What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

Should you lend money to your boyfriend? It depends. Here are five things to think about when your boyfriend asks for money and you aren’t sure if you should lend it to him.

Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

These tips are inspired by a reader, who says: “My 65 year old boyfriend is preparing to retire. Part of his preparation will be filing for bankruptcy and walking away from his home/mortgage,” says B. on Signs It’s Not Smart to Loan Money to Someone You’re Close to. “He owns a really nice motorcycle that we both enjoy. He has asked me to buy his bike in order to protect it from the bankruptcy. This purchase would equate to me paying him $10,000 and him then making payments of $250 a month. We have know each other for about eight months and I like him a lot, but this request has made me uncomfortable.”

I absolutely think she should trust her gut and keep her money safe and sound! Here are a few tips for girlfriends in the same situation…

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks for Money…

In most causes, I think girlfriends should always say no when their boyfriends ask to borrow money – especially when the boyfriend is financially bankrupt or has a bad credit rating! He does not know how to manage his money.





His financial mismanagement does not mean he’s a bad person or that you should stop dating him. But, it does mean that you should keep your finances separate from his. Even if you get married, you need to make sure you are financially independent and that you retain your own good credit rating.

Despite my solid gold advice, many girlfriends will say yes when their boyfriends ask to borrow money. These tips are for them…

Make sure you’re not in debt and can afford to lend the money

Here’s why B.’s boyfriend asked to borrow money, and her financial situation:

“He is a very generous person, but he is not good with money as evidenced by his need to file for bankruptcy at this stage of the game. I’m retired and on a fixed income, this is a lot of money for me. I currently carry $11,000 in debt that I am currently trying very hard to pay down. I also have a savings account with about $1,200 in it at present. Though I do have stock I could sell if need be, I don’t feel that is very wise of me to sell it at this time.”

Girlfriends, you should never, ever loan money to your boyfriends when you’re already in debt!

Do not put your financial future at risk because your boyfriend can’t manage his money. You can love him with all your heart, but keep your money in your savings account, stocks, and retirement investments.

Separate business from pleasure – because a financial loan is business

“My problem is that I think the world of him, but his mismanagement of his own money make me very uncomfortable in trusting his ability to repay me. Do I go with my gut feeling? How would I explain my reasoning to him without hurting our relationship?”

Yes, you go with your gut feeling. You know it’s not smart to “buy” your boyfriend’s motorcycle and hope he pays it back! It’s not a financial investment – it’s a mistake that you will regret.

Tell him the truth – you can’t afford to lend him money

This is what you say when your gut is telling you to say no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money:

Boyfriend Borrows Money

What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

“I think the world of you and I’m happy in our relationship, but I just can’t afford to lend you money. I’m in debt, I have mortgage payments, I don’t earn much money, and I don’t know what my financial future holds. I wish I could help you, but I don’t have the money you need.”

If you’re worried about saying no to him, read When to End a Relationship. It’ll help you see that saying no and being strong now is way, way smarter than having to chase him to get your money back later.

If you say yes when your boyfriend asks to borrow money, then…

If you lend your boyfriend money – such as buying his motorcycle and getting paid back over a few years – then you need to make a contract and get him to sign it. The contract needs to make the terms of the loan clear: how much money your boyfriend borrows, when and how he’ll pay it back, the interest rate, and the date that all the money should be repaid.

If you need tips on how to draw up a loan contract, let me know in the comments section below.

Do not expect to get your money back from your boyfriend

If anyone asks to borrow money from you – boyfriend or not – the smartest thing for you to do (besides say “no”!) is to let go of the money forever. The reason the person needs to borrow money is likely because he can’t manage his finances. This is a problem that doesn’t disappear overnight.

When you lend money to someone you love, you need to expect never to see it again. That way, your relationship will stay loving and you won’t resent your boyfriend when he gives you excuse after excuse for not repaying the money he borrowed.

If you’re scared to say no, here are a few tips on building self-confidence in your relationship.



Fix Your Marriage



What do you think about these tips for when boyfriends ask girlfriends if they can borrow money? Comments welcome below…

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What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money
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Five things to do when your boyfriend asks for money, and you aren't sure if you should lend it to him.

Before You Go...


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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
I live in Vancouver, BC; my degrees are in Education, Psychology, and Social Work. Most importantly, I am a Christian! I love God, Jesus, Spirit. Your comments are welcome below, but I can't give advice. Are you lost, hurt, scared? Take a deep breath, and remember the reason you exist. "The eternal God is your refuge; His everlasting arms are under you." - Deut 33:27. Feel free to share your prayers and experiences here.

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11 Responses

  1. Laurie says:

    Hi Kahel,

    Thank you for being here, and asking such a great question! When your boyfriend asks to borrow money, you definitely need a contract or financial agreement. Get it in writing, no matter how much you love him.

    I wrote an article called “Sample Contract for a Family Loan” – the link is just below. But, a financial agreement or contract between and your boyfriend is as simple as this: your name, his name, the amount you’re lending him, the date he borrowed money from you, and the date he intends to pay it back. You should also include repayment details, such as if he’ll pay interest or if he’ll make payments until the loan is fully paid back.

    What are the repercussions if your boyfriend doesn’t pay your money back? This should be discussed openly between you and your boyfriend. Will you take him to small claims court? Talk to his family?

    It is SO important to protect yourself if your boyfriend asks to borrow money. I know you love him and want to help him, but you still need to be wise.

    Here’s the article about how to make a financial agreement when you loan your boyfriend money:

    http://whenlovebugsyou.com/sample-contract-for-a-family-loan/

    I wish you all the best!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  2. Kahel says:

    Thank you for this article. May I ask if you could give me tips or a sample of a contract. I lend my boyfriend with an amount of 12,000 pesos (Philippine peso) from my savings and 6,000 pesos from a loan to start a computer shop business. I have not talked this about with my relatives and friends. Just with one trusted friend and advised me to have a contract too. Thank you and more power!

  3. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Rachel,

    You are 100% right that you and your boyfriend are equal partners, and you are both totally capable of looking after yourselves financially. You are under no obligation to take care of him when he asks to borrow money, and you certainly should NOT give him money or take care of his needs by buying things for him!

    You are a smart woman, and you know what the right thing to do is. Don’t give in to pressure from your boyfriend or his mother by lending him money. You’ll regret it, and you know it.

    Have you read the Boundaries books? You can love your boyfriend and treat him well, but not lend him money when he asks to borrow it. It’s just a boundary that couples shouldn’t cross when they’re dating. Even married couples need to be financially independent and responsible for their own selves.

    I wish you all the best in your UK adventures! Stay strong, Rachel, and follow your heart and gut.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  4. Rachel says:

    Hi, me and my partner decided to move to the uk for the year to do some travelling. We each had 12 months to save, i saved in that time $15000, wheras he saved $2000. He is now struggling for money but i dont feel comforatble paying for things for him, i worked very hard to save why should i give my share away because he chose not to save. I have now seem emails his mother has sent him saying its my responsability to look after him and give him money and i am very upset by this. We are not married, he is not my child i dont want to! I care about him, but i am his equal partner not his mother. I now dont know what to do. If i am being selfish or if i actually have a point. We have been together for 17 months

  5. Laurie says:

    Dear Chan,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how it feels when your boyfriend asks to borrow money. I think you should be firm about keeping your money separate from his. Even if you and he were married, all women still need to keep their own financial independence!

    Tell your boyfriend the truth: your money is for your education, future goals, and your own life. His money is for his own purposes. You love him, but you can’t give him your money. You have to be strong and courageous, and find the confidence it takes to say no to him.

    Be strong. Be confident. Trust your gut — you know you shouldn’t give him your money!

    Take heart.

    Laurie

  6. Chan says:

    I have been seeing this guy for the past 4 years, back then he was OK. But after 2 years he started asking money from me (both of us are students and didn’t have job. I got monthly scholarship but he didn’t). I paid him regularly as I love and care for him. Once he asked for a larger amount saying that he got to do something important and will pay me back. I gave him, but after 1 month he said he bought a gold ring for him with that money. I said its OK but inside me I was so hurt. I had to ask money from my parents for my college admission. And now,there is a high possibility of increasing my scholarship amount, he is aiming for that he keeps on asking me when will it happen (he even started making plans of what to do with it, he said he will invest the money). I don’t want to end the relation and I don’t know what to do . Please help me.

    ** sometimes he pays me back a few bucks.

  7. Laurie says:

    Dear Melanie,

    Did your boyfriend sign a promissary note, or do you have anything in writing that proves you loaned him the money? That’s an important first step in convincing him to pay you back!

    It sounds like he doesn’t have money to spare, and getting your loan back won’t be easy. He is so far behind in his bills, and he’s motivated to pay his rent and buy food and gasoline for his car before paying you back.

    I’m sorry to say it, but I would chalk it up as a loss and move on. It’s financially and emotionally painful to have given so much to your boyfriend…but the pain will get worse if you stay where you are.

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-give-up-on-my-boyfriend/

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  8. Melanie says:

    Hi, my boyfriend keeps asking me to lend him money. The first time I loaned him $50, then $120, and then $50 again. Now he wants to borrow $200. He says it’s to pay his rent, but I don’t believe him. I don’t think our relationship is going anywhere. Should I give up on him? What about the money I lent him, will I get it back?

  9. Laurie says:

    Dear Debra,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts here! I hope readers who are thinking about lending money from their boyfriends learn from you, and think twice about falling for it.

    I love watching Marilyn Milian’s judge show — and over half the cases are women suing men for repayment of loans. We need to smarten up and separate money from our dating relationships.

  10. Debra says:

    So true about getting rid of jerks that need money all the time. I not only married a loser, but then went on to become involved with yet another piece of trash, (because I hadn’t listened to my “gut instinct”) that conned/borrowed/suckered as much money out of me that he could. What really irritates me was that the second creep was a “born again Christian” who worked for the same Co. as I did, although he earned $200 a wk more. and worked there twice as long (20yrs at the time) had ZERO assets–not even a 2nd hand car paid for, and only about $4,000 in a 401k. His ex wife was a lazy fat slob/stay-at-home mom, that hadn’t worked in years and squandered whatever he made on ridiculous diets, gym mbrshps, hair/nails, tacky clothes, booze etc., so I guess he was “getting back” at ALL women by taking advantage of ME. It took me over 10yrs to completely rid myself of that scum and even after he married someone else and had a kid, continued to call and beg me to go out with him again–that, or the idiot would try to sell me junk like vitamins, questionable investment schemes, figurines, you-name-it. Total dirt bag. Only once in an emergency I asked to borrow $10 from the mooch, of course he acted as if *I* had a lot of NERVE! HA! If a man asks to borrow money, or is constantly broke–GET RID OF HIM! Or live to regret it…

  11. Jane Alala says:

    It is hard for a woman to say no when a boyfriend asks for money. However as we get older we realize that if he cannot manage himself, then we are wasting our time. Let the bugger go out and make his own money. Girls you cannot buy love, and you cannot change a man.

    There are two types of men – providers and losers!!!

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