Here’s what the successful Barbara Walters says about gossip:

“Show me someone who never gossips, and I’ll show you someone who isn’t interested in people.”

And another zippy quip about gossip:

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”  ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth.

Let’s face it: there’s something delicious about gossip. It feels good – and there are scientific reasons why we love to (need to) gossip. If you’re a woman who gossips, cut yourself a little slack. You’re human. If you want to learn to gossip less, click Overcoming Gossips by David Kamara. And here are a few reasons men and women gossip — plus how gossip can actually improve your health and life…

Why do Women (and Men!) Gossip?

Men and women are genetically programmed to gossip, and celebrity gossip is particularly appealing. Over 60 million American women buy celebrity magazines every week, and 90% of Hollywood gossip enthusiasts are women. Evolutionary psychologist Dr Charlotte De Backer says that we’re genetically programmed to gossip. Gossip lights up our brain cells in positive ways, literally making us feel good.

“It is widely known for humans that chocolate stimulates the release of endorphins, and therefore eating chocolate stimulates feelings of happiness,” says Dr De Backer. “Gossip is [also] an instant stimulator of endorphins.” Talking about other people releases those feel-good hormones, which is why gossip feels so damn good. Gossip also plays a role in developing human intelligence and furthering social lives.

Celebrity gossip makes men and women feel good. Our lives are stressful and busy – and maybe a little boring sometimes! Knowing that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt disagree about whether or not to spank Zahara gives us a rush. And, gossiping is healthier than binging on cookies and ice cream, drinking a bottle of wine, or shopping for another pair of shoes.

Celebrity gossip is safer than office gossip because we can spread rumors, give our opinions, and spend hours speculating about the lives of the rich and famous without ramification. Our words can’t come back to haunt us. (Note that men and women who overly indulge in office gossip can jeopardize their livelihoods and professional reputations. Gossips, be ware!). 

The Relationship and Health Benefits of Gossiping

Gossip builds relationships. Telling secrets and talking intimately is not only fun, it builds stronger connections between women. Friendships often include spicy rumors and speculations about the people we know, which can be even more delicious than celebrity gossip because of the elements of danger and secrecy. But, a friendship can become toxic if it’s based on gossip.

Gossip makes friends of strangers. Researchers from the University of Oklahoma found that negative attitudes about others can promote friendships among strangers. Gossip or bonding against a “common enemy” establishes boundaries and builds self-esteem – and fans of sports teams are perfect examples of this! Gossip can be healthy because it pulls you together.

“We certainly do not deny that gossip behavior has it drawbacks,” say these researchers. “Still, if there is a positive side of gossip, we believe it is that shared, mild, negative attitudes toward others can create and/or amplify interpersonal intimacy.”

Gossip reveals the personalities of men and women. Listen to how your friends and coworkers gossip; you’ll learn more about them than the people they gossip about. Women who gossip reveal highly informative information about themselves. Remember: if someone gossips endlessly about others, she may also be gossiping about you.

Gossip helps women survive. In cavewomen times, gossiping about our friends, family and neighbors helped ensure our survival. If we kept up with the affairs of others, we’d have a better chance of living longer and healthier lives. It’s evolutionary fact: women who gossiped survived longer. And today, women who know what’s going on – who’s quitting a job, who’s selling a house, who’s leaving her husband – stand a better chance of finding new jobs, making better real estate deals, and befriending new bachelors.

What do you think – do you tend towards gossiping at work, and has it helped or hindered you?

Related posts:

1. Funny Quotes and Sayings by Women – Paula Poundstone
2. 5 Signs You’re a Toxic Female Friend – George Eliot
3. Dealing With Difficult Family Members – Barbara Bush

“Try to be completely who you are,” says Jolie. “Figure out what you love. And, go after it with everything you’ve got no matter how much it takes.”

What’s it gonna take to get what you want out of life? To become more effective – powerful, even – click Boost Your Brain Power Week by Week: 52 Techniques to Make You Smarter by Bill Lucas. This book goes far beyond improving your brain health (that book title is too limiting) - it’s a complete guide to living a successful life! For five ways to get what you want out of life, read on…

Getting What You Want Out of Life – Angelina Jolie

1. Figure out what you want. Sometimes I think I want a book deal; other times I wish I could blog for a living and not have writing deadlines. Sometimes I wish I had a child; other times I’m happy we don’t have kids! It’s good to see the pros and cons of any choice – but waffling on what you want out of life will prevent you from achieving your goals.

2. Ask the right person. Go directly to the person who can give you what you want. Ask your husband to do the dishes; ask your boss to give you the time off (bypass your coworkers); ask the store owner (not the clerk) to give you a discount if you buy in bulk. And, make sure you’ve built up your resiliency or “bouncebackability” so you can easily move on if you get a “no.”

3. Answer the “What’s in it for me?” question. Sometimes people will acquiesce to your request out of the kindness of their own heart – but more often, they give you what you want because they benefit somehow. Your husband gets on your good side, your boss gets a more productive employee, the store owner gains a repeat customer. When you ask people for what you want, tell them what’s in it for them. Make them want to say yes!

4. Ask for too much. A tried-and-true negotiation or sales technique is to ask for something you know you won’t get because it’s too much (“Honey, can you do the dishes all week?”). When he balks, ask for what you really want (“Well then, can you just do the dishes tonight and Weds?”).

5. Explain why you want it. If you’re asking your boss for an extra week of vacation this year, tell her why you need it. You’re more likely to persuade her if you throw in a “because.” For more ideas about asking for and getting what you want, read Communication Tips for Women.

One last quotation from Angelina Jolie: “I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, or we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about.”

What a peaceful place that would be.

What do you want out of life, my friends? How will you get it? I welcome your thoughts below!

Related posts:

1. How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey
2. 10 Life Lessons From Thelma and Louise
3. Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion