Why can’t women who are abused walk away from their abusers? Here’s what happens in the abuse dynamic or cycle of abuse.
“Knowing the [abuse dynamic] cycle helps women begin to understand the real reasons for her entering into the relationship and staying as long as she does,” writes Jill Cory in When Love Hurts. “Most women living with the cycle are just trying to survive day-to-day; thinking about leaving seems impossible.”
If you’re a woman who is experiencing abuse, please read books like Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Learn as much as you can about the abuse dynamic and the cycle of an abusive relationship. Get as much information, power, and understanding as you can.
The Cycle or Dynamics of Abuse
“The honeymoon behaviour draws the woman in and keeps her invested in the relationship,” writes Cory in When Love Hurts. “The tension-building and explosion create fear, confusion and uncertainty that make any move to step away from the relationship dangerous and costly. The overall effect of living with the cycle is that it is exhausting and overwhelming.”
There are three phases of abuse in the cycle: Honeymoon (Entrapment), Tension Building (Fear) and Explosion (Escalation of abusive tactics).
The Honeymoon Stage or entrapment is when a man draws a woman into the relationship. He is attentive, loving, kind, and romantic. He gives gifts, makes promises, and sweeps her away in an intense rush of love and affection. Abuse is the last thing that occurs to people who see him, her, and their first blush of “love.”
“Women aren’t attracted to abusive men,” says Cory. “Rather, abusive men target women and present themselves in ways that look attractive. She doesn’t fall for the abuse…she falls for a considerate, kind, loving man.”
Tension Building or fear can start with something as “harmless” as not him showing up when he said he would, or making fun of her in public. He may appear disinterested or distant, and blame her or the children for creating his problems.
“The tension building stage is an abrupt interruption of the honeymoon,” says Cory. “Sometimes women feel they are walking on eggshells, stepping through land mines, and living in fear.”
This stage can involve withdrawal, sullenness, unpredictability, moodiness, hostility, and criticism. It’s a compete departure from her normal experience with him.
The explosion or escalation stage can involve yelling, swearing, slamming doors, banging pots, throwing things, and subjecting her to different types of physical, emotional, and sexual violence. “Some men also demonstrate the ‘silent treatment’ during explosions,” says Cory. “Typically, the explosions will become more brutal and more frequent over time.”
Afterward, he’s loving and apologetic. He stops the negative, threatening behaviour and behaves in a positive or neutral way. Back to the honeymoon stage they go.
She thinks she did something wrong, and puts more effort into the relationship. She starts thinking she needs to change because she’s the problem. She starts second-guessing herself.
“This is the dynamic that traps women in abusive relationships,” says Cory. “And it creates conditions in which those around her think she’s the problem. Indeed, she herself thinks she’s the problem…and she keeps trying to change.”
If you’re a woman who is abused, you are not the problem. He is the problem.
Read How Do You Leave an Abusive Relationship? for help.
Whose Fault Is It? Who Causes the Dynamic or Cycle of Abuse?
“Abusers are 100% responsible for the cycle or dynamic of abuse, which means that the abuser drives the cycle,” writes Cory in When Love Hurts. “He decides where they are in the cycle and for how long.” No matter what women who are abused do or how hard they try, they can’t change or improve the situation.
The cycle often continues once the abusive relationship has ended. This is important for women to see that even when she is not there, he continues to engage in the same behaviors and patterns.
If you’re a woman who is abused, you are not the reason he is abusing you. You are not responsible for his mood swings, anger, problems, or life!
To stop the abuse, you need to find a way to walk away from the relationship. Get strength, power, wisdom, and support from women’s distress lines, shelters, and people who understand the dynamics of abuse.
If you’re a woman who can’t walk away from an abusive relationship, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
If you know in your heart it's time to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
If you’d like to share your story, I welcome you below.
I don’t know how to quite put this, but here it goes.
I was with a man for 2yrs (just a little over), and out of the blue he doesn’t contact me for 5 days, after telling me to call him on 7Oct. Days later, he emails me without an apology, then lays into me saying he can’t trust me, says that i have lied to him throughout our whole relationship which ain’t true, and then when i ask him if he has cheated – he sparks off on the defensive!
I asked him what i had lied to him about, and his view of me lying was that when wanted to in his words ‘pull words out of me’ like i was ‘in an interrogation room’, I wouldn’t answer. So he thought I was automatically hiding something, when i wasn’t.
I experienced verbal abuse from him just after his birthday when i went to see him in Texas (I am from the UK), and he took a shower at around 2/3am (not that it bothered me) but we had been drinking that night (he drunk drove and got pulled over, but luckily got let off somehow). Anywho, I got up coz i wanted to go to the toilet (bathroom), so i knocked on the door and asked if i could use the loo. He said couldn’t i hold it, i said no, i was bursting and needed to go before i wet myself. Then, I said to him, bearing in mind I ain’t questioning him, i said to him ‘Oh you’re takin a shower now?’ that’s all i said, and he flew into this barage of obscenities!
He called me a F**** and you’re a Mother F****, you’re not my F*** mother, who do you think you are.. well, it explains itself.
I was shocked and surprised, a little scared to be honest.
He prided himself on ‘never swearing’ yet he stood the same man, that i at that time didn’t recognize.
I told him to stop swearing at me, and let me speak. When he did, he still continued to talk over me. I said to him, no matter what I said he wouldn’t listen to me or believe what i said.
I started to ask myself why i was there? Why did i go? I never went to be verbally abused by him. It made me sick. No-one has done that to me before? Not like that anyway.
I felt hurt, really hurt. I started to think, is this how you treat someone you say you love?
I apologised to him for being such a horrible person. When I knew deep down I wasn’t!
He threw things like Chlamydia back in my face (after discovering it when i went for a Smear test/pap smear) but it cleared up after taking antibiotics.
I don’t know if he had it or it may have been in my system from an ex, i don’t know, you never know with that thing!
I never lied to him about it, I told him i could’ve kept it from him, as i thought too, but I knew I wanted to tell him the truth!
But, had i known he was gonna throw back at me, I shouldn’t have.
He said to me that I had not really forgiven him for all the things he did and said to me and that I hadn’t forgotten. Well, I am not going to forget am i? I left it, as that’s my way of forgiving, but i don’t forget?
Last year he had twisted my arm behind my back, as we had a spat over yet again something petty! And he took up a knife and told me to stay away from him or he would stab himself!
I then tried to take the knife and said, well I will kill myself then, and he got the knife from me(though i couldn’t do it) and he twisted my arm so far behind, I thought he was going to make it snap.
That was the first and last physical abuse i got from him.
When we were coming back from Paris (France) we missed the train, as I thought my alarm would go off and it didn’t, but Eurostar put us onto another train back to London. He said to me, if he had to buy new tickets to come back I would never have heard or seen him again.
He argued with me over riding a bike and saying that I lied to him about it…but I RODE the bike! I told him the truth about it, but in his head I lied?
He became agressive when he drank and became agressive without it.
He wasn’t the man i thought he was.
I was to blame, and so was everyone else. He was incapable of lying, though i caught him out and so did my mum with possibly cheating.
I found on his android tablet, zoosk dating site, and an email had popped up on the bottom right hand corner.
When I saw that, I froze. I went totally quiet. My heart was in my throat. An ex had done this to me before, and now he was doing it!
He denied it of course, and said that his cousins had looked at the site. But then when I said about the email, he said it must have piggy backed on the back of somthing else, but I know that ain’t true.
I felt sick. And I started to mistrust him and doubt his loyalty to me.
We had a long distance relationship for 2yrs and 2yrs I was faithful and loyal, and gave him my heart.
He took from me.
He told me he had no money this time round to come to London, but he bought himself a new PS3, Xbox 360 and a tablet which would total over USD1000. he could get a plane ticket to London for less than that.
All in all, I am really hurt and in pain as i still love him.
Reading all these posts has now made me realise that he wasn’t who i thought and that he was manipulative and controlling.
My mum said she felt something wasn’t right with him, and I should’ve listened to her.
He has made me lose faith in relationships now, and I cry and feel sick at the thought of him.
I love him, but I don’t want to lose my family or friends over him.
He told me in the beginning not to make my friends more important than him, and he wanted to marry me and we had all these plans.
But they were not real. and I feel sick to have let him use me like that.
Dear readers . I am very ashamed to be writing this but maybe it might help me and others . It all started Christmas 2010 , I had 9 months before getting. Married to my best friend father of my son and partner of 11 yrs . I was so excited every thing was arranged I was so happy until one silly night . It was the staff Christmas party , there was the man there I had fanced for the last 5 yrs but I was happy so I never thought I would ever do anything . I got very drunk and we ended up sleeping together big mistake . We didnt speak for a while after at work and I didn’t tell my partner . 4 weeks later I found out I was pregnant I told my partner but not that I thought it was someone else’s . I had no choice but to have a termination as the other guy was married with children , I was so upset as was my partner and mother . I then carried on planning the wedding thinking it would be fine and we could try for a baby after the wedding . A couple of months pasted and my one night stand contacted me and we started seeing eachother , I thought if I got to know him and he was nott nice I knew I made the right decision but he was lovely , charming this was even more upsetting. The morning we had to go to church to have our.bands read out I had to tell my partner the truth , I was seeing someone else but I didn’t need to explain about the baby that would be to hurtful . We broke up and it was very upsetting my family was devastated . I carryed on seeing my one night stand and he was lovely I felt like I was on air , I told him about the baby he was upset and promise we could have one , he wanted to move in and be a family . Then things changed after 6months , his ex wife contacted me to tell me he went out with him ex , I confronted him , he said he wasn’t getting what he needed from me ie moving in , dinner every night ready , I was shocked . I keped in contact with his ex wife who went on to tell me what he’s like and I couldn’t believe it I didn’t want to but the signs were there and the cracks were showing . It’s now been a yr of him dumpingme and getting back together saying I’m not giving him what he needs then saying sorry I’m so in love with you , its great when we get back together then 2 weeks later he starts being nasty . Worse of all he makes out his son is great while putting my son down constantly its horrible , I got no friends he made sure of that , I gave up all my hobbies as he wanted all my time I feel and I work with him , I feel so trapped but he doesn’t live with me I made sure of that . My ex father of my child has been so supportive and helpfuland he would love to get back together so would I but I need to sort my life out . I think my problem is I wanted so hard to make it work with this other man as I gave up so much to be with him but he doesn’t see that everything is my fault , I also feel sorry for him and I do care . How do I get out of this situation and get my life on track . I sometimes thing I deserve this because of the termination and breaking my exs hart . I don’t know what to do I use to be a strong person. My love and thought to all of you that are going thought an abusive relationship and I hope we all find the strengh inside xxxxx Claire
Hi, My name is Kati: I met a guy last yr and he treated me like a gem, the honeymoon phase, was wonderful for 6 mos,loving, caring, all of a sudden he starts yelling and screaming at me. because I wanted to watch a Tv show. he threw a remote control at me, well I threw it back. I told him do not ever throw anything at me, he got up and went into bed. ( we were living together then). Next day, he apologized.Then the toilet bowl overflowed and he started screaming and throwing the toliet tank around and almost hit me. He left all the broken pieces on the floor, and went to bed, I had and to clean up all the water. we fought for 2 mos on and off. then he told me to leave.I had to go to my sisters house, because I had nowhere to go, after a week he called apologized, we got back together,only to fight again, this man never had sex before, he was married but his sex life, he had to beg for,so he said I opened up his heart. We continued to fight because he was mean. then he told me I had 30 days to get out, so I got myself an apartment and moved, we didnt see each other for 1 mo, then he called me and said he loved and would like to start over, so I did, we got along for 1 month, then he started to tell me he might want to see his x girlfriend,I said if he sees her, Im done,so he said he needed his space, I gave his space, after a month, he called again to beg me to come back, so we did it again.Then we went away, had fun, and he ended up again throwing me out of his house, I went home and was so hurt,so to make a long story short, he keeps asking me to come back, and then telling me he needs space, the last thing he just did to me, was to tell me that his x is the better one for him, she makes me more money than I do,so I said go back to your x, and thats it. Im so mad at myself, I dont know what I was thinking, I just remember the honeymoon phase.But now he is a devil. he is a recovering alcoholic for 25 yrs, he goes to alot of meetings, but Im done,I started counseling.So please read my story and dont fall into the abusive cycle. these men dont change they get worse!!
My boyfriend makes promises and then blames me for not living up to what he says. We have been together almost 10 years and he is still separated from his wife, and has 3 grown children. He has promised to give me a share in the insurance policy with his children. He has promises this on many occasions. Recently, he broke up with me for the 40th time, and blames me for not living up to his promise. He always blames me when he starts the fights. After he breaks up with me he wants me back. Unfortunately, I go back and 2 months later it the same thing. He’s nice for a short time and then becomes abusive again. I know I should never take him back. Now that he has broken his promises again, I feel stronger about never taking him back. I cannot trust what he says. He is always blaming something or someone for his nasty behavior. I feel stronger after reading about this cycle. I know that I am the only one who can break it. Thank you for enlightening me.
Yea its just hard because i dnt have much family support they all live far i dnt want to get help then my children get taken off me because of the situation i feel he is all i have as its not the first man that has put his hands on me my ex hit me but not as bad as this person ive never exsperiend this kind of hurt he just see me forgive him but it stays inside everything that he has done to me, i know ur right hes gonna keep abusing me i have 10 weeks till im due and i dnt feel at all happy because im hurt and i feel i cant look after 2kids while im heavily pregnant as he says im a unfit mother wich i dont think i am i feed bath them every day take them away from him when i feel his negetivity only wen he doesnt stop me ive gotton good at hiding my hurt from him and the world feel so alone if my family knew they would beat him up most probably and i dont want that because he will most probably hurt someone else i love and i wanna try to prevant that this is so pethetic i think im just over trying to fi d a decent guy since i always find the agressive ones whats wrong with me auweh i hate it
Dear Tammy,
I’m sorry to hear that your husband is treating you this way. You deserve better than this – and so do your children.
You say you’re miserable with him and you’ll be miserable without him…but which misery will last longer? The misery of staying with him. You’re right that you’ll be miserable without him, but you will heal and move on with your life. You’ll find joy and happiness in your life.
The cycle of abuse is a dynamic that can only stop if you leave. It won’t get better by itself. He won’t stop abusing you. You have to take action, even though you feel overwhelmed and sad.
Please call a local womens help line or domestic violence hotline. I can’t give you the help you need. Please call someone in your area for help, so you can start making plans.
You CAN have a better life for both you and your children! But, you have to reach out and get help in person.
Make that call today, and let me know how it goes.
Blessings,
Laurie
Im a mum i have 2girls who are the age of 4 and
1 to another man not to my partner and im now carrying my third i have isolated myself from friends family and feel alone my man has been abusive since i got pregnant numerous times but i forgive so easily and i wanna stand up for my srlf everytime he raises his voice im scared really scared im 22years of age ive been with him for a year and a bit got pregnant to him early he told me get rid of it i did and he threw it in my face saying good who’d wanna baby to slut like you wich hurt my feelings bad we got pregnant agen decided to keep it wich im not gonna lie i regret saying yes to keeping it knowing all this was gonna happen i hate myself for not letting my self get to know him properly first as my ex was a speed user and hit me when he couldnt get his shot and was very paranoid obsesive etc ive been through alot the past 7months ive never been abuse scared this much before yet still weak to leave him
I dont think this is love but i keep telling myself itll grt better
Episode 1: i found him adding a girl on fb that he denied adding then i find iut hr added her coz she says she did he slamed me into walls back handed me in the face pulled my by my hair dragged me on my back even though im pregnant from night till 6am in the morning as hed hit me if i try to fall asleep then took me to shop and reckons you wait till we get home your gonna get it so i scream to the public for help but then stupid me firgives him coz im pregnant with my third
Episode 2: i didnt like the way he was treating my girls taking his fustration out on them i send the firls to bed he comes at me i cut him with a knife coz i felt threatend he was gonna hit me again as it was only 2nights ago episode 1happend
Episode 3:i told my 1year olds father he could come get his daughter my partner tries to tell me she only needs one man in her life thats me i didnt agree with that because no one deserves to have there childeren taking away he hits my the side of my face is the size of a chuppa cup lolli pop i forgive him
Episode 4:he now has his licence i dont only a learners and a car he complains about taking me everywhere so i dnt ask him to take me anywhere but hes ok with taking off in my car whenever so i ask for my keys he raisez his voice because wants to go out i push him he gets me on the ground im tryna kik him away my kids are watching he punches me in the eye now i had a nother black swollen eye just for asking for the keys to my car
Episode 5:he starts up throws a doll at my daughters face because she said no to him i got upset took them for a walk he take my phone keycard before i go,i tlk to him later that day he gives my phone back i see my credits all gone due to downloading we fight about that his answer is because i didnt want you to see what i dowloaded then he swears at me goes off at me sends my kids to bed hungry i make them something let them eat in bed they fall asleep he rips out of bed into the cold demanding for my car keys when its my car i had before i even met him a year ago i give him keys now hes telling me he cany wait to get his own car house etc i feel threatned by him he stands over me for my car keys to drive him to work and me and my kids catch public transport ive really had enough
Im falling out of love with him i have alot of hatrid in my heart now as soon as i hear him raise his voice i shut down i just dont listen to him put my girls in the room and wait to get hit i dont even like my own family coming over he puts me down,says hes gonna go find a better women,calls me dum stupid slut all sorts of name yet i cant seem to find the answer to why im still with him how do you go about this situation ive never exsperienced such a abusive man i dont know why i forgive him so easily then act like it never happenf what advice can you give me i have no one else to talk to
How do i stand up to it as i am 29 weeks pregnant
Dear Maddie and Shirley,
You’re in a difficult and scary situation, and I wish I could whisk you out of there!
I encourage you to spend as much time as you can with friends and family. Get outside as much as you can, because that’ll help you gain the strength, clarity, and wisdom to decide if you are ready to walk away from a man who says he loves you but abuses you.
I also encourage you to read about the abuse dynamic or cycle of abuse, and talk to women who have experienced it. The more you learn about how abuse works, the stronger you’ll get.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or google their website.
Remember that the abuse isn’t your fault. You haven’t done anything to deserve it, and it’s not a reflection of you or who you are. He is abusing you because of his own problems, not because of what you say or do.
Let me know how you’re doing. Please reach out for help in person. I can’t get you out of your relationship — only you can reach out to family, friends, and people who want to help you become happy and healthy again.
You CAN live the life you want, but it requires strength and courage.
I also encourage you to turn to God. He is the ultimate source of security and safety — but you have to actively seek Him! You’ve taken a brave and courageous first step….and now you have to keep going.
Blessings,
Laurie
ive been in abusive relationship for 10 years. it kills me inside.. im isolated fm family friends and i cant go out or talk to anyone. he says if i love him so much i wouldnt pick things over him. no one knows the pain i live, and i try to make things better for my 2 boys. my oldest watched me beaten and almost killed several times. he spit on my face, call me names, throws hot food to my face, been called every name in the book. i wish someone can understand the pain im in, when i try and leave he says hes gonna kill himself, or if i leave i will have to leave my boys. i dont want to leave my boys w him! and if i leave he says he will kill himself and his family hates me and blames me. he cheated on me numerous times. he accuses me of sleeping around. how can that be, when i cant go out or talk to anyone? he also denied his boys. he controls everything,esp money. i always feel scared or guilty. scared to disobey him and guilty if i do disobey him. i need help.
I am a 19 soon to be 20 year old female. I had a son at age 14 after my first time having sex. I was adopted as a baby, and have had horrible relationships with my parents, who have both been married numerous times. I have been in a relationship with this guy since I was 15, (not my son’s father) and all through high school, I would sneak out of the house, skip school, leave in the middle of the night and be gone for 3 days with him etc. My mom and stepdad finally got fed up when I was 17 and kicked me out of the house. I had nowhere to go but to my boyfriends house, with his disrespectful mother who frequently refers to me as a stupid dramatic tramp, but always helps financially.
My boyfriend began becoming abusive about a year after we got together, and it hasnt stopped. He has also been cheating on me with dozens of girls throughout the course of our relationship. What angers him the most is when I purposely look for proof of him cheating when I already know I’m not going to leave him. My dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday, but my boyfriend pretty much took it and never let me drive it. he also wrecked it and didnt say anything until I happened to see the dent 3 days later. I get hit in front of his friends, who won’t say or do anything to help me, they just watch. and of course EVERYTHING is ALWAYS my fault. he complains to his family and friends about me, but never tells them what he did; only what I did. he has beat up my female cousin as well as my best friend because they tried to defend me.
I was forced to move out of state with my dad when I was 17 since his mom only let me stay with them for 2 weeks. I was gone for 8 months, and it was 8 months of depression, and dependence on alcohol. I didnt progress at all, and ended up moving back to get an apartment with him. That was in may of 2010 and since I’ve been back it’s all gotten worse. the whole time I was gone he was contacting me saying how much he wanted me back, and the night i moved back i found out he had been living with another female that was 32, and he was 20 at the time. Now that we live together, I have become extremely dependent on him and he claims to hate this, yet everytime I have an opportunity to do better, he seems to purposely sabotage it. He tells me how much better his other girls are, and how they dont stress him like I do, and that they appreciate him, when I dont.
I used to be a happy, outgoing, funny girl, and I thought I was the hottest thing since a jalepeno, but now I find myself dreading to wake up each day. I have absolutely NO self esteem, and I’ve become a real introvert, which isnt who I really am. I have (had) a strong personality but I was raised by someone who has the opposite. I have a huge strong fear of being alone, and letting go of the one person that ever showed any interest in me. He has expressed to me multiple times that although he loves me, he doesnt want a relationship, and he only stays because he knows I would be out on the street without him. And even though he treats me like complete crap, I find myself crying and begging like a dog everytime he tries to leave. I tried to commit suicide a long time ago by drinking liquid plumber, and seeing how much it scared him, I now use the threat of suicide whenever he tries to leave.
I have become an emotional wreck. I am paranoid everywhere I go because I feel so ugly, although people tell me how beautiful I am. I cant even go to the grocery store without having big panic attacks. I barely leave the house, and the worst part is, I cant have my son. My mom kept him when I moved out, because she feels I’m too unstable to take care of him. He is 4 now, almost 5, and I havent lived with him in two years. I barely get to see him. I dont see hope anywhere in the future and I struggle with thoughts of killing myself on a daily basis. I am so overwhelmed im surprised I havent had a heart attack. I just want to enjoy my youth and I dont feel like I will ever get the chance for that. I feel that I’m miserable with him, and miserable without him, and I truly dont know what to do.
Dear Dee,
I’m glad you’re getting professional help, because the cycle or dynamic of abuse is so entangling…it’s difficult to break free!
Why do you want to maintain contact with him? I think the answer to that question will help you get what you need from other sources in your life. If you can fulfill your needs, you’ll be better able to escape from the cycle of abuse.
I think the worst form of emotional abuse is that subtle kind, that is easy to overlook. The bigger, more obvious ways to abuse a woman aren’t as easy to overlook, and may keep women trapped longer.
Yes, I think couples can work things out and fix an abusive relationship, but not if the abuser is totally unaware of his abusive tendencies! In a healthy relationship, both partners are aware of their weaknesses.
What does your counselor say about why women who are abused can’t walk away?
Blessings,
Laurie
hi , i was in denial of the emotional abuse i was experiencing with the man i’ve been seeing for the past year and a half ..who incidentally has been insistent that we were and are “just good friends” and that we weren’t in a relationship .
He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for four years and it has been mostly because he doesn’t partake in alcohol drinking that i was attracted to him in the first place and alllso because he is involved with AA that i decided to stay with him and improve on my own managing skills .
He says he can’t commit to relationship and in a way i can see why he would think that and i can accept why he thinks that , however i don’t agree with that at all .
I think he can commit to relationship rightly but has been so afraid of hurting me in the same way that he professed that he hurt his ex-wife emotionally for nineteen years that was his logic behind not wanting to commit .
He repeatedly said he didn’t want to hurt or be hurt again and he won’t go there {commit to relationship} because of that logic .
The emotional abuse with him has been very subtle and was easily overlooked for a time because of the subtleness but i had to face up to the facts of what was going on and see the abuse for what it was .
Trouble is that i am having a very hard time letting go , i am in love with him and because of his continued sobriety i do hold out so much hope for him in terms of recovery .
I have filled my life with new experiences and people and am focusing very much on my own self-care , self-esteem , and self-love and am seeing a great psychotherapist also and i am also keeping my options open by dating other men which i make no secret of where he is concerned and without going into too much detail i do let him know when i have or am dating .
I do realise that i cannot change him at all and what i can do for now is change how i interact with him and get on with living life whist maintaining contact with him , for now at least .
I don’t feel ready to leave him physically , even though mentally i have been prepared to leave on quite a few occasions , i haven’t taken action to do so .
I do ask my self if there are examples of relationships where these things can be worked out by the couple involved and moved beyond , even when one of the couple doesn’t see that there is anything wrong or that he is even being emotionally abusive .
Whatever feedback you can give me on this is greatly appreciated .
Bless you
Dee