How to Make Mistakes and Move On – Brenda Ueland
The life lesson: knowing how to make mistakes and move on will make you healthier, happier, and more successful (no more feelings of guilt and shame!). The successful woman: Brenda Ueland — a prolific writer, strong woman in history, and all-round self-confident dame.
We women are “too ready not to stand by what we have said or done,” says Ueland. “It is so conceited and timid to be ashamed of one’s mistakes. Of course they are mistakes. Go on to the next.”
I love this because I tend to berate myself endlessly for mistakes! If you’re the same way, you might find John Maxwell’s Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes Into Stepping Stones for Success helpful (click on the image for more info). And, read on for my tips on making mistakes and moving on, inspired by Brenda Ueland.
Making Mistakes and Moving On – Brenda Ueland
Figure out why it’s conceited to be ashamed of your mistakes. How do you interpret Ueland’s statement that it’s conceited to be ashamed of your mistakes? To me, that means we put too much emphasis on the importance of ourselves and our mistakes. Dwelling on the mistakes we’ve made, instead of bouncing back to push forward, means we’re focused on our own selves instead of what’s going on around us.
Practice “moving on” for one month. Making mistakes and moving on is harder than it sounds, but I encourage you (and me!) to try it for one month. Every time that critical inner voice berates and castigates you for making a mistake, practice accepting that you’re human, remembering what you learned from that mistake, and shaking it off. If you need help conquering that nasty inner voice, read 5 Tips for Taming Your Inner Critic (written by Gini Grey, a frequent contributor to the comments here on See Jane Soar!).
Hold on to a successful woman who made mistakes and moved on. Learn from strong women in history like Eleanor Roosevelt or Amelia Earhart – or from a woman in your own life! When I worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters in Calgary, our public relations person made a grievous error in the quarterly newsletter. She accidentally published the name of an individual who made a significant donation to the organization; his only stipulation was that he remain anonymous. She didn’t realize her error until the newsletter was published and distributed to thousands of people; she had to call him and eat some serious humble pie. I’ll never forget how balanced she was! She tempered her deep regret for her mistake with a healthy dose of “this too, shall pass.” She had the self-confidence, self-acceptance, resilience, and experience to know that she made a mistake. She needed to move on.
What was the last or most memorable mistake you made — and have you moved on? Don’t cower and don’t be timid, my friends. Above all, don’t be ashamed. You may have messed up — we all do — but it’s over. Let it go.
And remember: “Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable,” says Brenda Ueland.
What are your thoughts about making mistakes and moving on? I welcome your comments below!
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I totally agree with what you said about not keeping yourself around if you were a friend because of the way you berate yourself… but perhaps that self-assessment should be reworded so as not to berate yourself again!
Ms Moose,
Thanks for your thoughts — I’m glad you took the time to comment! Your last statement really made an impression on me, as I’m so hard on myself. I berate myself for even the smallest mistakes, and would never keep myself around if I were a friend.
Over the next week, I’ll dwell on your words to treat myself with compassion, forgiveness, humility, and a sense of humour….
Be well,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Different Types of Pet Memorials – Help Grieving Cat or Dog Loss =-.
Hi,
I think that author meant that dwelling on mistakes and berating ourselves for them is conceited because … it speaks of an underlying assumption that we should not make mistakes, that mistakes are beneath us, that we are too special to be making mistakes. We are holding ourselves above that, to a perfect ideal, in full expectation that we can achieve it!
Really … who are we to think that mistakes should not happen to us?
Owning our humanity and the inherent imperfection encompassed in that condition is hard for any of us who’ve been kicked when we’re down, especially as children. Perfectionism is a great defence when it works – invulnerability to criticism and rejection is the goal; being faultless appears to give us incontrivertible, legitimate empowerment.
But we must gently remind ourselves that life is in the living, and that in order to become great we must necessarily start out not in that condition, i.e. not-great. Else where could life take us?
Treat yourself with compassion, forgiveness, humility and a sense of humour when you make a mistake. Connect to others and experience the common humanity of stuffing up.
And a parting thought – if our best friend berated us for our mistake as much as we berate ourself, would we keep her around?
Your comment reminds me of this quotation:
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” — Sydney Harris
The problem with not taking action (and regreting that more than taking action and making mistakes) is that we don’t know what could’ve happened. You called it the “unknown possibility”, Gini.
The unknown is harder to deal with because ANYTHING could have happened! Yes, I can see how that could be harder to deal with than making mistakes and moving on. You’re dealing with infinite possibilities…some of which you haven’t even considered.
But, there is still a lesson there: “it’s better to regret the things you did do than the things you didn’t do.”
Hubby Bruce and I used to debate regret (not taking action) versus remorse (making mistakes and moving on). We agreed that we’d rather deal with remorse than regret!
So, thank you for this life lesson
Take action, my friends! It’s better to take action and regret it, instead of not doing anything and being remorseful.
Ahhh…the infamous “if only”….
If only I spent less time regretting what I did and didn’t do, and more time tackling new things….
As always,
Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Love or Infatuation? 5 Ways to Tell If It Could Be True Love =-.
PS. It’s not so much about taming my inner critic on this one – it’s somehow letting go of the vision of what could have happened if only….
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith =-.
Hi Laurie,
This topic is huge for so many people – letting go of the ‘shame’ around making mistakes is big and so freeing.
For me, I don’t regret mistakes I’ve made so much as the things I didn’t do. With mistakes I’ve made I’m good at looking at the important growth lesson – I view most situations in life as opportunities for enhanced self-awareness, growth, healing, experience and so on. But for some reason I have a hard time letting go of what I could have (or should have) done. The message that rings in my mind is the unknown possibility of what wonderful things could have happened if I only I did such and such in the past (like promoted my book more when it first came out).
Any suggestions on how to let go of what could have been?
Gini
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith =-.