Comments on: Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 26 May 2010 00:10:33 +0000

I recently ended or it was her that ended a friendship that was becoming toxic. I really loved everything about this girl, even her promiscuity didn’t bother me. What bothered me was that she was a free-loader. The problem was I didn’t know how to communicate that to her. It ended one night when I had asked her for some money she owed my boyfriend. She immediately turned it into “he’s the enemy, I want nothing to do with him”. I live with him, so if she wanted nothing to do with him, she would be driving a stake between our friendship. I didn’t have the energy to keep choosing who to hang out with, and she had already turned into someone who was kind of passively bitchy to me, which she had never been before. Sure it could have been jealousy, but I wanted her to be able to talk to me about it. I last sent a text message (we never call each other, we always text and try to meet up) telling her I love her and will always be her friend (even though I am no longer her best friend). And that if she wanted to talk to me about it I would be here for her always. I have yet to hear a response, and I don’t intend on contacting her anytime soon. I miss what we did together, but I don’t particularly miss her, especially how towards the end it felt like she was getting tired of me. Was it wrong for me to not reach out to her on a more personal level? She probably thinks that I chose my bf over her, but that is not true, it just got to be too difficult trying to keep both of them happy.

By: Laurie PK

Laurie PK — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:40:19 +0000

I also think that women are more affected by their hormones than men! I know I’m more sensitive, prone to being offended, and irritable when I’m PMSing (and this week, I’m coping with both PMS and a husband who’s been away for work for 6 weeks — so I’m a little edgier than usual. I know it, I can feel it, and it colors how I interact with others).

And, some men are simply oblivious to real or perceived slights. Some women tend to jump on slights and milk them for all they’re worth! Of course, they may be toxic females to begin with and that taints the friendship…or, they’re PMSing…

Thanks for taking the time to comment, John and Gini!
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Money Articles – How to Save, Invest, and Earn More Money =-.

By: Gini Grey

Gini Grey — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:05:20 +0000

I know of one reason girls fight more than guys in their friendships. It’s because females bond more closely on an emotional level and they match each other’s energy and therefore get enmeshed more easily. Men tend to have more emotional distance and stronger boundaries between each other.

Women friends and couples enmesh easily if not conscious of it. To unemesh, friends (or couples) tend to create a fight so they can go in the opposite direction (isolation)for awhile. It’s an uncomfortable dichotomy, but as people become conscious of it, they can transcend it by tuning into their wholeness.

When people discover they are whole, and enough on their own, they don’t need to play the enmeshment/isolation game, but can have healthy boundaries and more peace in relationships.
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith =-.

By: John

John — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:05:20 +0000

Found your site while researching for my girlfriend, who keeps fighting with her best friend. Then they make up for a couple months, then they’re at each other’s throats again. I don’t get why girls fight and have these “toxic friendships” — guys don’t do that! Why can’t girls just get along like guys do.

By: Laurie PK

Laurie PK — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:32:23 +0000

Thanks, Peter! I’m a full-time freelance writer and blogger…so spend all day practicing my writing skills

And Fiona, thanks for your comment. If you have any questions about toxic female friendships, please feel free to ask.

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..7 Steps to Creating a Stream of Passive Income =-.

By: Peter

Peter — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:33:12 +0000

Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.

By: Fiona

Fiona — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 02:23:58 +0000

This is a great post, thanks for writing it!

By: Laurie PK

Laurie PK — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 02:03:47 +0000

All right, I wrote the article called “Are You a Toxic Female Friend?” — and was thinking of you, Gini! NOT that you are a toxic female friend…but I was thinking of your perspective on the “energy vampire” bit.

You know how some people drain you, and others fill you up? Well, friends who drain you are definitely toxic…
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Writing Strategy #1 – Let Your Writing Go =-.

By: Gini Grey

Gini Grey — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:55:18 +0000

That’s a great article idea Laurie – I’d love to see an article about identifying the traits of being a toxic friend (then it could be passed on to toxic friends – ha ha).
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Boundaries =-.

By: Laurie PK

Laurie PK — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:25:13 +0000

Sandra, that’s such a great solution for a toxic female friendship (occasional emails but not full-fledged contact). I’ve found Facebook to be a good way to be in touch with people I don’t necessarily want to spend alot of “in person” time with.

Gini, I too had someone end a friendship with me! We were so different and our relationship was a real struggle…but it never occurred to me to let her go. She found the strength to do that, and it’s a good thing.

Thanks for being here, you two

I think it’s more important that we be careful about who we spend time with as we get older. Time seems more limited now than it did when we were in school…there’s too much to accomplish and do — no time to spend with friends who are negative, critical, draining, or toxic!

Maybe my next article should be about knowing if YOU’RE a toxic female friend….would anyone be interested in reading that?

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..How to Help When Your Partner is Depressed =-.