I am looking into frenemy. The passive-agressive part has really been a part of the “friendship”.
I realize now i have taken this kind of abuse over the years that i didn’t recognize it. I didn’t do anything to deserve being made to feel i was less then a good friend/person. Since i have a very giving nature and try to please i see now how i allowed behavior to continue without calling her on it. As i’ve been able to read more on this and have gone to therapy i am standing up for myself.
One of the hard parts was i worked with this person so if i didn’t do something she wanted outside of work then i paid for it with looks and snippy comments.
I moved to a different city and work in a different place now and i am so amazed how much better i feel. I also am able to stand up to her without the backlash of being in the same office.
I am greatful for others writing and sharing about this. Its really helped to know i wasn’t going insane.
I’m learning how to set boundries also. To think if i want to do something instead of just thinking of the others wants and needs and not mine.
Its amazing to me that we don’t have more info on these issues growing up. Instead we stumble and bumble till we get help or someone comes into your life who helps you see it from a different perspective.
I’m so glad that the hope is there to live a more full life and not be drained by others who claim to be a friend.

Thanks for taking the time to comment — it definitely sounds like your friendship isn’t “give and take”!

And, it’s great that you’re recognizing your own tendency to be a people pleaser. Needing to please can make us stay friends with the most toxic of people, which isn’t good in the long run. But, it sure is easier in the short run.

Have you heard of the term “frenemy”? That’s a merging of “friend” and “enemy” — some friends aren’t all-out enemies, but they certainly aren’t all-out friends, either! Frenemies are toxic.

Anyway, I’m glad you commented and I wish you all the best with your “friend.”

Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Love Relationship Advice – How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity =-.

I have been looking into more info on toxic friends. This was a good article. I wanted to add to the when someone doesn’t call/listen. I have delt with someone who likes to remind me of when she called last. To me when i hear this it shuts me down. She doesn’t remember that i tried to call her back or that i have alot going on and do the best i can. She likes to act like she’s perfect in this sense. I used to take an hour to 2 each night to talk to her about her life. When it came to mine i learned to keep it short b/c her comments where short. I started learning it didn’t matter what advice i tried to share or how much time i spent it wasn’t enough. I have tried to grow and understand being a pleaser person and low self esteem can pull me into trying to please women in my life. Anyhow i just appriciate knowing that their are others out there that deal with people who are friends but unless you do what they want its a battle.
Thanks!

One of the best ways to improve anything — toxic female friend or not — is to be aware of it, so you’re on your way!

Yes, improving the situation will definitely help you have better interactions with your close friend and boyfriend. And, remember that part of any relationship is supporting each other through the bad AND good. So, you’re allowed to vent and complain sometimes! That’s part of life, and of being good friends and partners.

Good luck, and I hope you can improve your situation at work with your boss…

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Invited to a Potluck on Turkey Day? Thanksgiving Dinner Ideas =-.

How about: Letting Go of Toxic Habits, or How to Let Go of Old Relationships. Either way, I’d be happy to write it and post the link here…I’ll work on it and have it up by the end of the week!

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Energy – Anais Nin =-.

Thank you so much for being glad to hear from me, even when I’m wailing and gnashing my teeth.

I think I need to go read “Tips for Taming (My) Inner Critic”

Sandra

I think we’re all toxic female friends at times, and very few of us are toxic ALL the time. I have no doubt that you’re fun, interesting, and sensitive — because I’ve seen you that way here, on See Jane Soar.

It must be more difficult when you’re battling depression. It’s hard to be a great friend at the best of times, much less when you’re struggling with your own moods and negative feelings. I heard one woman describe depression as a “nagging, negative tape playing constantly.” How can you be positive and uplifting when you’re struggling with that?

I totally agree — some friends just don’t mix well. Some people just don’t have chemistry together. With some friends, I could talk forever. And others, I struggle to get past “Hi, how are you?”

Thanks for being here and commenting, Sandra!

Laurie
.-= Laurie PK´s last blog post..5 Tips for Taming Your Inner Critic =-.