The life lesson: There’s more than one way to lose 10 pounds – because we all have different weight loss personalities. The successful woman: Julia Cameron, author of The Writing Diet — in which she shares her best ways to lose ten pounds.

“I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something,” says Cameron. “Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow.”

Whether you want to lose ten pounds or write a bestselling novel — you have to commit yourself by saying you’re doing it! Click on the cover for more info on her book, The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size. And, read on for Julia Cameron’s interesting weight loss tips and dieters’ stories.

10 Ways to Lose 10 Pounds  – Julia Cameron

1. Know when you eat to please others. Do you overeat at your mom’s or when you’re with your sister-in-law? Be aware of eating to make other people happy – especially your partner. Many women gain weight after getting married or moving in with their partners, because they tend to mimic their partner’s eating habits. According to Cameron in The Writing Diet, if you stop eating to please others, you’ll find it easier to lose weight.

2. Eat clean. “For optimum weight loss, it’s best to eat clean – that is, to shape your diet so that refined sugars, flours, and starches are kept to a minimum,” writes Cameron in The Writing Diet. “Three days off sugar, and you no longer lust after sweets. A piece of fruit will satisfy what used to be a candy-bar craving.” Eating clean is a newish way to lose ten pounds.

3. Open your “Pandora’s Box of Emotions” and express your forbidden feelings in healthy ways (not by binge eating). Write out your feelings to help you identify why you’re eating. Are you sad because of your brother? Are you stressed because of work? Writing – especially while you’re eating – can help you identify and deal with your feelings.

4. Let go of “quick weight loss” advertisements. “What we are after is the permanent shift in lifestyle, not the quick fix of an extreme diet,” says Cameron. “If we lower our consumption by 250 calories a day and raise our exercise by 250 calories a day, that’s a moderate shift that results in a pound’s loss weekly.” A pound a week may seem slow – it can lead to permanent weight loss.

5. Know your trigger foods. Do you love fat, salt, sugar, crunchy, soft, bitter, or warm? Some foods trigger an eating binge. Knowing what to avoid or control can lead to greater weight loss and increased self-confidence.

6. Live one day at a time. It’s not a sexy, glamorous way to lose ten pounds – but it works. Take one meal, one afternoon, one day at a time. Eat well for today. Exercise for today. Sweat a little and move your body – just for today.

7. Scale back on the scale. “Freed from the tyranny of numbers, we begin instead to focus on ourselves and our own perceptions,” says Cameron in The Writing Diet. “When we release ourselves from the daily use of the scale, we find ourselves able to embrace a more “easy does it” approach to weight loss. We begin to see that as long as we are moving in the right direction, the speed at which we reach our destination matters less.” One way to lose weight ten pounds is to let go of your obsession with the scale.

8. Drink 3 glasses of water to overcome temptation. When you’re tempted to tear into that bag of Lay’s or Oreo chocolate chip cookies, drink three glasses of water first. Don’t deny yourself the potato chips or cookies; just drink the water first. You may wash away the craving…this is my favorite way to lose ten pounds! Water fills you up and make you less likely to eat “bad” foods.

9. Look at your diet relapses. “For many of us, a diet is an exercise in futility and self-flagellation,” writes Cameron in The Writing Diet. “We set a plan in motion and then we sabotage it. We take a step toward our goal and then we relapse. We undo the good we’ve done.” Figure out why you sabotage your weight loss efforts. Do you relapse at night? What are you favorite relapse foods? Who are you with? Effective weight loss motivation involves canceling out your relapse with hobbies, exercise, writing, and self-awareness.

10. Learn to let yourself be pretty. “Many of us have to get over a “martyred” mode of dressing. Overweight and oversize, we tend to think of ourselves ad draft horses – good workers but little else,” writes Cameron. “It is a shock to find that we are still sexually appealing. Not all men are attracted to skinny women.” Wear lacy undies, and discard your “low self-worth” undies. That will create an upward spiral that’ll make it easy for you to lose that last ten pounds – and keep it off!

Do you have any thoughts or questions about these ten ways to lose ten pounds? Please comment below…

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“I think that whatever size or shape body you have, it’s important to embrace it and get down!” says singer Christina Aguilera. “The female body is something that’s so beautiful. I wish women would be proud of their bodies and not dis other women for being proud of theirs!”

And here’s another quotation about body confidence from Germaine Greer:

“I learned fairly early on that a beautiful woman doesn’t consider herself beautiful at all. She’s often crippled by lack of confidence. Every woman has something they dislike about themselves: if they’re blonde, they want to be dark, if they’re tall, they want to be short. If they have big breasts, they want to be flat-chested. The list is endless.” – Ed Burns in Germaine Greer’s The Whole Woman.

Don’t waste your energy, my friends! For more info on feeling better about your body, click Wanting to be Her: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won’t Tell You by Michelle Graham. And, read on for four ways to improve a negative body image…

Improving a Negative Body Image – Christina Aguilera

1. Accept that you’re not a mind reader. You may think you know what the guy in the elevator thinks of your body…but you don’t have a clue. To improve a negative body image, admit that you can’t read people’s minds! People are generally thinking about themselves 99% of the time: their work, their feelings, their opinions, their hunger pangs, their gas. You don’t know what people are thinking – so assume the best!

2. Let go of all-or-nothing beliefs. Accept yourself as a whole woman, flaws and warts and weaknesses and all. If your hair looks funny or you feel dumpy, it doesn’t mean you’re unattractive or fat! People don’t notice what you do – you’re your harshest critic. To improve a negative body image, practice enjoying yourself even if your hair isn’t perfect or your skin isn’t flawless.

3. Focus on your passions. To improve a negative body image, do something counterintuitive! Forget about your skin, weight, size, and shape. Instead, what do you love to do? What excites you, what makes you forget about time and place? Maybe you’ve always wanted to travel, paint, or explore the antique shops in the funkiest part of town. When you explore new things or concentrate on what makes you happy, you’ll increase your body esteem.

4. Stop hiding. Be real with others. I don’t just mean physically – I mean emotionally and intellectually. If you feel self-conscious about your belly or thighs, talk about it with your partner. Talk about where your lack of confidence as a woman stems from. To improve a negative body image, be authentic and real. You’ll not only feel better about yourself, you’ll encourage others to be real, too.

Do you struggle with a low body image? I suspect you might…I know I do! What woman doesn’t? Feel free to share your thoughts below. And before you go, here’s a great thought from a friend of mine:

“I look at pictures of myself when I was in my 30′s, and I can’t believe how beautiful I was,” said my 68 year old friend. “I was always trying to lose weight, I was always comparing myself to other women, and I was never happy with my appearance. What a waste of energy.”

Don’t waste your energy hating your body!

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“It would have been odd to have made this choice if I was able to have had successful pregnancies since my son’s birth,” said Parker in an Access Hollywood interview.

She’s talking about the twins she and husband Matthew Broderick are expecting by a surrogate mother. They have a six-year-old son together, want more children, and chose surrogacy as a final option. To delve further into authenticity and self-acceptance, read The Courage to Be Yourself: A Woman’s Guide to Emotional Strength and Self-Esteem by Sue Patton Thoele.

Accepting Your Infertility – Sarah Jessica Parker

I love that Sarah Jessica Parker is open to talking about not being able to get pregnant! I don’t know if being a star makes it more or less difficult to accept and talk about infertility (her fans will love her no matter what) – but I think she’s normalizing the fact that there are other ways to have children.

Parker is also defending her surrogate mother: “The most unsavory things have been done. She’s had her phone hacked, her personal computer information hacked; she’s had threats against her and true harassment.” Parker also says that the surrogate’s friends and family have been targeted.

All Parker wants is for her surrogate mother to stay healthy, and her twin girls to be born without stress and anxiety. But we hunger and thirst for every detail — which is the price famous women pay.

I’m not a fan of the whole “Sex and the City” part of who Sarah Jessica Parker is – but I love her honesty and willingness to share who she is. I think there’s a huge life lesson there!

Accept your body the way it is. A woman coping with infertility once told me, “I hate my broken ovaries.” I don’t think I’ll ever forget that, because it’s so unhealthy to reject – hate – part of your own body! It creates emotional barriers and physical animosity within yourself. Hating even a fingernail decreases your self-confidence and self-esteem.

To accept and honor who you are as a woman – like Sarah Jessica Parker accepts her infertility – you need to talk about your “weaknesses” in a nonjudgmental way. My friend who hates her broken ovaries has to practice accepting her female parts just the way they are. “My broken ovaries are part of me. I accept them – because I can’t reject a piece of who I am.”

Do you think Sarah Jessica Parker is a successful woman?  I’m also curious what you think of my not liking her TV show, yet holding her up as an example of how to See Jane Soar. Can I dislike her job (and how that affects how women see themselves), but like what she’s doing in her personal life?

If you’re coping with infertility, visit my Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility blog. You’re not alone, my friend!

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“I don’t act the way society dictates that a woman ‘should,’ writes Queen Latifah in Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman. “I am not dainty. I do not hold back my opinions. I don’t stay behind a man. I’m not here to live by somebody elses’ standards. I’m defining what a woman is for myself. Simply put, I am not interested in subscribing to what society has decided for half of humankind.”

Queen Latifah said this even before starting Jenny Craig’s weight loss program – and she’s been very clear that she’s not losing weight to society’s standards. Rather, she wants to be fit, healthy, and strong for herself — which is the best reason! Click on Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman to learn more about her, and read on for ten ways to build your self-confidence levels.

10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah

1. Accept that you might feel guilty when you say no – but say no anyway. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you fulfill everyone else’s expectations and behave the way society thinks you should. Instead, say “yes” only to the requests you can fulfill without depleting yourself, and separate others’ expectations from your own.

2. Make your appearance a part of who you are as a whole woman. You dishonor yourself when you dress for others and change your body to please your partner (wax, botox, hate your body, envy skinny models). Don’t compare yourself to others, especially images of air-brushed perfection. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, remind yourself that you are MORE than your appearance!

3. Plan small steps that move you towards your dreams and goals. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: Clean the house, garden, ferry kids to soccer practice, paint the deck, cook meals, darn the socks when you need to take care of yourself. Stop wishing, and start acting in ways that move you forward.

4. Own your career. Think of yourself as an entrepreneur, even if you work for someone else. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: don’t speak up at meetings, accept extra work even though you’re overloaded, let others take credit, don’t consider pursuing the education or job that you’re passionate about, or let colleagues destroy your self concept and self esteem. To build your self-confidence, focus on your career as if you were an entrepreneur.

5. Avoid soul-deadening activities. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you participate in activities you feel lukewarm about or outright hate, go to places that make you feel uncomfortable, or act like a martyr. Instead, tune in to your spirit through mediation, prayer, and time for yourself.

6. Take control of your health issues. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you ignore your physical problems and let your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor totally control your prescriptions, diagnoses, and schedule. Instead of hoping that they know what they’re doing, you can build self-confidence by taking charge of your health.

7. Know what you really think – even if you choose not to voice it. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you swallow your opinions, ignore your ideas, and stifle your creativity. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, express yourself through writing, painting, creating, producing, etc.

8. Learn why you’re overeating, overspending, overcriticizing. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you bury your feelings in chocolate ice cream, heroin, cigarettes, wine, excessive activity. Stop immersing yourself in shopping, watching TV, gossiping, and extreme busyness! Instead, face your feelings head-on. Face what you’re afraid to know.

9. Pick friends who support, honor, and love you. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you spend time with people who criticize, condemn, or deplete you. Instead of letting your family, friends or society dictate who you are, build your self-confidence by tuning into what you really think and feel.

10. Define what “taking risks” means to you – and take a little one every day. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you don’t trust yourself, don’t reach out to others, don’t be vulnerable, and above all don’t make waves. Take a small risk every day, whether that’s saying hi to your postal carrier or saying no to your mom!

My new favorite saying is: “To get something you’ve never had, do something you’ve never done.”

How do you build your self-confidence levels? Please comment below – I’d love to hear from you.

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