Ayaan Hirsi Ali wrote Infidel, a memoir describing her traditional Muslim childhood in Somalia, Saudi Arabia, and Kenya (where I lived for three years…I’ve been to the streets and neighborhoods she described!). Ali survived a variety of situations that many women could not bounce back from…and neither has she, really.

Ali broke away from dutiful obedience and spoke out against traditional cultural values. Trusting her inner voice, she questioned her family’s faith, her own belief system, and how women were treated in Muslim families. Ali became a Dutch politician and influenced that country’s and legal system.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali found her true identity — her authentic self — because she trusted her inner voice.

She now lives in hiding. Read her book to learn more — her life is fascinating — and read on for five ways to get the most out of your own life…

5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali

1. Listen to your instincts. Put other people’s expectations and opinions aside. What do you think, feel, and want? Part of finding your true identity and trusting your inner voice is letting go of the question “What will people think?” Getting older helps with accepting that people may not think what you want them to think…and letting that go. Becoming a strong woman involves tuning into your instincts and living the life you want – like Ayaan Hirsi Ali did.

2. Stay connected to your dreams and goals. You have responsibilities, duties, expectations, and life to deal with, which makes it more difficult to stay focused on who you really are and what you really want out of life. But, to start pursuing your dreams right now, you need only picturing yourself where you want to be in a year, or five years. Visualization is an effective way to get what you want out of life because it helps you learn to trust your inner voice and get started on the path to success.

3. Express your authentic emotions. If you feel angry, get your anger out – without burying your feelings in chocolate ice cream, cigarettes, wine, or frenzied activity. If you’re sad, cry or write in your journal or pray instead of shopping or watching TV. Staying in touch with your true emotions is hard (and expressing them can be even harder), but it’s a great way to make the most of your life!

4. Choose your activities carefully. Instead of participating in activities you feel lukewarm about or outright don’t wanna do, learn to say no without feeling guilty or ashamed. Limit your activities to things that represent who you are and what you believe in. When you choose what you really want to do, you’ll discover who you really are. Maybe you’ll be viewed as an infidel — but that may actually be the highest compliment you’ll ever receive! There are worse things to be compared to than strong women like Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

5. Take risks. To find your true self and live the life of your dreams, challenge yourself to try new things. Reach out to people. Let yourself be vulnerable and don’t be afraid to make waves. Trust your inner voice when it comes to taking risks, especially when you’re afraid, and find creative solutions to your problems. Being an authentic woman involves risks – there’s no doubt about it. But “if there aren’t any dragons, it’s not an adventure worth telling,” says Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Let Ayaan Hirsi Ali inspire you to get the most out of your life – and to be grateful for the life you have.

Related posts:

1. 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck
2. 6 Ways to Retain a Sense of Self When You’re in Love – Susan B. Anthony
3. 5 Ways to Help a Friend With Breast Cancer – Suzanne Somers

If you ask talk show host, best-selling author and moral compass Dr Laura Schlessinger — author of In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms — she’ll laugh hysterically. Of course working moms are stressed and unhappy – and so are their kids. Working moms aren’t there for their families. They’re not creating healthy homes that make their families feel safe, loved and protected – and they’re definitely not “their kids’ parents.”

But if you ask Vanity Fair contributing editor and author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? Leslie Bennetts, she’ll passionately refute Dr Laura’s opinions. Bennetts argues that working moms are less depressed, more fulfilled, and more independent than stay-at-home moms. They also have higher self-esteem and less anxiety – though many working moms feel guilty for enjoying their paid jobs. Bennetts admits balancing work and family can be tricky, but the benefits outweigh the frustrations for most women.

For more info about the pros and cons of working and stay-at-home moms, click the book covers. And, read on for a few thoughts on the happiness levels of each situation…

Is Financial Dependence the “Real” Feminine Mistake?

In The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts says, “Choosing economic dependency is the classic feminine mistake. No matter what the reasons, it’s simply too risky to count on anyone else to support you over the long haul. In an era of disappearing pensions, threats to Social Security, high divorce rates, a volatile labor market, and attenuating life spans, the social safety net continues to erode as the needs grow – particularly for women, who are twice as likely as men to slide below the poverty line in their later years.”

Dr Laura responds: “Leslie Bennetts is paranoid about divorce, your spouse losing a job, and widowhood as though the only answer to that is ‘do not be at home, do not take care of your kids, do not be your husband’s girlfriend.’ Well, my answer to something horrible happening is find another way to deal with it if and when it does, rather than giving up on your family.” Dr Laura thinks working moms hurt families. To serve the world, you need to focus on raising kids to be decent citizens.

Thoughts on Happiness From Working and Stay-at-Home Moms

Determining whether working mothers are happier than stay-at-home moms depends on who you ask.

“Women don’t realize how infantilizing it is,” said Rachel Stein, who has a Harvard MBA and was the chief financial officer of a major corporation before she stayed home full-time. “I think they come upon that realization very gradually. If you give up your financial independence, you’ve lost the only exit there was. The work is not just a paycheck; it’s an independent identity, separate friends, being with people who respect you. When you give that up, you’re totally at the mercy of your small family world; you’re totally dependent on it for feedback and rewards. And if that family world doesn’t give you the rewards you need, you’re trapped. If you have to ask your husband for money, you’re as trapped as if you were living in a trailer park, even if he’s worth a hundred million dollars; you just have prettier clothes. And if you have kids, you’re deathly afraid of ruining your children’s lives by breaking up the family unit.”

In contrast, a stay-at-home mom comments, “To me the best part of staying home is that I’ve blossomed as a person. Before, I worked 8-5, hurried to fix supper, do household stuff and collapse to rest for the next day. Now life is busy, but I get to do things I want to do, be with my kids, and participate more actively in my community. I volunteer with the Red Cross, participate in more activities with my church, and meet lots of new people with my children.”

Who Has Happier Children?

Some older children respect their working moms while others wish both their parents were more available. Some children see their working moms as role models and mentors while others need the emotional, social, and academic support their stay-at-home moms provide. Kids offer a huge range of responses to their mothers’ situations: respect, indifference, contempt, neglect, happiness, pride, bitterness, or relief – and sometimes a combination of it all.

“Statistically there’s no difference in the happiness levels of the children whose mothers work and the children whose mothers stay at home,” said law professor and working mother Linda Hirshman to ABC News. A child’s happiness depends on her age, temperament, maturity level, health, quality of childcare, and – perhaps most importantly – how happy and healthy her parents are.

A Season for Everything: Working, Staying Home, Going Back to Work?

“I have taken care of thousands of children from all sorts of backgrounds, and the one consistent thing in raising well-adjusted children was parents who were happy with their choices,” says a pediatrician in The Feminine Mistake.

This isn’t about “mommy wars” or whether Leslie Bennetts is wrong and Dr Laura Schlessinger is right or vice versa. It’s about making choices that best suit your passions, abilities, and options – and about respecting the choices that others make.

What do you think – are you happier as a stay-at-home or a working mom? I’d love to hear from you below!

Related posts:

1. Hiding From Happiness – Dr Laura Schlessinger
2. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
3. How to Use Your Instincts to Succeed at Work – Erica Jong

“A woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself,” said Anthony.

A huge part of protecting yourself — and living your best life – is staying as emotionally and physically healthy as possible! One of my favorite books about women’s health is Dr Donnica Moore’s Women’s Health For Life – click the cover for info. And, read on for seven simple habits for healthy women…

7 Habits That Improve a Woman’s Life

1. Acknowledge your health issues. What aren’t you dealing with? Irregular periods, obesity, eating disorders, chronic headaches, depression, diabetes…these health issues affect your mind, soul, and spirit. Make it your goal to cope with whatever health struggles you haven’t yet acknowledged. Check in with your physical and emotional selves regularly: what emotions, relationships, or issues are you avoiding? What do you need to take care of to improve your life?

2. Stay on top of those health issues. I have ulcerative colitis, which is a pain in the tush (literally). But, when I take care of myself by ensuring I have enough medication, enough sleep, low stress levels, etc I feel far more empowered and healthy than if I ignore it. If you’re coping with a chronic illness, make sure you’re as proactive as possible. Don’t let it flare out of control – it could trigger other health issues.

3. Vary your daily routine. Changing the route you take to work, doing different types of exercises, taking new classes, and meeting new people are simple habits that improve your brain health and increase energy levels. The more you shake things up, the happier and more invigorated you’ll feel…and the more adventures you’ll have!

4. Get your bike out of the garage. “Bicycling has done more to emancipate women than any one thing in the world,” said Susan B. Anthony. “It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammelled womanhood.” This woman’s activist promoted cycling as a source of emotional health; and you know that the benefits of exercise extend far beyond independence and self-reliance! It’s not just about losing that last 10 pounds – it’s about feeling strong, fit, and healthy. Exercise boosts your self-confidence and self-esteem, which will help you be a successful woman.

5. Hit the sack at the same time every night. This simple habit is one of my favorite ways to stay healthy. If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m less productive, less satisfied at work and home, more likely to gain weight, and less interested in being physically intimate with my husband. Make sure you get enough sleep, and try and keep your sleep schedule consistent. This is not the time to “vary your daily routine” – healthy women simply have to get enough sleep.

6. Take a whiff of happiness. Peppermint, lavender, orange, and jasmine essential oils are energizing and mood enhancing. Improving your life isn’t always about making big changes, my friends…it’s about incorporating small, healthy habits into your life. Just shake a few drops of a citrus scent on a handkerchief and take a few minutes mid-morning or mid-afternoon to enjoy the aroma.

7. Flow with the circumstances in your life…including your age. Said Susan B. Anthony: “The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball-the further I am rolled, the more I gain.” Aging often brings self-confidence, security, and the ability to let go of the little things. Embrace your age, and remember that most highly successful women aren’t teenagers or even in their twenties! Truly admirable women are often older, more focused, and comfortable with their age.

Do you have any simple habits that make you a healthier woman?  I welcome your comments below…

Related posts:

1. 6 Ways to Retain a Sense of Self When You’re in Love – Susan B. Anthony
2. Habits of a Healthy Marriage – Quips and Tips
3. 10 Habits of Highly Successful Women

These three ways to cope with relationship abuse are inspired by quotations from Eleanor Roosevelt, who was a strong, successful woman in history.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

What is the thing you think you can’t do? Instead of thinking you cannot…start thinking of how you can. Focus on how you want your life to be better, healthier, more whole. If you want to learn more about relationship abuse, click Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. And, here are three ways to break up with a toxic, addictive, unhealthy partner…

3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Get help — don’t leave an abusive partner on your own. “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Even if you don’t feel like you’re surrounded by friends in the world – you need to reach out and connect! Many women are too afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, or confused to tell their friends or family about the abuse. This is one reason they stay in unhealthy relationships – because abusive partners isolate their girlfriends or wives. One of the first steps to breaking free from a bad relationship is rallying your troops: get help from a distress line, counselor, pastor, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors – anyone.

2. Connect with your higher power. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, or a more abstract Guiding Force in the Universe – connect with your higher power. Stop fearing and cursing the darkness…and start lighting your candles. Journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading books about finding and following the healthiest part of yourself will help strengthen your connection to the voice within. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise; it strengthens your body and your relationship with Something Greater Than Yourself – who wants the best for you. Connecting with your higher power will improve your emotional health.

3. Practice random acts of courage. “What looks courageous to one person may not look that way to another,” said Eleanor Roosevelt. “Every one of use gets to that for ourselves.” Everyone – not just women struggling with relationship abuse – lives with limiting beliefs and behaviors. These beliefs and behaviors stop us from creating our heart’s desire. Taking healthy risks allows us to step outside of those beliefs and behaviors, and helps us create the life we love. How can you be courageous today, even if you’re not quite ready to break up with your partner? Practice one little act of courage – you’ll feel better and happier about yourself…and your future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Related posts:

1. Overcoming an Unexpected Relationship Breakup – Eleanor Roosevelt
2. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
3. The Definition of a Successful Woman – Eleanor Roosevelt

First, here’s one of my favorite quotations, from author and poet Zora Neale Hurston:

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

We’ll never have all the answers – or all the questions. Different years and stages of our lives bring different questions and answers…but if you believe in yourself throughout it all, you’ll be that much closer to making your dreams come true! To unleash the power of your subconscious mind, click Believe In Yourself. And, read on for ten ways to live up to your own potential…

6 Practical Ways to Believe in Yourself – Zora Neale Hurston

1. Work as if everything depends on you. “Sweat, sweat, sweat! Work and sweat, cry and sweat, pray and sweat!” said Hurston. To make your dreams come true, you have to work hard. And if you’re lucky, your work will be something you love – so it won’t feel like work at all. Have no fear: turning your hobby into a successful career may not be as difficult as you think!

2. Pray as if everything depends on God (or trust your Higher Source). Success isn’t a solo act, my friends. Success grows out of teamwork, relying on and helping others, and tapping into your highest source of power. Don’t get so wrapped up in pursuing your goals that you neglect your soul.

3. Be kind to yourself. This is my biggest weakness: I beat myself up for past mistakes, regrets, and flaws. But I know that I have to believe in myself to make my dreams come true…and part of believing in myself is being kind to myself. Can you make mistakes and move on? I believe that’s a huge part of living up to your potential.

4. Marvel at your magnificence! “Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry,” said Zora Neale Hurston. “It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” She was a successful, strong woman in history because she truly believed in the value of her own company. Hurston not only saw her strengths, she celebrated them.

5. Surround yourself with successful women – but don’t compare yourself to them. You’re different than other women, and that’s better than okay! You are successful in different ways; you have different strengths and talents. To make your dreams come true and believe in yourself, you need to learn how women become successful – and then find and fill your own potential.

6. Don’t wait for other people to change. “Anybody depending on somebody else’s gods is depending on a fox not to eat chickens,” said Hurston. This reminds me of one of Wayne Dyer’s secrets of success: if you blame other people for the problems in your life, you have to wait for them to change before you can be happy. I love this, because I get so tired of hearing people complain about what other people did wrong, or what they did part way, or what they didn’t do at all! If you give your power away by blaming or waiting for others to change, then you don’t have the strength or power to make your own dreams come true. You do not believe in yourself if you are dependent on others.

Do you believe in yourself enough to make your dreams come true – to soar the way you thought you could?

Related posts:

1. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
2. 4 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage and Self-Defeat – Erma Bombeck
3. 6 Ways to Create a Vision Board That Works – Martha Beck

First, a word from Gloria Steinem:

“If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”

If your relationship doesn’t suit you, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to change! Sometimes the only thing that needs changing is your circumstances…and you have the power to make those changes. If you want to compare your boyfriend to others — it can be fun and healing – read What Was I Thinking?: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories. And, here are a few tips on finding the strength and courage you need to start a new chapter in your life…

How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship – Gloria Steinem

Deal with the fear that you’ll never be loved again. I’ve been stuck in bad relationships because I was scared nobody else would love me. I didn’t realize that there are plenty of good men who would love to love me, and who would be good for me! My self-esteem and self-confidence was rock bottom, and it held me back from moving on to bigger and better men. To leave your bad boyfriend, you need to build self-confidence.

Get rid of guilty feelings. Sometimes, women stay in bad relationships because they feel guilty, or don’t want to leave their boyfriends or husbands in a bad financial, emotional, or social situation. This is misplaced guilt and faulty reasoning! Don’t let negative emotions like fear of what people will think, fear of criticism, or guilt and shame keep you chained to a bad relationship.

Picture yourself a year from now. Where do you want to be living? What do you want to be doing? Who do you want to be loving – and who do you want loving you? Often, focusing on our goals – our wish list – can give us motivation and strength to do what we need to do…even if it involves letting go of someone we love.

Accept the help you need. Here’s a sobering thought from Gloria Steinem: “If women have young children, they are one man away from welfare.” But, accepting help from the government is far more preferable than staying in a bad relationship! When I was a kid, we were on the dole for huge portions of my childhood – and my mom was single, free, and independent (well, as independent as you can be when you rely on the state for support).

Start asking questions. “God may be in the details, but the goddess is in the questions,” said Steinem. “Once we begin to ask them, there’s no turning back.” Asking questions opens up new possibilities, new ways of thinking, new ways of being in the world!

Questions to ask yourself about life:

• Who am I now…and who do I want to become?
• If not now, when?
• Who do I admire?
• What did I want my life to be like when I was young, naïve, idealistic, passionate?

Questions to ask yourself about bad boyfriends:

• What am I getting out of this relationship, which I know is bad for me?
• Who is watching me in this relationship – my kids, nieces, neighbors, family members, friends? What are they learning about me, about life?
• What would I do about this relationship if I knew I would not fail?

You don’t need to know the answers to these questions right now. Just sit with them, let them simmer in the back of your mind. One day, you’ll be ready to make a decision to be strong and leave your partner…or be strong in a different way, and stay.

One last quotation from Gloria Steinem:

“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

Are you in a bad relationship, struggling to find the strength to leave? I encourage you to listen to your gut and your brain, and do what it takes to create a life that makes you happy and fulfilled.

Related posts:

1. How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? – Elizabeth Gilbert
2. 3 Ways to Leave Relationship Abuse Behind – Eleanor Roosevelt
3. 6 Ways to Find the Courage to End a Relationship – Nicole Kidman

Susan B. Anthony changed women’s liberation in 19^th century North America, and was largely responsible for achieving women’s suffrage and voting rights.

“Independence is happiness,” she said.

Actually, I think interdependence is happiness: a healthy balance of being needed and needing people. If you’re totally independent, you’re not uniting or bonding with anyone – you’re all alone. For more info about the tension between independence and interdependence, click Know Yourself: A Woman’s Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence. And, read on for several ways to keep your personal identity intact when you’re in love…

Retaining a Sense of Self When You’re in Love – Susan B. Anthony

Take professional and personal risks. “Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform,” said Susan B. Anthony. “Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world’s estimation.” You may not be reforming women’s voting rights, but you’re reforming your world when you stay independent as a woman and cultivate healthy interdependence! Independence involves taking risks and learning what you can and can’t do. The more risks you take in your career and personal life, the more you’ll learn about yourself and others…and the stronger your sense of self will be.

Stay financially solvent. There’s nothing more crippling than having no money (besides struggling with poor health or a chronic illness). Without money, your choices are limited and your independence is compromised. If you’re married, keep a separate bank account and build your own little nest egg. Make sure your assets as a couple are in your name as well as his – and keep your eye on the bills and outgoing expenses. 

Embrace your age! “The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world,” said Susan B. Anthony. “I am like a snowball – the further I am rolled the more I gain.” I love this quotation – Anthony was a successful woman who changed the world. She recognized that her age was a benefit, a strength, not something to hide or be ashamed of.

Stay physically healthy. Exercise and eating foods to sustain good health isn’t just about weight loss and better health. Staying fit increases self-esteem, strength, self-confidence, and independence for women. When you’re physically fit, you feel better about yourself – and you have a stronger sense of self.

Stay emotionally healthy. What books, people, events, Web sites, or things help you feel connected to yourself? For instance, I love Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance – just opening that book up to a random page makes me feel more focused and in touch with who I am as a woman. When you’re in love – especially in a new romantic relationship – make sure you’re not succumbing to unhealthy fears, insecurities, or anxieties.

Have a life outside your marriage or love relationship. Who are you, apart from being a girlfriend, wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc? What do you love to do? To stay independent as a woman, take time to do things apart from your boyfriend or husband. Stay in touch with your personal identity by tuning in to who you are as woman, not just as a partner.

If you’re new to the dating game, read How to Find a Good Boyfriend Who Will Be a Loving Husband.

And if you have any thoughts or questions about retaining a sense of self when you’re in love, please comment below!

Related posts:

1. 7 Simple Habits of Healthy Women – Susan B. Anthony
2. 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life – Ayaan Hirsi Ali
3. Finding the Motivation to Do What You Love – Julia Cameron