If you’re tired of being single and getting hurt by your dating partners, read these tips from relationship coach Mary Jo Fay. You’ll learn how to protect yourself while remaining open to the possibilities of a romantic love relationship!
Before the tips, a quip:
“In emotionally healthy relationships, things really aren’t overly complicated or difficult,” says Fay. “Couples fight fair, look out for one another, and truly have an understanding about walking in their partner’s shoes.”
For more great relationship advice from Fay, read her book – The Seven Secrets of Love: Unlocking the Mysteries Behind Truly Great Relationships. It’s a dating book that will help you see where you’re going wrong, what you’re doing right, and how to find love without getting hurt.
Another great book about dating is How to Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker. With over fourteen years of experience as a professional matchmaker, Janis Spindel has a unique insider’s perspective on dating. All her clients are men, and they tell her exactly what they want in a relationship. Janis offers unique dating tips, such as the fact that it’s okay to ask a guy for his number, as long as you do it with confidence!
Now for a few tips on enjoying the singles scene…
How to Date Without Getting Hurt
1. Remember that you’re equals. It doesn’t matter if you’re a brain surgeon and he’s a car mechanic; when you meet at the heart and soul level, you have to connect as equal people. Healthy love relationships focus on equality and shared decision making. If you’re worried about power imbalances — especially if you just started dating – learn as much as you can about healthy dating relationships for singles.
2. Know what you want in a love relationship, and don’t settle. If you don’t like cigarettes, for example, don’t make exceptions for the cutie who smokes. Even if it’s not a problem right now, it will be one later. Further, getting serious with a partner and thinking he or she will quit anything for you is a big mistake. Don’t settle for second best, whether you’ve been single for 12 days or 12 years.
3. Understand that “What you see, is what you get.” Don’t try to change a potential partner to be something he or she isn’t. Thinking that he has the “potential” to turn be a wonderful spouse is exactly the type of magical thinking that leads to the most common relationship problems.
4. Remember that you can’t have love without trust. Right from day one, do you trust your date? Without trust, you end up with issues about lying, cheating, and so on. If you don’t trust this person 100%, then why are you even considering a love relationship? It’s not a secret that romantic love involves communication and trust…but this tips for smart dating often gets overlooked!
5. Know and love yourself inside and out. You can’t love anyone effectively unless you love yourself. This may also include doing some self-growth work … especially if you’ve been hurt by a past relationship. Are you ready to let go of your ex, and throw yourself into a new love relationship as a healthy single man or woman?
6. Trust your instincts. You know when things just don’t “feel” right in a relationship. To start a healthy romantic relationship, don’t make excuses for your partner’s behaviors because you’re so in love with the idea of being in love. Listening to your gut and trusting your instincts will help you date without getting hurt.
7. Don’t get physically intimate too soon. Get to know one another before you jump between the sheets! While this may sound trite, there is actually a physical reason for this tip for smart dating. A woman’s body produces the hormone oxytocin when she’s been intimate; it’s also known as the Bonding Hormone. Once she’s been with him, she tends to get bonded to her mate immediately – often without really knowing him. So get to know each other’s minds, hearts, and spirits before you get intimate.
8. Treat your partner with love and respect. This tip isn’t for dating as much as establishing a strong healthy love relationship. Sometimes it’s easy to take our most intimate partner for granted, and scream and holler at them, because it feels safe and they’re “always there.” Yet, if we forget to treat them as our best friend (yes, even when fighting) it’s a sure-fire bet that the relationship won’t stay warm and fuzzy for long.
Are you starting over after your relationship ended? Read my tips for new beginnings.
If you have any thoughts about these tips for dating without getting hurt, please comment below…
Mary Jo Fay also wrote When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong and Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex. Visit her website at OutOftheBoxx.com.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.