Small Talk Tips to Help You Stop Being Shy on First Dates

Are you nervous or shy about a first date? These small talk tips will help you keep the conversation going over dinner or drinks. These pointers aren’t just dating tips – they’re effective conversation starters for established couples, work colleagues, and casual acquaintances.

Before the tips, a quip:

“I mean, it didn’t matter to me that there were people, it didn’t matter that I was shy,” said Eric Clapton. “Just the sound was so captivating that it helped me to get rid of those inhibitions.”

A great way to get over being shy is to immerse yourself in something you love or are totally captivated by. For Eric Clapton, it’s music…for you, it may be the thought of a new love relationship or opportunity to expand your singles life. To ease you into dating, here are five small talk tips – they’re from Leil Lowndes, who wrote Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work! (a great resource for overcoming shyness in all aspects of life).

Small Talk Tips to Help You Stop Being Shy on First Dates

1. Repeat the key phrases. Parroting certain words is a great tip for making small talk. For instance, if your date says something like, “The last time I saw a live concert was in the 90’s, when I won tickets to Elton John.” This is the perfect time for you to simply repeat “Elton John, huh?” or “concerts in the 90’s” or “live concerts.” More often than not, your date will keep expand on that topic. Experiment with it — it really works!

2. Throw the word “you” around. “Start every appropriate sentence with you,” writes Leil Lowndes in How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. “It immediately grabs your listener’s attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the pride button and saves them having to translate it into ‘me’ terms.” The fewer times you say “I”, the more attractive and friendly you’ll appear.

3. Practice “echoing” certain phrases. Echoing isn’t the same as parroting key phrases. Echoing is using your date’s jargon or way of speaking. For instance, if he’s a pharmacist, he may not use the word “drugstore” to describe where he works (pharmacy is used more often by pharmacists). Or if she’s a skier she might use the words “chalet” instead of “cabin” or “ski lodge.” The idea with echoing is to forge common ground by paying attention to the words your date uses – and use those same words to keep conversations going. If you feel shy about saying those phrases, ‘fess up to your date…your honesty and vulnerability will charm your date.

4. Avoid the world’s worst small talk tips. “An innocent joke at someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh,” writes Lowndes in How to Talk to Anyone. She explains that innocent teasing can backfire instantly, causing misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you’re worried about saying the wrong thing on the first date, focus instead on connecting with your date authentically.

5. Listen for opportunities for interesting small talk. If you’re chatting about the weather and your date happens to mention plants or flowers, take this as a clue to his or her habits and lifestyle — and an opportunity to make small talk. People drop hints about their likes and dislikes all the time; the trick to keeping first date conversations going is to recognize those subtle little cues and follow up on them. Be interested in and curious about your date. Enjoy getting to know him or her – and take deep breaths to ease your shyness about dating.

Here’s an interesting way to get to know your date better: 1,000 Questions for Couples. It’s a dating resource geared towards more serious couples — not first dates — but it’ll give you some ideas for the future!

If you’re looking for creative date ideas, take 300 Creative Date Ideas for a spin.

If you have any questions or thoughts on these ways to stop being shy on first dates, please comment below…

Category: Communicating & Relating, Dating, Meeting People, New Relationships