“For every one of us who succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out,” says Oprah. “ The light doesn’t always necessarily have to be in your family; for me it was teachers and school.”

And, you don’t need to talk to someone in person to be motivated to live your best life! You can be inspired by blog posts, magazine articles, or even books about strong successful women in history. To learn more about Oprah Winfrey’s life, read Oprah: A Biography.

And, here are five tips for living your best life….

How to Live Your Best Life – Oprah Winfrey

1. Figure out what your best life is. “The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be,” says Oprah Winfrey. How do you know who are you meant to be or what your best life is? You do what you love. If you don’t know what you love, then you do different things until you find what makes you feel good about yourself and your life. Nobody has the answer to what it means for you to live your best life — except for you.

2. Find your bliss by consciously seeking direction in your life. What makes you happy? What are you doing when you lose track of time? Who do you love spending time with? What did you want to be when you grew up? Take time to think about the direction of your life, from both a short-term and a long-term perspective. “Direction provides focus and inspiration and is the antidote to day-to-day monotony,” writes Robert Pagliarini in The Other 8 Hours: Maximize Your Free Time to Create New Wealth & Purpose. “In the real world, you achieve direction by creating compelling goals.” He says setting life goals gives you feedback, which can fuel your motivation and inspiration.

3. Connect to something bigger than yourself. I believe in God, which gives me a sense of purpose, comfort, security, inspiration, love, compassion, acceptance, freedom, and many many more positive emotions! It doesn’t matter to me if Christianity is “true”, or if I can prove God exists. What matters is that connecting with God helps me live my best life by making me happy, fulfilled, and peaceful. Connecting with God gives me freedom and forgiveness, which improves my life indescribably. If you’re serious about living your best life, tap into a Higher Power or something bigger than yourself. If you’re wobbly on the spiritual front, read 4 Tips for Renewing Your Spirituality.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other women. “You can have it all,” said Oprah Winfrey. “You just can’t have it all at once.” Are you jealous of a coworker, friend, or family member who has a successful career? Or maybe you’re the one with the successful career, but you wish you had a husband or kids or more time to travel. One of the biggest tips for living your best life is not comparing yourself to other women! Each of us has our own life to live, and we need to accept where we are at any given time in our lives. If the green-eyed monster visits you regularly, read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

5. Adopt a “so what if I fail?” mantra. My friend wants to start her own business, but is scared she’ll fail. “Who cares if you fail?” I asked. “It’s embarrassing – I don’t want to have to say I failed,” she said. So, she can never risk failure…or she can surround herself with strong women who failed and survived and succeeded and failed again and survived again and succeeded again! She can absorb their strength and courage just by being with them – and that’s how she’ll learn to live her best life. And that’s how you can learn how to live your best life, too!

Remember that how you spend your days is how you spend your life.

Are you living your best life? If not, what do you need to change?

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When it comes to weight loss, Bertinelli advises women to:

“Surround yourself with people who care about/know what you’re doing. I used to diet in secret. This was a bad idea for me because then I wasn’t accountable to anyone but myself, (who I was so used to letting down) so one more time didn’t matter.”

Don’t try to lose weight alone. You don’t necessarily need to sign up for Jenny Craig (sorry, Valerie and Jenny!), but you do need to find people who support you. Or, you need books, DVDs, or websites that help you stay focused on your goals.

I’ve lost about 25 pounds with the 10 Minute Solutions DVDs — they’re a brilliant way to lose weight and keep it off.  10 Minute Solution: Rapid Results Pilates is my favorite because it’s gentle and easy, and 10 Minute Solution: Pilates Perfect Body with Suzanne is like boot camp….tough, but effective!

Okay, on to my weight loss advice, inspired by Bertinelli…

Weight Loss Advice for Women Over 40 – Valerie Bertinelli

1. Believe you deserve to lose weight. Some women sabotage their weight loss because they don’t believe they deserve to be fit and healthy. They don’t put themselves on the top of the priority list — and “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” To lose weight, you need to believe in your heart and soul that you deserve it, that you’re worth the effort. Do you believe you deserve to be thin, fit, and healthy? It may sound hokey, but it’s true. If you don’t believe you’re worth it, you’ll never achieve your weight loss goals.

2. Re-evaluate your weight loss goals. “All I cared about was the number on the scale at the beginning,” says Valerie Bertinelli. “And then I found that other things were motivating me to lose weight, like my health or being able to run farther than one block. Your body changes as you lose weight and other things do, too, so listen to what makes you tick and what will keep making you tick.” This weight loss advice doesn’t just help women over 40 lose weight, it helps them tune in to their mind-body connection!

3. Make losing weight one of your top 3 priorities in life. You can have it all — just not at the same time! Since you can’t fit everything in, you need to figure out three things that are most important to you. Focus on those things. For instance, the three things I focus on are my fitness/weight loss goals, my marriage, and my career. Women often put ourselves on the bottom of the priority list — everyone else comes first. Stop that! You’re just as important as the next guy; treat yourself with respect, love, and acceptance.

4. Put a different spin on the traditional “food journal.” I’ve heard that keeping a food journal is the best weight loss advice, but I’ve never tried it. I obsess about food too much as it is! But here’s what Valerie Bertinelli says about food journals: “I didn’t really like it at first, but I found that it was too easy to slip into old habits at the beginning. If I wrote down what I was thinking and feeling, it gave me a chance to think a beat or two before I made a decision I’d regret.” So this wasn’t really a “food journal” per se — Bertinelli lost weight by writing down what she was feeling before she ate. It’s more of a “feelings journal.”

5. Remember that every 10 minutes counts. When I don’t feel like working out — which is more often that I care to admit — I remind myself that even a 10 or 20 minute walk, run, or bike ride can make a difference. You don’t need to work out for an hour to lose weight! You just need to make fitness part of your daily life. Soon, your body will crave the workout, and you’ll work out more days than you’ll miss. And, you’ll lose 10 pounds before you know it!

6. Figure out your “best ways to lose weight.” I found it easier to lose weight when I surrounded myself with slim, healthy, fit people. I also like letting myself get hungry because it increases my mind-body connection. But what worked for me won’t work for everyone — which is why you need to find your own best ways to lose weight. Remember that finding the best weight loss advice is trial and error. You have to keep trying different ways to lose weight until you find what work for you!

If you’re not into Pilates, give the 10 Minute Solution: Ultimate Bootcamp a try.

And if you’re overweight, you might find 5 Ways to Increase Self-Esteem for Overweight Women – Queen Latifah helpful.

Source of Valerie Bertinelli’s quotations: The Official Weight Loss Blog for Valerie Bertinelli on Jenny Craig’s website.

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“I’m not sure what the future holds, but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Kidman. “As my dad said: ‘Nicole, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”

One way to be positive and stop feeling powerless is to accept the facts. “It is what it is,” said Nicole Kidman’s father. “Now I can wear heels,” said Nicole (Tom Cruise is a short man!). Another way to focus on the positive is to see the ending as a new beginning, a new stage in your life. To explore this idea, read Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings. And, here are six other ways to find the courage to say good-bye…

6 Ways to Find the Courage to End a Relationship – Nicole Kidman

1. Figure out what you’re getting out of the relationship. Many people – both men and women – don’t have the strength to end relationships, even when the relationship is bad, unhealthy, or going nowhere. The reasons for staying are different for everyone, and depend on the type of relationship it is. But, the bottom line is that there is a reason you’re staying with this person: you’re getting something out of it…even if it’s just protection from the discomfort of saying good-bye! The sooner you figure out your reasons for staying, the easier it’ll be to find the courage to end the relationship.

2. Learn about the different reasons for staying. Why do people stay in marriages, work partnerships, or love relationships that are going nowhere? Here’s a list of reasons; use it to figure out why you’re staying. Or, use it to help you brainstorm at least five reasons for not leaving…..

• Fear of being alone
• Lack of motivation to find someone new (eg, a new hair stylist, better business partner, more suitable roommate, etc).
• Fear of not being loved or accepted by anyone else
• Feelings of low self-worth, or even self-loathing
• Concern about what friends and family will say
• Financial problems (if so, you may find Steps to Financial Independence helpful)
• Poor role models (eg, parents or friends who lack courage to change their lives)
• Figuring out why you’re staying may help you find the courage to end a relationship that’s not working for you.

3. Let go of the need to control other people’s feelings. You can’t control how people – friends, family, or the person you’re breaking up with – will respond when you break off the relationship. You can’t control what they do, how they feel, who they tell, or how they think. That’s their business. Let it go. Focus on what you can change in your life, such as your own behavior and words, and your response to other people. This can involve protecting your boundaries despite criticism. In the movie “The Scotsman”, Nicole Kidman said, “When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness.” I amend that to “When you relinquish the desire to control other people, you will be happier”!

4. Think of a time in your past when you did something scary. What was the most difficult, frightening thing you’ve ever done? Reflect on it for a few moments. Then, figure out what gave you strength and courage. For one woman, it could be a soul sister, a support group, or a parent. Another woman could find the courage to say good-bye in a book about self-confidence, or a particular issue of a magazine such as O (reading Oprah’s magazine is one of my favorite ways to stay authentic and grounded in who I am!). You need to figure out how YOU get your strength…and one of the best ways to do that is to recall when you’ve been brave in the past.

5. Ask women you admire about the source of their courage and strength. We can learn so much from smart, strong women – which is why I created See Jane Soar! The women around us can help us build better, happier, more successful lives, even if we don’t know them personally. Take Nicole Kidman, for instance: I love knowing that a woman of her fame and fortune is as vulnerable as we are. She doesn’t know what the future holds, and has to strive to be positive just like we do. Her struggles and successes give me strength. If there’s a woman in your life that you admire, or one loved and lost, then talk to her. Gain strength and wisdom from her experience.

6. Tap into your soul. A solid inner strength can get you through almost anything – whether you’re feeling guilty about ending a relationship or worried about dissolving a business partnership. Spirituality or a reliance God, Buddha, or even Mother Nature can give you access to strength you didn’t even know you had. Find ways to maintain a strong connection between your heart, soul, and mind, and you’ll be stronger than you thought possible!

“I’d like to be wise,” said Nicole Kidman. “You have to go through a lot to get there, but I’m willing to go through a lot.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on these ways to find the courage to end a relationship, please comment below…

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“A human being is only interesting if she’s in contact with herself,” says Barbra Streisand. “I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it.”

To be who and what you are, you need to cope with the stress of caregiving as soon as it creeps up. And if you’re a caregiver, you need to get help before you’re totally burned out! To stop stress in its tracks, read Preventing Caregiver Burnout (Caregiver Survival Series). And, here are five signs of burnout from experienced caregivers…

“Caregivers who are experiencing burnout likely don’t even know it because they’re so absorbed with their responsibilities,” says Karen Boyer, Caregiver Support Program Coordinator of The Friends in Parry Sound, Ontario. “In a spousal relationship, women especially feel it’s part of their marriage vows. Older generations saw the pattern of their parents caring for spouses and extended family members as being the norm.”

5 Signs of Caregiver Burnout – Barbra Streisand

1. Personal and professional neglect. According to B. Lynn Goodwin, author of You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers, a caregiver needs help when she doesn’t have time personal care or skips her own health appointments because she’s always taking her loved one to the dentist, doctor, or other specialists. Goodwin adds that when a caregiver spends 45 minutes on a personal call at work – or the work/home scale is seriously unbalanced – she needs help.

“I just don’t want to be hampered by my own limitations,” says Barbra Streisand – which is what can happen when external responsibilities overpower who we are…and who we want to become.

2. Emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. Philip, 80, has been taking care of his 79 year old wife, Barb, in Vancouver, BC for three years. Barb struggles with dementia, and doesn’t always comply with his requests. Their daughter, Suzanne, says he has a hard time motivating his wife to stay active. “She says ‘no’ to going for walks, getting out of bed before 11 a.m., going to church, and spending time in out-patient programs. The constant ‘no’s’ are exhausting, and he eventually stops asking.” Philip’s exhaustion doesn’t just affect him, it also affects his wife’s health. To cope with caregiver burnout, he needs to find (and implement) smart stress solutions.

3. Physical ailments because of increased stress. Weight loss or gain, sleeplessness, chronic health problems, and constantly fighting colds or the flu could be signs of burnout. Boyer describes how stress can trigger health problems: “Heather attended my caregiver support group while caring for her elderly spouse. She let out a loud shriek as I described how stress can cause inflammation in the joints. She had no prior arthritis, but was suddenly experiencing joint pain.” Heather realized that her recent health issues were related to caregiver stress.

4. Strong emotional reactions. “Once, I yelled at my kids because they didn’t help as I dragged groceries from the car on a rainy afternoon,” says Marc Silver, author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) during Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond. “My older daughter said, ‘Gee, Dad, if you’d just ask, we’d be happy to help.” Boyer adds that caregivers who are burning out may become irritable, ignore offers of assistance, refuse invitations to go out, or drop out of their usual activities. 

“For me, one sign of ‘caregiver burnout’ was crying in the car,” says Silver, whose wife survived breast cancer. “Evidently a lot of guys do it, and it’s a welcome release.”

5. Loneliness and isolation. Suzanne says her father – whose wife is struggling with dementia – is lonely. “He doesn’t have adult conversations with her like he used to,” she says. “He lost his best friend.” And since Philip spends a great deal of time and energy caring for his wife, he doesn’t have much time or energy to socialize with others.

“If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it,” Silver adds. “No one can read your mind.”

Also – a final gem from Barbra Streisand – “You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on these signs of caregiver burnout, please comment below…

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“I lost boundaries as a child and I didn’t even realize it,” said Marie Osmond. “It wasn’t talked about back then. You know, it was something you just buried and dealt with, and moved forward. What could you do about it?”

If only “See Jane Soar” existed when she was a child – she could’ve learned how to protect her personal boundaries! If you’re struggling to stick to your boundaries, you might find Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Dayhelpful (pictured). And, here are five ways to maintain your boundaries even when people don’t like them…

5 Ways to Protect Your Boundaries Despite Criticism – Marie Osmond

When you set your personal boundaries, you’re protecting your time and energy for the things in life that mean the most to you. Setting boundaries is a piece of cake…it’s defending them that requires courage, stamina, and dedication!

1. Expect to be criticized for drawing the line. When I first started working from home – I’m a full-time freelance writer and blogger – I told my friends and family that I wouldn’t take personal phone calls during the day. It’s too disruptive, I love my job, and I don’t even talking on the phone! Most everybody was fine with it, except for a couple of friends who bristled (“Well, if you’re too busy to take ten minutes to catch up with an old friend who can’t talk in the evenings…”) and who are still irked, even after two years. Now when I set a personal boundary, I simply prepare myself for criticism or negative responses.

2. Let your loved ones be angry, disappointed, or frustrated. It’s okay if people are mad at you, disappointed in you, or frustrated by your behavior! No matter what you do or how nice you are, you won’t be liked by everyone all the time…so get used to getting under people’s skin. They’ll get over it. And, trust me, the more you let go of other people’s expecations, the easier it gets. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy all the time; your job is to figure out who your authentic self is, and be that woman. And don’t forget to look for the humor in the situation, because as Marie Osmond says, “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”

3. Stay in touch with who you are and what you need. As an introvert, I need to be alone a lot of the time. As a woman who likes to stay thin (and who gains weight just by thinking about chocolate), I need to eat less meat and potatoes – which my husband loves to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (he’s one of those lucky ectomorphs who can eat whatever wants whenever he wants, and not gain an ounce). These are examples of two types of personal boundaries I’ve set at home, and they’re easy to protect because I am connected to who I am. It’s difficult  to stand up against criticism when you don’t really know what you want or need!

4. Learn how to handle difficult people – especially at work. If you work full-time, you may spend more time at work than home…and who wants to be miserable for eight or nine hours a day? There are several ways to protect your boundaries even if you have critical coworkers, such as choosing the right time to talk to them, starting the conversation on a positive note, being specific, communicating directly, and figuring out your role in the problem. In How to Handle Bossy Coworkers – Sophia Loren, I describe those steps in more detail.

5. Detach from critical people a little…or a lot. Sometimes physical space is necessary – actually spending less time with people who don’t uplift or support you. If your mother or best friend from high school refuses to treat you the way you want to be treated (or if they’re toxic people), then it’s appropriate and healthy to spend less time with them, limit the lengths of your visits, or even let them go altogether.

“Life can be real tough,” said Marie Osmond. “You can either learn from your problems, or keep repeating them over and over.”

What about you – have you set healthy personal boundaries, and are you protecting them despite criticism from friends, family, or coworkers? I’d love to hear from you below!

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“When I speak to those who are newly diagnosed, I encourage them to work with what they have – not against those things,” says Mary Tyler Moore. “You have to give up in order to find acceptance. Moreover, you truly have to make the very best of what you’ve got. We all do.”

I’ve gathered several tips for living with diabetes, and sprinkled them with inspiration from Moore. To learn more about her experience with the disease, click her memoir Growing Up Again: Life, Loves, and Oh Yeah, Diabetes.

6 Tips for Living With Diabetes for Women – Mary Tyler Moore

1. Say a holy “yes” to your life as it exists. I’ve written about ulcerative colitis, using inspiration from Natalie Goldberg. She encourages us to accept life as it is – not how we wish it was. Moore is saying something similar: don’t rail against or fight your illness. Rather, accept and make the best of it. If you’re coping with a chronic illness, you need to embrace that it’s part of who you are…and fighting it means fighting yourself.

2. Learn about living with diabetes. Do you have Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes? Do you need to take insulin daily, or will diet and lifestyle control it? Who in your family has diabetes? How do other women manage it? The more you know about diabetes, the better you’ll be able to manage it. Learn what treatments you need to take and what body parts to check daily.

3. Keep doing what you need to do. Ulcerative colitis is a disease of the intestines, and I’ve had to learn several things about my body in order to treat and control it. Since most of these things involve my guts and bottom, they’re definitely not pretty…and it’s been hard. But, I do what I need to do to stay in remission – and if you have diabetes, you need to adopt the same attitude. “You have to accept this disease and adopt the necessary disciplines,” Moore says. “Otherwise, it will start nibbling away at your very being with things like blindness, amputations, and the like. If you don’t control diabetes it will control you.”

4. Learn what affects diabetes. Since diabetes affects so many parts of a woman’s body, it’s important to know what affects it. How does your diet, exercise, lifestyle, and habits affect the progression of this disease? Learn how smoking, alcohol, and over-the-counter medications affect the disease – and avoid things that trigger spikes. Take your prescribed medications faithfully, and follow your doctor’s advice.

5. Monitor the important levels. Women with diabetes need to watch their blood glucose, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels. It’s easier and quicker to check these levels now than it was in the past, and many readings can be checked at home or even on the road.

6. Focus the positive parts of having diabetes. Believe it or not, there is an upside to this disease! Mary Tyler Moore says this about kids with diabetes: “I have great fondness and respect for these kids who, at a very early age, have critical responsibility for handling insulin. Because of the enormous responsibility, diabetic kids tend to grow up to be the most mature, most realistic people who have a natural desire to reach outside of themselves.” These benefits of diabetes are possible for women, too – if they’re willing to see them.

Diabetes doesn’t have to stop you from getting what you want out of life! You can still live up to your own wildest dreams…and even surpass them.

Are you a woman living with diabetes, and can you relate to Mary Tyler Moore’s perspective on this disease? I welcome your thoughts below…

Source of Mary Tyler Moore’s quotations: Success Magazine.com, Mary Tyler Moore: Making a Difference in the Fight Against Type 1 Diabetes.

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For instance:

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~ Sophia Loren.

A beautiful woman isn’t all pouty lips and long eyelashes…she’s kind, compassionate, and optimistic. She has personality and a joie de vivre. Of course, a little lipstick and eyeliner never hurt anyone! If you want to make your own natural beauty products, click Organic Body Care Recipes. And, read on for five natural ways to improve your appearance…

5 Natural Beauty Secrets for Women Who Want to be More Beautiful – Sophia Loren

“I think the quality of sexiness comes from within,” said Sophia Loren. “It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips.”

True beauty (and sexiness!) may be about telling the truth, doing the work you love, and embracing your wrinkles…

1. Telling the truth makes you a beautiful woman. Being dishonest or disrespectful changes your appearance. “Acting ungraciously makes you more likely to frown or raise your eyebrows in arrogance, causing forehead lines. Lying produces inner tension that causes tightness around the mouth and lines around the eyes,” says character coach Susanne Alexander. “Resentment or unforgiveness can cause unhappy facial lines, such as a downturned mouth.” A secret for natural beauty is to act graciously as much as possible. Practice acceptance, gentleness, and patience.

2. Do the work you love, and you’ll be more beautiful. Dr Debra Condren, business psychologist and author of Ambition is Not a Dirty Word says, “Loving your work and unapologetically following your dreams is the secret beauty elixir women never hear about. Doing meaningful, challenging work will make you glow with an inner and outer beauty, which no cosmetic or surgery or makeup can imitate.” She advises checking in with yourself daily to stay in touch with your ambitions and desires. The more tuned in you are to what you want out of work and life, the more beautiful you’ll be.

3. Treat yourself like a beautiful woman. A modeling session with a professional photographer can be liberating, empowering, and fun! “I see women transform and step into their natural beauty on daily basis,” says photographer Lone Mørch, whose sessions help women express their sensuality. One of her clients, who weighs over 200 lbs, shares the effects of the photo shoot: “I recently attended two big parties, and I was on the dance floor the whole time. It was fantastic, and there’s no doubt the photo experience put an extra sway in my gait and a glint in my eye.” If you’re a plus size woman, you might find 5 Ways to Increase Self Esteem for Overweight Women helpful.

4. Embrace your wrinkles because they don’t decrease beauty. Research shows that skin tone influences whether a woman is beautiful more than wrinkles, laugh lines or “crow’s feet.” “An even skin tone can give visual cues about a person’s health and reproductive capability, so it’s considered desirable,” says Dr Bernhard Fink. His research shows that uneven or blotchy skin tone, caused by cumulative sun damage and natural aging, can add 10-12 years to a woman’s age. To be and stay beautiful, make sure you’re exercising regularly, eating right, and drinking plenty of water. Those are tried-and-true natural beauty secrets!

5. Give yourself room to breath. “If you live in a cluttered environment, you tend to feel overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted,” says life coach Dana Korey. “How you feel affects your appearance. If you’re tired, depressed or anxious – common reactions to disorganization – then you’re not happy or approachable.” Decluttering your mind and spirit is equally important, so stay focused, let go of critical thoughts, and take deep calming breaths. Korey says, “The feeling of nirvana that overtakes organized women creates radiance and inner peace…and that’s something no cosmetic could duplicate.”

Let’s wrap up our beauty lessons with a final quotation from Sophia Loren:

“Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.”

What do you think makes a woman beautiful? Do you have any natural beauty secrets? I welcome your comments below…

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Somers is an inspirational, courageous woman…

“I continue to put myself out there as a dart board for the medical community,” she says, “Their “darts” are sharp…I am not a doctor, but I happen to have access to some of the most incredible medical minds in the world–and I print their opinions to make sure they are heard.”

To learn about her research into cures and preventions for breast cancer, click Knockout: Interviews with Doctors Who Are Curing Cancer–And How to Prevent Getting It in the First Place by Suzanne Somers. And, read on for several ways to help a friend cope with breast cancer – or any chronic illness, such as multiple sclerosis or ALS…

5 Ways to Help a Friend With Breast Cancer – Suzanne Somers

1. Call, visit, and send emails regularly. I live a full day’s drive from my friend, who was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago (she found a lump in her breast and immediately went for a mammogram, which confirmed breast cancer). I can’t visit her in person regularly, but I call and email her every few days….and I’ll be staying with her shortly after her lumpectomy (which could become a mastectomy). Thankfully, her family members will be with her for the surgery and recovery period.

2. Get “practically” helpful. If you live near your friend, you could help by picking her kids up from school, bringing over a basket of fresh fruit and nuts, or even hiring a cleaner for a surprise housecleaning! I didn’t realize how time and energy-consuming an illness like breast cancer was…and I know the little practical things are incredibly helpful. Another possible way to help is to give her books on ways to prevent and fight cancer and heal from breast cancer surgery.

3. Accept that there isn’t one “right” thing to say. It’s difficult to help a friend with breast cancer when you don’t know what to say! It definitely made it more difficult for me to call my friend, because I didn’t want to keep asking her how she’s feeling or what she’s doing. But, once I accepted that there’s nothing I can say to make things better, I realized that just calling and chatting was helpful.

4. Keep reminding her that she is fabulous! I love this quotation from Suzanne Somers: “We all have creativity in us and we all are multi-dimensional…women are fabulous. We can handle a lot of things.” Telling your friend that she’s beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, creative – and that she can handle this just like she’s handled the other challenges she’s faced – may help her cope with breast cancer. She may be scared or worried about how she’ll look after the lumpectomy or mastectomy, and being told how fabulous she is could help her mindset and emotions.

5. Do a little research on breast cancer for your friend. “Each time I am faced with a challenge, I researched the problems in order to overcome the adversity,” says Somers about her struggles with breast cancer, family alcoholism, and weight gain. “At the end of each search, when I had found my own answers, I felt I had something to share and thought others might benefit from the work I had done for myself.” If you think your friend would benefit from learning about breast cancer and perhaps doesn’t have the time or energy to do the research herself, perhaps you could help her that way.

Olivia Newton-John also survived breast cancer – and her take on it is especially interesting because she asked herself if she created her own cancer to face her fears. Do you think we can create our own diseases?

Have you ever had a friend diagnosed with breast cancer – and how have you helped her? I welcome your suggestions and thoughts below…

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1. Making Yourself Sick With Breast Cancer? Olivia Newton-John
2. Taking Care of Your Breast Health – Renée Zellweger
3. 5 Ways to Cope With Chronic Illness – Natalie Goldberg

“Getting ahead in a difficult profession [or with difficult co-workers] requires avid faith in yourself,” said Loren. “That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go so much further than people with vastly superior talent.”

To deal with or confront anyone in your life – whether a toxic friend or a domineering sister-in-law – you need to have faith in yourself. You’ll go further with self-confidence than talent, my friend! Read on for my suggestions on how to handle difficult people at work – and click on Nice Girls Can Finish First: Getting the Results You Want and the Respect You Deserve . . . While Still Being Liked (where two of these suggestions come from).

How to Handle Negative or Bossy Co-Workers – Sophia Loren

This is my reader’s question: “When your office co-workers are bossy, should I just accept their criticisms and comments or should I say something?”

If you plan on working in that office or job for a long time, then yes. I believe you should say something. The sooner you learn to stand up for yourself at work, the happier and healthier you’ll be – both professionally and personally!

Choose the right time. Don’t stand up to a difficult person at work when you’re angry, frustrated, or unhappy. Instead, choose a quiet time – when you’re alone with your co-worker, without an audience – to calmly and carefully express how you feel. But, don’t let this problem at work fester; read 7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination at Work for a boost.

Start on a positive note. Do you like that your co-worker is diligent, attentive, or detail-oriented? “Compliments lower people’s guards, making them more receptive,” writes Dayle Deanna Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “Say something nice before confronting problems.” Getting your negative, bossy co-worker on your side can’t hurt!

Be specific about what is bothering you. Say, “I know you don’t mean any harm, but when you ____, I feel _____.” Do you feel incompetent or like you’re not doing your job properly when your co-worker criticizes you (especially when she’s not your boss?). Telling her the truth might make you feel vulnerable in the moment, but it may benefit you in the long run.

Communicate directly and clearly. When you’re asserting yourself with a bossy co-worker, Schwartz suggests stating your position clearly and firmly. You don’t have to be cruel; you just want to avoid sounding wishy washy or afraid. For instance, if you’re being insulted, say “Insulting me is unacceptable.” I’ve also politely and matter-of-factly said “I don’t speak to you like that (disrespectfully, cruelly, negatively, etc), so I’d appreciate if you didn’t speak to me that way.” For more communication tips, read 5 Tips for Becoming More Assertive.

Figure out your role in the problem. Maybe you simply let yourself be treated poorly at work for too long, and now your bossy co-worker is out of control. Or, maybe you’re doing something to contribute to her negativity or bossiness. I don’t know – but I do think it’s important to take a step back and examine your own workplace behavior. You might even ask for suggestions from your co-worker about resolving the issue.

Try to end on a positive note. “Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate being able to talk to you about this,” might be effective. Or, “This wasn’t easy for me, but I’m glad I could air my feelings. I’d like us to get along!” It depends, of course, on how the conversation went…but even if you don’t resolve the issue, you can thank you co-worker for “agreeing to disagree.”

Practice role playing. Asserting yourself with difficult people at work takes practice! To successfully handle negative co-workers, plan your words and responses with a friend, partner, or family member. Ask your friend to pretend to be the bossy co-worker while you practice the above suggestions. Role playing can be a very effective way to get comfortable with handling negative situations.

One last quotation from Sophia Loren:

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love,” said Sophia Loren. “When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Use your mind, my friend. Use your talents and creativity – and have faith in yourself. Even if you don’t pick the exact right words or immediately solve your problems, you are moving forward and doing the best you can!

If you have any thoughts or questions on handling difficult people at work, I welcome you below…

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1. 5 Natural Beauty Secrets for Women – Sophia Loren
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First, two quotations about divorce from strong women in history: Zsa Zsa Gabor and Margaret Atwood….

“I’m an excellent housekeeper,” said Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”

On a more serious note, Margaret Atwood said, “A divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you.”

If you’re a woman considering divorce, you need to know the signs it’s time to leave your husband. Unhappy marriages often have solid indications that divorce is inevitable, according to Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Susan Pease Gadoua. Read the book for details, and check out these signs you should leave your husband…

Women Considering Divorce – Signs You Should Leave Your Husband

“There are certain factors that suggest a relationship is workable and salvageable,” writes Gadoua. “There are other factors in marriages that, if present, indicate a low probability that the relationship will be healthy or fulfilling. I call these workability factors.”

Here’s a list of Gadoua’s indications of unhappy marriages, specifically related to safety, love, and esteem needs (based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs).

You might consider divorce if your safety needs aren’t being met because of…

• Lack of trust
• Pathological dishonesty
• Lack of mental, emotional, physical, or financial safety
• Abuse (read Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship for more info)
• No communication

You might work on saving the marriage if trust was broken but is reparable, if there’s a mutual desire to create a safe environment, if there is care, concern, and communication.

It may be time to leave your husband if these love needs aren’t being met:

• Absence of mutual love
• Infidelity
• No shared interests
• One or both spouses aren’t fully committed to the marriage
• One-sided relationship

If you’re considering divorce, you might think about saving your marriage if there is a foundation of mutual love, if both partners are willing to work through physical or emotional infidelity, and if both spouses are willing to recommit to staying married.

But remember: love doesn’t conquer all! You can love your husband with all your heart, but not be able to build a strong, happy marriage together – especially if you’ve lost your personal identity. The lack of romantic love may not always lead to divorce, and the presence of love doesn’t lead to a happy marriage. As Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.”

You might consider divorce if your esteem needs aren’t being met because of…

• No esteem from self or spouse, and no desire to change
• No respect at all from spouse
• No common goals
• Unwillingness of at least one spouse to work on marriage

Does your marriage have a foundation of respect, some common goals, and a willingness to work on esteem and marriage issues on the part of both partners? If so, it might be worthwhile to try to save your marriage.

There are no quick and easy answers for women considering divorce – and even the surest signs that it may be time to leave your husband can be complicated and confusing.

“I’ve had countless clients tell me that they don’t want to divorce because they are afraid of losing the co-parenting relationship or their spouse’s income, only to eventually realize that they alone already carry the load of responsibilities,” says Gadoua. “The spouse doesn’t contribute to the marriage but, rather, takes from it.”

Sometimes, divorce for women leads to an easier, more liberated, happier life – especially if you’re leaving an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship.

A final thought from Zsa Zsa Gabor:

“You never really know a man until you have divorced him.”

If you’re considering divorce and have questions or thoughts on these signs it’s time to leave your husband, please comment below…

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