“Try to be completely who you are,” says Jolie. “Figure out what you love. And, go after it with everything you’ve got no matter how much it takes.”

What’s it gonna take to get what you want out of life? To become more effective – powerful, even – click Boost Your Brain Power Week by Week: 52 Techniques to Make You Smarter by Bill Lucas. This book goes far beyond improving your brain health (that book title is too limiting) - it’s a complete guide to living a successful life! For five ways to get what you want out of life, read on…

Getting What You Want Out of Life – Angelina Jolie

1. Figure out what you want. Sometimes I think I want a book deal; other times I wish I could blog for a living and not have writing deadlines. Sometimes I wish I had a child; other times I’m happy we don’t have kids! It’s good to see the pros and cons of any choice – but waffling on what you want out of life will prevent you from achieving your goals.

2. Ask the right person. Go directly to the person who can give you what you want. Ask your husband to do the dishes; ask your boss to give you the time off (bypass your coworkers); ask the store owner (not the clerk) to give you a discount if you buy in bulk. And, make sure you’ve built up your resiliency or “bouncebackability” so you can easily move on if you get a “no.”

3. Answer the “What’s in it for me?” question. Sometimes people will acquiesce to your request out of the kindness of their own heart – but more often, they give you what you want because they benefit somehow. Your husband gets on your good side, your boss gets a more productive employee, the store owner gains a repeat customer. When you ask people for what you want, tell them what’s in it for them. Make them want to say yes!

4. Ask for too much. A tried-and-true negotiation or sales technique is to ask for something you know you won’t get because it’s too much (“Honey, can you do the dishes all week?”). When he balks, ask for what you really want (“Well then, can you just do the dishes tonight and Weds?”).

5. Explain why you want it. If you’re asking your boss for an extra week of vacation this year, tell her why you need it. You’re more likely to persuade her if you throw in a “because.” For more ideas about asking for and getting what you want, read Communication Tips for Women.

One last quotation from Angelina Jolie: “I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, or we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about.”

What a peaceful place that would be.

What do you want out of life, my friends? How will you get it? I welcome your thoughts below!

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1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 10 Life Lessons From Thelma and Louise
3. Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

Here’s her take on “seeing Jane soar”:

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect will spring,” said Didion.

How do you accept responsibility for your own life? It’s different for each woman – but one way is to learn how to communicate effectively. Women are great at building relationships, but can struggle to express what they really need, think, and feel! These communication tips for women are based on info from Nice Girls Can Finish First by Daylle Deanna Schwartz (another book I wish I’d written!). Click on the cover for more info, and read on for communication tips…

Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion

1. Don’t talk on and on and on! The more you talk, the less you’re heard. Be specific and straightforward, skip excess details, and know what the purpose of your discussion is. Express what you authentically think and feel, but don’t ramble.

2. Be specific. “I’ve washed the supper dishes five out of seven times this week. Could we work something out, so I don’t feel like I’m carrying the whole load?” is a short, clear, specific request. Don’t let the discussion get derailed; stay focused on your goal of a more equitable arrangement.

3. Be clear about what you want. Successful communication for women (and some men – but more often women) is to stop being cryptic or expecting others to read between the lines! For instance, if a friend is chronically late, say “Tell me in advance if you’re going to be late, so I can get other things done instead of waiting. I’ve got things to do!”

4. Don’t push for change. Here’s an interesting communication tip for women: “You can only change yourself,” writes Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “But you can help someone understand your side.” You may not be able to force your partner or kids to do the dishes or your friends to show up on time, but you can be clear about how you feel and explain that you’d appreciate more sensitivity for your feelings. Practice standing up for youself!

5. Show appreciation and be positive. When asking someone to do something, express your gratitude that your listener is paying attention and allowing you to express yourself. Schwartz also recommends saying something positive about the other person to lower his or her guard. “I value our friendship and want to share something…” She also says to end on a positive note: “I’m glad I could be straight with you. Tension isn’t good, and I want us to be good.”

If you have any thoughts or questions about these communication tips for women – or being willing to take responsibility for your life – please comment below!

For more communication tips, Read Assertiveness Training Tips for Improving Communication Skills on my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals blog. And, you might like 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah, here on See Jane Soar.

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