How to Protect Yourself While Loaning Your Boyfriend Money

    These tips on how to loan money to your boyfriend will help you support him financially without regretting it. Financial loans are one way to show your love – but you need to protect yourself!

    how to protect yourself loaning boyfriend moneyIf you and your partner aren’t on the same page about money and love, read Financial Intimacy: How to Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Money and Your Mate.

    Before the tips, a quip: “Be careful about lending a friend money. It may damage his memory.” ~ unknown.

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    Memory hiccups are normal in everyday life, and practically guaranteed when it comes to financial loan agreements and repayments! It doesn’t matter if you’ve been lovers for three months or three years; you need to take certain precautions when lending money.

    And, check out these five tips for loaning money to someone you love…

    Should You Loan Money to Your Boyfriend?

    These five tips for lending money to lovers will help you both remember the terms of your financial loan without wrecking your love relationship.

    Ask why your boyfriend needs the money

    Before make a financial loan, find out what the money is for. This may help you decide whether or not you should lend the money. Only lend money for vital reasons: paying the rent, buying food, paying bills, taking care of children’s needs. Never loan money for plastic surgery, vacations, or other luxuries. If you don’t agree with the reason your partner needs the money, find other ways to support him or her.

    If you fight about money, read How to Have Both Love and Money.

    Be “mean” – and draw up a contract

    Even thinking about a contract or signed agreement raises questions about trust and love relationships — but you have to get your financial agreement in writing if you’re lending money to your boyfriend or girlfriend. A moment of discomfort while you and your partner agree on the loan terms and signs the contract is much better than not remembering how much money you loaned to your friends or family members later! You don’t want to get stuck with debt later on.

    NEVER loan money if your boyfriend and you struggle with these signs of a bad relationship.

    Put everything in the financial agreement or contract

    How to Protect Yourself While Loaning Your Boyfriend Money

    How to Protect Yourself While Loaning Your Boyfriend Money

    Even if you’re convinced that you can attract financial abundance even if your partner never pays you back, you need to do everything you can to ensure your money returns to you.  This tip for loaning money to someone you love involves being very specific:

    • How much money you’re loaning
    • Whether you’ll be repaid in full or with a payment plan
    • The dates of the loan repayment or payment schedule
    • What will happen if your partner doesn’t pay the loan on time
    • What – if anything – you’ll take in lieu of payment (a car, housekeeping or renovation services, etc)

    These tips for loaning money to your boyfriend will help you stop fighting about money in your relationship.

    Remember: email and text messages are legally binding contracts

    You can loan money to your partner even if he or she is in a different country; you don’t need their signature on the loan agreement. Make sure you describe the terms of the loan in your email or text message – and make double sure that they respond with an email or text message agreeing to the loan terms.

    Get a witness to sign your contract

    If you have a contract signed by both parties, you don’t need a witness…but it can’t hurt! If you should have to sue your lover in court for the loan repayment (and it happens all the time!), a witness can be valuable in helping you win your case.

    Are you uncertain about your relationship? Read When to Give Up on Your Boyfriend.

    If you have any thoughts about lending your boyfriend money, please comment below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help to write about your experience with love and money.

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    I also posted this article on When Love Bugs You – my other love blog – and called it Before You Lend Your Boyfriend Money.

    10 Responses

    1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

      Hi Victoria,

      Yes, you should start saying no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money! You should only lend money to your boyfriend if 1) you have a contract with him that stipulates when he’ll repay you; and 2) you’ve been dating for more than a year.

      Do not lend your boyfriend more money. Tell him you like him alot, but you can’t afford to keep giving him money. Also, ask when he can repay you the money you’ve already loaned him.

      By the way – how WILL he repay you? What are his plans for getting his own money?

    2. Victoria says:

      It’s 9 months since I’ve started to see someone new. I Love him. I’m convinced that he loves me.
      It’s obvious that my job generates more income than his and he also has a son that he has to support.
      Within the 9 months, I’ve lent him money more than 9 times. Sometimes small amounts, sometimes a lot more. There’s always a reasonable explanation as to why the cash is needed. There’s always a promise to repay but none of the loans has been repaid so far.
      My question is: should I start to say no? Should I start to worry that I’ll never be repaid?

    3. Laurie says:

      I recently started working with women who are leaving abusive relationships, and am learning that money is almost always involved! Think twice about lending money to your boyfriend, because his financial problems might be a sign of deeper issues in his life.

    4. Laurie says:

      I wish you luck, Joy, as you loan your boyfriend $24,000. GET IT IN WRITING, and keep track of the payments he makes.

    5. Joy says:

      I trust my bf so much that i didn’t hesitate to lend him $24,000. I will get a good timing so we can have written agreement about the loan. Wish me luck.

    6. Laurie says:

      I don’t think it’s smart to lend boyfriends money, even if you have written agreements in place. I’ve been watching Judge Marilyn Milian for too long – I see girlfriends lose money every day!

    7. Marie says:

      I am out $20,000 because I have nothing in writing, My now ex boyfriend told me he would repay me and only made one payment of $1000. I was in love with him at the time and it was so he could live in a condo he didnt qualify for the mortgage and I helped him out and then he got fired and had no job. Years later he is working at a very good job and I emailed him to see if he would pay me and he said I would have to wait he has to pay the taxman first. Seriously never ever lend a boyfriend money without a legally binding agreement or better yet dont lend any friend money ever.

    8. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

      A written agreement has nothing to do with trust issues! A written agreement is the smartest thing you’ll ever do if you lend money to your boyfriend or girlfriend. You can trust someone all you want, but you need to have the details of the loan written down.


      Because you forget stuff, he forgets stuff. Why trust a faulty memory when you can jot it down and forget about it?

      Also, write down all loan payments, and keep a record of them somewhere safe.

    9. anon says:

      I think that if u have to create a written aggreement to lend money to your girlfriend or boyfriend then u have trust issues. Have a look at your relationship. I give my girlfriend money when she is skint and I dont expect it back because I love her and she would do the same for me. If u have written out a aggreement for the money then rip it up and put your trust in your partner. If you cant why are you together?

    10. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

      Even though I wrote this article about lending money to your boyfriend or girlfriend, I really don’t think it’s a great idea. I think it causes more problems than it solves, and can even lead to a breakup.

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