These three ways to cope with relationship abuse are inspired by quotations from Eleanor Roosevelt, who was a strong, successful woman in history.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

What is the thing you think you can’t do? Instead of thinking you cannot…start thinking of how you can. Focus on how you want your life to be better, healthier, more whole. If you want to learn more about relationship abuse, click Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. And, here are three ways to break up with a toxic, addictive, unhealthy partner…

3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Get help — don’t leave an abusive partner on your own. “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Even if you don’t feel like you’re surrounded by friends in the world – you need to reach out and connect! Many women are too afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to tell their friends or family about the abuse. This is one reason they stay in unhealthy relationships – because abusive partners isolate their girlfriends or wives. One of the first steps to breaking free from a bad relationship is rallying your troops: get help from a distress line, counselor, pastor, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors – anyone.

2. Connect with your higher power. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, or a more abstract Guiding Force in the Universe – connect with your higher power. Stop fearing and cursing the darkness…and start lighting your candles. Journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading books about finding and following the healthiest part of yourself will help strengthen your connection to the voice within. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise; it strengthens your body and your relationship with Something Greater Than Yourself – who wants the best for you. Connecting with your higher power will improve your emotional health.

3. Practice random acts of courage. “What looks courageous to one person may not look that way to another,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “Every one of use gets to that for ourselves.” Everyone – not just women struggling with relationship abuse – lives with limiting beliefs and behaviors. These beliefs and behaviors stop us from creating our heart’s desire. Taking healthy risks allows us to step outside of those beliefs and behaviors, and helps us create the life we love. How can you be courageous today, even if you’re not quite ready to break up with your partner? Practice one little act of courage – you’ll feel better and happier about yourself…and your future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. 

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3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

Maria Shriver’s mom, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, founded the Special Olympics. Her dad, Sargent Shriver, founded the Peace Corps. Before she became a journalist and writer, Maria Shriver felt enormous pressure to achieve and succeed! She has four kids with husband and governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Here’s what Shriver told Oprah Winfrey about letting go of the roles you play and finding your self-identity. To learn more about self-identity and authenticity, read Just Who Will You Be? Big Question. Little Book. Answer Within.

Secrets of Successful Women – 6 Life Lessons From Maria Shriver

“I was raised in a family that equated self-worth with personal achievement…if you weren’t accomplishing big, then you were being. You weren’t even seen,” said Maria Shriver. “Being seen for who you are – not what you do – is the greatest gift anyone can give you. The greatest gift I can give to my children is to live my own life.”

1. Accept that letting go of other people’s expectations is a process. You won’t be able to let go of other people’s expectations – or your own expectations of yourself – overnight. Letting go of the roles you play and finding your self-identity is a process that can take years. Shriver said she exhausted herself with her phenomenally fast-paced life, and she’s finally learning to dial it back, and just be with her children.

2. Know that your life doesn’t have to be defined by the roles you’ve been playing. You may be a wife, a mother, a doctor, a daughter-in-law, a pastor’s daughter – but that doesn’t define your life. “Just who will you be?” asks Shriver. You have the freedom to figure out who you’re going to be in your life – what hats you want to wear, and what hats you want to hang up for good.

3. Let yourself cry and rend your clothes. “It’s extremely liberating, that I cry,” said Shriver. “My mother was very tough.” Instead of swallowing your emotions or overeating to avoid them, let yourself cry, get angry, be sad, and put yourself first. This secret for successful women involves expressing your emotions, finding the courage become who you want to be, and keeping your self-identity intact.

4. Be kind to yourself. “I’ve found a new kindness and a new gentleness with myself,” said Shriver at an annual woman’s conference in California. She described how she nursed her sick mother — and how that changed her from being tough and aggressive to kind and compassionate. “I’ve realized I can be different. The best thing I could do for my mother is to mother her.” Shriver says she likes herself better when she’s gentle to herself and to others around her.

5. Know you’re not alone. “All of us will go through a time when we’re stuck, alone, and afraid,” said Shriver. Remember that you’re not emotionally or spiritually alone even if you are physically alone! Other women (even successful, famous women) have struggled and survived before you, and other women will come after you. This secret is about connecting with and gaining strength from women even if you don’t know them.

6. It’s never too late — no matter how old you are. Shriver encourages women to keep asking themselves “Who am I going to be?” She pledges to show up in life as herself — not an imitation of anyone else. Similarly, George Eliot said ”It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”

What do you think of these life lessons from Maria Shriver? Are you stuck in a certain role in your life…and do you want out?

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1. Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations – Maria Shriver
2. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
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