“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself,” says Tina Turner. “If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”

Letting go, even when you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, is one of the hardest things you’ll do. For more relationship help, click on The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel. And, read on for the stages of leaving an abusive relationship…

5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Tina Turner

According to a new University of Illinois journal article, abused woman go through a five-step process of leaving abusive relationships. Below are the fives stages, based doctoral candidate Lyndal Khaw’s dissertation work at the U of I. If you want to leave your partner are scared, read Overcoming Fear – Suze Orman and Cher.

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Leaving an Abusive Relationship – 5 Stages Women Go Through

If you have any thoughts or questions on these stages of leaving an abusive relationship, I welcome your comments below…

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Related posts:

1. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men,” writes Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia. “I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness.”

Are you with a man you think could be great – but who actually abuses you physically, mentally, or emotionally? Get help! Click on The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change? A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans. And, check out these five suggestions for leaving emotionally and mentally abusive relationships.

First, here’s one of the best comments I’ve ever read! It’s from my article called Recognizing 4 Types of Abuse, on Suite101 (where I’m the Psychology Feature Writer):

“I’M DOING IT!!! 4 days to go!!” writes this reader. “I’m finally leaving my emotionally abusive relationship (one time he choked me). I’ve tried countless times to leave. I decided the only way out is run far, far away. A mover came today and took my belongings to the other side of the country (literally). I’ve booked my flight and accommodation. I don’t have a job on the other side but, I’ll figure something out. I’m outta here! Finally, I can learn to be myself again. I’m no longer going to be nervous or scared to offend that guy.”

How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert

1. Get out of the city. Sometimes the only way to deal with spousal abuse is to move clear across the country. It’s definitely not fair – and very painful – that you have to leave your family, friends, job, and the life you have…but moving away may be the only way to stop abuse and protect yourself and your kids.

2. Take one step at a time. Looking at the whole picture (gotta get a home, a job, new friends, furniture for my new place, etc etc etc) is completely overwhelming! Instead, focus on the first step: figuring out where you will go. Then, get your stuff packed up – or leave your stuff there, and start over with new stuff (buying secondhand furniture, clothes, and stuff for the house is inexpensive and easy!). When you’re leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship, take it one step at a time.

3. Focus on building resiliency. How well do you bounce back from problems? That’s your “bouncebackability” or resilience. The easier it is for you to bounce back, the healthier and stronger you’ll be. Read 5 Ways to Build Resliliency – JK Rowling for for tips on bouncing back.

4. Focus on why you’re leaving. Push everything else aside, and focus on how destructive the mental abuse, verbal abuse, or emotional abuse is. Don’t fall into Elizabeth Gilbert’s old habit of counting on your husband or boyfriend’s potential for change. How has he has acted in the past? That’s likely how he’ll act in the future. Let his abuse be your motivation – not a blanket of shame that suffocates and paralyzes you.

5. Protect your kids from their own future abusive relationships. Research shows that many women stay with physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive partners because of their children. These mothers believe they’re doing the right thing for their kids by staying in the bad relationship. Solveig Vatnar is a researcher and psychologist who at the University of Oslo who found that children are harmed by witnessing violence between their parents. Plus, kids who see one parent being abused by the other are at a higher risk for ending up in abusive relationships themselves (read Partner Violence Continues After Break-up on ScienceDaily for the research).

Leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship is difficult…but it’s not impossible!  When you’re ready, you can do it — and it may just be easier than you think. If you’ve lost your self-identity (and many abused women have), read Keeping Your Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

What do you think? I welcome your thoughts and questions on leaving physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationships below…for more info, read 7 Ways to Tell if Your Marriage is Over, on Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals.

If you want to get your marriage back on track, you may find Save My Marriage Today helpful — it includes how to avoid the most common reasons for divorce.

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Related posts:

1. 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Tina Turner
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem