“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal,” said Barbara Bush. “You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, or a parent.”

Sometimes it seems easier to distance yourself from difficult family members – and sometimes distance is the best solution. Other times, however, it’s healthier to deal directly with problems in families. For help, read Leaving Home: The Art of Separating From Your Difficult Family. And, here are some suggestions for difficult families…

Dealing With Difficult Family Members – Barbara Bush

Learn how to deal with difficult people. Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but there are many books and resources on how to deflect conflicts and situations. Read about boundaries, take workshops or classes about setting healthy boundaries with difficult people, and consider talking to a counselor about the best way to handle problems with family members.

Distance yourself from difficult family members. Even though Barbara Bush says, “Cherish your human connections: your relationships with friends and family,” I think the best way to handle some types of family problems is to separate yourself physically and emotionally. This may mean moving to a different house, state, or country. Or, it may mean not answering the phone until you’re mentally and emotionally ready to talk. You don’t necessarily need to cut difficult family members out of your life; rather, you can give them a quick call every 2-3 months — or you can send a note instead of calling.

Don’t expect your family member to change. Change the things you have control over, such as how often you visit. Even knowing you have control over the littlest things can make a difference! Your family member may never change, but you can empower yourself in different ways. For instance, if you have an alcoholic sibling, you can join an Al-Anon support group. Difficult family members are stressful – there’s no doubt about it – but you can reduce the stress by checking your own attitude and response to them.

Know when to draw the line. On my How to Cope With Difficult Parents article, many readers describe toxic relatives who cause a lot of harm to themselves and their family members. My readers ask the same question over and over: “How can I stop my brother/parent/uncle member from doing the same harmful act?” It depends on the situation, but many times the answer is found in letting your family member face the consequences. If you keep protecting your family member from the natural consequences of his actions, then he’ll keep acting the same way.

Expect criticism. Handling problems with family members requires setting boundaries. It’s easier to set boundaries than to actually stick to them! Learn how to protect your boundaries despite criticism from other people. And remember that your difficult family members may not think they’re doing anything wrong, and may not see the negative effect they have on you or others. They may think everyone should live and act the way they do. That’s their right, and it’s your right to live the way you see fit.

Figure out what the “natural consequences” are. If your family member causes physical harm to another person or family member, then a natural consequence is legal action. If your relative always borrows money and never pays it back, then a natural consequence could be filing suit for repayment (provided you and your relative signed a loan agreement). Another natural consequence is not being invited to family dinners or celebrations (if the toxic relative always ruins the get-togethers). Many families try – out of love – to protect their relatives from the results of their actions. This may appear to be a loving thing to do, but it’s “enabling.” It perpetuates the behavior.

“You have to love your children unselfishly,” says Barbara Bush. “That’s hard. But it’s the only way.” And, part of unselfish love is doing what’s best for your child…even when he’s the most difficult family member you’ve ever known!

What do you think of these ways to deal with difficult family members? I welcome your questions and comments below…

Related posts:

1. Dealing With Different Money Personalities as a Couple – Suze Orman
2. Why do Women (and Men!) Gossip? – Barbara Walters
3. Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

“Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides.” ~ Margaret Thatcher.

Making a choice to act can be difficult in different ways for women of different ages. If you’re in your forties like me, you might find The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After 40 interesting! However, the following ways to make a good decision apply to women of all ages…

How to Make a Good Decision for Women – Margaret Thatcher

Make decisions quickly, and keep a “decisions” journal. “Not only will you find that the decisions you make quickly are the better ones, but you’ll also find you’re much happier and more confident with those than you are with the decisions you make using laborious analysis,” writes Elaine St. James in Simplify Your Work Life: Ways to Change the Way You Work so You Have More Time to Live. She advises keeping a “decisions journal” for six months to determine how long it takes to make decisions and which ones were good decisions. Knowing how to make a good decisions quickly involves tracking your past decisions, both good and bad.

Margaret Thatcher is a woman who makes decisions quickly: “I usually make up my mind about a man in ten seconds,” she says, “and I very rarely change it.”

Trust your first instincts. St. James believes it’s important to trust your gut instincts. And, making a good decision for women involves eliminating clutter or “noise”, such as other people’s expectations want or what you’ve been programmed to do by your parents or teachers. “Often our days are so filled with unimportant minutiae that we easily get disconnected from our inner guidance,” writes St. James. Connecting to your inner voice takes practice, which is why St. James suggests the decisions journal when you’re trying to make a good decision. It will help you make the right decision quickly, and help you untangle the unimportant details.

Take an “Is this a good decision?” test. You can make a good decision by tuning in to your physical body. This test involves standing up straight, taking a cleansing breath of air, and either letting your arms rest by your sides or placing them against your solar plexus. Breathe in through the nose and out through your mouth. “It helps in the beginning to close your eyes,” writes St. James in Simplify Your Work Life. “Not only to eliminate visual distractions but also to help you get in touch with your center.” And, the more in touch you are with your inner self, the more you’ll get out of your life!

Most women’s bodies tilt forward when they experience a “yes” response to a decision. Their bodies tilt slightly backwards with a “no” response. To determine your own bodily response, imagine a “yes” and a “no” decision. Which way does your body lean?

Once you know how your body responds when you’re making decisions, you’re more in touch with you body’s energy field and you’ll be better able to make good decisions quickly. When you’re standing solidly and comfortably, ask yourself if a particular decision is truly in your best interest. Is it in your best interests to hire Jennifer, marry Bill or have a bacon double cheeseburger with super sized French fries for lunch?

“If the decision you’ve made is right for you, your body will start to fall forward ever so slightly; if the decision isn’t right, your body will start to fall backward every so slightly,” writes St. James. “The more you work with this, the better you’ll get.”

If you tend to make decisions based on a need to be liked, check out this final quotation from Margaret Thatcher: “If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing. ”

If you have any questions or thoughts on making good decisions for women, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. Where “Well-Behaved Women” Came From – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
2. How to Make Mistakes and Move On – Brenda Ueland
3. How to Make Your Business Successful: Find Your Personal Advantage

These three ways to cope with relationship abuse are inspired by quotations from Eleanor Roosevelt, who was a strong, successful woman in history.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

What is the thing you think you can’t do? Instead of thinking you cannot…start thinking of how you can. Focus on how you want your life to be better, healthier, more whole. If you want to learn more about relationship abuse, click Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. And, here are three ways to break up with a toxic, addictive, unhealthy partner…

3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Get help — don’t leave an abusive partner on your own. “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Even if you don’t feel like you’re surrounded by friends in the world – you need to reach out and connect! Many women are too afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to tell their friends or family about the abuse. This is one reason they stay in unhealthy relationships – because abusive partners isolate their girlfriends or wives. One of the first steps to breaking free from a bad relationship is rallying your troops: get help from a distress line, counselor, pastor, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors – anyone.

2. Connect with your higher power. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, or a more abstract Guiding Force in the Universe – connect with your higher power. Stop fearing and cursing the darkness…and start lighting your candles. Journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading books about finding and following the healthiest part of yourself will help strengthen your connection to the voice within. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise; it strengthens your body and your relationship with Something Greater Than Yourself – who wants the best for you. Connecting with your higher power will improve your emotional health.

3. Practice random acts of courage. “What looks courageous to one person may not look that way to another,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “Every one of use gets to that for ourselves.” Everyone – not just women struggling with relationship abuse – lives with limiting beliefs and behaviors. These beliefs and behaviors stop us from creating our heart’s desire. Taking healthy risks allows us to step outside of those beliefs and behaviors, and helps us create the life we love. How can you be courageous today, even if you’re not quite ready to break up with your partner? Practice one little act of courage – you’ll feel better and happier about yourself…and your future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Related posts:

1. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

In The Key to Success for Female Entrepreneurs – Coco Chanel, I described how finding your personal advantage or strength can set you apart from the masses of entrepreneurs or career women. Here, I share examples of innate advantages or personal strengths so you can see what I (and Garrison Wynn!) am talking about.

“Lots of people ignore their innate advantages because they can’t see how it delivers a professional edge,” writes Wynn in The Real Truth about Success:  What the Top 1% Do Differently, Why They Won’t Tell You, and How You Can Do It Anyway! “An innate advantage is anything that you possess naturally that can help you succeed.”

Click on his book to learn more about how to succeed in business and relationships. And, read on for several examples of personal advantages that will make your business successful…

Types of Personal Strengths or Advantages

The willingness to be honest and vulnerable. Oprah Winfrey is a hugely successful female entrepreneur who shares most aspects of her life, from her struggles with her weight to her difficult relationships with her family members. Her millions of viewers and fans relate to who she is because she’s real. Her honesty and vulnerability makes her likeable. But not every businesswoman can – or wants to be – that open with their clients or customers. 

The ability to connect with people. I admire those female entrepreneurs who can connect easily with others (aka “networking”) – because it really is who you know that helps your business succeed. “The people you need to help you make your dream come true are everywhere, and within your reach,” says motivational speaker Marcia Weider. If you think you can’t network, read Networking Tips for Introverts – you’d be surprised at how easy it can be!

Physical stamina and determination. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says that hugely successful people put in 10,000 hours of practice before they hit the big time. Bill Gates logged thousands of hours as a computer programmer, the Beatles sung in dozens of dingy nightclubs, and Stephen King wrote legions of bad stories – and they all became wildly successful. A key to their success was the ability and willingness to keep practicing even when they were tired or felt like giving up. For more keys to success from Outliers, read Tips for Achieving Your Goals.

Access to resources: time, money, institutions. Family wealth or fame is a personal advantage that can make your business successful – and there’s nothing wrong with tapping into it! Perhaps that’s part of Maria Shriver’s success. I don’t have access to family wealth, but I can afford to focus on building my freelance writing and blogging career from scratch without worrying about money because my husband makes enough to support us. At first, this made me feel uncomfortable – but not anymore! Now, I am grateful for this opportunity to build my business. I now see it as a personal advantage that I’d be foolish to ignore.

“The idea that we all have to be a certain way or equally gifted or equipped is ridiculous,” writes Wynn in The Real Truth about Success. “Certain jobs or roles require a dominant set of skills or attitudes balanced by almost a complete absence of another set.”

There are many, many more innate abilities that will help you succeed! If you want to read another article with more examples, please let me know below.  I’d be happy to.

If you have any examples of how personal advantages can make your business successful – or questions - please comment below…

Related posts:

1. When You’re Starting Your Own Business – What Successful Businesswomen Know
2. From Hobbies to Careers – 5 Ideas for Turning a Hobby Into a Successful Business
3. For Female Entrepreneurs – Martha Stewart’s 10 Rules for Starting a Business

“Women have to be able to champion other women,” said Michelle Obama in a recent issue of Oprah Magazine. “We have to root for each other’s successes and not delight in one another’s failures.”

Rooting for your friend’s successes can be difficult – especially if you’re prone to jealousy or insecurity (like we all are at times!). For more info about healing female friendships, click When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You. And, read on for tips on repairing relationships and keeping  friends for the long haul…

Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama

Is there a friend who you don’t talk to? Did you argue about something, or just drift apart — or did you have an unexpected relationship breakup? Here are a few things to think about if you want to be friends again…

Figure out the cause of the estrangement. Female friendships can be broken through neglect, betrayal, arguments, or broken promises. Identifying and airing the cause of the breakup can make reconnecting with friends much easier. Plus, the more you know about broken relationships, the healthier your future friendships will be!

Make the first move to repair the relationship, says Michelle Obama. “If there is anyone who has a broken relationship with another woman, if there was a woman in your life that you have not communicated with because of ego or embarrassment or jealousy or fear of rejection, a sister or a friend or a mother or a child who could or should be a part of your community,” says Obama, “I ask you to reach out to that woman today.”

Remember that female friendships have ups and downs. Most relationships go through cycles of closeness and distance, connection and disconnection. To keep your friendships healthy and strong, accept that these natural stages – and perhaps pay a little more attention to your friends during the periods of distance.

Accept your friends for who they are. The best, healthiest part of friendship is not trying to change people! If you want to keep your friend, you should accept her quirks, weaknesses, and foibles…without wanting her to be different or trying to change her personality.

Identify toxic female friends. Some relationships aren’t worth repairing because they’re destructive, unhealthy, or difficult. To learn if you’re in a toxic friendship, read Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez. To find out if you’re the toxic friend, read Are You a Toxic Female Friend? George Eliot.

One last quotation from Michelle Obama:

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

If you have any questions or thoughts on healing female friendships or repairing relationships, I welcome you below!

Related posts:

1. Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez
2. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
3. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

Here’s what Eleanor Roosevelt said about friendship:

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

When you’re healing from a relationship breakup, one of the most important things to do is not take it personally and stay friends with yourself – especially if the breakup was unexpected! For more relationship advice, click on Extreme Breakup Recovery by Jeanette Castelli. And, read on for my ways to overcome an unexpected relationship breakup…

Ways to Overcome an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt

Don’t take the breakup personally. The reason for the relationship breakup could have nothing to do with you! Maybe something happened in your friend or partner’s life that requires distance, such as depression, physical illness, or unresolved emotional issues. It’s important to remember that he or she has a whole inner life that you may not be privy to. Don’t berate yourself for the breakup, or over what you did or didn’t do.

Let go of feelings of unworthiness and inferiority. This is a deeper exploration of “don’t take things personally”: don’t let the unexpected breakup destroy your self-confidence or self-esteem. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” said Roosevelt. Accept your hurt and confusion about the end of the relationship or friendship, but don’t let it make you feel unworthy or inferior.

Ask what happened. It’s acceptable and even healthy to ask romantic partners or friends for reasons behind the relationship breakup, especially if it was unexpected. Did you not live up to their expectations? Did you offend them, or were you insensitive in some way? If you’re wondering if you were a “bad” friend, you might find Are You a Toxic Friend – George Eliot helpful. But remember — an unexpected end of a friendship does not mean you’re a toxic or bad friend!

Accept that you may never know why it happened. Your friend or partner may not be able to express the reasons for the relationship breakup. Maybe he or she doesn’t know why the relationship can’t continue, or can’t express it properly. Or, perhaps he or she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. To overcome an unexpected relationship breakup, you have to accept a possible lack of closure.

Prime the “resilience” pump! How “bouncebackable” are you? Resiliency is a key to being a successful woman who can overcome relationship breakups and forge healthy new relationships. Everyone faces failures, setbacks, and obstacles in friendships and romantic relationships. Successful women just keep getting up and trying again, that’s all! For tips on bouncing back, read 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling.

Choose to heal. The most effective way to overcome relationship breakup – besides letting time heal – is to make the choice to move on. The end of the friendship or relationship happened, and there may be nothing you can do about it. You need to choose to heal and overcome your feelings of loss, pain, and helplessness; it’s a choice you may need to make every day.

Soon, you’ll find your pain over the breakup to be less distracting or debilitating. You’ll remember the relationship, but won’t be as burdened by it.

One last quotation from Eleanor Roosevelt (not necessarily related to ending a relationship or friendship, but it’s a great thought!):

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway,” she said. “You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” 

What are your thoughts or questions on overcoming unexpected an relationship breakup? I welcome you below…

Related posts:

1. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How to Stop Feeling Depressed About a Relationship Breakup – Rita Rudner
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” said Roosevelt – and that right there is a key definition of a successful woman! In this case, there’s no “one size fits all.”

Here are several possible ways to define a successful woman… if you want to go further, click on What Every Successful Woman Knows: 12 Breakthrough Strategies to Get the Power and Ignite Your Career by Janice Reals Ellig and Bill Morin.

The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

You may also like 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women!

External achievements. Does a PhD, MD, or LLB make you a successful woman? What about a house with an ocean view, or an apartment overlooking Central Park in New York City? Maybe getting a book published makes you successful, or raising healthy, happy children. Does achieving your goals make you a successful woman? (I say YES to that one, as the creator of “Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals” ).

Emotions and feelings. If you feel happy, fulfilled, and content with your life – does that mean you’re a successful woman? Sure! But what about perimenopausal or PMSing women? Their moods plummet and skyrocket at a moment’s notice, which may mean their self-identity or measure of success changes as their hormones fly. I think successful women feel fulfilled, but there’s more to success than feelings…

Physical and emotional health. I have ulcerative colitis and mild bouts of PMS every so often…does that mean I’m not successful? Are women who struggle with depression or cancer less successful? No – but women who stay physically fit and eat nutritious foods may live longer and healthier lives. So, I believe there is a connection between successful women and good health. Read Coping With Chronic Illness – Natalie Goldberg if you struggle with illness!

Treatment of others. It probably goes without saying that if you’re cruel, vindictive, or selfish then you’re probably not a successful woman…or are you? I know a smart businesswoman who has burned more bridges than she’s built – and her business is booming! Would she say she’s a successful woman? Yup. Would others say the same thing? Nope. Or maybe they’d say yes, but grudgingly.

What others say. Have you ever been complimented on your achievements, yet feel like they weren’t “all that”? Other people – like your mom – may gush about your life or actions, but that doesn’t mean you’re successful. For some women, admiration and respect means they’re successful. (Beware of the “seeking the approval of others” monster!).

Internal achievements (a strong self-identity). Back to Eleanor Roosevelt’s life lesson: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I think the best definition of a successful woman revolves around how she feels about and defines herself. It doesn’t matter what educations she has, whether she’s grouchy, what illness she struggles with, or what others say about her. For me, the definition of a successful woman is about how she feels about herself, and whether she’s living up to her own potential.

A successful woman marches to her own drummer…especially when it comes to defining whether or not she’s a success! Eleanor Roosevelt not only marched to her own drummer – she had her own orchestra. She was an advocate for working women as well as a prominent author, speaker, politician and activist. I’d say she was a successful woman. I wonder what she’d say?

What do you think of these  definitions of successful women? I’d love to hear your thoughts – big and little – below!

Related posts:

1. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. 5 Steps to Being a Successful Woman – Katherine Hepburn

Here’s what Shriver says about living up to other people’s expectations:

“As long as I was trying to anticipate what people wanted from me, as long as I was trying to fulfill other people’s expectations, I was in a losing game,” said Shriver, author of Just Who Will You Be?: Big Question. Little Book. “That’s what I want to focus on…letting go of other people’s expectations of you so you can own your own life, write your own story and live your own legacy.” (From her speech in ’07 at the Annual Woman’s Conference in California) 

Maria Shriver gave up her career as a highly respected journalist to support Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor; she’s honest about how she lost herself in that role. If Shriver gave Michelle Obama advice, what would she say? 

How Michelle Obama and Maria Shriver Are Alike

Before Barack hit the campaign trail, Michelle Obama earned $300,000 as a lawyer and hospital executive. She was a successful career woman – just like Shriver was.

And, she’s giving up her career to support her husband…just like Shriver did.

After Schwarzenegger was elected, Maria Shriver was totally caught up in other people’s expectations: her family’s, her husband’s, and the state of California’s. The only expectations she didn’t fulfill were her own. Shriver lost herself and – like many women – had to re-learn who she was and what she really wanted. Writing the book Just Who Will You Be? was part of her journey back to herself.

Is Michelle Obama losing herself? She says she doesn’t miss her independent career. “I have very full days,” she says. “When we’re done, I can structure a more formal career if that’s where I choose to go.” (People Magazine, March 9, ’09).

Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama

I think Shriver would tell Michelle Obama not to focus on creating new China patterns or mixing current dishes for White House dinners – and aim for higher commendations than being “imaginative” in picking out dishes for dinner! Shriver would encourage Michelle to be authentic, honest with herself and others, and let go of other people’s expectations.

Maria Shriver would encourage Michelle Obama to make a pledge to herself. Shriver’s own pledge is, “I pledge to show up in life as myself, not as an imitation of anyone else.” 

It’s hard for me to believe that a smart, educated, sophisticated woman like Michelle Obama could be satisfied with something less than her intellectually challenging career. Shriver regretted losing herself in the role of politician’s wife…and I keep wondering if Michelle Obama is doing the same thing!

What do you think Shriver’s advice to Michelle Obama would be?

Related posts:

1. Secrets of Successful Women – 6 Life Lessons From Maria Shriver
2. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama
3. Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations – Maria Shriver

The life lesson: giving people the benefit of the doubt can further your career and personal relationships! The successful woman: First Lady, Michelle Obama – who explained to Oprah why she now gives people the benefit of the doubt. 

“I think we should all have to get to know one another around kitchen tables,” said Michelle Obama to Oprah Winfrey in the April 2009 issue of O Magazine. “[The campaign trail] changed me. It’s helped me to give other people the benefit of the doubt.”

When was the last time you gave someone the benefit of the doubt? Me, I’m sometimes more likely to give strangers in traffic the benefit of the doubt than my own husband…which can be really destructive in a marriage! Giving people the benefit of the doubt can reduce your stress, improve your marriage, and increase your acceptance of yourself.

Here’s why Michelle Obama’s offhand comment is so important to successful living for women…and if you want to read her biography, click on Michelle: A Biography by Liza Mundy.

Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

Giving people the benefit of the doubt means not assuming they’re out to get out, insulting you, or deliberately trying to make you fail. As Gene Fowler said, “Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.”

Here’s why Michelle Obama is now more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt:

“We fundamentally want the same things for ourselves and for each other,” she says. “We want our kids to be safe and to grow up with some resources and aspire to a slightly better life than ours. No one’s looking for a handout. People just want fairness and opportunity.”

(Brief aside: How can Michelle and Barack Obama’s kids EVER have a better life than their parents?! Seems pretty near impossible to me….I guess it depends how you define “better.”)

The benefit of the doubt stops the “us versus them” mentality. Say your boss slights you at work or your neighbor doesn’t invite you to her wedding. Let it go, instead of blowing it out of proportion – which leads to worse problems! If you’re prone to assigning reasons for people’s behavior, then think up one good reason for every bad one (eg, “My neighbor can’t afford to invite everyone – it might be a small wedding,” for every “She didn’t invite me because she doesn’t like my boyfriend.”).

The benefit of the doubt reduces stress. My beloved hubby sometimes gets furious in traffic, and resorts to name-calling and huge increases of blood pressure! It’s not just unhealthy for him, it stresses me out – and if we had kids, they’d be picking up on it too. Instead of getting aggravated, give people the benefit of the doubt by assuming they’re in a hurry, distracted for a legitimate reason, or don’t realize that they just cut you off.

The benefit of the doubt raises levels of self and other-acceptance. As the eminently successful Michelle Obama said, we all want the same basic things out of life.  The more we accept that people make mistakes or act without thinking of the consequences, the more we’ll be able to accept ourselves. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we’ll succeed! Accepting ourselves means bouncing back from mistakes faster and living with our own weaknesses…which spirals back to living peacefully with others, and living with their weaknesses.

The best time to give the benefit of the doubt is in traffic! If you assume that idiot driver who just cut you off is late for something important, has to pee like you wouldn’t believe, or just found out that his/her mom had a heart attack…it changes how you react. Which decreases your stress level, and leaves you feeling happier. Don’t you think?

Related posts:

1. Living Your Own Life – Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama?
2. Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama
3. 5 Signs of a Fearless Woman – Judge Marilyn Milian

The “See Jane Soar” life lesson: the more real and authentic you are, the more people will like and respect you. Love you, even! The successful woman: Diana, Princess of Wales.

She was authentic about her eating disorder, personality, and marriage:

“There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded,” said Princess Diana.

You’ll probably need less than three guesses to nail who Diana was referring to (and no, it wasn’t Queen Elizabeth – though it could have been! The Queen was a huge influence in Diana’s marriage to Prince Charles).

Here how to be authentic, with lessons from Princess Diana’s life – including bits from her marriage, eating disorder, and self-identity. Believe it or not, her self-identity was sometimes shaky…and she thought she was “thick as a plank”…and, click on Conspiracy? Princess Diana (History Channel) for more in-depth info on her life and death.

How to Be Authentic – Diana, Princess of Wales

1. Face the worst parts. The third person in Princess Diana’s marriage wasn’t her mother-in-law, Queen Elizabeth. It was Camilla Parker Bowles, who was Prince Charles’ first love, who contributed to the royal divorce, and whom he married eight years after Princess Diana’s death. I don’t know when Princess Diana accepted that her marriage was on the rocks…but the sooner you accept the worst parts of your life, the sooner you can deal with it.

2. Share your experience. It wasn’t just Princess Diana’s fairy tale royal wedding, rocky marriage and personal struggles that made her the world’s most famous Briton. It wasn’t just her charity work or similarity to Mother Teresa. Her fame flourished because she broke through the traditional British habits of reservation, unexpressed emotions, and stoic suffering. Princess Diana gave British people permission to reveal their humanity – because she revealed hers. To be authentic, respected, and liked, you need to share what you really think, need, and want.

3. Admit your mistakes, failures, and regrets. Princess Diana blushed. She called herself “thick as a plank.” She admitted her bulimia, depression, jealousy and feelings of isolation. Princess Diana found an affinity with drug addicts, alcoholics, and abused people because of their honesty and vulnerability. They were real people living real lives, and she was drawn to that. A lesson in living authentically from Princess Diana’s life is to admit your worst traits.

“People thought they knew her because she shared her thoughts and feelings, which no one in her position had ever done before,” said Ingrid Seward, author of The Queen and Di: The Untold Story.

4. Celebrate your achievements! Princess Diana helped modernize the monarchy – which is now more popular than ever before. She increased AIDS awareness, united opposition to land mines, and built charities. She literally touched and hugged the people she met, whether they were physically battered or dying from AIDS.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair said, “Diana taught us a new way to be British.”

Princess Diana didn’t set out to teach Britons a new way to be British. She was simply authentic – which is easier said than done – and was loved by millions because she was real.

How can you spot an authentic woman?

Related posts:

1. Reclaiming Your Personal Identity or Self-Identity – Sarah Ban Breathnach
2. Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations – Maria Shriver
3. Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama