Why this article, why now? Because a reader asked for help finding herself, after being lost in a relationship. This is part of her story:
“…I feel like my ‘self’ was wrenched away from me because the manipulation [from husband] always kept me off balance and disoriented. It has gotten somewhat better over the years but it is still unhealthy (yes I am still with him). I have finally realized…I can choose life for myself, regardless of what he does. But I feel so broken inside that I don’t even know what that looks like. I don’t know where to start in the journey to finding my self. Can you point me in the right direction?” – from the comments section of How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship, on See Jane Soar.
Below are my suggestions for her and anyone who is figuring out she is again. And, my “Quips and Tips for Spiritual Seekers” blog partner, Gini Grey, has added her thoughts as well…
How to Journey Back to Yourself – Reclaiming Personal Identity
Read Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach (pictured above). It’s one of my all-time favorite books about self-awareness, insight, and figuring out who you are! For every day of the year, Breathnach offers inspirational and thought-provoking quotations as well as information on finding and being who you really are. It’s a treasure – especially if you’re re-establishing a lost personal identity.
Create a life separate from your partner. Join a hiking group, book club, dinner club – find activities to do by yourself, where you have to rely on yourself and figure out what you think and feel and want.
Consider a solo trip. Traveling alone as a woman is a wonderful way to come back to yourself. Have you read Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert? I didn’t care for the book, but I love the idea behind it: a journey of self-discovery and of exploring a piece of the world. If you can travel solo for a week or a month, it may do wonders for your self-identity.
Remember that it takes time. I think even the most self-assured, centered women sometimes lose touch with themselves due to stress, hectic schedules, illness, family problems, relationship problems, etc. Accept – and enjoy! – this process of self-discovery. Remember that even at age 104, you’ll still be learning new things about yourself.
Consider stepping outside the box. My blog partner Gini Grey is trained as an energy healer, which involves balancing your body’s energies for health and wellness. If you’re willing to try something new, this could be an effective way to reclaim your personal identity! To learn more, read What is Energy Healing?.
And now, for a few thoughts from Gini…
Fill with the essence of love. One of the wonderful benefits of working with spiritual energy over the years is I’ve discovered how to fill with whatever energy I need at the time, including love. Love is the core of our essence and is the most healing energy for illness, heartbreak and loss. It’s not uncommon for people to lose themselves in relationships by giving up a part of their energy in exchange for love. It’s as though we’ve been raised to believe in order to have love, someone else has to love us. This creates loss of identity and codependence. A powerful way to journey back to yourself is to sit in meditation and touch into your own essence of love, letting it increase and flow through your whole body.
Call back your energy. It’s easy to spread our energy into projects, events and people. If we don’t reclaim our energy, we may feel tired, overwhelmed or scattered. By consciously bringing our energy back from external people and situations, we feel whole again. Try this visual energy exercise: close your eyes and center within, create an image of a golden sun 5 or 6 feet above your head. Imagine it is like a magnet pulling all of your energy back from projects, places and people. Set your intention to call back your energy from anywhere you have left it. Once the golden sun is full of your energy, bring it down in through the top of your head and into your body. Let your energy refill your body and notice how this feels.
Give yourself what’s missing. Whether you are over-busy at work, dealing with an illness, lost in a relationship, or feeling the heartache of loss, tune into what it is you need right now. If you are stressed, you may need calm. If you are experiencing loss, you may need what the other person or situation offered you such as joy or amusement. Once you are aware of what is missing or what you need in your life, find ways to give this to yourself. It can be as simple as closing your eyes and touching into the vibration of joy, peace or amusement.
If you have any questions or insights on how to journey back to yourself and reclaim your personal identity, please comment below.
~ Nurture Your Spiritual Life ~
A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
Sensitive to People's Energy? ~ The Complete Empath Toolkit
11 Forgotten Laws ~ Law of Attraction
Tags: being who you are, journey to yourself, love relationships, quips tips spiritual seekers, reclaim personal identity, Sarah Ban Breathnach, self-discovery, spiritual energy
If you are unsure about what you need in life and having trouble identifying the problem will other people you know well be able to guide you or reassure you? never mind I know what the answer is to my problem now I have to know myself first and my issues in life and I’m not at that level yet.
Dear Claudia,
I’m glad you found the answer to your question within yourself…because that’s where our answers often are! But, sometimes it helps to have other people guide and support us as we solve our problems, journey back to ourselves, and reclaim our personal identities, and so on. Other people can offer clarity and insight that we don’t often have.
I hope to see you again here!
Blessings,
Laurie
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post: 7 People Skills That Help You Achieve Your Career Goals