Jan 282011

Knowing what to talk about with your date can be overwhelming! These tips for first dates are geared towards couples who are meeting in person for the first time, after building an online dating relationship.

“It’s quite a thing to fall in love with a person via the Internet, reading mostly Internet chats with the occasional phone call and webcam show,” says David, who works for an online dating company. “When you chat online you really do get a deeper insight into the person’s mind — thoughts, goals, qualities, traits, aspirations, and typically, a history of their past relationships.”

No matter how great you “click” online, you may feel awkward and even embarrassed when you finally meet in person. It’s normal! One of my favorite first date tips is to go on a picnic (indoors or outdoors), and explore a homemade or store-bought wine, cheese, crackers, and fruit gift basket together. Your conversation will flow as you taste the different foods and talk about whatever comes to mind. It’s a fun, creative way to dive into your first date!

And here are a few small talk tips to help you feel good on your first date…

What Do You Talk About With Your Date? Tips for First Dates

This is a guest post from David, who works for an online dating company.

When you finally do arrange to meet in person you and your new date may feel very awkward. Your date may seem detached and you may feel confused. Your date – who you had multiple intimate talks with online – seems strangely familiar and yet completely different from what you imagined. It’s as if someone has built a humanoid being, using your chat transcripts to create the personality.  This new person recognizes you, and accepts who you are…but something just seems off.

Your date is probably feeling the same way you are: a little bit freaked out that what was once so allusive and so vividly imagined is now sitting in front of you in full color and 100% flesh and blood! But, don’t get paranoid and think that your virtual friend come to life doesn’t like or isn’t attracted to you. The strange awkwardness you feel is the natural consequence of “dating backwards.”

Usually, you get to know a person intimately before you have all those deep, afterglow chats. However, online dating lets you learn the secret person of the heart, and then introduces flirting and sexual tension later on.  Now you must figure out what to talk about with your date, who knows your naked thoughts but not your naked body.  Intimidating, for sure!

Don’t stress yourself out. It’s just a matter of becoming comfortable with each other’s physical presence and then easing back into the same dynamic that first attracted the two of you together online. At first, there may be some awkwardness, nervousness and giggling. Accept this, and enjoy it. The two of you already like each other – after all, you agreed to meet in person. So, be yourself on your date. Don’t try too hard or try to be someone you’re not.  Just let the conversation flow naturally for a while.

A Conversational Lull? Things to Talk About With Your Date

When you sense that that there is a lull in the conversation, a safe move might be to reference some of your favorite inside jokes or favorite topics. Rehashing familiar topics but with the added sensation of watching your date’s facial expressions can be a lot of fun.

However, what happens when you hit another lull in the conversation?  Don’t panic.

Here are some first date conversation starters…

  • Continue the latest news in your life or your date’s life, as if this is just another chat.
  • Talk about things you can point to; the beautiful sky, your date’s attractive face, your car, new photos, etc.  Things you can’t possibly do justice to while on a text program.
  • Talk, sing, do imitations.  Let your date hear your real voice!
  • Ask to hold hands, hug, embrace, etc.  If you already feel a very close connection then it’s best just to get over the butterflies in stomach feeling with a little physical touching.
  • Invite your date back to your place for a tour.
  • Talk about some of the things you want to show him or her (old records, books, paintings, musical instruments, anything the two of you have talked about before)
  • Share your views on life goals, work, news and pop culture, movies, TV, and some of your favorite things.
  • Discuss hypothetical scenarios and personality tests. Borrow tests off the Internet or create your own scenarios.  These open-ended questions jump start conversation and can help break the ice.  Plus, it really helps you learn about your date.
  • Talk about the food in front of you! There is where the wine, cheese, crackers, and fruit gift basket comes in handy.

Meeting someone you like in person is a great way to accelerate the relationship or to test the relationship, to see if there is any physical spark.  Let this date unfold in its own time, without pushing any agenda.  Just remember to stay calm and cherish the moment – even the moments that have you going “whoah!”

Thinking about the next step in your relationship? Read 65 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married – it may give you a whole bunch of new things to talk about with your date!

Fix Your Marriage

This post was written by David who works for an online dating company that reviews the top 10 dating websites and provides comparison features.

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen (but I wish my name was Rosie Frost!). I'm a bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer. My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher, Mr Merritt, always used to ask me that. And I am happy - despite a difficult childhood (schizophrenic mother, no father, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian.

How is your life unfolding - what do you need? I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion.... Laurie

  One Response to “What Do You Talk About With Your Date? Tips for First Dates”

  1. My favorite topics for a first date are your passions, your career and travel. Why? Because there is a lot to say about them and these topics offer an excellent opportunity go find out about his interests and priorities in life.


 Leave a Reply