“I used to be The Wife,” said Shirley Valentine. “I used to be The Mother. But now I’m Shirley Valentine again. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

This woman – who was living an “unused life” – lost her self-identity and the pizzazz of her youth. The young Shirley Valentine had personality and attitude, but she drowned in her marriage and kids. Her daughter and husband took her for granted and treated her like a servant…but she let them. Somewhere along the way Shirley Valentine taught her family how to mistreat her.

Valentine eventually found her way home to herself, and what a journey it was! If you haven’t seen Shirley Valentine, you must rent the DVD or borrow it from the library – it’s a great example of how to “See Jane Soar.” And if you feel like you’ve lost yourself, here are Susan Liddy’s tips for reconnecting with who you were….

Finding Strength and Wisdom in Your Past

“You are a gifted and empowered woman,” says Liddy, who created a free Passages to Empowerment video series. “You have a brilliant mind, a beautiful heart, and a spiritual and deep soul.”

And all those “younger you’s” who live inside you – who were rebellious, naive, feisty, curious, artistic (like Shirley Valentine!) – can serve you now! Embrace and love them, listen to them, feel them, and understand them. Follow your heart, and make choices based on who you are (and were!), what fulfills you and what brings meaning to your life.

4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were

1. Play with different careers. Be aware of the moments that feel passionate and purposeful. Find out what you were meant to do… maybe it’s even a number of different things or a career change. Approach your job with the same, open-minded inquisitiveness you had when you were fresh out of school.

2. Open your heart to romance. Let yourself love and be loved… even if only for a fleeting moment. Invite someone to go beyond that protective exterior, to meet the youthful spirit living inside, who yearns for affection, adventure, companionship and passion!

3. Explore new friendships; rekindle old ones. Give all of yourself, should that be your wish. Step out of your circle and welcome relationships with different kinds of people. Allow yourself to learn something from a new friend. And take the risk to love and find out how lovable you are!

4. Take up an old forgotten pastime. Or, take the time to master a few new tricks! Write, paint, dance, kickbox, run, read, create. Volunteer. Do something because a friend invited you and you’ve always wanted to try. Or, do something that no one is doing… just because it’s what you want to do.

Acknowledge and love yourself every step of the way.

Have you lost yourself – and do you want to reconnect with who you are? I welcome your thoughts and comments below…

 Susan Liddy is the founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, a life coaching company on a mission to empower women globally. Susan is the author of the “Secrets to Ultimate Living; What you wish you knew when you were 20!”

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2. 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck
3. 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah

In fact, what your Halloween mask reveals could be more important than what it hides.

If you could dress up as anything you want for Halloween this year, what would it be? An Egyptian Queen, glamorous gangster woman, a blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe costume, or Queen Josephine in the picture? Whether you tend towards superhero costumes or nurse attire says something about your personality traits.

And the Halloween costumes your friends choose – as food items, famous movie stars, or stuffed animals – reveals their personality traits. If you go beyond the Halloween mask, you’ve also found a great conversation starter at parties!

For more info on a wonderful Halloween costume for women – Queen Josephine – click on the image to go directly to Amazon. And, read on for what Halloween costumes reveal about your personality traits…

What Halloween Costumes Reveal About Your Personality Traits

Superman, Wonder Woman, or Cat Woman Halloween costumes. If you gravitate towards superhero or heroine costumes, you could have a child-like fantasy of saving the world and a desire to fight evil. You like the feeling of being omnipotent and strong, admired and revered. Superhero Halloween costumes for women reveal personality traits connected with fantasies of good and evil….which are both part of our authentic selves.

Fairy Princess or Peter Pan Halloween costumes. The innocent costumes of your childhood could indicate a wish for youthfulness, and a desire to recapture the naïve tendencies of children. Perhaps you wish for safety and simplicity. Similar to the superhero persona, you may wish for the magical ability to save the world. Some Halloween costumes reveal not just personality traits, but also secret childhood wishes.

Strong women in history Halloween costumes. If you were to dress up as an amazing woman in history, who would you be? Some ideas are Frida Kahlo, Thelma or Louise (fictional women — but oh so daring!), Amelia Earhart, or Whoopi Goldberg. Whatever woman you choose has personality traits that you admire and perhaps even wish you had.

French maid Halloween Costumes. Your “trick or treat” mask could reveal a natural comfort or inclination towards a particular persona. If you choose an “oo la la” French maid or dominatrix costume, you could be either repressed or liberated in the bedroom. In other words, you’re yearning to explore your wild side, or you’re already game for anything in the bedroom…and you enjoy being the centre of attention!

Rabbits, horses, puppies or other animal Halloween costumes. Animals represent instincts and the characteristics of the creature of your choice. For instance, bears represent power and strength. Giraffes are peaceful and serene; bunny rabbits furry and cuddly. Animals have mythological as well as contemporary traits, such as loyalty (dog) and royalty or self-confidence (lion). Dressing as cat, for instance, could mean you admire independence in yourself — or you wish you were more independent.

Dark vampire or scary witch Halloween costumes. Scary creatures are a favorite Halloween costume trend every year; the scarier, the better, it seems! Choosing a macabre costume reveals personality traits that revolve around a fascination with the dark side, and perhaps a desire to get in touch with your own dark, hidden, nefarious self. If you’re into a gothic witch costume, click the image for more info.

Creative Halloween costumes for women and men may reveal personality traits, but sometimes “a cigar is just a cigar.” This means that sometimes a “trick or treat” mask is simply a quick and easy choice for Halloween – and not necessarily indicative of personality traits!

What are your thoughts on Halloween costumes and personality traits? I welcome you below… 

Related posts:

1. How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship
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“My husband wasn’t sweet to me,” said Thelma to the cop as she put him into the trunk of his own police cruiser. “And look how I turned out.”

Geena Davis played Thelma and Susan Sarandon was Louise – and Brad Pitt made one of his first appearances as the hottie hitchhiker/bad boy J.D. Click on the DVD cover to go to Thelma and Louise, and read on for ten life lessons from these successful women (which is up for debate!)…

10 Life Lessons From Thelma and Louise

1. You get what you settle for. “I still have to ask Darryl if I can go,” Thelma said. “He never lets me do a g-d damned thing. “You get what you settle for,” said Louise. Darryl treated Thelma like crap – but the thing is, she let him. She took everything he dished out without speaking up for herself. To be a successful woman, you need to stop settling!

2. Celebrate your differences. This life lesson from the Thelma and Louise movie involves not just tolerating your friends’ differences, but celebrating them. Thelma was a married stay-at-home housewife with a domineering, annoying husband. She wasn’t as mature or jaded as Louise, who worked as a waitress in a coffee shop and had a lot more life experience (including being raped earlier in her life).

3. Take care of yourself. Always, always watch your back, even when you’re having fun, even when you’re surrounded by people you trust. Thelma drank too much at a roadside bar and ended up in the parking lot with Harlan; Louise stopped him from raping her. “We’re just having a little fun,” Harlan said. “In the future, when a woman’s crying like that, she ain’t having any fun,” Louise said, voice trembling. “I should’ve f-ked her,” said Harlan. “Suck my —.” So Louise shot him. “You watch your mouth, buddy,” she whispered. Louise knew not only how to take care of herself, she knew how to take care of Thelma, too. And Harlan. That makes her a successful woman…I think!

4. Trust your gut. Louise did not want to pick up that hottie hitchhiker (Brad Pitt); her gut instinct told her to stay away. Thelma, who doesn’t seem to have much of a gut instinct to trust, wanted to give him a ride and wouldn’t stop talking about it. So, they ended up giving him a ride, and it was the second biggest mistake they made.

5. Pick your battles. “He is an asshole,” Thelma said about her husband. “Most of the time I just let it slide.” This life lesson from the Thelma and Louise movie isn’t about letting things slide; it’s about knowing where to draw the line. Setting your boundaries is about self-respect. People will treat you the way you let them – in fact, you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself and what you’ll take from others. Successful women set boundaries and stick to them.

6. Buckle up for the consequences. This life lesson from the Thelma and Louise movie runs through the whole movie: Whether you’re hooked up with a bad boy or the most decent husband in the world, be prepared for the natural consequences. Like what? The possibility that you’ll get hurt – whether he’s never around when you need him or he’s around too much. Or, he could steal all your money…like J.D. did to Thelma and Louise. Don’t let this stop you from taking risks to be successful, but just be prepared for what happens next. No whining about the bad stuff!

7. Take turns being strong. Louise was the strong woman throughout most of the movie. Until J.D. stole their money; then, Thelma became strong. Sex with J.D. gave her the self-confidence she needed to take control of her life. By the end – when Thelma was putting the crying cop into the trunk of his police cruiser – Louise wasn’t the only strong woman in the movie. The life lesson: be strong sometimes, and be weak sometimes. To be a successful woman, you need to find a healthy balance between giving and taking.

8. Take risks. Thelma, in her new role as the strong woman, robbed the store to get the money that they needed to get to Mexico to start their lives over again. I’m not advocating robbery – I’m saying that the life lesson from the Thelma and Louise movie is about trying new things and taking risks despite your fears.

9. Open up. Keeping secrets creates distance between you and your spouse, friends, and family. Louise waited until the end of the movie to tell Thelma that she was raped in Texas, in her earlier life. Throughout their friendship, Thelma never really knew Louise because she was afraid to open up.

10. Be comfortable with loose ends. The last life lesson from Thelma and Louise has to be about the ending — because we don’t know how it ends! And that’s exactly how life is: we don’t know for sure how it’s gonna end because it’s never really over…until it’s really over.

What’s your take on these life lessons from the Thelma and Louise movie? Actually, I’m more curious to know if you think they’re successful women! I think they died at the end of the movie…did they live life fully?

Related posts:

1. Secrets of Successful Women – 6 Life Lessons From Maria Shriver
2. What Halloween Costumes Reveal About Personality Traits
3. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali