Comments on: Was Your Marriage a Waste of Time? The Silver Lining of Divorce

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:25:00 +0000

Dear Char,

You have been through so much! You’re a true survivor – especially dealing with cancer treatments on your own. I admire your strength and courage.

About your marriage: maybe you need to choose one path and devote yourself to it. That is, if you want to be with the man you had an affair with, then maybe it’s time to get serious about that relationship. Or, if you want to save your marriage, then maybe you need to recommit yourself to your husband. Or maybe you need to separate yourself from both men, and figure out who you are as a woman.

What is your ideal option? Who do you want to be with – and what would be best for your son?

By: Char

Char — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:24:33 +0000

Met my husband in school at the ripe age of 13. He was always so far up his parents ass that when they asked him to jump he said how high. Well when i was 17 i moved out the house and with him. Thats when all the controlling and emotional abuse started. He has never hit me but there are times that he has said things to me that made me wish he would of. I left him the year after we got married because we fought constantly and just felt like he needed to drink to be around me or didn’t want to be around me at all. I got the if your not back by this day then i will send you divorce papers. I went back and it was worse than ever. I stayed and tried to fix the things he said was my fault. Lack of communication, the no sexual attraction. you know there was on my end but I put things behind me and we had our first child. Things went good because i was at home all the time didn’t talk to no friends and my family contact was and still is very limited. When our daughter was 2 we moved from Michigan to Wyoming which i was extrmemly happy knowing that I would be closer to my mother, brother, sister and my best friend. Heck that excitement lasted maybe 6 months and he decided that i need not have any contact with my BF cus she was a homewrecker. Hmm no I am a big girl I can decide to do things on my own. I had an affair and not very proud of breaking my vows . Well last yr at 34 just before my 35th birthday, i was diagnosed with cancer and stayed 2 months in the hospital about 4 hours away. You would think that after what 21/22 yrs together i wouldn’t have to ask him to call or come see me. Wrong i barely talked to him or our two kids and seen him a total of 3 times while i was in there. I reconnected with some really close friends and family while going through all this. I even became close again with the guy i had the affair with he became my support, calling morning noon and night to make sure i was ok and didn’t need anything. I actually seen him more than my husband in those 2 months. After going home there still wasn’t support. I drove myself the 50 miles to and from chemo treatments, hydration, and even bone marrow biopsy’s by myself, wait our two yr old son was with me. Not asking for a hard luck sob story but I feel absolutlely quilty for even thinking of a divorce and well getting to walk within the next week because I am not happy, fighting cancer on ur own when you think that your mate will be by your side is hard and stressful. I came clean to him about everything as well now I am treated like I am the one that is a child and needs a babysitter.

By: Brooke

Brooke — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 21:14:14 +0000

Amy,

Wow. Everyone’s comments were very sad but yours really hit home for me. I’m married to someone who is like yours and I feel like I’ve been wasted. I’m only 29, I’ve been married for 8 years and I feel like he stole my youth and my dreams. He made me totally dependent on him to control me in some way. I’ve tried everything I can and have changed all over the place to try and get him to treat me with respect, love and consideration and nothing. He’s like Jekyll and Hyde. He says he cares and loves me but his actions don’t show it. He neglects me and is very cold. He totally puts his mother before me. And she tries to break us up all the time. He never sticks up for me. He’s totally abandoned me emotionally. He treats me like I’m a burden financially. I want peace and I want to be happy but I’ve invested so much time and energy and have totally sacrificed my identity to make this marriage work and it’s not at all. I don’t want a divorce but I honestly don’t see another way if he isn’t willing to fight for me and our marriage. Amy, if there is any advice you could give me I would greatly appreciate it.

By: Robert

Robert — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 16:53:11 +0000

I find your post a crock of hockey pucks. 23 year relationship now going on 27, 17 years married to an ADHD-pi, BiPolar, Borderline woman who as with 70% of the bovine bunch initiated divorce. Yup, I am 53 & have wasted 27 years. It has taken the past five to weed through & simply reject all of the gynocentric claptrap that forms the basis of marriage to women (& women in general). Women are an absolute waste of time.

By: laura

laura — Sun, 06 May 2012 21:34:41 +0000

i feel the same way Missy. i have invested time and so much energy… and i have some good times… but i often feel hurt, alone, and like i’ve been put on the back burner to sit till he wants me. there has been dishonesty and infidelity issues in the past that i have tirelessly tried to put behind me/us. i don’t think that he is doing anything like that now, but i think he would entertain someone if they showed him enough attention. what do i do though? let him go then just to be with another woman who will reap the benefits from my hard work?

By: Missy

Missy — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 07:06:55 +0000

Great. He’ll “never forget me”. Yay. So all the years I put in, and work I did, and whoever his next wife or relationship may be, THEY get to reap all the benefits of how I may have changed him??? Great. Where does that leave me?

By: honest

honest — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 04:42:51 +0000

WOW sorry this article iam writing is 45 years to late.listen you two have grown apart are maybe you both weren’t really together to begin with.its not too late you don’t need to do the things adventures with him do them with friends and if you don’t have any make some.your still young.your married but if you ask me you have being seperated from the begining.lady go and enjoy life in a respectful way though.as we know woman are out living their husband I pray for a divine intervention in your life and may you start to find joy in your situation God bless

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:49:29 +0000

Amy,

I am so sorry to hear that but you do deserve better. And it is never too late to be happy. Rock his world and leave him. I don’t know your situation but maybe you should get a realtor to look at putting the house on the market. Sometimes you have to shake things up and sometimes you have to decide whether you are willing to live that way or would be happier leaving. Neither is easy since you are so unhappy now and it does not sound like it will get any better without some drastic changes.
I pray for you to have the strength to do what you need to do and that your husband’s heart would be softened.

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:05:22 +0000

My husband thinks marriage is a big waste of time and money. Been married 45 years, and he does nothing for me, no vacations, evenings out, no cuddling, intimacy, sex,kissing, holding hands, sleeping, eating, talking together just nothing. He lives away from me in a basement apartment he built for himself. All 45 years I’ve been with this horrible person, who thinks only about himself. Back when were young getting a divorce was frowned upon, plus my parents would not have supported me. I have no kids, and my life has been a waste.