Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

The life lesson: giving people the benefit of the doubt can further your career and personal relationships! The successful woman: First Lady, Michelle Obama – who explained to Oprah why she now gives people the benefit of the doubt. 

“I think we should all have to get to know one another around kitchen tables,” said Michelle Obama to Oprah Winfrey in the April 2009 issue of O Magazine. “[The campaign trail] changed me. It’s helped me to give other people the benefit of the doubt.”

When was the last time you gave someone the benefit of the doubt? Me, I’m sometimes more likely to give strangers in traffic the benefit of the doubt than my own husband…which can be really destructive in a marriage! Giving people the benefit of the doubt can reduce your stress, improve your marriage, and increase your acceptance of yourself.

Here’s why Michelle Obama’s offhand comment is so important to successful living for women…and if you want to read her biography, click on Michelle: A Biography by Liza Mundy.

Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

Giving people the benefit of the doubt means not assuming they’re out to get out, insulting you, or deliberately trying to make you fail. As Gene Fowler said, “Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.”

Here’s why Michelle Obama is now more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt:

“We fundamentally want the same things for ourselves and for each other,” she says. “We want our kids to be safe and to grow up with some resources and aspire to a slightly better life than ours. No one’s looking for a handout. People just want fairness and opportunity.”

(Brief aside: How can Michelle and Barack Obama’s kids EVER have a better life than their parents?! Seems pretty near impossible to me….I guess it depends how you define “better.”)

The benefit of the doubt stops the “us versus them” mentality. Say your boss slights you at work or your neighbor doesn’t invite you to her wedding. Let it go, instead of blowing it out of proportion – which leads to worse problems! If you’re prone to assigning reasons for people’s behavior, then think up one good reason for every bad one (eg, “My neighbor can’t afford to invite everyone – it might be a small wedding,” for every “She didn’t invite me because she doesn’t like my boyfriend.”).

The benefit of the doubt reduces stress. My beloved hubby sometimes gets furious in traffic, and resorts to name-calling and huge increases of blood pressure! It’s not just unhealthy for him, it stresses me out – and if we had kids, they’d be picking up on it too. Instead of getting aggravated, give people the benefit of the doubt by assuming they’re in a hurry, distracted for a legitimate reason, or don’t realize that they just cut you off.

The benefit of the doubt raises levels of self and other-acceptance. As the eminently successful Michelle Obama said, we all want the same basic things out of life.  The more we accept that people make mistakes or act without thinking of the consequences, the more we’ll be able to accept ourselves. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we’ll succeed! Accepting ourselves means bouncing back from mistakes faster and living with our own weaknesses…which spirals back to living peacefully with others, and living with their weaknesses.

The best time to give the benefit of the doubt is in traffic! If you assume that idiot driver who just cut you off is late for something important, has to pee like you wouldn’t believe, or just found out that his/her mom had a heart attack…it changes how you react. Which decreases your stress level, and leaves you feeling happier. Don’t you think?

Related posts:

1. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
2. Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama
3. 5 Signs of a Fearless Woman – Judge Marilyn Milian