Sep 152011
 

wives husbands cheatedHere are five pieces of advice from women whose husbands betrayed them by cheating – some wives left their husbands, and others stayed to work on their marriage.

“My husband cheated on me quite a few years ago and it still hurts,” says K. “My advice is for men who cheated on their wives: tell everything that happened and act like you mean it. Do really nice things for her. Don’t forget that she will have good and bad days. It will probably take a long time for her to get over the fact that you cheated. Have patience and let her talk about it, get her true feelings out.”

I think the answers to many of life’s problems – even cheating husbands – can be found in books! Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain will help you decide what to do when your husband betrayed you in the worst possible way.

And, here are a few insights and words of wisdom from women whose men betrayed them, either physically or emotionally…





Advice From Wives Whose Husbands Cheated

Here’s the rest of K’s advice for husbands who betrayed their wives by having affairs:

“Go to marriage counseling. Don’t forget how much you hurt her. To this day I don’t think my husband knows how much he hurt me when he cheated on me. We were married about 25 years when this happened and are still married, but it’s never been the same. My husband never really said what happened – just that he was sorry.” ~ K.

Recovering from a long-term affair may be more difficult than an online betrayal, or a one-night fling. Different women cope with cheating husbands in different ways, but one thing is the same: the pain of being betrayed.

Don’t expect to bounce back overnight – forgiveness is a process

“It has been a year since I found out the betrayal of my husbands ‘devoted love’ to me and our marriage,” says A. “We have been working on our marriage since then, and it has been rough. I still have trust issues. The pain is still there, but so is the love. I know I do not want to give up on us. My husband has been more then patient with me, how can he not?! I feel that we have both changed for the better since this all happened. We have become closer – and I feel that our marriage is becoming stronger. I feel that as a couple we have to continue to work together to keep that fire and love going.

I don’t have advice for wives whose husbands cheat, but know that forgiveness is complicated.” ~ A.

Relationship Help

Do you regret the break up? Get Your Ex Back

Want to stop the separation or divorce? Save Your Marriage

Wondering how to make a man fall in love with you? Captivate Him So He'll Never Want to Leave

Get an objective perspective from a marriage counselor

“Go to a marriage counselor and listen to what he/she advises,” says S. “There might be reasons he cheated, he was looking for attention from someone else that he wasn’t getting from you, his wife. You should hear about those reasons. You can vent your issues in marriage counseling, and the therapist can create a compromise for you both to heal after the affair and move past it. But I would never take my ex back because he cheated physically and it’s the grace of God that I didn’t catch an STD from him.”

If you want to take this advice, read 4 Reasons Marriage Counseling Leads to Divorce.

Try to save your relationship – cheating isn’t necessarily the end of marriage

“The man I love slept with another girl,” says P. “Yeah we were on a break, but it still hurts. I’m trying to figure out if I want to be with him again or I should just let him go. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me.

The advice I have for women whose wives cheated is that all you can do is try and work it out. Try to be the best for your children, and see where things can be fixed. If not, then always know you will have each other for the kids.” ~ P.

Tell your husband how he can help you heal from his betrayal

“I always swore that if my husband ever even thought about cheating on me that I would leave him,” says S. “Then I found out he had a profile on a website for people who wanted to cheat on their spouses. It broke my heart. It was as devastating as if he had physically cheated on me. Emotional affairs are hard to get over because it’s not about sex, it’s about the emotional connection and that’s incredibly hard to fix.

My advice for men who cheated on their wives is to help her understand that it wasn’t about her. Start to try and win her over again, almost as if you were dating for the first time. It took me a long time to get over what my husband did. But I did and I know that we can get through anything together.”

Accept that your marriage will never be the same after your husband cheats

“I just found out my husband cheated online,” says C. “As a woman I feel like I was never enough for him. I will forgive him for that is what God says to do but I don’t think I will ever feel the same way again.”

If you think your husband may be betraying you but aren’t sure, read What to Do When You Think He’s Cheating.




What do you think – what’s your advice for husbands and wives who are coping with betrayal in marriage? Comments welcome below…

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer, blogger, warrior princess. :-) My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher always asked me that. And I am happy, despite a hard childhood (schizophrenic mom, no dad, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian. Where do you find peace?

I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion...Laurie

  4 Responses to “Advice From Wives Whose Husbands Cheated”

  1. A—if Your husband had an affair he’s a cheater. He had no love for you to begin with. He will never learn a lesson. Because you excepted him back. For your husband to cheat especially with an old girlfriend. That means he’s been thinking about her the whole time and probably still is. That he us afraid to leave you because he has no where to go or no money! Get rid of him

    • Thanks for your comments about when a husband cheats on a wife! I’m glad you shared your thoughts…but I also know that leaving is much more easily said than done. I know many wives whose husbands cheated, and they stayed to save their marriage. An affair changes things, but it’s not necessarily the end of a relationship.

      Blessings,
      Laurie

  2. Dear J,

    Thank you for sharing about your marriage with your husband – it sounds like it’s been very difficult for you. I can’t believe your husband is cheating on you while he’s in jail…that seems like such a huge betrayal! You’re waiting for him on the outside, and he does this.

    I hope you’re doing okay – I hope you have friends and family who can help you heal and decide what to do. I agree that it’s not right, and I hope you listen to your heart.

    How are you doing these days? Have you made any decisions about the kids?

    Sincerely,
    Laurie

  3. Hello. My husband is incarcerated and his aunt would bring his children to see him. which wasnt a problem. now mind you when he was out here here he didnt have 2 words to say to their mom. so a couple days before christmas he wanted to see me. so i called to make a visit and someone was on there. which the only ones i knew was on his list was his mom aunt and myself. well come to find out it was his kids mom. and plus the 3rd child isnt suppose to be his. ok. now all of a sudden shes on your list after all this time. ive been there for him. making sure hes ok and our family here is ok. so i didnt feel right w it and still dont. and ive always said. if you put another female other than family on your list. im stepping out the way. im not sure if he took me serious or not. but i did. i havent wrote him sent him money nothing. my heart wont let me do it. it was just fine when his aunt brought his 2 kids now he tells me. kids mom brought all the kids. i told him it is no longer my place or responsibility to make sure your ok. its hers now. i feel betrayed w this one. 1st he was the guinea pig for his so called friends and i stood by his side. and now this. it just dont sit right w me. he wrote me a letter and told me f*** her that he wanted to see his kids.

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