“Getting ahead in a difficult profession [or with difficult co-workers] requires avid faith in yourself,” said Loren. “That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go so much further than people with vastly superior talent.”

To deal with or confront anyone in your life – whether a toxic friend or a domineering sister-in-law – you need to have faith in yourself. You’ll go further with self-confidence than talent, my friend! Read on for my suggestions on how to handle difficult people at work – and click on Nice Girls Can Finish First: Getting the Results You Want and the Respect You Deserve . . . While Still Being Liked (where two of these suggestions come from).

How to Handle Negative or Bossy Co-Workers – Sophia Loren

This is my reader’s question: “When your office co-workers are bossy, should I just accept their criticisms and comments or should I say something?”

If you plan on working in that office or job for a long time, then yes. I believe you should say something. The sooner you learn to stand up for yourself at work, the happier and healthier you’ll be – both professionally and personally!

Choose the right time. Don’t stand up to a difficult person at work when you’re angry, frustrated, or unhappy. Instead, choose a quiet time – when you’re alone with your co-worker, without an audience – to calmly and carefully express how you feel. But, don’t let this problem at work fester; read 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work for a boost.

Start on a positive note. Do you like that your co-worker is diligent, attentive, or detail-oriented? “Compliments lower people’s guards, making them more receptive,” writes Dayle Deanna Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “Say something nice before confronting problems.” Getting your negative, bossy co-worker on your side can’t hurt!

Be specific about what is bothering you. Say, “I know you don’t mean any harm, but when you ____, I feel _____.” Do you feel incompetent or like you’re not doing your job properly when your co-worker criticizes you (especially when she’s not your boss?). Telling her the truth might make you feel vulnerable in the moment, but it may benefit you in the long run.

Communicate directly and clearly. When you’re asserting yourself with a bossy co-worker, Schwartz suggests stating your position clearly and firmly. You don’t have to be cruel; you just want to avoid sounding wishy washy or afraid. For instance, if you’re being insulted, say “Insulting me is unacceptable.” I’ve also politely and matter-of-factly said “I don’t speak to you like that (disrespectfully, cruelly, negatively, etc), so I’d appreciate if you didn’t speak to me that way.” For more communication tips, read 5 Tips for Becoming More Assertive.

Figure out your role in the problem. Maybe you simply let yourself be treated poorly at work for too long, and now your bossy co-worker is out of control. Or, maybe you’re doing something to contribute to her negativity or bossiness. I don’t know – but I do think it’s important to take a step back and examine your own workplace behavior. You might even ask for suggestions from your co-worker about resolving the issue.

Try to end on a positive note. “Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate being able to talk to you about this,” might be effective. Or, “This wasn’t easy for me, but I’m glad I could air my feelings. I’d like us to get along!” It depends, of course, on how the conversation went…but even if you don’t resolve the issue, you can thank you co-worker for “agreeing to disagree.”

Practice role playing. Asserting yourself with difficult people at work takes practice! To successfully handle negative co-workers, plan your words and responses with a friend, partner, or family member. Ask your friend to pretend to be the bossy co-worker while you practice the above suggestions. Role playing can be a very effective way to get comfortable with handling negative situations.

One last quotation from Sophia Loren:

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love,” said Sophia Loren. “When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Use your mind, my friend. Use your talents and creativity – and have faith in yourself. Even if you don’t pick the exact right words or immediately solve your problems, you are moving forward and doing the best you can!

If you have any thoughts or questions on handling difficult people at work, I welcome you below…

Related posts:

1. 5 Natural Beauty Secrets for Women – Sophia Loren
2. Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin
3. Reading Nonverbal Signals From Your Co-Workers or Boss – Esteé Lauder

“Try to be completely who you are,” says Jolie. “Figure out what you love. And, go after it with everything you’ve got no matter how much it takes.”

What’s it gonna take to get what you want out of life? To become more effective – powerful, even – click Boost Your Brain Power Week by Week: 52 Techniques to Make You Smarter by Bill Lucas. This book goes far beyond improving your brain health (that book title is too limiting) - it’s a complete guide to living a successful life! For five ways to get what you want out of life, read on…

Getting What You Want Out of Life – Angelina Jolie

1. Figure out what you want. Sometimes I think I want a book deal; other times I wish I could blog for a living and not have writing deadlines. Sometimes I wish I had a child; other times I’m happy we don’t have kids! It’s good to see the pros and cons of any choice – but waffling on what you want out of life will prevent you from achieving your goals.

2. Ask the right person. Go directly to the person who can give you what you want. Ask your husband to do the dishes; ask your boss to give you the time off (bypass your coworkers); ask the store owner (not the clerk) to give you a discount if you buy in bulk. And, make sure you’ve built up your resiliency or “bouncebackability” so you can easily move on if you get a “no.”

3. Answer the “What’s in it for me?” question. Sometimes people will acquiesce to your request out of the kindness of their own heart – but more often, they give you what you want because they benefit somehow. Your husband gets on your good side, your boss gets a more productive employee, the store owner gains a repeat customer. When you ask people for what you want, tell them what’s in it for them. Make them want to say yes!

4. Ask for too much. A tried-and-true negotiation or sales technique is to ask for something you know you won’t get because it’s too much (“Honey, can you do the dishes all week?”). When he balks, ask for what you really want (“Well then, can you just do the dishes tonight and Weds?”).

5. Explain why you want it. If you’re asking your boss for an extra week of vacation this year, tell her why you need it. You’re more likely to persuade her if you throw in a “because.” For more ideas about asking for and getting what you want, read Communication Tips for Women.

One last quotation from Angelina Jolie: “I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, or we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about.”

What a peaceful place that would be.

What do you want out of life, my friends? How will you get it? I welcome your thoughts below!

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 10 Life Lessons From Thelma and Louise
3. Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

Here’s her take on “seeing Jane soar”:

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect will spring,” said Didion.

How do you accept responsibility for your own life? It’s different for each woman – but one way is to learn how to communicate effectively. Women are great at building relationships, but can struggle to express what they really need, think, and feel! These communication tips for women are based on info from Nice Girls Can Finish First by Daylle Deanna Schwartz (another book I wish I’d written!). Click on the cover for more info, and read on for communication tips…

Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

1. Don’t talk on and on and on! The more you talk, the less you’re heard. Be specific and straightforward, skip excess details, and know what the purpose of your discussion is. Express what you authentically think and feel, but don’t ramble.

2. Be specific. “I’ve washed the supper dishes five out of seven times this week. Could we work something out, so I don’t feel like I’m carrying the whole load?” is a short, clear, specific request. Don’t let the discussion get derailed; stay focused on your goal of a more equitable arrangement.

3. Be clear about what you want. Successful communication for women (and some men – but more often women) is to stop being cryptic or expecting others to read between the lines! For instance, if a friend is chronically late, say “Tell me in advance if you’re going to be late, so I can get other things done instead of waiting. I’ve got things to do!”

4. Don’t push for change. Here’s an interesting communication tip for women: “You can only change yourself,” writes Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “But you can help someone understand your side.” You may not be able to force your partner or kids to do the dishes or your friends to show up on time, but you can be clear about how you feel and explain that you’d appreciate more sensitivity for your feelings. Practice standing up for youself!

5. Show appreciation and be positive. When asking someone to do something, express your gratitude that your listener is paying attention and allowing you to express yourself. Schwartz also recommends saying something positive about the other person to lower his or her guard. “I value our friendship and want to share something…” She also says to end on a positive note: “I’m glad I could be straight with you. Tension isn’t good, and I want us to be good.”

If you have any thoughts or questions about these communication tips for women – or being willing to take responsibility for your life – please comment below!

For more communication tips, Read Assertiveness Training Tips for Improving Communication Skills on my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals blog. And, you might like 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah, here on See Jane Soar.

Related posts:

1. Women Considering Divorce – A Quips and Tips Article
2. Is This a Risky Financial Investment? Money Tips for Women
3. Financial Independence for Women – Quips and Tips