What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

Should you lend money to your boyfriend? It depends. Here are five things to think about when your boyfriend asks for money and you aren’t sure if you should lend it to him.

What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

These tips are inspired by a reader, who says: “My 65 year old boyfriend is preparing to retire. Part of his preparation will be filing for bankruptcy and walking away from his home/mortgage,” says B. on Signs It’s Not Smart to Loan Money to Someone You’re Close to.

“He owns a really nice motorcycle that we both enjoy. He has asked me to buy his bike in order to protect it from the bankruptcy. This purchase would equate to me paying him $10,000 and him then making payments of $250 a month. We have know each other for about eight months and I like him a lot, but this request has made me uncomfortable.”

I absolutely think she should trust her gut and keep her money safe and sound! Here are a few tips for girlfriends in the same situation…




What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks for Money…

In most causes, I think girlfriends should always say no when their boyfriends ask to borrow money – especially when the boyfriend is financially bankrupt or has a bad credit rating! He does not know how to manage his money.

His financial mismanagement does not mean he’s a bad person or that you should stop dating him. But, it does mean that you should keep your finances separate from his. Even if you get married, you need to make sure you are financially independent and that you retain your own good credit rating.

Despite my solid gold advice, many girlfriends will say yes when their boyfriends ask to borrow money. These tips are for them…

Make sure you’re not in debt and can afford to lend the money

Here’s why B.’s boyfriend asked to borrow money, and her financial situation:

“He is a very generous person, but he is not good with money as evidenced by his need to file for bankruptcy at this stage of the game. I’m retired and on a fixed income, this is a lot of money for me. I currently carry $11,000 in debt that I am currently trying very hard to pay down. I also have a savings account with about $1,200 in it at present. Though I do have stock I could sell if need be, I don’t feel that is very wise of me to sell it at this time.”

Girlfriends, you should never, ever loan money to your boyfriends when you’re already in debt!

Do not put your financial future at risk because your boyfriend can’t manage his money. You can love him with all your heart, but keep your money in your savings account, stocks, and retirement investments.

Separate business from pleasure – because a financial loan is business

“My problem is that I think the world of him, but his mismanagement of his own money make me very uncomfortable in trusting his ability to repay me. Do I go with my gut feeling? How would I explain my reasoning to him without hurting our relationship?”

Yes, you go with your gut feeling. You know it’s not smart to “buy” your boyfriend’s motorcycle and hope he pays it back! It’s not a financial investment – it’s a mistake that you will regret.

Tell him the truth – you can’t afford to lend him money

This is what you say when your gut is telling you to say no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money:

Boyfriend Borrows Money

What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money

“I think the world of you and I’m happy in our relationship, but I just can’t afford to lend you money. I’m in debt, I have mortgage payments, I don’t earn much money, and I don’t know what my financial future holds. I wish I could help you, but I don’t have the money you need.”

If you’re worried about saying no to him, read When to End a Relationship. It’ll help you see that saying no and being strong now is way, way smarter than having to chase him to get your money back later.

If you say yes when your boyfriend asks to borrow money, then…

If you lend your boyfriend money – such as buying his motorcycle and getting paid back over a few years – then you need to make a contract and get him to sign it. The contract needs to make the terms of the loan clear: how much money your boyfriend borrows, when and how he’ll pay it back, the interest rate, and the date that all the money should be repaid.

If you need tips on how to draw up a loan contract, let me know in the comments section below.

Do not expect to get your money back from your boyfriend

If anyone asks to borrow money from you – boyfriend or not – the smartest thing for you to do (besides say “no”!) is to let go of the money forever. The reason the person needs to borrow money is likely because he can’t manage his finances. This is a problem that doesn’t disappear overnight.

When you lend money to someone you love, you need to expect never to see it again. That way, your relationship will stay loving and you won’t resent your boyfriend when he gives you excuse after excuse for not repaying the money he borrowed.

If you’re scared to say no, here are a few tips on building self-confidence in your relationship.

What do you think about these tips for when boyfriends ask girlfriends if they can borrow money? Comments welcome below! I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share what you’re experiencing.


Do you need relationship help? I can't offer advice, but you can get FREE advice and a FREE marriage assessment from marriage coach Mort Fertel. No strings attached!


May you learn how to say no without fear if your boyfriend asks to borrow money.

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on twitterLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on pinterestLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on linkedinLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on googleLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on facebook
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
Shalom! I can't give you advice, but please feel free to share your thoughts below. I'm a writer in Vancouver; my degrees are in Psychology, Education, and Social Work. I live with my husband, two dogs, and cat. We can't have children, and we trust in God's love, grace, and wisdom. Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28.

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16 Responses

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    The difficult truth is that when you tell your boyfriend that you can’t lend him money anymore, he will get angry and frustrated. He’s not gonna be all “Yay!” when you cut off the financial stream of free cash!

    Will your relationship survive you standing up to him, and telling him he can’t borrow money anymore?

    Better yet……are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a boyfriend who doesn’t know how to handle money, and who borrows money without paying it back? This is a HUGE warning flag about what kind of guy he is!

    I hope you find the strength and courage to stop loaning your boyfriend money. Yes, you’ll feel guilty and it’ll be uncomfortable telling him you can’t give him more money.

    But you know deep down in your heart that a quality guy wouldn’t keep asking for money and not paying it back.

  2. Lexi says:

    My boyfriend has asked me to buy him a 120 dollar instrument and that he’ll pay me back. He’s borrowed money from me and other friends before and just last week I lent him 240 dollars that I haven’t gotten back. The most I ever lent him was 940 for rent which he did eventually pay me back almost a year later with his taxes. There have been other things that I will never get paid back for. I have a job and live with my sister and have some good savings but I’m planning on moving out and it’s all money I worked for and I don’t want to just throw it away for someone else. I just don’t get why he would even feel comfortable asking me to lend him large amounts of money when I would never even think about asking anyone for more then 20 dollars. And then I have to feel uncomfortable for saying no. I just hate being put in that position especially when I know how he handles money and that I probably won’t ever get paid back and I have every right to say no but still have to feel guilty. But every time I bring up money he definetly gets frustrated with me. How do I ask him to stop asking me to lend him money for good?

  3. Marie says:

    For me I was so regret when I gave a money for my Nigerian boyfriend that cost of 23,500 pesos. I can’t tell that he is scam because we meet each other in Philippines since 2011 and he come back in Nigeria.. And I’m assured that he is a good man because I see him, he is a religious man.. But all of the sudden he was just suddenly disappeared after he took my money and never communicate with me anymore.. Now I know even how much the guy being a religious its not a guarantee he will not lied nor cheat on you when it comes in money..
    I love him so much but my love fade away from him. He likes to hurt other people.. Good luck for him! God knows everything!..

  4. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Hi Azalea,

    It sounds like you already know what you want to do….the question is how to say no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money.

    “I love you, honey, but I can’t lend you money. I’m broke!”

    It’s as simple as that. It gets complicated when you allow your feelings of wanting to help and nurture your boyfriend get in the way of what your brain knows to be right and true.

  5. azalea says:

    My boyfriend is asking me to let him borrow money for gas and food
    1 I’m a college student
    2 I work part time
    3 I’m already in debt with credit cards
    the only money I can give is for him to pawn my bracelet he can get 300 for it we’ve done it before but I didn’t get back after 6 months and my mother had to take it out it was 400 with interest it really bugs me I want to say no I’m still paying for a loan I got for him last year and I didn’t even get to see that money for myself you know will I be a messed up girlfriend for not supporting my man in bad times he hasn’t worked lately because of the weather he works in construction. we love each other and everything but I need money too I want to finish what I owe with the little money I make he owes other people money too so I know I won’t see that money back and I’ll have to pay what he uses if it’s my credit card or pawing my bracelet I just don’t know what to do he says he’ll pay me when he gets money but I don’t know if I can believe him if he already owes me money

  6. Laurie says:

    Hi Kahel,

    Thank you for being here, and asking such a great question! When your boyfriend asks to borrow money, you definitely need a contract or financial agreement. Get it in writing, no matter how much you love him.

    I wrote an article called “Sample Contract for a Family Loan” – the link is just below. But, a financial agreement or contract between and your boyfriend is as simple as this: your name, his name, the amount you’re lending him, the date he borrowed money from you, and the date he intends to pay it back. You should also include repayment details, such as if he’ll pay interest or if he’ll make payments until the loan is fully paid back.

    What are the repercussions if your boyfriend doesn’t pay your money back? This should be discussed openly between you and your boyfriend. Will you take him to small claims court? Talk to his family?

    It is SO important to protect yourself if your boyfriend asks to borrow money. I know you love him and want to help him, but you still need to be wise.

    Here’s the article about how to make a financial agreement when you loan your boyfriend money:

    http://whenlovebugsyou.com/sample-contract-for-a-family-loan/

    I wish you all the best!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  7. Kahel says:

    Thank you for this article. May I ask if you could give me tips or a sample of a contract. I lend my boyfriend with an amount of 12,000 pesos (Philippine peso) from my savings and 6,000 pesos from a loan to start a computer shop business. I have not talked this about with my relatives and friends. Just with one trusted friend and advised me to have a contract too. Thank you and more power!

  8. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Rachel,

    You are 100% right that you and your boyfriend are equal partners, and you are both totally capable of looking after yourselves financially. You are under no obligation to take care of him when he asks to borrow money, and you certainly should NOT give him money or take care of his needs by buying things for him!

    You are a smart woman, and you know what the right thing to do is. Don’t give in to pressure from your boyfriend or his mother by lending him money. You’ll regret it, and you know it.

    Have you read the Boundaries books? You can love your boyfriend and treat him well, but not lend him money when he asks to borrow it. It’s just a boundary that couples shouldn’t cross when they’re dating. Even married couples need to be financially independent and responsible for their own selves.

    I wish you all the best in your UK adventures! Stay strong, Rachel, and follow your heart and gut.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  9. Rachel says:

    Hi, me and my partner decided to move to the uk for the year to do some travelling. We each had 12 months to save, i saved in that time $15000, wheras he saved $2000. He is now struggling for money but i dont feel comforatble paying for things for him, i worked very hard to save why should i give my share away because he chose not to save. I have now seem emails his mother has sent him saying its my responsability to look after him and give him money and i am very upset by this. We are not married, he is not my child i dont want to! I care about him, but i am his equal partner not his mother. I now dont know what to do. If i am being selfish or if i actually have a point. We have been together for 17 months

  10. Laurie says:

    Dear Chan,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how it feels when your boyfriend asks to borrow money. I think you should be firm about keeping your money separate from his. Even if you and he were married, all women still need to keep their own financial independence!

    Tell your boyfriend the truth: your money is for your education, future goals, and your own life. His money is for his own purposes. You love him, but you can’t give him your money. You have to be strong and courageous, and find the confidence it takes to say no to him.

    Be strong. Be confident. Trust your gut — you know you shouldn’t give him your money!

    Take heart.

    Laurie

  11. Chan says:

    I have been seeing this guy for the past 4 years, back then he was OK. But after 2 years he started asking money from me (both of us are students and didn’t have job. I got monthly scholarship but he didn’t). I paid him regularly as I love and care for him. Once he asked for a larger amount saying that he got to do something important and will pay me back. I gave him, but after 1 month he said he bought a gold ring for him with that money. I said its OK but inside me I was so hurt. I had to ask money from my parents for my college admission. And now,there is a high possibility of increasing my scholarship amount, he is aiming for that he keeps on asking me when will it happen (he even started making plans of what to do with it, he said he will invest the money). I don’t want to end the relation and I don’t know what to do . Please help me.

    ** sometimes he pays me back a few bucks.

  12. Laurie says:

    Dear Melanie,

    Did your boyfriend sign a promissary note, or do you have anything in writing that proves you loaned him the money? That’s an important first step in convincing him to pay you back!

    It sounds like he doesn’t have money to spare, and getting your loan back won’t be easy. He is so far behind in his bills, and he’s motivated to pay his rent and buy food and gasoline for his car before paying you back.

    I’m sorry to say it, but I would chalk it up as a loss and move on. It’s financially and emotionally painful to have given so much to your boyfriend…but the pain will get worse if you stay where you are.

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-give-up-on-my-boyfriend/

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  13. Melanie says:

    Hi, my boyfriend keeps asking me to lend him money. The first time I loaned him $50, then $120, and then $50 again. Now he wants to borrow $200. He says it’s to pay his rent, but I don’t believe him. I don’t think our relationship is going anywhere. Should I give up on him? What about the money I lent him, will I get it back?

  14. Laurie says:

    Dear Debra,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts here! I hope readers who are thinking about lending money from their boyfriends learn from you, and think twice about falling for it.

    I love watching Marilyn Milian’s judge show — and over half the cases are women suing men for repayment of loans. We need to smarten up and separate money from our dating relationships.

  15. Debra says:

    So true about getting rid of jerks that need money all the time. I not only married a loser, but then went on to become involved with yet another piece of trash, (because I hadn’t listened to my “gut instinct”) that conned/borrowed/suckered as much money out of me that he could. What really irritates me was that the second creep was a “born again Christian” who worked for the same Co. as I did, although he earned $200 a wk more. and worked there twice as long (20yrs at the time) had ZERO assets–not even a 2nd hand car paid for, and only about $4,000 in a 401k. His ex wife was a lazy fat slob/stay-at-home mom, that hadn’t worked in years and squandered whatever he made on ridiculous diets, gym mbrshps, hair/nails, tacky clothes, booze etc., so I guess he was “getting back” at ALL women by taking advantage of ME. It took me over 10yrs to completely rid myself of that scum and even after he married someone else and had a kid, continued to call and beg me to go out with him again–that, or the idiot would try to sell me junk like vitamins, questionable investment schemes, figurines, you-name-it. Total dirt bag. Only once in an emergency I asked to borrow $10 from the mooch, of course he acted as if *I* had a lot of NERVE! HA! If a man asks to borrow money, or is constantly broke–GET RID OF HIM! Or live to regret it…

  16. Jane Alala says:

    It is hard for a woman to say no when a boyfriend asks for money. However as we get older we realize that if he cannot manage himself, then we are wasting our time. Let the bugger go out and make his own money. Girls you cannot buy love, and you cannot change a man.

    There are two types of men – providers and losers!!!

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