“The word betrayal isn’t strong enough,” Nordgren said in an interview with People magazine. “I felt like my whole world had fallen apart.”

If your spouse cheated, you know exactly what she feels like. Add the humiliation of the affair being publicized all over the world, and it’s almost unbearable! My heart breaks for Nordegren, and for all spouses who have been betrayed. If your spouse cheated, you might find Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On — Together or Apart helpful.

And, here are five ways to survive a marriage affair…

5 Ways to Survive a Cheating Spouse – Elin Nordegren

1. Stop seeing your spouse. If you can make a clean break from your spouse, do it. Nordegren mentioned that she hasn’t watched a minute of golf since finding out about Tiger’s affairs. Not associating with your spouse or those familiar places and activities will help you rebuild your self-respect and self-love. Don’t talk to him on the phone. Don’t meet for coffee, email, or text each other. If you’re thinking of getting back together, take at least a three month break from your marriage. If you have to be in contact because of kids and visitation times, ask family or friends to be there for drop offs or pick ups.

2. Expect various, overwhelming emotions. “I have been through stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children,” said Nordegren. If you’re surviving a cheating spouse, accept your conflicting emotions. Learn how to express them in healthy ways, perhaps by writing in a journal, trying art therapy, or tackling projects at home (cleaning your closets or refurbishing furniture can be great therapy!).

3. Learn why your spouse cheated. Spouses have affairs for different reasons. If you can figure out why your spouse cheated, you may find it easier to cope and move on. Read Why Men Cheat on Their Wives — it contains illuminating information from marriage counselor Gary M. Neuman.

4. Forgive yourself. “I’m so embarrassed that I never suspected – not a one,” said Nordegren. “For the last 3 1/2 years, when all this was going on, I was home a lot more with pregnancies, then the children and my school.” If your spouse cheated, you may feel similarly embarrassed or humiliated — and you may even feel guilty or responsible. The sooner you forgive yourself for your real or perceived mistakes or ignorance, the easier to’ll be to survive a cheating spouse. If you can release yourself, you may be better able to overcome an unexpected relationship breakup.

5. Decide if it’s time to let go — and then focus on letting go. One of my favorite quotations is, “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” I love this quote because it’s true — sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to rebuild your marriage than to keep slogging through the heartbreak.

If you’ve decided to leave your cheating spouse, you may find Letting Go of Someone You Love helpful — it offers 75 tips from psychologists, life coaches, and counselors. Remember that letting go isn’t something you do once, and it doesn’t happen overnight! It’s a process that takes time.

If you want to save your marriage, you may find Ways to Rebuild Trust in Marriage After Infidelity helpful.

Related posts:

1. Can Your Spouse Change? 5 Ways to Be More Happily Married
2. Rebuilding Marriage Trust After an Affair – Ann Landers
3. Women Considering Divorce – A Quips and Tips Article

“For every one of us who succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out,” says Oprah. “ The light doesn’t always necessarily have to be in your family; for me it was teachers and school.”

And, you don’t need to talk to someone in person to be motivated to live your best life! You can be inspired by blog posts, magazine articles, or even books about strong successful women in history. To learn more about Oprah Winfrey’s life, read Oprah: A Biography.

And, here are five tips for living your best life….

How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey

1. Figure out what your best life is. “The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be,” says Oprah Winfrey. How do you know who are you meant to be or what your best life is? You do what you love. If you don’t know what you love, then you do different things until you find what makes you feel good about yourself and your life. Nobody has the answer to what it means for you to live your best life — except for you.

2. Find your bliss by consciously seeking direction in your life. What makes you happy? What are you doing when you lose track of time? Who do you love spending time with? What did you want to be when you grew up? Take time to think about the direction of your life, from both a short-term and a long-term perspective. “Direction provides focus and inspiration and is the antidote to day-to-day monotony,” writes Robert Pagliarini in The Other 8 Hours: Maximize Your Free Time to Create New Wealth & Purpose. “In the real world, you achieve direction by creating compelling goals.” He says setting life goals gives you feedback, which can fuel your motivation and inspiration.

3. Connect to something bigger than yourself. I believe in God, which gives me a sense of purpose, comfort, security, inspiration, love, compassion, acceptance, freedom, and many many more positive emotions! It doesn’t matter to me if Christianity is “true”, or if I can prove God exists. What matters is that connecting with God helps me live my best life by making me happy, fulfilled, and peaceful. Connecting with God gives me freedom and forgiveness, which improves my life indescribably. If you’re serious about living your best life, tap into a Higher Power or something bigger than yourself. If you’re wobbly on the spiritual front, read 4 Tips for Renewing Your Spirituality.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other women. “You can have it all,” said Oprah Winfrey. “You just can’t have it all at once.” Are you jealous of a coworker, friend, or family member who has a successful career? Or maybe you’re the one with the successful career, but you wish you had a husband or kids or more time to travel. One of the biggest tips for living your best life is not comparing yourself to other women! Each of us has our own life to live, and we need to accept where we are at any given time in our lives. If the green-eyed monster visits you regularly, read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

5. Adopt a “so what if I fail?” mantra. My friend wants to start her own business, but is scared she’ll fail. “Who cares if you fail?” I asked. “It’s embarrassing – I don’t want to have to say I failed,” she said. So, she can never risk failure…or she can surround herself with strong women who failed and survived and succeeded and failed again and survived again and succeeded again! She can absorb their strength and courage just by being with them – and that’s how she’ll learn to live her best life. And that’s how you can learn how to live your best life, too!

Remember that how you spend your days is how you spend your life.

Are you living your best life? If not, what do you need to change?

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries – Oprah Winfrey
2. The Key to Success for Women – Oprah Winfrey
3. Secrets of Successful Women – 6 Life Lessons From Maria Shriver

When it comes to weight loss, Bertinelli advises women to:

“Surround yourself with people who care about/know what you’re doing. I used to diet in secret. This was a bad idea for me because then I wasn’t accountable to anyone but myself, (who I was so used to letting down) so one more time didn’t matter.”

Don’t try to lose weight alone. You don’t necessarily need to sign up for Jenny Craig (sorry, Valerie and Jenny!), but you do need to find people who support you. Or, you need books, DVDs, or websites that help you stay focused on your goals.

I’ve lost about 25 pounds with the 10 Minute Solutions DVDs — they’re a brilliant way to lose weight and keep it off.  10 Minute Solution: Rapid Results Pilates is my favorite because it’s gentle and easy, and 10 Minute Solution: Pilates Perfect Body with Suzanne is like boot camp….tough, but effective!

Okay, on to my weight loss advice, inspired by Bertinelli…

Weight Loss Advice for Women Over 40 – Valerie Bertinelli

1. Believe you deserve to lose weight. Some women sabotage their weight loss because they don’t believe they deserve to be fit and healthy. They don’t put themselves on the top of the priority list — and “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” To lose weight, you need to believe in your heart and soul that you deserve it, that you’re worth the effort. Do you believe you deserve to be thin, fit, and healthy? It may sound hokey, but it’s true. If you don’t believe you’re worth it, you’ll never achieve your weight loss goals.

2. Re-evaluate your weight loss goals. “All I cared about was the number on the scale at the beginning,” says Valerie Bertinelli. “And then I found that other things were motivating me to lose weight, like my health or being able to run farther than one block. Your body changes as you lose weight and other things do, too, so listen to what makes you tick and what will keep making you tick.” This weight loss advice doesn’t just help women over 40 lose weight, it helps them tune in to their mind-body connection!

3. Make losing weight one of your top 3 priorities in life. You can have it all — just not at the same time! Since you can’t fit everything in, you need to figure out three things that are most important to you. Focus on those things. For instance, the three things I focus on are my fitness/weight loss goals, my marriage, and my career. Women often put ourselves on the bottom of the priority list — everyone else comes first. Stop that! You’re just as important as the next guy; treat yourself with respect, love, and acceptance.

4. Put a different spin on the traditional “food journal.” I’ve heard that keeping a food journal is the best weight loss advice, but I’ve never tried it. I obsess about food too much as it is! But here’s what Valerie Bertinelli says about food journals: “I didn’t really like it at first, but I found that it was too easy to slip into old habits at the beginning. If I wrote down what I was thinking and feeling, it gave me a chance to think a beat or two before I made a decision I’d regret.” So this wasn’t really a “food journal” per se — Bertinelli lost weight by writing down what she was feeling before she ate. It’s more of a “feelings journal.”

5. Remember that every 10 minutes counts. When I don’t feel like working out — which is more often that I care to admit — I remind myself that even a 10 or 20 minute walk, run, or bike ride can make a difference. You don’t need to work out for an hour to lose weight! You just need to make fitness part of your daily life. Soon, your body will crave the workout, and you’ll work out more days than you’ll miss. And, you’ll lose 10 pounds before you know it!

6. Figure out your “best ways to lose weight.” I found it easier to lose weight when I surrounded myself with slim, healthy, fit people. I also like letting myself get hungry because it increases my mind-body connection. But what worked for me won’t work for everyone — which is why you need to find your own best ways to lose weight. Remember that finding the best weight loss advice is trial and error. You have to keep trying different ways to lose weight until you find what work for you!

If you’re not into Pilates, give the 10 Minute Solution: Ultimate Bootcamp a try.

And if you’re overweight, you might find 5 Ways to Increase Self-Esteem for Overweight Women – Queen Latifah helpful.

Source of Valerie Bertinelli’s quotations: The Official Weight Loss Blog for Valerie Bertinelli on Jenny Craig’s website.

Related posts:

1. 6 Steps to Healthy Weight Loss – Rita Rudner
2. 6 Ways to Increase Weight Loss Motivation – Martha Beck
3. Anne Lamott – Limping After Loss

“If you are a newbie in the kitchen, any recipe will take you longer than it should because you are just getting familiar with your bearings,” says Rachael Ray. “Once you get more comfortable with your cooking routine and preparation skills, things will move a whole lot smoother and faster.”

If you’re not used to shopping with an eye on your budget, give yourself time to snuggle up to it. If you don’t know any good recipes, read Rachael Ray’s Yum-o! The Family Cookbook.

And, here are ten tips for saving money on groceries…

10 Ways to Save Money on Food – Rachael Ray

1. Stay focused on your reasons for saving money on food. Why do you want to save your buckeroos — what are your financial goals? Do you want financial independence (and who doesn’t!)? Keep your goals front and center: write them on your forehead if you have to. It’s much easier to eat cheap and healthy if you stay focused on why you’re eating cheap and healthy.

2. Activate two money saving tips a month. This is one of my best tips for saving money on food because we see smart ways to save money everywhere – the internet, budget books, our rich old aunts, on placemats at funky restaurants. But, do we actually apply them to our lives? Nope. It’s too much. So we need to be strategic about the money saving tips. For instance, don’t try to implement all these ways to save money on groceries at once; instead pick one two a month. Focus on making those two money tips a habit. In a month or six weeks, find one two more money saving tips to work on. This way, you’re not overwhelmed with a million ways to save money on food – and you’re steadily progressing towards financial independence.

3. Keep your fridge and pantry stocked with the basics. This tip for saving money on food is directly from Rachael Ray’s blog: “If you find yourself in the middle of a recipe and you realize you are out of something, that’ll set you back while someone runs to the store. Here’s a good list of things to keep on hand.” Avoid impulse trips to the grocery store, because impuls trips lead to impulse buys!

4. Make your own dressings and sauces. We don’t use dressings on our salads; instead, we sprinkle sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, and raisons on top. It’s cheap, healthy, and tasty! I make my own BBQ sauce — much more delicious than store bought — and my hubby makes cocktail sauce for shrimp and bean dip for our weekly Mexican Fiesta night. Have fun making your own dips and sauces – it’s a great way to save money on food.

5. Yes, I said weekly “Mexican Fiesta Night.” Do you have a food theme night? For Mexican Fiesta, my hubby makes bean dip (cheap and healthy), and I make pea guacamole (avocado, canned or frozen peas, corn, tomatos, garlic, onions — it’s my favorite dish). Having a planned food night — Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Middle Eastern — is a great way to save money on food, especially if you experiment with different (cheaper) ingredients. In fact, pre-planning your entire week’s menu can help you save money by reducing impulse meals in restaurants.

6. Halve the amount of meat you use. Add filler (oats, crackers, rice, mashed potatoes) to your burgers, meatballs, or meat loave. This way, you’ll half the amount of ground beef, chicken, or pork. Instead of bbq’ing a steak or chicken breast, cut half of one portion into strips and put it into a stirfry. Nobody will notice there’s not a full portion of meat in the stirfry (but they will notice a half portion of meat on a plate!).

7. Buy and cook bulk foods — it’s both cheap and healthy! “Joining a bulk shopping club, like Sam’s, Costco, or BJ’s, can be cost-effective if you frequent the club regularly,” writes Kathleen Zelman in 10 Ways to Save Money on Food Shopping. “Bulk purchases can be a great way to save money — as long as they get used. You might also look in your community for shopping cooperatives that sell food in bulk at a substantial savings.” Cooking in bulk can save both money and time, if you prepare huge pots of, say, spaghetti sauce, and freeze it in individual portions.

8. Savor your leftovers. I don’t understand why people don’t like leftovers! Most of the time, leftover food is tastier than when it was first cooked. The flavors have had a chance to meld into a sweet symphony of music in your mouth! If you want to save money on groceries, do not throw anything away (unless it’s so old it doesn’t look like food anymore). I use my leftover rice, mashed potatoes, or stir fry veggies in soups or stews. I eat leftover pizza and potato salad for breakfast. I refuse to cook new dishes until we’ve eaten our leftovers. These little things don’t just help you save money on food, they teach you to be creative in the kitchen!

9. Keep your eyes peeled for the occasional sale on lean meats and vegetables. Another way to save money on food from Rachael Ray’s blog “Stock up on chicken tenders or boneless, skinless breasts, sirloin steak, pork loin chops or tenderloins. Portion the meats out and freeze them so you can cook with them whenever you want.”

10. Experiment with eggs — omelettes, fritattas, quiches. The high cholesterol scare is over! There’s no need to fear eggs — as long as you don’t eat them every day. Eggs are a great source of protein, and much cheaper than meat. Plus, Canadian researchers say eggs may reduce high blood pressure. So, make it a habit to cook an eggy dinner once a week: frittatas, lazy man’s quiches, omelettes, French Toast with Canadian bacon (can you tell I’m a Canuck?). Eggs are cheap, healthy, and delicious.

“When you really want to show some love, keep the flowers and say it with spaghetti.” ~ Rachael Ray.

For more money saving hints, read 8 Smart Ways Women Can Save Money – Suze Orman.

Related posts:

1. 8 Smart Ways Women Can Save Money – Suze Orman
2. 7 Fast Ways to Get Fit and Save Money on Exercise – Venus Williams
3. Doing What Comes Naturally – Rachael Ray

“The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, ‘If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it jumping up and down.’”  ~ Rita Rudner.

Aerobics is so “eighties”! Now it’s Pilates, Ballet Boot Camp, Wii, and Zumba. If you need help with healthy weight loss, check out the P90X Extreme Home Fitness with Tony Horton – it’s Amazon’s bestselling health and fitness product. And, here are five steps to losing weight and keeping it off…

6 Steps to Healthy Weight Loss – Rita Rudner

1. Have realistic expectations. Healthy weight loss happens slowly, so don’t be discouraged after the first couple of weeks! It can take six weeks before you see physical changes in your body. “To avoid getting derailed,” says fitness instructor Amanda Vogel, “follow this six week approach: In the first three weeks, expect mental and emotional changes – more energy or a confidence boost. Expect to start seeing a slightly slimmer, tighter body after three weeks.”

2. Find what motivates you, and keep it under your nose. Do you get discouraged when you hear comediennes like Rita Rudner say, “I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.”? It’s true that it’s easier to NOT eat food than to eat it and burn off the calories you consumed, but don’t let that stop you from working out. Keep inspirational quotations or motivational sayings in your workout clothes, taped to your mirror, and on your computer monitor. To avoid becoming blind to them, move them around or replace old motivational sayings with new ones. Highlight strong, successful, athletic women like Venus and Serena Williams!

3. Put your workout gear on first thing in the morning. If you work from home (like me!), you may have an advantage when it comes to healthy weight loss. As soon as I get up in the morning, I put on my workout gear. Since I can “go to work” in whatever clothes I want, and I’ve found that putting on my workout clothes first thing solidifies my goal to exercise. If you can wear your workout clothes under your work clothes, you may find yourself one step closer to losing weight and keeping the pounds off.

4. Sleep in your workout clothes. Check this tip out – it’s from Barb Gormley, the owner of Custom-Fit Personal Training in Toronto. “Sounds crazy, but in winter, I wear my sports bra and workout T-shirt to bed so it’s super-easy to get out the door on cold dark mornings.” That’s like me, putting on my workout clothes as soon as I wake up! But, I don’t work out until 11 am or 4 pm, depending on how the day’s going.

5. Don’t exercise forever – exercise better. You can get a great workout in just 10 minutes! Instead of an hour-long workout with exercises or reps that isolate one body part at a time, try five or six exercises that target multiple muscles. Pilates is a great way to do compound movements, which is a healthy way to lose weight. The 10 Minute Solution Rapid Results Pilates are one of my favorite ways to exercise. Pilates – and these particular exercise DVDs are brilliant because they use your whole body in the workout.

6. Factor in your personality traits. Are you an introvert? (take this test for introverted personality traits to find out!) Introverts may not enjoy working out with groups of people, and may lean towards solo running, biking, or swimming. On the other hand, extroverts prefer intense workouts with groups of people, and are prone to exercising fairly often. Scientist Amy Hagan said, “These excitement-craving people love lots of activity, and want to go, go, go.” Extroverts also prefer to listen to music while exercising. To lose weight in a healthy way, be aware of your personality traits. 

One last  quotation from Rita Rudner:

“Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.”

Wouldn’t it be great if women were this confident? We need more exposure to women like Whoopi Goldberg, Eleanor Roosevelt, Judge Marilyn Milian, and Queen Latifah!

If you have any thoughts or questions on these steps to healthy weight loss, I welcome you below…

Source of quotations: “Resolve to Tone Up,” Best Health Magazine, February, 2009.

Related posts:

1. Weight Loss Advice for Women Over 40 – Valerie Bertinelli
2. 6 Ways to Increase Weight Loss Motivation – Martha Beck
3. How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner

Milian is smart, sassy, and oh-so-confident – and yet she’s empathetic and kind.

She’s also self-aware:

“I found a husband who married me despite my faults, children who think I have no faults, and a job that pays me because of my faults,” she says. “It’s perfect!”

She’s aware of her weaknesses – which may be the most telling sign of a fearless woman. They know their flaws and fortes, and they embrace them both. To learn more about living fierce and proud, read The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear. And, check out these five signs of fearless women…

5 Signs of a Fearless Woman – Judge Marilyn Milian

Honest and real. “When you are a real judge on the bench, you try hard not to react to everything, not to speak your mind to everything,” says Judge Marilyn Milian. “When you are a television judge, the handcuffs are off. Not only do I get to say what is on my mind, my producers insist on it!” Being honest about what you think is a sign of a fearless woman – and only the strongest, smartest, most successful women know when to be honest and when to hold back.

Generous and giving. Fearless women recognize that there is enough to go around – they don’t have to grab all the love, money, friends, or opportunities because they know everyone will get what they need. They have big hearts and generous spirits. Fearless women give compliments freely, share their ideas and resources with others, and believe there is lots of love and support in the world. Abundance is their state of mind.

Present. This isn’t just a sign of a fearless woman, it’s the sign of a confident, peaceful, fulfilled, spiritually sound person. Do you live in the current moment, or are you worried or fearful about the future? Are you mired in regrets or bitterness of the past? A fearless woman is focused on the here and now. She’s present. Marilyn Milian is a perfect example of that; when she’s on the bench on national television, she’s completely focused on the litigants. I love it!

Objective and detached. If your boss, coworker, or partner snaps at you, do you take it personally or do you shrug it off as someone having an off day? Can you stand up for yourself if you need to, and recognize when it’s better to let things brush by you? Fearless women aren’t attached to certain ways of thinking or feeling – and when they run into problems such as toxic people at work, they find ways to deal with it. They don’t see everything as a judgment of who they are. “When you are able to be objective with no attachment to what is right and what is wrong, there is space for life to work itself out for your benefit,” writes Rhonda Britten in Fearless Living.

Courageous and open minded. “I did college in three years, I skipped the third grade, I’ve always had this race, and one day life drops something out of left field,” says Judge Milian. “My life, which had always been so focused, had just opened up. And I’m gonna ride this out. I will never have a gig like this again!” Fearless women take opportunities, even if they feel scared, nervous, or intimidated. And, fearless women recognize when they’re on a great adventure…and when they need to call it quits, cut their losses, and find some other opportunity to explore.

Writing this makes me realize that I’m not as fearless as I thought! I need to work on being more generous and giving. Instead, I tend to operate out of fear and scarcity…

What about you? I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions on these signs of fearless women…please comment below!

Related posts:

1. Signs of a Financially Independent Woman – Quips and Tips
2. 5 Steps to Being a Successful Woman – Katherine Hepburn
3. How to be a Successful Woman – Amelia Earhart

“I’m not sure what the future holds, but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Kidman. “As my dad said: ‘Nicole, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”

One way to be positive and stop feeling powerless is to accept the facts. “It is what it is,” said Nicole Kidman’s father. “Now I can wear heels,” said Nicole (Tom Cruise is a short man!). Another way to focus on the positive is to see the ending as a new beginning, a new stage in your life. To explore this idea, read Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings. And, here are six other ways to find the courage to say good-bye…

6 Ways to Find the Courage to End a Relationship – Nicole Kidman

1. Figure out what you’re getting out of the relationship. Many people – both men and women – don’t have the strength to end relationships, even when the relationship is bad, unhealthy, or going nowhere. The reasons for staying are different for everyone, and depend on the type of relationship it is. But, the bottom line is that there is a reason you’re staying with this person: you’re getting something out of it…even if it’s just protection from the discomfort of saying good-bye! The sooner you figure out your reasons for staying, the easier it’ll be to find the courage to end the relationship.

2. Learn about the different reasons for staying. Why do people stay in marriages, work partnerships, or love relationships that are going nowhere? Here’s a list of reasons; use it to figure out why you’re staying. Or, use it to help you brainstorm at least five reasons for not leaving…..

• Fear of being alone
• Lack of motivation to find someone new (eg, a new hair stylist, better business partner, more suitable roommate, etc).
• Fear of not being loved or accepted by anyone else
• Feelings of low self-worth, or even self-loathing
• Concern about what friends and family will say
• Financial problems (if so, you may find Steps to Financial Independence helpful)
• Poor role models (eg, parents or friends who lack courage to change their lives)
• Figuring out why you’re staying may help you find the courage to end a relationship that’s not working for you.

3. Let go of the need to control other people’s feelings. You can’t control how people – friends, family, or the person you’re breaking up with – will respond when you break off the relationship. You can’t control what they do, how they feel, who they tell, or how they think. That’s their business. Let it go. Focus on what you can change in your life, such as your own behavior and words, and your response to other people. This can involve protecting your boundaries despite criticism. In the movie “The Scotsman”, Nicole Kidman said, “When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness.” I amend that to “When you relinquish the desire to control other people, you will be happier”!

4. Think of a time in your past when you did something scary. What was the most difficult, frightening thing you’ve ever done? Reflect on it for a few moments. Then, figure out what gave you strength and courage. For one woman, it could be a soul sister, a support group, or a parent. Another woman could find the courage to say good-bye in a book about self-confidence, or a particular issue of a magazine such as O (reading Oprah’s magazine is one of my favorite ways to stay authentic and grounded in who I am!). You need to figure out how YOU get your strength…and one of the best ways to do that is to recall when you’ve been brave in the past.

5. Ask women you admire about the source of their courage and strength. We can learn so much from smart, strong women – which is why I created See Jane Soar! The women around us can help us build better, happier, more successful lives, even if we don’t know them personally. Take Nicole Kidman, for instance: I love knowing that a woman of her fame and fortune is as vulnerable as we are. She doesn’t know what the future holds, and has to strive to be positive just like we do. Her struggles and successes give me strength. If there’s a woman in your life that you admire, or one loved and lost, then talk to her. Gain strength and wisdom from her experience.

6. Tap into your soul. A solid inner strength can get you through almost anything – whether you’re feeling guilty about ending a relationship or worried about dissolving a business partnership. Spirituality or a reliance God, Buddha, or even Mother Nature can give you access to strength you didn’t even know you had. Find ways to maintain a strong connection between your heart, soul, and mind, and you’ll be stronger than you thought possible!

“I’d like to be wise,” said Nicole Kidman. “You have to go through a lot to get there, but I’m willing to go through a lot.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on these ways to find the courage to end a relationship, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem
2. Overcoming Fear and Connecting With Courage – Suze Orman and Cher
3. How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner

“I used to be The Wife,” said Shirley Valentine. “I used to be The Mother. But now I’m Shirley Valentine again. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

This woman – who was living an “unused life” – lost her self-identity and the pizzazz of her youth. The young Shirley Valentine had personality and attitude, but she drowned in her marriage and kids. Her daughter and husband took her for granted and treated her like a servant…but she let them. Somewhere along the way Shirley Valentine taught her family how to mistreat her.

Valentine eventually found her way home to herself, and what a journey it was! If you haven’t seen Shirley Valentine, you must rent the DVD or borrow it from the library – it’s a great example of how to “See Jane Soar.” And if you feel like you’ve lost yourself, here are Susan Liddy’s tips for reconnecting with who you were….

Finding Strength and Wisdom in Your Past

“You are a gifted and empowered woman,” says Liddy, who created a free Passages to Empowerment video series. “You have a brilliant mind, a beautiful heart, and a spiritual and deep soul.”

And all those “younger you’s” who live inside you – who were rebellious, naive, feisty, curious, artistic (like Shirley Valentine!) – can serve you now! Embrace and love them, listen to them, feel them, and understand them. Follow your heart, and make choices based on who you are (and were!), what fulfills you and what brings meaning to your life.

4 Ways to Reconnect With Who You Were

1. Play with different careers. Be aware of the moments that feel passionate and purposeful. Find out what you were meant to do… maybe it’s even a number of different things or a career change. Approach your job with the same, open-minded inquisitiveness you had when you were fresh out of school.

2. Open your heart to romance. Let yourself love and be loved… even if only for a fleeting moment. Invite someone to go beyond that protective exterior, to meet the youthful spirit living inside, who yearns for affection, adventure, companionship and passion!

3. Explore new friendships; rekindle old ones. Give all of yourself, should that be your wish. Step out of your circle and welcome relationships with different kinds of people. Allow yourself to learn something from a new friend. And take the risk to love and find out how lovable you are!

4. Take up an old forgotten pastime. Or, take the time to master a few new tricks! Write, paint, dance, kickbox, run, read, create. Volunteer. Do something because a friend invited you and you’ve always wanted to try. Or, do something that no one is doing… just because it’s what you want to do.

Acknowledge and love yourself every step of the way.

Have you lost yourself – and do you want to reconnect with who you are? I welcome your thoughts and comments below…

 Susan Liddy is the founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, a life coaching company on a mission to empower women globally. Susan is the author of the “Secrets to Ultimate Living; What you wish you knew when you were 20!”

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“A human being is only interesting if she’s in contact with herself,” says Barbra Streisand. “I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it.”

To be who and what you are, you need to cope with the stress of caregiving as soon as it creeps up. And if you’re a caregiver, you need to get help before you’re totally burned out! To stop stress in its tracks, read Preventing Caregiver Burnout (Caregiver Survival Series). And, here are five signs of burnout from experienced caregivers…

“Caregivers who are experiencing burnout likely don’t even know it because they’re so absorbed with their responsibilities,” says Karen Boyer, Caregiver Support Program Coordinator of The Friends in Parry Sound, Ontario. “In a spousal relationship, women especially feel it’s part of their marriage vows. Older generations saw the pattern of their parents caring for spouses and extended family members as being the norm.”

5 Signs of Caregiver Burnout – Barbra Streisand

1. Personal and professional neglect. According to B. Lynn Goodwin, author of You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers, a caregiver needs help when she doesn’t have time personal care or skips her own health appointments because she’s always taking her loved one to the dentist, doctor, or other specialists. Goodwin adds that when a caregiver spends 45 minutes on a personal call at work – or the work/home scale is seriously unbalanced – she needs help.

“I just don’t want to be hampered by my own limitations,” says Barbra Streisand – which is what can happen when external responsibilities overpower who we are…and who we want to become.

2. Emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. Philip, 80, has been taking care of his 79 year old wife, Barb, in Vancouver, BC for three years. Barb struggles with dementia, and doesn’t always comply with his requests. Their daughter, Suzanne, says he has a hard time motivating his wife to stay active. “She says ‘no’ to going for walks, getting out of bed before 11 a.m., going to church, and spending time in out-patient programs. The constant ‘no’s’ are exhausting, and he eventually stops asking.” Philip’s exhaustion doesn’t just affect him, it also affects his wife’s health. To cope with caregiver burnout, he needs to find (and implement) smart stress solutions.

3. Physical ailments because of increased stress. Weight loss or gain, sleeplessness, chronic health problems, and constantly fighting colds or the flu could be signs of burnout. Boyer describes how stress can trigger health problems: “Heather attended my caregiver support group while caring for her elderly spouse. She let out a loud shriek as I described how stress can cause inflammation in the joints. She had no prior arthritis, but was suddenly experiencing joint pain.” Heather realized that her recent health issues were related to caregiver stress.

4. Strong emotional reactions. “Once, I yelled at my kids because they didn’t help as I dragged groceries from the car on a rainy afternoon,” says Marc Silver, author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) during Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond. “My older daughter said, ‘Gee, Dad, if you’d just ask, we’d be happy to help.” Boyer adds that caregivers who are burning out may become irritable, ignore offers of assistance, refuse invitations to go out, or drop out of their usual activities. 

“For me, one sign of ‘caregiver burnout’ was crying in the car,” says Silver, whose wife survived breast cancer. “Evidently a lot of guys do it, and it’s a welcome release.”

5. Loneliness and isolation. Suzanne says her father – whose wife is struggling with dementia – is lonely. “He doesn’t have adult conversations with her like he used to,” she says. “He lost his best friend.” And since Philip spends a great deal of time and energy caring for his wife, he doesn’t have much time or energy to socialize with others.

“If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it,” Silver adds. “No one can read your mind.”

Also – a final gem from Barbra Streisand – “You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on these signs of caregiver burnout, please comment below…

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“I lost boundaries as a child and I didn’t even realize it,” said Marie Osmond. “It wasn’t talked about back then. You know, it was something you just buried and dealt with, and moved forward. What could you do about it?”

If only “See Jane Soar” existed when she was a child – she could’ve learned how to protect her personal boundaries! If you’re struggling to stick to your boundaries, you might find Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Dayhelpful (pictured). And, here are five ways to maintain your boundaries even when people don’t like them…

5 Ways to Protect Your Boundaries Despite Criticism – Marie Osmond

When you set your personal boundaries, you’re protecting your time and energy for the things in life that mean the most to you. Setting boundaries is a piece of cake…it’s defending them that requires courage, stamina, and dedication!

1. Expect to be criticized for drawing the line. When I first started working from home – I’m a full-time freelance writer and blogger – I told my friends and family that I wouldn’t take personal phone calls during the day. It’s too disruptive, I love my job, and I don’t even talking on the phone! Most everybody was fine with it, except for a couple of friends who bristled (“Well, if you’re too busy to take ten minutes to catch up with an old friend who can’t talk in the evenings…”) and who are still irked, even after two years. Now when I set a personal boundary, I simply prepare myself for criticism or negative responses.

2. Let your loved ones be angry, disappointed, or frustrated. It’s okay if people are mad at you, disappointed in you, or frustrated by your behavior! No matter what you do or how nice you are, you won’t be liked by everyone all the time…so get used to getting under people’s skin. They’ll get over it. And, trust me, the more you let go of other people’s expecations, the easier it gets. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy all the time; your job is to figure out who your authentic self is, and be that woman. And don’t forget to look for the humor in the situation, because as Marie Osmond says, “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”

3. Stay in touch with who you are and what you need. As an introvert, I need to be alone a lot of the time. As a woman who likes to stay thin (and who gains weight just by thinking about chocolate), I need to eat less meat and potatoes – which my husband loves to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (he’s one of those lucky ectomorphs who can eat whatever wants whenever he wants, and not gain an ounce). These are examples of two types of personal boundaries I’ve set at home, and they’re easy to protect because I am connected to who I am. It’s difficult  to stand up against criticism when you don’t really know what you want or need!

4. Learn how to handle difficult people – especially at work. If you work full-time, you may spend more time at work than home…and who wants to be miserable for eight or nine hours a day? There are several ways to protect your boundaries even if you have critical coworkers, such as choosing the right time to talk to them, starting the conversation on a positive note, being specific, communicating directly, and figuring out your role in the problem. In How to Handle Bossy Coworkers – Sophia Loren, I describe those steps in more detail.

5. Detach from critical people a little…or a lot. Sometimes physical space is necessary – actually spending less time with people who don’t uplift or support you. If your mother or best friend from high school refuses to treat you the way you want to be treated (or if they’re toxic people), then it’s appropriate and healthy to spend less time with them, limit the lengths of your visits, or even let them go altogether.

“Life can be real tough,” said Marie Osmond. “You can either learn from your problems, or keep repeating them over and over.”

What about you – have you set healthy personal boundaries, and are you protecting them despite criticism from friends, family, or coworkers? I’d love to hear from you below!

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