Once a cheater, always a cheater? Not necessarily. Here’s how to know if he’ll cheat again – the answer will surprise you.
Marriage coach Mort Fertel says spouses who cheat are less likely to cheat again. So, you shouldn’t necessarily leave your boyfriend or husband if you caught him having an affair.
“At this point in a husband’s life, given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that he’ll cheat again?” asks Fertel. “If this woman gave him another chance, what’s the likelihood that he’d make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family years before? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.”
Husbands who cheated may be more trustworthy than men who never cheated. Below, Mort Fertel explains his theory that he (your husband or boyfriend) will not cheat again.
If you don’t know what to do about his cheating, read What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats: Take Practical Steps To Survive.
Here’s what one reader says about this book:
I was in a similar situation many years ago and I wish I had a book like What to Do When Your Spouse Cheats to help me during that difficult time. This author has taken a situation that is often fraught with emotions and calmly laid out an action plan for anyone who suspects their spouse is cheating on them. One of the many tips that the author provides is not to leave the house once you have confronted your spouse with some of the evidence that he cheated, and don’t encourage them to leave either. Another point the author raised is to be careful when you vent your anger and hurt to friends or family members. After all if you want to keep your marriage going you don’t want to turn your friends and family against your spouse. What to Do When Your Spouse Cheats covers either staying in the marriage or leaving it.”
If you don’t know what to do after catching your spouse cheating, read that book.
And, here’s what Mort Fertel says about why men who cheat won’t cheat again…
Will He Cheat Again? The Surprising Answer
“My spouse cheated on me, apologized 100 times, stopped his affair, and is committed to being a new man,” says Beth. “I see he’s changed. But wouldn’t I be better off divorcing him and starting fresh with someone new?”
After a husband cheats on his wife, there’s so much pain, baggage, and a mountain of hurt to heal. Is it possible to rebuild a marriage after the trust is broken? Can you heal from your ordeal?
Does it make sense to just start a new relationship with someone else?
Most spouses who cope with infidelity (and other emotional hardships) believe that they’ll be safer in a relationship with someone who never cheated on them or hurt them. I completely understand this feeling…but the opposite might be true.
Spouses Who Cheat Are Less Likely to Cheat Again
In Beth’s case, it appears that her husband really changed. He genuinely wants to save his marriage and reconnect with his wife. And I’ve seen many people transform themselves after getting the ‘I want a divorce’ wake up call. Unless her husband is a pathological liar or an addict, he’s less likely to cheat on her again, compared to someone whose track record is clean. In other words, once a spouse learns their lesson about how destructive an affair is to a marriage, they’re less vulnerable to make the same mistake than someone who never cheated.
Beth has a choice. If she leaves her cheating spouse, he’ll most likely fall in love with another woman and treat her like a queen. He’ll be the husband to his new wife that Beth always wanted him. I’ve seen it happen too often. But, Beth has another option. She could forgive her husband, save her marriage, and become the lucky woman who gets treated like a queen.
The question is: how do you heal after finding out that your spouse cheated on you? How do you forgive? How do you get to the point where you’re able to give your husband another chance?
You shouldn’t stay with your partner if you think he will cheat again. If you’re confused because your instincts are telling you he’s not trustworthy, read 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Will Cheat on You Again.
If you’re ready to forgive, read Healing the Pain When Your Husband Has Been Unfaithful.
“No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.” – George Chakiris.
If you want to rebuild your relationship, read How to Reconnect With Your Spouse.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.