My blog partner and I were just talking about that yesterday, about how hard work and straining can be an impediment to achieving our goals. A better strategy for life success may be to set our intentions and proceed in the direction of our dreams, without being all worked up about achieving goals or being a huge success.
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..How to Make Conversation for Introverts – Tips for Small Talk =-.

Also, I’ve just realised that since I’m in a stage in my life that is not exactly marked by economic success (starting up as a freelancer, living in a expensive Western European city, having less than 5 years’ professional experience), I’ve been measuring success by how I feel about what I’m doing and where I am in life, as mentioned above. And for the most part, I feel very good about it (I live in Europe! I work for myself! I’m at the beginning of an awesome career!). So that’s nice. Thank you both for articulating what I was doing/feeling.

I’ve also been putting certain goals “on hold”, though without realising I was doing that! As an example, some of my goals are: 1. Become fluent in another language. 2. Get married/Be in a fulfilling long-term relationship. 3. Become “successful” professionally. 4. Own my own home. 5. Have kids. … and I’m perfectly content with the fact that I’m not accomplishing them in that order.

I think I understand what you mean about feelings of success coming from the core of your being – not transient feelings. And, I understand about the concrete measurements or yardsticks of success.

Your last two sentences are beautiful, Gini. Thank you. This is another reason this form of dialogue is so special — your words are alive for others to read and benefit from!

I still have to figure out my own definition of a successful woman. I just wrote “The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt”, and that helped alot. The thing is, success can mean so many different things to the SAME person – and of course different things to different people.

Anyway, I really appreciate your energy on my blog, and I’m glad we’re here.

Laurie

If we only let ourselves feel good and successful by concrete measurements such as how many clients we have, how many articles we’ve published, how much money we have in the bank, we are giving our power away to external circumstances and will feel great some days and aweful other days.

For me, I don’t want to have to prove and measure my success all the time, but rather enjoy feeling successful simply because I’m alive here on the planet with wonderful gifts to offer others – which may or may not be seen, reciprocated or validated by others all the time. I see success as an inner glow of self-affinity and confidence that shines outward into the world to touch and ignite others’ inner success.

I think looking at what motivates our goals and dreams can be the same thing as bowing under the weight of other people’s expectations. Sometimes it’s hard to tease out what we really want from what other people want.

And, about defining success…I’m so bad for defining it in terms of what I’ve achieved! I love feeling content and happy, of course, but I don’t look at my feelings as a definition of success. Hey, it just occurred to me that if you feel sad, rejected, or bitter — you won’t feel successful. But if you define success in objective measures or accomplishments instead of feelings, then you can be successful no matter how you feel.

Interesting — thanks for your comment, Gini! If you or anyone else has further thoughts on what makes a woman successful, please feel free to share them here.

Laurie

But I would like to add something I’ve discovered about life success that has been huge for me and that is to re-define success in a way that feels good to you. If we look at success in terms of what our parents, friends, family or society want for us, then it might not match our heart and soul desires and we’ll end up disappointed even if we do ‘suceed’ in achieving the goal. It’s helpful to look underneath at what is motivating the goals and dreams in the first place to see if it is what you truly want.

The other thing that is helpful for me is to look at success in terms of how I feel about my life, right here today, rather than the number of things I’ve achieved so far, or how close I am to my goal. If I feel content, happy and joyful right in the moment – that is success to me!

Haven’t you noticed that some women are just luckier than others? Some people seem to have it all without even trying.