Mar 152010
 

If you’re tired of being single but you don’t know how to date without hurt, read these dating tips from relationship coach Mary Jo Fay. You’ll learn how to protect yourself while remaining open to the possibilities of a romantic love relationship.

date without getting hurt“In emotionally healthy relationships, things really aren’t overly complicated or difficult,” says Fay, author of The Seven Secrets of Love: Unlocking the Mysteries Behind Truly Great Relationships. “Couples fight fair, look out for one another, and truly have an understanding about walking in their partner’s shoes.”

In The Power of the Pussy: Get What You Want From Men: Love, Respect, Commitment and More!, Kara King shares 12 powerful secrets that will transform any woman into the type of strong, desirable woman that can effortlessly obtain what she wants from men – including the love, respect, and relationship you desire.

Another great book about dating is How to Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker. With over fourteen years of experience as a professional matchmaker, Janis Spindel has a unique insider’s perspective on dating. All her clients are men, and they tell her exactly what they want in a relationship. Janis offers unique dating tips, such as the fact that it’s okay to ask a guy for his number, as long as you do it with confidence!

Now for a few tips on enjoying the singles scene…

How to Date Without Getting Hurt

1. Remember that you’re equals. It doesn’t matter if you’re a brain surgeon and he’s a car mechanic; when you meet at the heart and soul level, you have to connect as equal people. Healthy love relationships focus on equality and shared decision making. If you’re worried about power imbalances — especially if you just started dating — learn as much as you can about healthy dating relationships for singles.

2. Know what you want in a love relationship, and don’t settle. If you don’t like cigarettes, for example, don’t make exceptions for the cutie who smokes. Even if it’s not a problem right now, it will be one later. Further, getting serious with a partner and thinking he or she will quit anything for you is a big mistake. Don’t settle for second best, whether you’ve been single for 12 days or 12 years.

3. Understand that “What you see, is what you get.” Don’t try to change a potential partner to be something he or she isn’t. Thinking that he has the “potential” to turn be a wonderful spouse is exactly the type of magical thinking that leads to the most common relationship problems.

4. Remember that you can’t have love without trust. Right from day one, do you trust your date? Without trust, you end up with issues about lying, cheating, and so on. If you don’t trust this person 100%, then why are you even considering a love relationship? It’s not a secret that romantic love involves communication and trust…but this tips for smart dating often gets overlooked.

dating without getting hurt

“How to Date Without Getting Hurt” by 378322, via Pixabay CC License

5. Know and love yourself inside and out. You can’t love anyone effectively unless you love yourself. This may also include doing some self-growth work … especially if you’ve been hurt by a past relationship. Are you ready to let go of your ex, and throw yourself into a new love relationship as a healthy single man or woman?

6. Trust your instincts. You know when things just don’t “feel” right in a relationship. To start a healthy romantic relationship, don’t make excuses for your partner’s behaviors because you’re so in love with the idea of being in love. Listening to your gut and trusting your instincts will help you date without getting hurt.

7. Don’t get physically intimate too soon. Get to know one another before you jump between the sheets! While this may sound trite, there is actually a physical reason for this tip for smart dating. A woman’s body produces the hormone oxytocin when she’s been intimate; it’s also known as the Bonding Hormone. Once she’s been with him, she tends to get bonded to her mate immediately — often without really knowing him. So get to know each other’s minds, hearts, and spirits before you get intimate.

8. Treat your partner with love and respect. This tip isn’t for dating as much as establishing a strong healthy love relationship. Sometimes it’s easy to take our most intimate partner for granted, and scream and holler at them, because it feels safe and they’re “always there.” Yet, if we forget to treat them as our best friend (yes, even when fighting) it’s a sure-fire bet that the relationship won’t stay warm and fuzzy for long.

If you’re interested in a friend, read 10 Signs You Should Be More Than Friends. And if you have any thoughts about these tips for dating without getting hurt, please comment below…

Mary Jo Fay also wrote When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong and Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex. Visit her website at OutOftheBoxx.com.

Summary
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How to Date Without Getting Hurt
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Dating tips from relationship coach Mary Jo Fay, to help women tired of being single, who want to date without hurt.
Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and free relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love
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  3 Responses to “How to Date Without Getting Hurt”

  1. Dear Itumeleng,

    I’m sorry you don’t want to keep dating your partner – but I’m happy that you’re realizing it now, before it’s too late! It’s always better to end a dating relationship before it gets more serious.

    Here’s an article that may help:

    How to Say It’s Over to Someone You Care About

    It’s important to accept that you can’t date and break up with someone without hurting him – or without getting hurt. Part of love and relationships is being vulnerable, which often means getting hurt.

    About your past relationship – are you still in love with him or her?

    This article may help you move on:

    How to Let Go of Someone You Love

    I hope this helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Sincerely,
    Laurie

  2. Hi!

    I have a problem with myself i do not know you will tell, i am in a relationship and now am engaged. The fact is i want to break-up with my partner because i do not fell that he is the right one for me. We do not get enough quality time with him and he is driking and smoking knowing that we talked about it before we get our relationship to the next level. Now am always thinking of the past relationship, and is not healthy coz its make me sick even worse. Its seems he was pretending be someone he is not. Please help! How do i have to tell? What can i do with this issue?

  3. I think it’s important to remember that if you open up your heart and allow yourself to love, you may get hurt. Even married couples get hurt! Feeling pain is part of love…but still, it’s better to open up to possible pain than shut yourself off from love.

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