Oct 142011
 

Should you lend money to your boyfriend? It depends. Here are five things to think about when he asks for money and you aren’t sure if you should lend it to him.

These tips are inspired by a reader, who says:

“My 65 year old boyfriend is preparing to retire. Part of his preparation will be filing for bankruptcy and walking away from his home/mortgage,” says B. on Signs It’s Not Smart to Loan Money to Someone You’re Close to. “He owns a really nice motorcycle that we both enjoy. He has asked me to buy his bike in order to protect it from the bankruptcy. This purchase would equate to me paying him $10,000 and him then making payments of $250 a month. We have know each other for about eight months and I like him a lot, but this request has made me uncomfortable.”

I absolutely think she should trust her gut and keep her money safe and sound! Here are a few tips for girlfriends in the same situation…

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks for Money…

In most causes, I think girlfriends should always say no when their boyfriends ask to borrow money – especially when the boyfriend is financially bankrupt or has a bad credit rating! He does not know how to manage his money.

His financial mismanagement does not mean he’s a bad person or that you should stop dating him. But, it does mean that you should keep your finances separate from his. Even if you get married, you need to make sure you are financially independent and that you retain your own good credit rating.

Despite my solid gold advice, many girlfriends will say yes when their boyfriends ask to borrow money. These tips are for them…

Make sure you’re not in debt and can afford to lend the money

Here’s why B.’s boyfriend asked to borrow money, and her financial situation:

“He is a very generous person, but he is not good with money as evidenced by his need to file for bankruptcy at this stage of the game. I’m retired and on a fixed income, this is a lot of money for me. I currently carry $11,000 in debt that I am currently trying very hard to pay down. I also have a savings account with about $1,200 in it at present. Though I do have stock I could sell if need be, I don’t feel that is very wise of me to sell it at this time.”

Girlfriends, you should never, ever loan money to your boyfriends when you’re already in debt!

Do not put your financial future at risk because your boyfriend can’t manage his money. You can love him with all your heart, but keep your money in your savings account, stocks, and retirement investments.

Separate business from pleasure – because a financial loan is business

“My problem is that I think the world of him, but his mismanagement of his own money make me very uncomfortable in trusting his ability to repay me. Do I go with my gut feeling? How would I explain my reasoning to him without hurting our relationship?”

Yes, you go with your gut feeling. You know it’s not smart to “buy” your boyfriend’s motorcycle and hope he pays it back! It’s not a financial investment – it’s a mistake that you will regret.

Tell him the truth – you can’t afford to lend him money 

This is what you say when your gut is telling you to say no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money:

“I think the world of you and I’m happy in our relationship, but I just can’t afford to lend you money. I’m in debt, I have mortgage payments, I don’t earn much money, and I don’t know what my financial future holds. I wish I could help you, but I don’t have the money you need.”

If you’re worried about saying no to him, read How to Get Your Money Back After Loaning to People You Trust. It’ll help you see that saying no and being strong now is way, way smarter than having to chase him to get your money back later.

If you say yes when your boyfriend asks to borrow money, then…

If you lend your boyfriend money – such as buying his motorcycle and getting paid back over a few years – then you need to make a contract and get him to sign it. The contract needs to make the terms of the loan clear: how much money your boyfriend borrows, when and how he’ll pay it back, the interest rate, and the date that all the money should be repaid.

To learn more about how to draw up a loan contract, read Should You Lend Money to Family Members? Warnings and Tips.

Do not expect to get your money back

boyfriend asks for moneyIf anyone asks to borrow money from you – boyfriend or not – the smartest thing for you to do (besides say “no”!) is to let go of the money forever. The reason the person needs to borrow money is likely because he can’t manage his finances. This is a problem that doesn’t disappear overnight.

When you lend money to someone you love, you need to expect never to see it again. That way, your relationship will stay loving and you won’t resent your boyfriend when he gives you excuse after excuse for not repaying the money he borrowed.

If you’re scared to say no, here are a few tips on building self-confidence in your relationship.


Fix Your Marriage

What do you think about these tips for when boyfriends ask girlfriends if they can borrow money? Comments welcome below…

I welcome your thoughts, but I can't give personal advice or feedback. It may help you to share your experience in the comments section below - writing often brings clarity and insight.

  5 Responses to “What to Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money”

  1. Dear Melanie,

    Did your boyfriend sign a promissary note, or do you have anything in writing that proves you loaned him the money? That’s an important first step in convincing him to pay you back!

    It sounds like he doesn’t have money to spare, and getting your loan back won’t be easy. He is so far behind in his bills, and he’s motivated to pay his rent and buy food and gasoline for his car before paying you back.

    I’m sorry to say it, but I would chalk it up as a loss and move on. It’s financially and emotionally painful to have given so much to your boyfriend…but the pain will get worse if you stay where you are.

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-give-up-on-my-boyfriend/

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  2. Hi, my boyfriend keeps asking me to lend him money. The first time I loaned him $50, then $120, and then $50 again. Now he wants to borrow $200. He says it’s to pay his rent, but I don’t believe him. I don’t think our relationship is going anywhere. Should I give up on him? What about the money I lent him, will I get it back?

  3. Dear Debra,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts here! I hope readers who are thinking about lending money from their boyfriends learn from you, and think twice about falling for it.

    I love watching Marilyn Milian’s judge show — and over half the cases are women suing men for repayment of loans. We need to smarten up and separate money from our dating relationships.

  4. So true about getting rid of jerks that need money all the time. I not only married a loser, but then went on to become involved with yet another piece of trash, (because I hadn’t listened to my “gut instinct”) that conned/borrowed/suckered as much money out of me that he could. What really irritates me was that the second creep was a “born again Christian” who worked for the same Co. as I did, although he earned $200 a wk more. and worked there twice as long (20yrs at the time) had ZERO assets–not even a 2nd hand car paid for, and only about $4,000 in a 401k. His ex wife was a lazy fat slob/stay-at-home mom, that hadn’t worked in years and squandered whatever he made on ridiculous diets, gym mbrshps, hair/nails, tacky clothes, booze etc., so I guess he was “getting back” at ALL women by taking advantage of ME. It took me over 10yrs to completely rid myself of that scum and even after he married someone else and had a kid, continued to call and beg me to go out with him again–that, or the idiot would try to sell me junk like vitamins, questionable investment schemes, figurines, you-name-it. Total dirt bag. Only once in an emergency I asked to borrow $10 from the mooch, of course he acted as if *I* had a lot of NERVE! HA! If a man asks to borrow money, or is constantly broke–GET RID OF HIM! Or live to regret it…

  5. It is hard for a woman to say no when a boyfriend asks for money. However as we get older we realize that if he cannot manage himself, then we are wasting our time. Let the bugger go out and make his own money. Girls you cannot buy love, and you cannot change a man.

    There are two types of men – providers and losers!!!

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