you want to learn more about relationship abuse, click Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. And, here are three ways to break up with a toxic, addictive, unhealthy partner…

3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Get help — don’t leave an abusive partner on your own. “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Even if you don’t feel like you’re surrounded by friends in the world – you need to reach out and connect! Many women are too afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to tell their friends or family about the abuse. This is one reason they stay in unhealthy relationships – because abusive partners isolate their girlfriends or wives. One of the first steps to breaking free from a bad relationship is rallying your troops: get help from a distress line, counselor, pastor, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors – anyone.

2. Connect with your higher power. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, or a more abstract Guiding Force in the Universe – connect with your higher power. Stop fearing and cursing the darkness…and start lighting your candles. Journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading books about finding and following the healthiest part of yourself will help strengthen your connection to the voice within. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise; it strengthens your body and your relationship with Something Greater Than Yourself – who wants the best for you. Connecting with your higher power will improve your emotional health.

3. Practice random acts of courage. “What looks courageous to one person may not look that way to another,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “Every one of use gets to that for ourselves.” Everyone – not just women struggling with relationship abuse – lives with limiting beliefs and behaviors. These beliefs and behaviors stop us from creating our heart’s desire. Taking healthy risks allows us to step outside of those beliefs and behaviors, and helps us create the life we love. How can you be courageous today, even if you’re not quite ready to break up with your partner? Practice one little act of courage – you’ll feel better and happier about yourself…and your future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Related posts:

1. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men,” writes Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia. “I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness.”

Are you with a man you think could be great – but who actually abuses you physically, mentally, or emotionally? Get help! Click on The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change? A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans. And, check out these five suggestions for leaving emotionally and mentally abusive relationships.

First, here’s one of the best comments I’ve ever read! It’s from my article called Recognizing 4 Types of Abuse, on Suite101 (where I’m the Psychology Feature Writer):

“I’M DOING IT!!! 4 days to go!!” writes this reader. “I’m finally leaving my emotionally abusive relationship (one time he choked me). I’ve tried countless times to leave. I decided the only way out is run far, far away. A mover came today and took my belongings to the other side of the country (literally). I’ve booked my flight and accommodation. I don’t have a job on the other side but, I’ll figure something out. I’m outta here! Finally, I can learn to be myself again. I’m no longer going to be nervous or scared to offend that guy.”

How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert

1. Get out of the city. Sometimes the only way to deal with spousal abuse is to move clear across the country. It’s definitely not fair – and very painful – that you have to leave your family, friends, job, and the life you have…but moving away may be the only way to stop abuse and protect yourself and your kids.

2. Take one step at a time. Looking at the whole picture (gotta get a home, a job, new friends, furniture for my new place, etc etc etc) is completely overwhelming! Instead, focus on the first step: figuring out where you will go. Then, get your stuff packed up – or leave your stuff there, and start over with new stuff (buying secondhand furniture, clothes, and stuff for the house is inexpensive and easy!). When you’re leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship, take it one step at a time.

3. Focus on building resiliency. How well do you bounce back from problems? That’s your “bouncebackability” or resilience. The easier it is for you to bounce back, the healthier and stronger you’ll be. Read 5 Ways to Build Resliliency – JK Rowling for for tips on bouncing back.

4. Focus on why you’re leaving. Push everything else aside, and focus on how destructive the mental abuse, verbal abuse, or emotional abuse is. Don’t fall into Elizabeth Gilbert’s old habit of counting on your husband or boyfriend’s potential for change. How has he has acted in the past? That’s likely how he’ll act in the future. Let his abuse be your motivation – not a blanket of shame that suffocates and paralyzes you.

5. Protect your kids from their own future abusive relationships. Research shows that many women stay with physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive partners because of their children. These mothers believe they’re doing the right thing for their kids by staying in the bad relationship. Solveig Vatnar is a researcher and psychologist who at the University of Oslo who found that children are harmed by witnessing violence between their parents. Plus, kids who see one parent being abused by the other are at a higher risk for ending up in abusive relationships themselves (read Partner Violence Continues After Break-up on ScienceDaily for the research).

Leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship is difficult…but it’s not impossible!  When you’re ready, you can do it — and it may just be easier than you think. If you’ve lost your self-identity (and many abused women have), read Keeping Your Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

What do you think? I welcome your thoughts and questions on leaving physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationships below…for more info, read 7 Ways to Tell if Your Marriage is Over, on Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals.

If you want to get your marriage back on track, you may find Save My Marriage Today helpful — it includes how to avoid the most common reasons for divorce.

Related posts:

1. 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Tina Turner
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem