Finding the motivation to do what you love — such as be creative or write a book– is a constant struggle. Even artists and writers who earn a living from their creativity struggle with the muse from time to time!

What roadblocks do you face when you’re trying to be creative? Fear, doubt, uncertainty, lack of time, rejection sensitivity, perfectionism, procrastination, self-criticism, impatience?

You’re not alone, my friend.

“Everyone has talent; what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.” ~ Erica Jong.

Helping writers find “the dark place” is why I wrote 73 Ways to Fire Up (or Just Fire) the Muse: How to Write When You Don’t Wanna, or Think You Can’t. It offers solutions to most obstacles, with practical tips and inspirational wisdom from professional freelance writers, novelists, journalism professors, and other successful scribes. This ebook also offers “quick quips” from published authors (because quips and tips are what I’m all about!).

Here’s what one reader says:

“After reading your ebook I am totally charged! It’s motivational, easy to read, and speaks directly to me and every one of my writing angsts and blocks – your energy vibrates off the page. It’s like having you personally talking to me, telling it like it is and encouraging me on. It spoke to so many of my blocks – and I credit it with firing me up after being on simmer for so long.” ~ Maggie R.

I love it — that’s exactly what I was hoping would happen! If you’re struggling to find the motivation to do what you love, this book will help…

In this ebook, you’ll find:

• 15 obstacles – common to most writers – that block a productive writing life or career.
• 73 tips for overcoming obstacles from freelance writers, published authors, journalism professors, & other successful scribes.
• Dozens of thought-provoking quips from famous authors.

You’ll learn practical ways to bypass various roadblocks: no time to write, fear of rejection, reluctance to waste time on a project that may never get published, not feeling good enough, lack of self-discipline, procrastination, perfectionism, disorganization, work and life commitments, online distractions, offline distractions, internal distractions, external distractions, lions and tigers and bears – oh my!

You’ll learn what works, what doesn’t work, and why.

Each chapter in this ebook can stand alone; you don’t necessarily need to read it from top to bottom. You can choose the obstacle that plagues you from the Table of Contents and dive right in. You can save certain chapters until later in your career (such as Chapter 3.5: “5 Things to Do While You Wait for Publication”).

And the best part is, you can re-read it whenever you need a “booster shot” in one particular area (because obstacles come and go over time).

$9.95 US

If you have any thoughts or questions on ”firing up the muse” or finding the motivation to do what you love to do, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. Overcoming Shame and Guilt – Erica Jong
2. How to Use Your Instincts to Succeed at Work – Erica Jong
3. Overcoming Shame and Guilt – Erica Jong

 ”The easiest kind of relationship for me is with 10,000 people,” said Joan Baez. “The hardest is with one.”

Why are relationships with crowds of people easy? Because you don’t have to deal with the individual quirks – or toxic tendencies – of one individual. You don’t have to be vulnerable, honest, or understanding…and you don’t have to work things out.

For more info on female friendships, click on The Power of Female Friendship: How Your Circle of Friends Shapes Your Life by Paul Dobransky and L.A. Stamford. And, read on to learn how to cope with toxic female friendships…

The idea for this article came from one of my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals readers, who asked how to confront her best friend’s destructive habits.

Signs of Toxic Female Friendships:

• You don’t discuss your successes for fear of jealousy, criticism, or negative feedback
• You make all the effort to stay in touch; she never calls, she never writes
• You leave your visits feeling deflated, exhausted, angry, or depressed
• You’re constantly “cleaning up” after your friend
• You lie for your friend
• Your friend gossips or spreads rumors (read Is Gossip Good for You? – Barbara Walters for info about gossip!)
• Your friend flirts with your boyfriend, husband, or life partner
• Your friend needs constant physical, spiritual, or emotional support
• You don’t respect or support how your friend is living her life
• You can’t be yourself in your friendship
• You dread taking her calls or spending time with her

Coping With Toxic Female Friendships – Joan Baez

Identify the problem. What exactly is “toxic” about your friendship? What bothers you or makes you wish things were different with your friend? More importantly — is it her…or is it you? Jealousy, envy, or dissatisfaction with your own life can lead you to blame or dislike others. If you’re jealous of her, read Making Envy Work for You – Helen Gurley Brown.

Decide how “big” the problem is. Some problems – such as a friend who is constantly late – may simply require you to tweak your own attitude (eg, bring a book, journal, or laptop when waiting for your friend, so you can use your time productively). Other problems – such as a friend who undermines your successes or who is critical or negative – are truly toxic and may require that you limit or cut off all contact.

Set your boundaries. Figure out what you need to do to “cleanse” your toxic female friendship. For instance, one of my closest friends struggled with my “no taking personal phone calls during the day” rule (I’m a home-based freelance writer, and people think the daytime is perfect for phone calls!). She kept saying things like “I would’ve called and talked to you about it, but you don’t take calls during the day.” Meow. I decided to let it go – she’s an amazing friend in every other way, so I was fine with this blip.

Stick to your boundaries. Though I felt like a jerk and questioned my own “no phone calls” rule, I stuck with it. I insisted on evening phone calls. It’s been two years since I started writing full-time from home, and my friend just told me how proud she is of me! She thinks it’s wonderful that I’m supporting myself as a writer, and she loves that I’m pursuing my dream. See how great she is? I had to set and stick to my boundaries – and it was worth it.

Decide how you want to live. If you want to be a successful woman, you need to surround yourself with successful women! If you have toxic female friends in your life, you can choose a different path – whether it’s cutting off contact or gently explaining what you need from your friendship (and listening to her perspective).

By the way, it’s not just in-person relationships that drive you towards or away from success; it’s the online discussions you read and participate in, the blogs you visit, the TV shows you watch, and the conversations you have. It’s everything you surround yourself with!

One more quotation from Joan Baez: “You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die,” she says. “Or when. You can decide how you’re going to live now.”

What did I miss? If you have any thoughts or questions on toxic female friendships, please comment below…

Related posts:

1. 5 Signs You’re a Toxic Female Friend – George Eliot
2. Healing Female Friendships – Michelle Obama
3. Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin

“I don’t act the way society dictates that a woman ‘should,’ writes Queen Latifah in Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman. “I am not dainty. I do not hold back my opinions. I don’t stay behind a man. I’m not here to live by somebody elses’ standards. I’m defining what a woman is for myself. Simply put, I am not interested in subscribing to what society has decided for half of humankind.”

Queen Latifah said this even before starting Jenny Craig’s weight loss program – and she’s been very clear that she’s not losing weight to society’s standards. Rather, she wants to be fit, healthy, and strong for herself — which is the best reason! Click on Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman to learn more about her, and read on for ten ways to build your self-confidence levels.

10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah

1. Accept that you might feel guilty when you say no – but say no anyway. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you fulfill everyone else’s expectations and behave the way society thinks you should. Instead, say “yes” only to the requests you can fulfill without depleting yourself, and separate others’ expectations from your own.

2. Make your appearance a part of who you are as a whole woman. You dishonor yourself when you dress for others and change your body to please your partner (wax, botox, hate your body, envy skinny models). Don’t compare yourself to others, especially images of air-brushed perfection. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, remind yourself that you are MORE than your appearance!

3. Plan small steps that move you towards your dreams and goals. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: Clean the house, garden, ferry kids to soccer practice, paint the deck, cook meals, darn the socks when you need to take care of yourself. Stop wishing, and start acting in ways that move you forward.

4. Own your career. Think of yourself as an entrepreneur, even if you work for someone else. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you: don’t speak up at meetings, accept extra work even though you’re overloaded, let others take credit, don’t consider pursuing the education or job that you’re passionate about, or let colleagues destroy your self concept and self esteem. To build your self-confidence, focus on your career as if you were an entrepreneur.

5. Avoid soul-deadening activities. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you participate in activities you feel lukewarm about or outright hate, go to places that make you feel uncomfortable, or act like a martyr. Instead, tune in to your spirit through mediation, prayer, and time for yourself.

6. Take control of your health issues. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you ignore your physical problems and let your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor totally control your prescriptions, diagnoses, and schedule. Instead of hoping that they know what they’re doing, you can build self-confidence by taking charge of your health.

7. Know what you really think – even if you choose not to voice it. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you swallow your opinions, ignore your ideas, and stifle your creativity. To build the self-confidence of Queen Latifah, express yourself through writing, painting, creating, producing, etc.

8. Learn why you’re overeating, overspending, overcriticizing. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you bury your feelings in chocolate ice cream, heroin, cigarettes, wine, excessive activity. Stop immersing yourself in shopping, watching TV, gossiping, and extreme busyness! Instead, face your feelings head-on. Face what you’re afraid to know.

9. Pick friends who support, honor, and love you. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you spend time with people who criticize, condemn, or deplete you. Instead of letting your family, friends or society dictate who you are, build your self-confidence by tuning into what you really think and feel.

10. Define what “taking risks” means to you – and take a little one every day. You dishonor your body, mind and spirit when you don’t trust yourself, don’t reach out to others, don’t be vulnerable, and above all don’t make waves. Take a small risk every day, whether that’s saying hi to your postal carrier or saying no to your mom!

My new favorite saying is: “To get something you’ve never had, do something you’ve never done.”

How do you build your self-confidence levels? Please comment below – I’d love to hear from you.

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Increase Self Esteem for Overweight Women – Queen Latifah
2. 5 Ways to Build Resiliency – JK Rowling
3. Improving a Negative Body Image – Christina Aguilera