Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin
The life lesson: negative coworkers will drain your energy – unless you figure out how to cope! The successful woman: Anais Nin, whose quotations are some of the most inspirational and practical I’ve ever come across.
“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life,” says Anais Nin. “You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead.”
Below are some suggestions for not giving negativity power over your life. For more tips for successful careerwomen, click on See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work by Lois Frankel. And, read on for ways to cope with negative coworkers who drain your energy…
Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin
Limit your time alone with negative coworkers. This one of the most important ways to cope with people who drain your energy: put as much space between you and them as possible. Both physical and emotional space counts! This means not sitting next to them at meetings, not carpooling with them, and not having lunch with them. Set time limits – and learn how to say no without feeling guilty.
Spend time with coworkers who fill you with energy. Right after you spend time with a coworker who drains your energy, seek someone who fills you back up again. Maybe you need to make a quick phone call to a friend or family member, or walk down the hall to a colleague’s office. Coping with negative people is much easier when you deliberately and immediately “fill the gap” they left. For more info on dealing with toxic people, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez.
Pick specific times for meetings. Avoid getting caught up in impromptu meetings, which you aren’t emotionally or professionally prepared for. Instead, be deliberate about setting meeting times. You could either get the meeting over with first thing in the morning (and possibly feel drained the rest of the day), or meet with your negative coworker at the end of the day (and go home feeling drained). Obviously, there’s no perfect solution – but setting a specific time gives you time to prepare.
Prepare for meetings. Of course you want to be professionally prepared – but you also want to be emotionally ready to cope with negative coworkers who drain your energy. This means pumping yourself up before the meeting. Take five or ten minutes to chat with a positive person, look at pictures of your last vacation, child, or pet, or visualize your favorite place in the world. (And, if you tend to procrastinate when preparing for meetings, you might find 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work – Sarah Ban Breathnach helpful!).
Try not to misread words or actions. “Women frequently misread neutral cues as being negative or critical,” writes Lois Frankel in See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work. She says most women have strong emotional intelligence and social awareness overall, but they aren’t always accurate in their interpretations. So, be careful not to project your own feelings onto a coworker. For example, if you always feel criticized about an aspect of your job performance, you might want to check your own feelings about your performance.
One last quotation from a successful woman (well she was at one time, anyway — not sure if she still is now): “The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power,” says Roseanne Barr. “You just take it.”
If you’re thinking about quitting your job, read How to Successfully Change Careers – Suze Orman.
What have I missed? I welcome your thoughts and questions about coping with negative coworkers who drain your energy below!
Related posts:
Hi Ritu,
Here’s my article on handling bossy, negative coworkers. Just click this link:
How to Handle Negative or Bossy Co-Workers – Sophia Loren
I hope it helps, and welcome further comments or questers there or here!
Good luck,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Christmas and Other Holiday Gift Ideas for Teachers =-.
Hi Ritu,
That’s a hard question to answer in this comments section, so I think I’ll write a whole article about it. I’ll do it within a day or two — and when I do, I’ll post the link here.
Stay tuned!
Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Christmas and Other Holiday Gift Ideas for Teachers =-.
Hi
I need your help…how to cope up with situation where not your manager but your colleagues in office try to become your boss and watch your action, work, punctuality etc.
When they pass comment should we digest it or say something or what?
Thanks
Ritu
Sure, Dee, I’d be happy to write an article about not being negative at work. Will post the link here when I do.
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..7 Ways to Save Money on Back to School Spending =-.
Interesting way to look at it. For the most part, I agree with you. It would be great if got more post like this. I appreciate it.
Actually, I have a request, like the other lady mentioned. Can you write an article on how to stop being negative at work?
dee
Thanks for the article ideas — they’re great! Isn’t it funny how once you get the ball rolling, the ideas for blog posts and articles just keep coming in? It just sort of builds on itself.
And of course, I LOVE when readers ask for more info on particular topics.
Regarding coping with negative coworkers who drain your energy: I think it’s also crucial to be in a job you enjoy or even love. If you hate your job, you’ll have a much harder time dealing with negative people.
Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..7 Tips for Writing for Trade Magazines =-.
Hi Laurie – I think most people aren’t aware of their negativity until it’s gently pointed out to them. Even then if it’s a habit it will take a while for them to really see it and shift it.
People who have a negative viewpoint probably blame others for being repelled instead of taking responsibility for repelling them.
There’s another article for you Laurie – “Do You Repel Others with Your Negativity?” Then a follow-up article on, “How to Stop Being Negative!”
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith =-.
These are great ways to cope with negative people — whether they’re coworkers or not. Thanks Gini…and I look forward to reading your articles about the three different types of toxic people.
“What we resist, persists” is one of my all time favorite sayings! We have to accept what life brings us, don’t we.
I have a question:
Do you think that negative, toxic, miserable people know they’re that way? I mean, what if you’re a negative person and you don’t even know it? Can you repel people without even being AWARE of it?
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..6 Ways to Avoid Major Student Loan Debt for College Students =-.
Hi Laurie,
I just wrote an article for Suite101 about dealing with difficult people who are controlling, and next I will write about dealing with people who are negative, then one for those who are self-absorbed and one for critical people.
Here are my general tips (which you’ve read already:)
1) Stay focused within yourself. Energy suckers drain your energy right out of you by having your full attention focused on them and their issues. Keep part of your focus on your breathing, body sensations, and inner emotions – don’t give it all away to your coworker.
2) Stay out of resistance. What we resist persists and sticks so if you are inwardly cringing when you have contact with your negative coworker, this will make you more vulnerable to their energy and emotions. Instead, imagine you are clear like glass or water, and their negativity will flow right through and beyond you.
3) Find your amusement. If you can find something amusing about the situation (imagine your coworker as an exaggerated character from a comedy strip) you will feel light and energized no matter how your coworker treats you.
4) Touch into compassion. Underneath your coworker’s negative behavior is a wounded person trying to cope in the only way they know how. As you see their vulnerability, you will rise above judgment and negativity.
5) Send them loving thoughts. Behind your coworker’s behavior and woundedness is a bright soul, waiting to be noticed. Love is the language we connect to on a soul level so sending loving thoughts to another melts away all negativity. Even if they don’t feel uplifted by it, you will.
.-= Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith =-.
Good post. I will make sure to follow these.
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