Comments on: Should You Leave Your Cheating Spouse? A Surprising Answer

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:03:12 +0000

Thanks for sharing your story, Nina. Some things aren’t forgivable, are they? And nobody can tell us if we should forgive, or if we should leave a spouse who cheats. It’s such an individual decision.

Maybe your husband’s hickeys were symbols of his cheating on his body, which bothered you more than “just” knowing or thinking he cheated?

By: Nina

Nina — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 20:04:06 +0000

My husband has had three confirmed affairs since we got married. Within the first month he slept with his ex girlfriend. I didn’t find out until three years later when he reconnected with her when she was getting married and made declarations of love to her via text messages and she did the same to him. They stopped communicating when I confronted them. Mind you the reason they broke up is because she had been cheating on him for over a year with a co worker and everyone knew but him. About two years after that he was seen kissing a coworker of his and even took her to his best friend’s birthday dinner. They were openly affectionate in front of everyone and one of my co workers saw them together that night. She was sitting in his lap etc. He denies they ever had sex but I’m not stupid. in August of 2012 he came home with 2 HUGE hickeys on his chest above the nipple area and tried to brush it off. I later found out he has been having a relationship with a married woman with four kids. And after all that he says he doesn’t want a divorce…I have no feelings for this man. Strange i forgave everything else but the Hickeys I couldn’t.

By: Amy

Amy — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:32:54 +0000

I found out that my husband had cheated on me throughout our dating relationship and through the first months of our marriage. I was 8 months pregnant and we were about 8 months married. {We didn’t get married because I was pregnant…we had already planned our wedding when we found out I was pregnant.}
My husband is military and we were set to move 7 weeks after our baby was born. I chose to stay and try to make it work – it was just too little time to work through it all.
Our baby is now 3 1/2 and we’ve had 2 military moves. He’s soo apologetic and has literally done everything to show his remorse. I have no doubt that he has been faithful.
My issue is that I no longer feel that any of our relationship is real. Everything I loved about him, was me buying into a lie. I’ve been dying the last 3 1/2 years and I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I’m going to counseling for the 3rd time (starting in a week). I’m just sooo hurt. How do you fall in love again with someone who had you fall in love with them under false pretenses?!

By: Sophia Self

Sophia Self — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 15:39:50 +0000

I know my husband has been cheating we never have sex, he is always finding excuses, such as always I tried, my husband tone of skin changes and there is a different look about him. When he cheats he looks at me undereyed. One time we were having sex and at the point of his ejaculation he called me Chandra another womans name. I have been called Sherry, Barbara. One time oral sex was done but before the act he state let me get under the umberalla never heard that before. However, he still lies. When my husband goes to work he dressed very poorly, but when he comes home he is neat and clean. I ask him why when you leave home you look raggady, but when you come back home your are neat and clean he gave no response. This has been going on for many many years. I feel so alone and tried. My husband is a cross country truck driver. Some of the women he has cheated with has approach me in a manner making me aware of their adultress acts. Yet he still lies. When he gets in to bed he turns his back. I forgave him when he called me Sherry first and I keep on finding my self forgiving him. He has went as far as with the women in the neighborhood. One painted her house the color of mine. It’s a constant insult a slap in my face. I do Love my husband. I have gone so long without sex until my body really talking to me my desires are exceptional strong until I find myself fighting myself. It is depressing and draining me. I have lost trust and doubt him. He says he Loves me, but I feel that just to pascify me. My husband has become a stranger to me I don’t know he is or what I married we have been married for 20 years within the first five years I was called Sherry, she even approached me during that time an stated I am going to get your husband. My husband has never been truthful with me not even to our vows.

By: renu

renu — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 04:17:10 +0000

hi i wnt know what shud be done with this situation ,, mohithkumar medikonda who is from nellore he is very worst person he cheated many person and he loved one girl he is not marrying that girl he told to his parents but there parents making delay and he is cheating that girl enjoying with the other girls he is not bother he is working in ibm so he has money ,,,, always cheating ,,, always making fraud with that girl wnted to put cheating case on him

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 23:41:47 +0000

Marriage coach Mort Fertel says that men who cheat make better husbands – if they’re truly and sincerely sorry – because they realize how destructive cheating is, and they don’t want to lose their families.

The problem is, how do you know if your husband is the type of man who cheats once and would never cheat again, or if he’ll keep cheating on you? I don’t know what the answer is. You have to trust your gut, I guess. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:09:11 +0000

I just discovered last week that my husband was cheating on me. It was with a woman he used to be friends with before we met. I always felt we had a good relationship and he was always honest with me -even about things it might be difficult to be truthful about. When we got engaged his lost his children when his ex wife found out. This has been an ongoing emotional issue for him since. He was VERY close with both children and was a great father. He stayed in a horrible emotionally abusive relationship with his ex wife for 10 years for his children. Now, not only does he not see them, they send him nasty messages saying he is a piece of sh*t, they’ve got a new father etc. He blamed himself and started drinking a little heavy. I discussed this with him and it seemed he had cut back but he had very bad self esteem issues from this. He has also been taking care of his grandma since he was 19 and she was actually living with us, but we had to put her in a nursing home and he felt extreme guilt. In the last several months I’ve noticed the drinking get heavy again. Once I found out that he cheated, he was very open with the details. They slept together twice over the course of a few weeks but he continued to email her only because she was threatening to expose that they slept together. He said he’s relieved that I finally know as cheating on me only caused him to drink even more. I didn’t know it at the time but he was drinking to numb the pain of losing his children and other personal issues, even at work. He was hiding how many drinks he had each night. He says that he doesn’t know why he did it…he loves me more than anything and has no explanation. I told him I’d consider working through it if he 1) Quit drinking 2) went to see a counselor on his own and 3) agreed to marriage counseling. He agreed to all three. Now that he’s gone to see the counselor he’s been diagnosed with depression and has even agreed to get on medication. He says the cheating was an attempt to temporarily feel better about himself and escape reality – just like the drinking, although he has accepted full responsibility and says there’s no excuse. Reading all these stories and other comments…I’m scared to give him another chance. Any advice?

By: Larry

Larry — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 16:45:23 +0000

I ask. If they were not caught, would they keep cheating. I think they would. It’s when they are caught and confronted, that they appologize to you. As for me, if I feel I want to cheat, then I should be divorced. There is no excuse, NONE. I am going through hard times now with my wife and see many women out there, I would like to be with; however, it’s not worth it. I am of the Jewish faith but I feel all religions should follow this. Till death due us part should mean what it says.

By: Reflections

Reflections — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:34:50 +0000

My husband has cheated on my repeatedly. During the first 15 years of our marriage I saw signs, didn’t want to believe it and put up with a lot of internal pain and mental abuse. When I confronted him, he became apologetic, won’t happen again, etc. After 30 years of marriage he fell in love with and started making plans with her to be together permanently. When I discovered this, he apologized, said he didn’t know why he did what he did, we went to counseling and he remained frozen – not wanting to leave his home and family, but wanting the mistress. Our adult children let him know they weren’t going to have a relationship w/him and the other woman. We separated – things with the OW fell apart, he met a younger woman he dated and took to wonderful places. After two years I asked for a divorce and when confronted with that, said he wanted to come back home. I thought he really had decided to make a true commitment to our marriage and family. Within two years the affairs started again and I am numb. It doesn’t hurt as much now discovering the new women (yes more than one) and his words of longing and lust for them and I just can’t bring myself to gather the strength to confront him and go through all the pain again. I just feel exhausted thinking of dragging our whole family through this mess again. He on the other hand treats me like a queen, is generous and thoughtful. And I know that’s because he loves having both worlds – family and mistresses. And, yes, I look in the mirror and compare myself to these women and find fault with myself even though my friends tell me I’m smart and attractive I don’t feel that way. Have to find strength to pick up the phone, make appt. w/a counselor – avoiding it because I know they will tell me what I don’t want to do.

By: Areyounuts?

Areyounuts? — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 20:47:10 +0000

I think you are wrong. My brother in law has cheated on my sister several times. One time when she was pregnant with kid #2…and he had a CHILD with a woman a little after kid #4 showed up.

He’s also a full blown alcoholic and has illness (physical) due to his unhealthy life. He has no interest in the kids and now she wants to leave and HAVE A LIFE after 20 years, he is resisting divorce.

Forgive a cheater? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.