Sincerely,
Brenda Griner

I’m in my late twenties and have always had minor successful runs at careers in the TV spotlight. I haven’t quite “made it” yet as my family/friends are sure I will do. But now i’m pregnant, very early stages, from a relationship/on-off engagement which friends, family and peers know very well is an unhealthy one.
The truth is I want this baby, I am broody and it wasn’t an accident, but the relationship wasn’t stable enough to go smoothly – he also has kids from a previous marriage. So by all accounts, it can be rightly seen as irresponsible.

Before this relationship I was very much a workaholic, spending hours at work pouring over details to perfection. I moved away from family/ friend networks to be close to the office and would often come home feeling lonely, and slowly began to wonder who I am doing this for? I simply wasn’t feeling fulfilled.
I began to resent people’s opinions, telling me “I can make it, don’t throw it away for someone who’s not worth it.” I would defensively tell them, it’s not them coming home to an empty place and exhausting themselves to meet expectations. I was told by friends they would love to have the opportunities I have. But often, the grass can seem greener and we can impose our dreams onto other people. I know that they only want the best for me. But there’s a quote that struck with me, that “not everything that glitters shines in this world”.
I would love the financial security of a successful career but I shun the expectations and exposure that comes with it. Sometimes I just want to hide away. I crave a simple life, campervan holidays with my kids (and partner if we make a go of it). I enjoy my job when I have a work/life balance…but without children/my own family I feel my life has very little meaning or fulfillment. But if i do it alone, I really don’t to bring my children up on the poverty line.

This battle is crowding my brain, partly because i don’t have all the time in the world to decide on whether to keep this baby… or not have it, get rid of my controlling partner and get back on track. I simply don’t know.

Ultimately, my entire life has been living up to expectations partly for my own self esteem…and i realise it’s probably the reason i choose the careers I do. But it’s exhausting.

Thanks so much for your time !!!
Blessings,
Pat

I’m so sorry for talking so long to respond! It feels like yesterday that you left your comment, and here a week has passed…I hope you accept my apologies for not replying sooner.

The longer we live with our habits, quirks, and tendencies, the harder it is to give up those ways of being in the world! So it’s totally understandable that you’re still a people pleaser, that you still can’t let go of other people’s expectations.

But just because it’s difficult to let go of those old ways of being, doesn’t mean it’s impossible!

I encourage you to empower yourself by reading books about asserting yourself and letting go of the habit of being a people pleaser. Just learning about it can change the way you think and act — maybe not overnight, but certainly over time.

And, I encourage you to keep being aware of when you’re putting other people first. Notice what you’re doing, and let your mind play out the different ways to change your actions. You don’t necessarily need to stop living up to other people’s expectations (suddenly doing that would be too difficult to sustain) — but just let your mind work through the possibilities.

Start small, with reading and imagining. What you’ll absorb through books and what you’ll visualize will begin to appear in your daily life, in small ways. Then, it’ll become bigger and bigger…and you’ll surprise yourself by putting yourself first for a change!

Try it. Let me know how it goes.

Blessings,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..How to Set New Goals When Your Old Goals Aren’t Working =-.

Thanks for sharing this bit of your life with me — it sounds like you’ve got your hands full, with a job and raising your children! That’s a big serving of life you’ve got there.

You need to establish and stick to your boundaries with this coworker and friend — just like to establish and stick to boundaries with your kids. In practical terms, this means deciding what you want your work relationship and your friendship to look like, and then communicating your expectations to him.

This is often much easier to say than do! Letting go of other people’s expectations means being willing to tolerate their disappointment, criticism, judgement, and other negative reactions. But, either you live in your swamp of frustration and negativity, or you stand up for yourself and your family.

I wrote an article about handling negative or bossy coworkers, which contains practical tips for dealing with difficult people. Here’s the link:

How to Handle Negative or Bossy Coworkers

I hope it helps — and please let me know if you need more tips! I’d be happy to dig them up and post them here.

Take care — and good luck with him,

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Teaching Kids about Money at Christmas – Tips for Parents =-.