Comments on: Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations – Maria Shriver

By: brenda griner

brenda griner — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:24:39 +0000

I am wondering what “Brenda Griner” wrote this previous response to topic. There are not many Brenda Griner’s out there that have the same background as me??? Just curious?
Brenda Griner
Beaumont, Texas

By: Ma. Julienne P. Flores

Ma. Julienne P. Flores — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 13:44:02 +0000

hello. I cant let go of this feeling with my dad. Feels like Im living up with his expectations. I felt like there’s no room for drawbacks or mistakes. This time is so hard for me, really tough. how can I say this to my daddy ms. Laurie?

By: Brenda Griner

Brenda Griner — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:35:14 +0000

Hello Maria,
Thanks for your insights on Letting Go of other people’s expectations..all I do with my life is
help others and family members, I never have time for me..They are always disappointed in me
or find faults so I am giving it up and let everyone do their own thing and I am going to find my life and what I want to do..I am being someone that I am not and getting physically and
emotionally sick of it..

Sincerely,
Brenda Griner

By: eloisa

eloisa — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 06:25:56 +0000

Hi I have not read any of your books yet but, as soon as
I can get some free time to get my hands on one I will. Which one Do I need to read first? Here goes, Im twenty-four years old and married for three, have a one year old baby girl. Go to school which i can finally say is something I really want in my life.But I m trying to figure out who(really) I am.Sometimes Its like Ive already been here but can’t get past this. My husband is rarely home works twelve hour shifts. When I try to communitcate with him he doesn’t want nothing to do with me. he says no conseling will help. He has cheated in the past and is very selfish. I already know you should not stay together because of the child. If i keep trying then I won’t feel as if I failed at keeping my family together.

By: Change or Die. « Coffee, Philosophy & Fitness

Change or Die. « Coffee, Philosophy & Fitness — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:38:03 +0000

[...] that results when they stand up for what they want and think. Women can be afraid of letting go of other people’s expectations. And, sometimes women are afraid of the labels that come with doing what they want in life [...]

By: 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck

6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 13:36:42 +0000

[...] places, people, poetry. Find images that resonate with who you are – without worrying about other people’s expectations. Find pictures that represent your most primal, wild, unique, innate [...]

By: cecilia

cecilia — Mon, 17 May 2010 16:19:07 +0000

My heart goes out to jessie from the post from last August. My mother was abusive too and just has never really cared about me (or my siblings). I liked Amanda’s advice that we have to be the mother to ourselves that we wish we would have had.I have three daughters of my own now and would never treat them the way I was treated.I know this is more common than is talked about, but I always feel so alone with this issue. It’s really hard to talk about it with others because they will not understand. I do not want to be labeled the “ungrateful daughter”.We cannot pick our parents, and unfortunately some of us are not given warm, nurturing ones that others have.

By: Maggie

Maggie — Sun, 09 May 2010 21:28:30 +0000

Hi – thank you for this forum, it’s the very topic of a battle i’m struggling with too.

I’m in my late twenties and have always had minor successful runs at careers in the TV spotlight. I haven’t quite “made it” yet as my family/friends are sure I will do. But now i’m pregnant, very early stages, from a relationship/on-off engagement which friends, family and peers know very well is an unhealthy one.
The truth is I want this baby, I am broody and it wasn’t an accident, but the relationship wasn’t stable enough to go smoothly – he also has kids from a previous marriage. So by all accounts, it can be rightly seen as irresponsible.

Before this relationship I was very much a workaholic, spending hours at work pouring over details to perfection. I moved away from family/ friend networks to be close to the office and would often come home feeling lonely, and slowly began to wonder who I am doing this for? I simply wasn’t feeling fulfilled.
I began to resent people’s opinions, telling me “I can make it, don’t throw it away for someone who’s not worth it.” I would defensively tell them, it’s not them coming home to an empty place and exhausting themselves to meet expectations. I was told by friends they would love to have the opportunities I have. But often, the grass can seem greener and we can impose our dreams onto other people. I know that they only want the best for me. But there’s a quote that struck with me, that “not everything that glitters shines in this world”.
I would love the financial security of a successful career but I shun the expectations and exposure that comes with it. Sometimes I just want to hide away. I crave a simple life, campervan holidays with my kids (and partner if we make a go of it). I enjoy my job when I have a work/life balance…but without children/my own family I feel my life has very little meaning or fulfillment. But if i do it alone, I really don’t to bring my children up on the poverty line.

This battle is crowding my brain, partly because i don’t have all the time in the world to decide on whether to keep this baby… or not have it, get rid of my controlling partner and get back on track. I simply don’t know.

Ultimately, my entire life has been living up to expectations partly for my own self esteem…and i realise it’s probably the reason i choose the careers I do. But it’s exhausting.

By: Pat

Pat — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 06:13:04 +0000

Pat,
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I will do as you suggest, knowing that after all these years I cannot expect another person inside of me immediately. .. Even when I was a group leader, a few years back, I could not be assertive in that title. I could not say “no” if I thought someone was wrong. I just would listen to them. I guess this all goes together but it sure would be nice to be me and do what I want to do, if that is ever possible for me to do. .. Can you advise a book for me to start with about asserting myself.

Thanks so much for your time !!!
Blessings,
Pat

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:58:34 +0000

Dear Pat,

I’m so sorry for talking so long to respond! It feels like yesterday that you left your comment, and here a week has passed…I hope you accept my apologies for not replying sooner.

The longer we live with our habits, quirks, and tendencies, the harder it is to give up those ways of being in the world! So it’s totally understandable that you’re still a people pleaser, that you still can’t let go of other people’s expectations.

But just because it’s difficult to let go of those old ways of being, doesn’t mean it’s impossible!

I encourage you to empower yourself by reading books about asserting yourself and letting go of the habit of being a people pleaser. Just learning about it can change the way you think and act — maybe not overnight, but certainly over time.

And, I encourage you to keep being aware of when you’re putting other people first. Notice what you’re doing, and let your mind play out the different ways to change your actions. You don’t necessarily need to stop living up to other people’s expectations (suddenly doing that would be too difficult to sustain) — but just let your mind work through the possibilities.

Start small, with reading and imagining. What you’ll absorb through books and what you’ll visualize will begin to appear in your daily life, in small ways. Then, it’ll become bigger and bigger…and you’ll surprise yourself by putting yourself first for a change!

Try it. Let me know how it goes.

Blessings,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..How to Set New Goals When Your Old Goals Aren’t Working =-.