Milian is smart, sassy, and oh-so-confident – and yet she’s empathetic and kind.

She’s also self-aware:

“I found a husband who married me despite my faults, children who think I have no faults, and a job that pays me because of my faults,” she says. “It’s perfect!”

She’s aware of her weaknesses – which may be the most telling sign of a fearless woman. They know their flaws and fortes, and they embrace them both. To learn more about living fierce and proud, read The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear. And, check out these five signs of fearless women…

5 Signs of a Fearless Woman – Judge Marilyn Milian

Honest and real. “When you are a real judge on the bench, you try hard not to react to everything, not to speak your mind to everything,” says Judge Marilyn Milian. “When you are a television judge, the handcuffs are off. Not only do I get to say what is on my mind, my producers insist on it!” Being honest about what you think is a sign of a fearless woman – and only the strongest, smartest, most successful women know when to be honest and when to hold back.

Generous and giving. Fearless women recognize that there is enough to go around – they don’t have to grab all the love, money, friends, or opportunities because they know everyone will get what they need. They have big hearts and generous spirits. Fearless women give compliments freely, share their ideas and resources with others, and believe there is lots of love and support in the world. Abundance is their state of mind.

Present. This isn’t just a sign of a fearless woman, it’s the sign of a confident, peaceful, fulfilled, spiritually sound person. Do you live in the current moment, or are you worried or fearful about the future? Are you mired in regrets or bitterness of the past? A fearless woman is focused on the here and now. She’s present. Marilyn Milian is a perfect example of that; when she’s on the bench on national television, she’s completely focused on the litigants. I love it!

Objective and detached. If your boss, coworker, or partner snaps at you, do you take it personally or do you shrug it off as someone having an off day? Can you stand up for yourself if you need to, and recognize when it’s better to let things brush by you? Fearless women aren’t attached to certain ways of thinking or feeling – and when they run into problems such as toxic people at work, they find ways to deal with it. They don’t see everything as a judgment of who they are. “When you are able to be objective with no attachment to what is right and what is wrong, there is space for life to work itself out for your benefit,” writes Rhonda Britten in Fearless Living.

Courageous and open minded. “I did college in three years, I skipped the third grade, I’ve always had this race, and one day life drops something out of left field,” says Judge Milian. “My life, which had always been so focused, had just opened up. And I’m gonna ride this out. I will never have a gig like this again!” Fearless women take opportunities, even if they feel scared, nervous, or intimidated. And, fearless women recognize when they’re on a great adventure…and when they need to call it quits, cut their losses, and find some other opportunity to explore.

Writing this makes me realize that I’m not as fearless as I thought! I need to work on being more generous and giving. Instead, I tend to operate out of fear and scarcity…

What about you? I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions on these signs of fearless women…please comment below!

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Here’s what Shriver says about living up to other people’s expectations:

“As long as I was trying to anticipate what people wanted from me, as long as I was trying to fulfill other people’s expectations, I was in a losing game,” said Shriver, author of Just Who Will You Be?: Big Question. Little Book. “That’s what I want to focus on…letting go of other people’s expectations of you so you can own your own life, write your own story and live your own legacy.” (From her speech in ’07 at the Annual Woman’s Conference in California) 

Maria Shriver gave up her career as a highly respected journalist to support Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor; she’s honest about how she lost herself in that role. If Shriver gave Michelle Obama advice, what would she say? 

How Michelle Obama and Maria Shriver Are Alike

Before Barack hit the campaign trail, Michelle Obama earned $300,000 as a lawyer and hospital executive. She was a successful career woman – just like Shriver was.

And, she’s giving up her career to support her husband…just like Shriver did.

After Schwarzenegger was elected, Maria Shriver was totally caught up in other people’s expectations: her family’s, her husband’s, and the state of California’s. The only expectations she didn’t fulfill were her own. Shriver lost herself and – like many women – had to re-learn who she was and what she really wanted. Writing the book Just Who Will You Be? was part of her journey back to herself.

Is Michelle Obama losing herself? She says she doesn’t miss her independent career. “I have very full days,” she says. “When we’re done, I can structure a more formal career if that’s where I choose to go.” (People Magazine, March 9, ’09).

Maria Shriver’s Advice to Michelle Obama

I think Shriver would tell Michelle Obama not to focus on creating new China patterns or mixing current dishes for White House dinners – and aim for higher commendations than being “imaginative” in picking out dishes for dinner! Shriver would encourage Michelle to be authentic, honest with herself and others, and let go of other people’s expectations.

Maria Shriver would encourage Michelle Obama to make a pledge to herself. Shriver’s own pledge is, “I pledge to show up in life as myself, not as an imitation of anyone else.” 

It’s hard for me to believe that a smart, educated, sophisticated woman like Michelle Obama could be satisfied with something less than her intellectually challenging career. Shriver regretted losing herself in the role of politician’s wife…and I keep wondering if Michelle Obama is doing the same thing!

What do you think Shriver’s advice to Michelle Obama would be?

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The life lesson: giving people the benefit of the doubt can further your career and personal relationships! The successful woman: First Lady, Michelle Obama – who explained to Oprah why she now gives people the benefit of the doubt. 

“I think we should all have to get to know one another around kitchen tables,” said Michelle Obama to Oprah Winfrey in the April 2009 issue of O Magazine. “[The campaign trail] changed me. It’s helped me to give other people the benefit of the doubt.”

When was the last time you gave someone the benefit of the doubt? Me, I’m sometimes more likely to give strangers in traffic the benefit of the doubt than my own husband…which can be really destructive in a marriage! Giving people the benefit of the doubt can reduce your stress, improve your marriage, and increase your acceptance of yourself.

Here’s why Michelle Obama’s offhand comment is so important to successful living for women…and if you want to read her biography, click on Michelle: A Biography by Liza Mundy.

Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt – Michelle Obama

Giving people the benefit of the doubt means not assuming they’re out to get out, insulting you, or deliberately trying to make you fail. As Gene Fowler said, “Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.”

Here’s why Michelle Obama is now more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt:

“We fundamentally want the same things for ourselves and for each other,” she says. “We want our kids to be safe and to grow up with some resources and aspire to a slightly better life than ours. No one’s looking for a handout. People just want fairness and opportunity.”

(Brief aside: How can Michelle and Barack Obama’s kids EVER have a better life than their parents?! Seems pretty near impossible to me….I guess it depends how you define “better.”)

The benefit of the doubt stops the “us versus them” mentality. Say your boss slights you at work or your neighbor doesn’t invite you to her wedding. Let it go, instead of blowing it out of proportion – which leads to worse problems! If you’re prone to assigning reasons for people’s behavior, then think up one good reason for every bad one (eg, “My neighbor can’t afford to invite everyone – it might be a small wedding,” for every “She didn’t invite me because she doesn’t like my boyfriend.”).

The benefit of the doubt reduces stress. My beloved hubby sometimes gets furious in traffic, and resorts to name-calling and huge increases of blood pressure! It’s not just unhealthy for him, it stresses me out – and if we had kids, they’d be picking up on it too. Instead of getting aggravated, give people the benefit of the doubt by assuming they’re in a hurry, distracted for a legitimate reason, or don’t realize that they just cut you off.

The benefit of the doubt raises levels of self and other-acceptance. As the eminently successful Michelle Obama said, we all want the same basic things out of life.  The more we accept that people make mistakes or act without thinking of the consequences, the more we’ll be able to accept ourselves. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we’ll succeed! Accepting ourselves means bouncing back from mistakes faster and living with our own weaknesses…which spirals back to living peacefully with others, and living with their weaknesses.

The best time to give the benefit of the doubt is in traffic! If you assume that idiot driver who just cut you off is late for something important, has to pee like you wouldn’t believe, or just found out that his/her mom had a heart attack…it changes how you react. Which decreases your stress level, and leaves you feeling happier. Don’t you think?

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