Solving problems in your relationship depends on the type of problems you’re having and how willing you both are to working them out.
These tips for reconnecting with your spouse or partner can help you repair your relationship quickly and easily — but you have to remember that building a happy, healthy love relationship takes time, energy, and commitment!
But before the marriage tips, a quip.
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, the grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson.
Every married couple or couple in love – even the happiest ones – can find grounds for divorce…but the key to a happy marriage is to find reasons to stay married. Here’s an excellent book for new and old married couples: 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever.
And, here are a few ways to find solutions to your love problems without going to couples counseling…
6 Ways to Solve Problems in Your Love Relationship
1. Decide that you want to stick together and find solutions. If you aren’t fully committed to the idea of saving your marriage or love relationship, then you won’t go far as a couple! Before you can even hope to make your relationship happy, you need to consciously decide that you want to build a better marriage. And, you need to accept that it takes time, energy, and effort to build and sustain a happy relationship.
2. Identify the source of the unhappiness, boredom, or frustration in your relationship. What is the underlying problem? Sit down and make a list of the things that are troublesome in your love relationship. Then, figure out what you can live with – because marriage is about acceptance and unconditional love – and what you can’t live with. Though couples counseling can help you determine the difference between the two, it’s not always necessary. That is, if you know the source of your unhappiness is, for example, boredom with life or meddling in-laws, then you can focus on fixing what’s wrong and enjoying what’s right.
3. Read books – as a couple – about building a happy love relationship. In addition to 7 Stages of Marriage, I’m reading 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by marriage therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch. She offers practical, easy to apply marriage tips that are incredibly effective! No matter what stage your love relationship is at – even if you’re rebuilding trust after physical or emotional infidelity – you’ll find her tips helpful. But, the key is to read the book as a couple and talk about the marriage tips. To reconnect with your spouse, you both need to be committed to saving your marriage.
4. Let go of the past. Are you holding on to old resentments or unfulfilled dreams of the way your marriage or life should be? Try to let go of those old ways of thinking or hoping. To solve problems in love relationships, look at yourself and your life in new ways as you move forward into a new chapter in your marriage. Focus on the great things that have happened with your family, home, career, and relationship. Savor your successes, and refocus on new dreams or goals for your relationship.
5. Consider a weekend marriage retreat. Many churches, nonprofit organizations, and counseling centers offer weekend marriage retreats. You can learn a surprising amount about your marriage and partner in a couple of days – and the intensive focus on your relationship can be as helpful as months of couples counseling.
If your relationship problems are because of disconnection, read How to Reconnect With Your Spouse.
6. Try online couples counseling . I often feature Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program in my articles, here on Quips and Tips for Love Relationships. Recently, I was thrilled to hear one of my friends describe how great his program is for couples – and she didn’t even know that I have his Marriage Fitness tips here on my blog! Fertel is a marriage coach who doesn’t do traditional couples counseling; he’s the author of Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love.
For more tips on solving love problems, read How to Fix Marriage Problems You’ve Had for Years.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.