“I used to be The Wife,” said Shirley Valentine. “I used to be The Mother. But now I’m Shirley Valentine again. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

This woman – who was living an “unused life” – lost her self-identity and the pizzazz of her youth. The young Shirley Valentine had personality and attitude, but she drowned in her marriage and kids. Her daughter and husband took her for granted and treated her like a servant…but she let them. Somewhere along the way Shirley Valentine taught her family how to mistreat her.

Valentine eventually found her way home to herself, and what a journey it was! If you haven’t seen Shirley Valentine, you must rent the DVD or borrow it from the library – it’s a great example of how to “See Jane Soar.” And if you feel like you’ve lost yourself, here are Susan Liddy’s tips for reconnecting with who you were….

Finding Strength and Wisdom in Your Past

“You are a gifted and empowered woman,” says Liddy, who created a free Passages to Empowerment video series. “You have a brilliant mind, a beautiful heart, and a spiritual and deep soul.”

And all those “younger you’s” who live inside you – who were rebellious, naive, feisty, curious, artistic (like Shirley Valentine!) – can serve you now! Embrace and love them, listen to them, feel them, and understand them. Follow your heart, and make choices based on who you are (and were!), what fulfills you and what brings meaning to your life.

4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were

1. Play with different careers. Be aware of the moments that feel passionate and purposeful. Find out what you were meant to do… maybe it’s even a number of different things or a career change. Approach your job with the same, open-minded inquisitiveness you had when you were fresh out of school.

2. Open your heart to romance. Let yourself love and be loved… even if only for a fleeting moment. Invite someone to go beyond that protective exterior, to meet the youthful spirit living inside, who yearns for affection, adventure, companionship and passion!

3. Explore new friendships; rekindle old ones. Give all of yourself, should that be your wish. Step out of your circle and welcome relationships with different kinds of people. Allow yourself to learn something from a new friend. And take the risk to love and find out how lovable you are!

4. Take up an old forgotten pastime. Or, take the time to master a few new tricks! Write, paint, dance, kickbox, run, read, create. Volunteer. Do something because a friend invited you and you’ve always wanted to try. Or, do something that no one is doing… just because it’s what you want to do.

Acknowledge and love yourself every step of the way.

Have you lost yourself – and do you want to reconnect with who you are? I welcome your thoughts and comments below…

 Susan Liddy is the founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, a life coaching company on a mission to empower women globally. Susan is the author of the “Secrets to Ultimate Living; What you wish you knew when you were 20!”

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“I believe in businesses where you engage in creative thinking, and where you form some of your deepest relationships,” said Anita Roddick, creator of The Body Shop. “If it isn’t about the production of the human spirit, we are in big trouble.”

For more info about how Roddick started The Body Shop, read Finding the Right Timing in Life – Anita Roddick. And, click on The Boss of You: Everything A Woman Needs to Know to Start, Run, and Maintain Her Own Business for specific tips for successful businesswomen.

When You’re Starting Your Own Business – What Successful Businesswomen Know

1. Believe in yourself. Your clients immediately know if you believe in your service or product, and they’ll assess you and your product or service accordingly. Tap into — and express! – your passion, integrity, and vision, and you’re more likely to be a successful businesswoman.

2. Gather a great team. When you’re starting your own business, don’t try to do everything yourself, even if you’re a freelance writer who works alone (like me!). If you can’t surround yourself with a smart, motivated team of employees or colleagues, then find a mentor. Soak up insight, feedback, and criticism from other successful businesswomen.

3. Leave your ego out of your new business. Your ego wants to keep you in control, make you look good, and manipulate people. Your ego wants to protect itself at all costs, and it doesn’t like vulnerability or rejection – which is part of starting your own business. Ignore your ego and focus on win-win situations for everyone. Speak up when necessary, even when you feel uncomfortable being in the spotlight!

4. Realize the value of failure. Successful businesswomen don’t escape failure. Successful businesswomen realize that success teaches more than failure, and that failing is a great opportunity to figure out how to do it better, or faster, or more efficiently. To learn more about what successful businesswomen know, read Turning Failure to Success for Female Entrepreneurs – Maya Angelou.

5. Don’t give up yet! Starting a new business can be hard, and many entrepreneurs quit because finding clients is harder than they thought, they feel discouraged, they lose hope, or they no longer believe in themselves or their product. The longer you persevere, the more you improve your chances of starting a successful business. “A writing career is nothing more than a long series of disappointments punctuated by occasional moments of success,” says Michael Bracken. Successful businesswomen know that this isn’t just true of writing careers!

6. Stay organized. Staying organized not only shows your clients what a great businesswoman you are, it makes you feel strong, motivated, and capable. If you get rid of clutter, do things immediately, learn to say no, stick with your routine, and prioritize your goals, you’re more likely to start a successful business.

If you have any tips on starting your own business, I’d love to hear from you! Please comment below…

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“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life,” says Anais Nin. “You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead.”

Below are some suggestions for not giving negativity power over your life. For more tips for successful careerwomen, click on See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work by Lois Frankel. And, read on for ways to cope with negative coworkers who drain your energy…

Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin

Limit your time alone with negative coworkers. This one of the most important ways to cope with people who drain your energy: put as much space between you and them as possible. Both physical and emotional space counts! This means not sitting next to them at meetings, not carpooling with them, and not having lunch with them. Set time limits – and learn how to say no without feeling guilty.

Spend time with coworkers who fill you with energy. Right after you spend time with a coworker who drains your energy, seek someone who fills you back up again. Maybe you need to make a quick phone call to a friend or family member, or walk down the hall to a colleague’s office. Coping with negative people is much easier when you deliberately and immediately “fill the gap” they left. For more info on dealing with toxic people, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez.

Pick specific times for meetings. Avoid getting caught up in impromptu meetings, which you aren’t emotionally or professionally prepared for. Instead, be deliberate about setting meeting times. You could either get the meeting over with first thing in the morning (and possibly feel drained the rest of the day), or meet with your negative coworker at the end of the day (and go home feeling drained). Obviously, there’s no perfect solution – but setting a specific time gives you time to prepare.

Prepare for meetings. Of course you want to be professionally prepared – but you also want to be emotionally ready to cope with negative coworkers who drain your energy. This means pumping yourself up before the meeting. Take five or ten minutes to chat with a positive person, look at pictures of your last vacation, child, or pet, or visualize your favorite place in the world. (And, if you tend to procrastinate when preparing for meetings, you might find 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach helpful!).

Try not to misread words or actions. “Women frequently misread neutral cues as being negative or critical,” writes Lois Frankel in See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work. She says most women have strong emotional intelligence and social awareness overall, but they aren’t always accurate in their interpretations. So, be careful not to project your own feelings onto a coworker. For example, if you always feel criticized about an aspect of your job performance, you might want to check your own feelings about your performance.

One last quotation from a successful woman (well she was at one time, anyway — not sure if she still is now): “The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power,” says Roseanne Barr. “You just take it.”

If you’re thinking about quitting your job, read How to Successfully Change Careers – Suze Orman.

What have I missed? I welcome your thoughts and questions about coping with negative coworkers who drain your energy below!

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But, getting another diploma, degree or certificate isn’t the solution in all situations…

“Going back to school makes sense only if it is a necessary step in a well-conceived career change,” writes Orman in The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke. “Otherwise, it’s just a bad excuse to get out of a situation that isn’t working for you.”

For more solid money and career advice, click The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke by Suze Orman. And, read on for tips on successfully changing careers, some of which are based on her book…

How to Successfully Change Careers – Suze Orman

Think career, not short-term job. When I first started freelance writing (I’m The Adventurous Writer), my husband kept talking about my “writing career.” That freaked me out at first, but then I began to think about my writing that way…as a career, not just a dream, goal, or way to pay the bills. It changed how I organize my workday, what I focus on, and what types of magazine assignments I accept.

Learn how to cope with failure – and build your resilience. Successful women fail a lot – and they bounce back a lot more! Learn how to overcome failure, recover from setbacks, and focus on your long-term vision. Expect that you’ll have to struggle to achieve your goals…because good things rarely come easily.

Make sure your choices take you in the right direction. Before you decide to take a class, quit a job, accept a promotion, or take on a new client, ask yourself if that choice moves you towards your long-term career goals. Avoid the inclination to dismiss your needs to make other people happy or fulfill their expectations (read Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations – Maria Shriver for help with this). Surround yourself with women who are where you want to be…or who are getting where they want to go.

Build a financial cushion before starting a new career. “If your new job involves going back to school, even part-time, or taking a new job at lower pay, I want you to take the time to build up a bit of a cash cushion to help you through the transition,” writes Orman. When you’re leaving a job you hate or that doesn’t suit you, the last thing you need is create financial stress! So, scale down on the extras and focusing on pursuing your passions.

Aim for the right opportunities – not the best money. “The right job at the right company in the right field is your goal early on,” writes Orman. “Follow your passion. There will be plenty of time to make money down the line.” Of course, this works best when you’re not struggling to pay the bills or feed your kids! Read 7 Unusual Tips for Spending Less Money for a different perspective on saving money when you’re starting a new career.

Don’t rely on the internet if you’re changing careers. If you post your resume on job sites or email it to potential employers, you’ll be lost in a sea of blurry faces. Instead, visit the people and places you actually want to work with or for. Make phone calls. Your computer is fabulous for research – but successfully starting a new career requires face-to-face interaction.

What have I missed? If you have any questions or tips on successfully changing careers, please comment below!

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The life lesson: success is often about finding the right timing in life. The successful woman: Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop. Here’s what she says about timing and business – and her thoughts on how age makes women radical!

“I am aware that success is more than a good idea,” says Roddick. “It’s timing, too. The Body Shop arrived just as Europe was going ‘green’.”

Her timing was perfect for The Body Shop – and for her hungry family. Here’s what inspired Roddick to start her business, and how finding the right timing increases your chances for success. And, click on Anita Roddick’s book Business as Usual: My Entrepreneurial Journey, Profits With Principles to learn more about how she succeeded.

Finding the Right Timing in Life - Anita Roddick

“I started The Body Shop in 1976 simply to create a livelihood for myself and my two daughters,” says Roddick. “My husband, Gordon, was trekking across the Americas.”

Roddick says that entrepreneurship is survival – even though nobody talks about it that way – and being an entrepreneur involves creative thinking. I’d say creative thinking is essential to being a successful entrepreneur! So is resilience, flexibility, and determination.

Roddick started The Body Shop to feed her family – just like many women start writing, teaching, or selling their products or services. Out of necessity, to survive. And that’s what they say about invention — it’s borne of necessity (“Necessity is the mother of invention”).

The first life lesson from Roddick: Perhaps the more necessary your dreams and goals are…the more likely you’ll succeed. That is, if you want to be a writer or small businessowner – you may be more likely to taste success if you have to succeed to feed your family and pay your bills. If you’re writing or playing with your business on the side, as a hobby, you may not be as hungry to survive. Hunger that can bring successful women to life! If you need a little push into a new career, read How to Successfully Change Careers – Suze Orman.

The second life lesson from Roddick: Success is – in large part – all about timing. To build a truly successful business, we need to be in the right place at the right time. Here’s an example I’ll never forget: Michael Creighton pitched the TV show ER in the 1970′s – long before viewers were ready for that type of medical drama. ER finally aired in 1994; the first time Creighton tried to run with the ER ball, he was 20 years too early.

So, you need to find the right timing in life…but what if you don’t? Successful women are resilient, and bounce back when their timing is off or when they fail. Successful women can put their ideas on hold for a few months or years, until the timing is right. And, successful women keep their eyes open so they recognize when new opportunities knock! For more info about bouncing back from failure, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency. 

“The most exciting part of my life is now – I believe the older you get, the more radical you become,” says Roddick. She quotes Dorothy Sayers, who said, “A woman in advancing old age is unstoppable by any earthly force.”

What are your thoughts about finding the right timing in life and taking risks? I welcome your comments below…

For more info about The Body Shop, go to Anita Roddick.com.

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