By: ruby

ruby — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 21:18:51 +0000

Hello! So here’s my story. I left my partner 4 months ago after a drunken row which like many big rows ended up aggressive. It was over him sleeping in the same bed as another women his supposed friend when we were on a break which he lied about. I got so mad I slapped him in the chest and through toilet rolls at him before going to bed I know I shdnt have done tht. My ex firstly threw the side table at me in bed (he said it was meant to be thrown next to me in anger). I rang my mother who sent my father to collect me from our home. He then proceeded to verbally attack me with the usual ‘your so thick, pathetic, fat a want to be gossip girl’. He goaded me until I bit and then ran up the stairs and through me onto the floor holding me by my throat and biting my ear (he claimed he pinched it but it was very badly bruised). He said if I left him and wldnt let him see our son hed rip my head off. I didn’t utter a word becos I knew it wld provoke a reaction, crying he video recorded me trying to encourage me to say on video tht we wld share joint custody (he claimed he was holding his phone becos he dropd it not recording however he always has his phone hidden away. My father came and he acted so innocent like I was being dramatic. I think my father believed him having endure years of emotional abuse from my mother they have had there fair share of bust ups. At first I was triumphant in my decision and full of relief. Now however I am starting to doubt my decision. I have lived with my parents for the last four months. My mother constantly puts me down, she says I have issues, I’m a horrible bitch, she doesn’t love me, I think I’m perfect and I’m not. She constantly critises my parenting even tho she has been no means perfect both emotionally and physically whilst growing up. My father says that I should ignore her and I not bite that I should knw now how horrible she can be. I am now however starting to wonder if I am the one who has the problem. Both my mother and long term partner have felt the need to treat me this way and surely that must be for a reason. I can lose my temper with my mother I almost feel as though she is constantly trying to attack me. If I ever made my son feel like that I would be absolutely devastated knowing what I have been through so for her to critisise my parenting its really hurtful for me to take. Now I have found a flat to move into, it will be tough but I can do it with money left over, its in a nice area with a fantastic school so y do I feel so guilty? My ex has been remorseful recently, now he says he is giving up the home I left behind and has been really upset about me moving on and I can’t help but wonder if the reason he acted the way he did was becos I am infact behaving like my mother by verbally attacking him like I did that night. Apart from disagreeing on certain aspects of family life ie time spent together the usual, and his sauded sense of humour we do get on usually. He has been supportive I can be emotionally needy at times. He doesn’t try to control my whereabouts or spending however it did turn out tht he was keeping money aside from the family. He also didn’t want to marry and tht was important to me. As I go to take the final step of moving on I’m doubting if this is the right thing to do. My son loves his father dearly and I don’t want him to ever resent me. My mother said to me the other week, I was horrible to u, my father was horrible to me and u are going to be horrible to him (my son) becos u r the same as me with her usual evil stare look. I just can’t bare the thought of that I love my son so much I just want him to love me bk and want to do the best for him. Maybe going bk to his father in our nicer home and just biting my tongue a bit more and giving my ex more respect and being more grateful is what I should do? There is so much more to this story, also its not the first time he has physically attacked me. But I worry my own attitude/behaviour is at fault as my own mother tells me. Do u think I should wait to move out or consider therapy to move back? Thanks for ur time and sorry for any bad grammer.

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By: ruby