You’re in a new relationship, and you don’t want to make the same mistakes you made in your last relationship. Here’s how to start shifting your energy and attention and make your new love last a long, long time.
Before the tips, a quip:
“Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.” ~ Miles Franklin.
Being in a happy, healthy love relationship means having someone to tell things to — whether it’s what happened when you were parking the car or how the confrontation with your coworker was resolved. But, happy healthy love relationships falter if you keep making the same relationship mistakes!
If you’re mired in the past, read How to Fall out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts–and Find the Love That Heals….
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And, here are five tips for new relationships…
How to Stop Making the Same Mistakes in Your Relationships
1. Figure out why your last relationship ended. Different relationships end for different reasons, but if you can figure out the reasons your relationship failed, you’ll be less likely to travel the same road again. Do you keep choosing the wrong type of partner? Do you sabotage your relationship by hiding your true thoughs and feelings? Are you afraid of commitment or intimacy? Try to be specific about why your last relationship ended.
2. Understand the relationship mistakes you made. If you think the end of your last relationship was all your partner’s fault, then you need to take a second look at yourself! Your weaknesses and mistakes may have contributed to your relationship problems — and we all have flaws that make us challenging to love. The sooner you figure what role you played in your past relationship, the less likely you’ll make the same mistakes in your new relationship. This tip requires you to face your weakest, ugliest self…but it’s worth it.
3. Be open to change. Stop making the same relationship mistakes by being willing to let go of your old routines. Be open to change and compromise; learn how to make your new relationship strong and healthy. One of the most difficult things for us to do is initiate and sustain long-lasting healthy changes in our lives…but it’s one of the best ways to grow. And, it’s one of the best things you could do for a new relationship.
4. Deal with money issues right away. This blog wouldn’t be “Quips and Tips for Money and Love” without some mention of how money affects love! Will your new relationship will be affected by financial debt, past bankruptcies, child support payments, alimony, or other money issues? Deal with it early on. If you’re getting remarried, ask a divorce mediator or a financial consultant to help you resolve past financial issues. Learn how to talk about money in your new relationship – and make sure you don’t make the same financial mistakes in your new relationship.
5. Let yourself be known. Being vulnerable and authentic is one of the scariest things about falling in love for many people — especially if they’ve been hurt in past relationships. If you’ve made a lot of relationship mistakes, you may be unwilling or even unable to let your true personality, opinions, and feelings show. If you’re struggling with fear of a new relationship, get help. Talk to a counselor, trusted mentor, or spiritual leader. Don’t deny yourself the fundamental need of human beings: to have someone to tell things to.
What relationship mistakes do you keep making, and how will you stop?