“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal,” said Barbara Bush. “You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, or a parent.”

Sometimes it seems easier to distance yourself from difficult family members – and sometimes distance is the best solution. Other times, however, it’s healthier to deal directly with problems in families. For help, read Leaving Home: The Art of Separating From Your Difficult Family. And, here are some suggestions for difficult families…

Dealing With Difficult Family Members – Barbara Bush

Learn how to deal with difficult people. Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but there are many books and resources on how to deflect conflicts and situations. Read about boundaries, take workshops or classes about setting healthy boundaries with difficult people, and consider talking to a counselor about the best way to handle problems with family members.

Distance yourself from difficult family members. Even though Barbara Bush says, “Cherish your human connections: your relationships with friends and family,” I think the best way to handle some types of family problems is to separate yourself physically and emotionally. This may mean moving to a different house, state, or country. Or, it may mean not answering the phone until you’re mentally and emotionally ready to talk. You don’t necessarily need to cut difficult family members out of your life; rather, you can give them a quick call every 2-3 months — or you can send a note instead of calling.

Don’t expect your family member to change. Change the things you have control over, such as how often you visit. Even knowing you have control over the littlest things can make a difference! Your family member may never change, but you can empower yourself in different ways. For instance, if you have an alcoholic sibling, you can join an Al-Anon support group. Difficult family members are stressful – there’s no doubt about it – but you can reduce the stress by checking your own attitude and response to them.

Know when to draw the line. On my How to Cope With Difficult Parents article, many readers describe toxic relatives who cause a lot of harm to themselves and their family members. My readers ask the same question over and over: “How can I stop my brother/parent/uncle member from doing the same harmful act?” It depends on the situation, but many times the answer is found in letting your family member face the consequences. If you keep protecting your family member from the natural consequences of his actions, then he’ll keep acting the same way.

Expect criticism. Handling problems with family members requires setting boundaries. It’s easier to set boundaries than to actually stick to them! Learn how to protect your boundaries despite criticism from other people. And remember that your difficult family members may not think they’re doing anything wrong, and may not see the negative effect they have on you or others. They may think everyone should live and act the way they do. That’s their right, and it’s your right to live the way you see fit.

Figure out what the “natural consequences” are. If your family member causes physical harm to another person or family member, then a natural consequence is legal action. If your relative always borrows money and never pays it back, then a natural consequence could be filing suit for repayment (provided you and your relative signed a loan agreement). Another natural consequence is not being invited to family dinners or celebrations (if the toxic relative always ruins the get-togethers). Many families try – out of love – to protect their relatives from the results of their actions. This may appear to be a loving thing to do, but it’s “enabling.” It perpetuates the behavior.

“You have to love your children unselfishly,” says Barbara Bush. “That’s hard. But it’s the only way.” And, part of unselfish love is doing what’s best for your child…even when he’s the most difficult family member you’ve ever known!

What do you think of these ways to deal with difficult family members? I welcome your questions and comments below…

Related posts:

1. Dealing With Different Money Personalities as a Couple – Suze Orman
2. Why do Women (and Men!) Gossip? – Barbara Walters
3. Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

These three ways to cope with relationship abuse are inspired by quotations from Eleanor Roosevelt, who was a strong, successful woman in history.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

What is the thing you think you can’t do? Instead of thinking you cannot…start thinking of how you can. Focus on how you want your life to be better, healthier, more whole. If you want to learn more about relationship abuse, click Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. And, here are three ways to break up with a toxic, addictive, unhealthy partner…

3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Get help — don’t leave an abusive partner on your own. “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Even if you don’t feel like you’re surrounded by friends in the world – you need to reach out and connect! Many women are too afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to tell their friends or family about the abuse. This is one reason they stay in unhealthy relationships – because abusive partners isolate their girlfriends or wives. One of the first steps to breaking free from a bad relationship is rallying your troops: get help from a distress line, counselor, pastor, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors – anyone.

2. Connect with your higher power. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, or a more abstract Guiding Force in the Universe – connect with your higher power. Stop fearing and cursing the darkness…and start lighting your candles. Journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading books about finding and following the healthiest part of yourself will help strengthen your connection to the voice within. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise; it strengthens your body and your relationship with Something Greater Than Yourself – who wants the best for you. Connecting with your higher power will improve your emotional health.

3. Practice random acts of courage. “What looks courageous to one person may not look that way to another,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “Every one of use gets to that for ourselves.” Everyone – not just women struggling with relationship abuse – lives with limiting beliefs and behaviors. These beliefs and behaviors stop us from creating our heart’s desire. Taking healthy risks allows us to step outside of those beliefs and behaviors, and helps us create the life we love. How can you be courageous today, even if you’re not quite ready to break up with your partner? Practice one little act of courage – you’ll feel better and happier about yourself…and your future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Related posts:

1. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

In The Key to Success for Female Entrepreneurs – Coco Chanel, I described how finding your personal advantage or strength can set you apart from the masses of entrepreneurs or career women. Here, I share examples of innate advantages or personal strengths so you can see what I (and Garrison Wynn!) am talking about.

“Lots of people ignore their innate advantages because they can’t see how it delivers a professional edge,” writes Wynn in The Real Truth about Success:  What the Top 1% Do Differently, Why They Won’t Tell You, and How You Can Do It Anyway! “An innate advantage is anything that you possess naturally that can help you succeed.”

Click on his book to learn more about how to succeed in business and relationships. And, read on for several examples of personal advantages that will make your business successful…

Types of Personal Strengths or Advantages

The willingness to be honest and vulnerable. Oprah Winfrey is a hugely successful female entrepreneur who shares most aspects of her life, from her struggles with her weight to her difficult relationships with her family members. Her millions of viewers and fans relate to who she is because she’s real. Her honesty and vulnerability makes her likeable. But not every businesswoman can – or wants to be – that open with their clients or customers. 

The ability to connect with people. I admire those female entrepreneurs who can connect easily with others (aka “networking”) – because it really is who you know that helps your business succeed. “The people you need to help you make your dream come true are everywhere, and within your reach,” says motivational speaker Marcia Weider. If you think you can’t network, read Networking Tips for Introverts – you’d be surprised at how easy it can be!

Physical stamina and determination. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says that hugely successful people put in 10,000 hours of practice before they hit the big time. Bill Gates logged thousands of hours as a computer programmer, the Beatles sung in dozens of dingy nightclubs, and Stephen King wrote legions of bad stories – and they all became wildly successful. A key to their success was the ability and willingness to keep practicing even when they were tired or felt like giving up. For more keys to success from Outliers, read Tips for Achieving Your Goals.

Access to resources: time, money, institutions. Family wealth or fame is a personal advantage that can make your business successful – and there’s nothing wrong with tapping into it! Perhaps that’s part of Maria Shriver’s success. I don’t have access to family wealth, but I can afford to focus on building my freelance writing and blogging career from scratch without worrying about money because my husband makes enough to support us. At first, this made me feel uncomfortable – but not anymore! Now, I am grateful for this opportunity to build my business. I now see it as a personal advantage that I’d be foolish to ignore.

“The idea that we all have to be a certain way or equally gifted or equipped is ridiculous,” writes Wynn in The Real Truth about Success. “Certain jobs or roles require a dominant set of skills or attitudes balanced by almost a complete absence of another set.”

There are many, many more innate abilities that will help you succeed! If you want to read another article with more examples, please let me know below.  I’d be happy to.

If you have any examples of how personal advantages can make your business successful – or questions - please comment below…

Related posts:

1. When You’re Starting Your Own Business – What Successful Businesswomen Know
2. From Hobbies to Careers – 5 Ideas for Turning a Hobby Into a Successful Business
3. For Female Entrepreneurs – Martha Stewart’s 10 Rules for Starting a Business

“Women have to be able to champion other women,” said Michelle Obama in a recent issue of Oprah Magazine. “We have to root for each other’s successes and not delight in one another’s failures.”

Rooting for your friend’s successes can be difficult – especially if you’re prone to jealousy or insecurity (like we all are at times!). For more info about healing female friendships, click When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You. And, read on for tips on repairing relationships and keeping  friends for the long haul…

Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

Is there a friend who you don’t talk to? Did you argue about something, or just drift apart — or did you have an unexpected relationship breakup? Here are a few things to think about if you want to be friends again…

Figure out the cause of the estrangement. Female friendships can be broken through neglect, betrayal, arguments, or broken promises. Identifying and airing the cause of the breakup can make reconnecting with friends much easier. Plus, the more you know about broken relationships, the healthier your future friendships will be!

Make the first move to repair the relationship, says Michelle Obama. “If there is anyone who has a broken relationship with another woman, if there was a woman in your life that you have not communicated with because of ego or embarrassment or jealousy or fear of rejection, a sister or a friend or a mother or a child who could or should be a part of your community,” says Obama, “I ask you to reach out to that woman today.”

Remember that female friendships have ups and downs. Most relationships go through cycles of closeness and distance, connection and disconnection. To keep your friendships healthy and strong, accept that these natural stages – and perhaps pay a little more attention to your friends during the periods of distance.

Accept your friends for who they are. The best, healthiest part of friendship is not trying to change people! If you want to keep your friend, you should accept her quirks, weaknesses, and foibles…without wanting her to be different or trying to change her personality.

Identify toxic female friends. Some relationships aren’t worth repairing because they’re destructive, unhealthy, or difficult. To learn if you’re in a toxic friendship, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez. To find out if you’re the toxic friend, read Are You a Toxic Female Friend? George Eliot.

One last quotation from Michelle Obama:

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on healing female friendships or repairing relationships, I welcome you below!

Related posts:

1. Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez
2. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
3. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

Here’s what Eleanor Roosevelt said about friendship:

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

When you’re healing from a relationship breakup, one of the most important things to do is not take it personally and stay friends with yourself – especially if the breakup was unexpected! For more relationship advice, click on Extreme Breakup Recovery by Jeanette Castelli. And, read on for my ways to overcome an unexpected relationship breakup…

Ways to Overcome an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt

Don’t take the breakup personally. The reason for the relationship breakup could have nothing to do with you! Maybe something happened in your friend or partner’s life that requires distance, such as depression, physical illness, or unresolved emotional issues. It’s important to remember that he or she has a whole inner life that you may not be privy to. Don’t berate yourself for the breakup, or over what you did or didn’t do.

Let go of feelings of unworthiness and inferiority. This is a deeper exploration of “don’t take things personally”: don’t let the unexpected breakup destroy your self-confidence or self-esteem. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” said Roosevelt. Accept your hurt and confusion about the end of the relationship or friendship, but don’t let it make you feel unworthy or inferior.

Ask what happened. It’s acceptable and even healthy to ask romantic partners or friends for reasons behind the relationship breakup, especially if it was unexpected. Did you not live up to their expectations? Did you offend them, or were you insensitive in some way? If you’re wondering if you were a “bad” friend, you might find Are You a Toxic Friend – George Eliot helpful. But remember — an unexpected end of a friendship does not mean you’re a toxic or bad friend!

Accept that you may never know why it happened. Your friend or partner may not be able to express the reasons for the relationship breakup. Maybe he or she doesn’t know why the relationship can’t continue, or can’t express it properly. Or, perhaps he or she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. To overcome an unexpected relationship breakup, you have to accept a possible lack of closure.

Prime the “resilience” pump! How “bouncebackable” are you? Resiliency is a key to being a successful woman who can overcome relationship breakups and forge healthy new relationships. Everyone faces failures, setbacks, and obstacles in friendships and romantic relationships. Successful women just keep getting up and trying again, that’s all! For tips on bouncing back, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling.

Choose to heal. The most effective way to overcome relationship breakup – besides letting time heal – is to make the choice to move on. The end of the friendship or relationship happened, and there may be nothing you can do about it. You need to choose to heal and overcome your feelings of loss, pain, and helplessness; it’s a choice you may need to make every day.

Soon, you’ll find your pain over the breakup to be less distracting or debilitating. You’ll remember the relationship, but won’t be as burdened by it.

One last quotation from Eleanor Roosevelt (not necessarily related to ending a relationship or friendship, but it’s a great thought!):

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway,” she said. “You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” 

What are your thoughts or questions on overcoming unexpected an relationship breakup? I welcome you below…

Related posts:

1. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt