Feb 152010
 

Solving problems in your relationship depends on the type of problems you’re having and how willing you both are to working them out.

These tips for reconnecting with your spouse or partner can help you repair your relationship quickly and easily — but you have to remember that building a happy, healthy love relationship takes time, energy, and commitment!

But before the marriage tips, a quip.

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, the grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson.

Every married couple or couple in love – even the happiest ones – can find grounds for divorce…but the key to a happy marriage is to find reasons to stay married. Here’s an excellent book for new and old married couples: 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

And, here are a few ways to find solutions to your love problems without going to couples counseling…

6 Ways to Solve Problems in Your Love Relationship

1. Decide that you want to stick together and find solutions. If you aren’t fully committed to the idea of saving your marriage or love relationship, then you won’t go far as a couple! Before you can even hope to make your relationship happy, you need to consciously decide that you want to build a better marriage. And, you need to accept that it takes time, energy, and effort to build and sustain a happy relationship.

2. Identify the source of the unhappiness, boredom, or frustration in your relationship. What is the underlying problem? Sit down and make a list of the things that are troublesome in your love relationship. Then, figure out what you can live with – because marriage is about acceptance and unconditional love – and what you can’t live with. Though couples counseling can help you determine the difference between the two, it’s not always necessary. That is, if you know the source of your unhappiness is, for example, boredom with life or meddling in-laws, then you can focus on fixing what’s wrong and enjoying what’s right.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and free relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love
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3. Read books – as a couple – about building a happy love relationship. In addition to 7 Stages of Marriage, I’m reading 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by marriage therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch. She offers practical, easy to apply marriage tips that are incredibly effective! No matter what stage your love relationship is at – even if you’re rebuilding trust after physical or emotional infidelity – you’ll find her tips helpful. But, the key is to read the book as a couple and talk about the marriage tips. To reconnect with your spouse, you both need to be committed to saving your marriage.

4. Let go of the past. Are you holding on to old resentments or unfulfilled dreams of the way your marriage or life should be? Try to let go of those old ways of thinking or hoping. To solve problems in love relationships, look at yourself and your life in new ways as you move forward into a new chapter in your marriage. Focus on the great things that have happened with your family, home, career, and relationship. Savor your successes, and refocus on new dreams or goals for your relationship.

5. Consider a weekend marriage retreat. Many churches, nonprofit organizations, and counseling centers offer weekend marriage retreats. You can learn a surprising amount about your marriage and partner in a couple of days – and the intensive focus on your relationship can be as helpful as months of couples counseling.

If your relationship problems are because of disconnection, read How to Reconnect With Your Spouse.

6. Try online couples counseling . I often feature Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program in my articles, here on Quips and Tips for Love Relationships. Recently, I was thrilled to hear one of my friends describe how great his program is for couples – and she didn’t even know that I have his Marriage Fitness tips here on my blog! Fertel is a marriage coach who doesn’t do traditional couples counseling; he’s the author of Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love.

For more tips on solving love problems, read How to Fix Marriage Problems You’ve Had for Years.

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  13 Responses to “6 Ways to Solve Problems in Your Relationship”

  1. Dear James,

    I’m sorry to hear about the love problems you’re having. I don’t know if you should fight to get your girlfriend back, or just let her go. That’s something you need to think carefully about, and decide if it’s worth the effort.

    Does your girlfriend want to be in a relationship with you? If she doesn’t, then the decision may be made for you.

    I hope you and she can find healthy ways to parent your children, whether or not you get back together. That’s the most important thing! It might be good to visit a family counselor so you and she can find ways to solve the problems that will come up as you parent your boys. Getting therapy can be one of the best ways to figure out what you want out of your relationship.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  2. My girlfriend blames me for everything should i leave?well we are seperated but i fight tooth and nail to back?

    when we first got together she was it i did not know her from anything but i know i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.everything was great fo a while.i would tell her all the time that i loved her more then anything that she was my world.i would tell her constently that she was the most beautiful women ever.but i never ever got that from her she would say that she could not express herself that way.that lead to alot of fighting which i was blamed for all the time.i did sat things so i do except some of the blame.all i want to do is get our family back together:me my girlfriend which i intend to marry forever and our 4 beautiful boys with i have full custody and do not receive a dime from her.i will mstay with her for eternity and beyond!!!!we seperated she got our boys taken from CPS and i got custody because i have a beautiful house and career(software engineer).she works at a strip club and goes from friend to friend and has never had a residence of her own.in the last few mouths i have been trying my *** off to get the family back together but she still blames me for everything and all she cares about is hanging out with her frinds and going to bars.i really,really,really,really,really love her she is everything my world she is the one i want to be with and no one else EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! but sometimes i just want to leave and forget about her forever.im a single parent with 4 little boys who the hell would want a 36 year old man with 4 kids my world does not.please i need help and advise

    james maldonado 36

  3. Michal,

    Your English is great! Thanks for taking the time to comment.

    Wow, 5 divorced friends at age 26 is shocking. I didn’t even get married until I was 35, much less divorced. Maybe that’s part of the reason for their divorces; getting married too young. Though, some people marry young and stay married for decades….and a big part of staying married is working on those relationship problems.

    Take care — and I hope your parents can reconnect in love!

    Laurie

  4. Thank you very much for these tips. I am only 26 but already have 5 divorced friends, which is quite sad. My parents’ relationship is not so good and I wonder how I can help people around me… your tips inspired me, but I still have a long way to go, so I am really glad that I found a website like this and I look forward to read everything you’ll write here. Thanks again, and sorry for my English…
    Michal

  5. Dear Gwen,

    Thanks for your comment — thinking of losing my husband makes me appreciate him so much more! It makes solving problems in love much less important than the fact that we have LOVE in our lives.

    Maybe those little things that are so irritating should be overlooked alot more…..but the trick is discerning what’s just irritating, and what’s a serious problem that needs attention.

  6. I’m up late tonight because 3 years ago today my husband died. So often I see couples who end up being unhappy in marriage for basically trivial reasons. I do on the other hand don’t go along with staying with someone if they are cheating or in any way mistreating you–that’s not love. Love is when you truly from the bottom of your heart want each other to be happy and would do whatever it took to help that person be happy. Simple things like asking is there anything i can do for you today, anyway i can help you etc. i’m blessed to have had what I had but can’t feel like some people are wasting a precious gift by thinking only of what they get out of the relationship instead of what they can give. Well, good luck to everyone and God bless.

  7. Hi Richard,

    Thanks for your comment! I think communication is one of the biggest keys to solving problems in marriage. And, we need to figure out the ROOT of our problems, and deal with that so it doesn’t keep coming back to haunt us.

    And, it’s important to remember that every marriage is different, and what works for one couple doesn’t necessarily work for the next one.

  8. Thanks for a great post. I agree with what you said about finding reasons to stay married. It is concentrating on the things that you love about each other and letting go of the rest that will see a marriage become sonething special.

  9. There can be a lot of grounds for divorce but there can also be more grounds to stay married. Basically, your post mentioned some tips that can help you realize the worth of the relationship and why it’s still worth staying after all. Emotional problems will always be there. Disputes now and then is normal. But couples should always find the time to settle their differences to make the marriage stronger. I also agree that reading marriage counseling books can help the person in developing a positive attitude towards marriage life.

    Great post by the way.

  10. Thanks for your tips for dating and love relationships — sometimes my readers’ comments are even better than my original article!

    I’m glad you took the time to share, and hope to see you around these parts again soon :-)

    Laurie
    .-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…Small Talk Tips to Help You Stop Being Shy on First Dates =-.

  11. It is hard to find a couple that doesn’t face problems in their relationship. In this world no relationship is perfect, so don’t expect that your relationship would be without problem. Try to solve your relationship problem. Above given tips is very useful to manage problems. Decide which problem you want to solve in your relationship is very helpful.
    .-= Relationship problems´s last blog post…Oily skin care – I =-.

  12. Yes, in marriage we do need to sweat the small stuff ..

  13. This is a great post, the one thing I liked the most is: 2. Identify the source of the unhappiness, boredom, or frustration in your relationship. I have been with my girl for years now and we found a way to figure out what’s causing us to act a certain way. Most of the time we don’t realize it,there is something that is really eating up the relationship. I heard this story once, about these two people that were married, the wife always leave the table and go sit with her mom to eat dinner while the husband stayed on the table by himself. years later after they had gotten a divorce, the man finally told his wife that one of the factors. You see we have to really pay attention to minor details for they can be the source of our relationship problems.
    .-= Johnykit´s last blog post…From the Beginning – My Relationship story =-.

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