Comments on: Should You Leave Your Husband? 3 Signs It’s Time to Go http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go Readers ask questions about love and marriage; I write articles peppered with quips and tips! Fri, 25 May 2012 11:46:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: jennifer http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37552 jennifer Tue, 22 May 2012 02:35:47 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37552 been having control issues with my spouse for seven years it did not get real harsh till after the kids were born but he exerted lots of jealousy while i was in school always saying how id never finish because i was always missing for something important like i was pregnant and fighting severe sickness all day and migraines that would make me puke and pass out. pre-eclampsia and diabetes made for a not feel good the whole pregnancy but i still finished at the top ten percent of my class and turned around and had the baby only to get pregnant again. he lost his job but that was my fault for having him get a tax payer id number not to mention that we had to do so and file taxes so he could get his greencard but told me the greencard didnt matter but soon as i got pregnant it became the only thing that mattered... he is a great father but a lousy husband he does scream and i suspect he cheats. want to leave him but not sure if i can. wondering would others in this situation leave or would they stay. not sure if i love him or not and the sex is definitely not fullfilling as it once was (since the kids were born) he does not hit me but how he treat me in front of others and things he has said make me feel as if he has hit me right in the chest... been having control issues with my spouse for seven years it did not get real harsh till after the kids were born but he exerted lots of jealousy while i was in school always saying how id never finish because i was always missing for something important like i was pregnant and fighting severe sickness all day and migraines that would make me puke and pass out. pre-eclampsia and diabetes made for a not feel good the whole pregnancy but i still finished at the top ten percent of my class and turned around and had the baby only to get pregnant again. he lost his job but that was my fault for having him get a tax payer id number not to mention that we had to do so and file taxes so he could get his greencard but told me the greencard didnt matter but soon as i got pregnant it became the only thing that mattered… he is a great father but a lousy husband he does scream and i suspect he cheats. want to leave him but not sure if i can. wondering would others in this situation leave or would they stay. not sure if i love him or not and the sex is definitely not fullfilling as it once was (since the kids were born) he does not hit me but how he treat me in front of others and things he has said make me feel as if he has hit me right in the chest…

]]> By: Possibilities http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37517 Possibilities Mon, 21 May 2012 15:43:36 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37517 NIKKI, I'm sure you have been told the obvious reasons to death by everyone, why you shouldn't be with him. Not going there (personally speaking), it sucks to love rodents. One tip about rodents, they stay in cages for a reason. To love a rodent or not to love. "quote from me" 1. If he bites back (beats you) you have your answer on talking. Don't bother, just turn away and walk away, it sucks. Your son is worth every step and breath you take as his mom. 2. If he doesn't bite back, ask him if he's a man or mouse. Go back to ABCs and 123s, remembering is fun. Make the marriage work. NIKKI,
I’m sure you have been told the obvious reasons to death by everyone, why you shouldn’t be with him.
Not going there (personally speaking), it sucks to love rodents. One tip about rodents, they stay in cages for a reason.

To love a rodent or not to love. “quote from me”
1. If he bites back (beats you) you have your answer on talking.
Don’t bother, just turn away and walk away, it sucks. Your son is worth every step and breath you take as his mom.
2. If he doesn’t bite back, ask him if he’s a man or mouse.
Go back to ABCs and 123s, remembering is fun. Make the marriage work.

]]> By: Possibilities http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37513 Possibilities Mon, 21 May 2012 15:15:54 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37513 CHINA, Do you have any children or friends that are more close to you or spouse? Other than that, here is a few tidbits... 1. Some could be medication you might be on. (confusion, emotional, illness ect.) I love Wal-Greens pharmacy. Most are friendly and will give you time of day. Check out your prescriptions, take them in. Most would be more than happy to ease your mind. 2. Honestly, I have a safety lock on my smart phone. I keep a lot of personal information stored there. 3. Sometimes life may seem hopeless or even not worth staying. Please don't give up and knowing that life can give you a bad hand, like poker. But bluffing can always be played. So don't fold, keep bluffing! CHINA,

Do you have any children or friends that are more close to you or spouse?

Other than that, here is a few tidbits…
1. Some could be medication you might be on. (confusion, emotional, illness ect.) I love Wal-Greens pharmacy. Most are friendly and will give you time of day. Check out your prescriptions, take them in. Most would be more than happy to ease your mind.
2. Honestly, I have a safety lock on my smart phone. I keep a lot of personal information stored there.
3. Sometimes life may seem hopeless or even not worth staying. Please don’t give up and knowing that life can give you a bad hand, like poker. But bluffing can always be played. So don’t fold, keep bluffing!

]]> By: Possibilities http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37511 Possibilities Mon, 21 May 2012 14:46:02 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37511 Lynn, your story was very touching and in ways it feels similar to a situation I recalled, by listening to both sides objectively. Granted I'm not a professional from any means. For a lot of stress in marriages is finances, plain and simple. Anything outside of this bubble is sacrifices, either by good choices or not. Staying in a relationship for money has advantages but just because its there, abusing it for self gain and not improving your situation is foolish. 1. If you truly love the children, don't be hasty. Google is a powerful tool. 2. Be calm and get ALL information on children from birth to now. EVERY DOCTOR they ever had. 2. Video is a powerful stuff in attorney hands if want to be a parent and show flakes, kids should be treated with love, respect, and guidance. Lynn, your story was very touching and in ways it feels similar to a situation I recalled, by listening to both sides objectively. Granted I’m not a professional from any means.

For a lot of stress in marriages is finances, plain and simple.
Anything outside of this bubble is sacrifices, either by good choices or not.

Staying in a relationship for money has advantages but just because its there, abusing it for self gain and not improving your situation is foolish.

1. If you truly love the children, don’t be hasty. Google is a powerful tool.
2. Be calm and get ALL information on children from birth to now. EVERY DOCTOR they ever had.
2. Video is a powerful stuff in attorney hands if want to be a parent and show flakes, kids should be treated with love, respect, and guidance.

]]> By: Patsy http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37379 Patsy Sat, 19 May 2012 19:58:19 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37379 I have been married for 2 years with him for 5. We have one son. The relationship has been hard from the beginning. I'm a stay at home mom and becoming fed up. I am a junior at a university but it's on hold to be with baby. My husband just graduated from a univ. himself. Now it's my turn to go again. I feel that my husband is a narcissist and materialistic and it's the opposite of me and drives me insane. We have shared one car meaning my schedule revolves aground his. Everytime I bring up getting a job or going to school (I the past) he almost throws fits and gets me not to do it. He's kept me from interviews and accepting jobs. He's compulsive when it comes to cleaning. He yells and puts me down. I'm never good enough. The main issue is he keeps me from my family forcing me to go behind his back to see them. He has not said one positive thing about them in over a year. We never go out.... Grandmas are not even allowed to babysit leaving me with out a break ever! Should I leave? I'm so confused. I'm tired of his bad temper and controlling ways. I have been married for 2 years with him for 5. We have one son. The relationship has been hard from the beginning. I’m a stay at home mom and becoming fed up. I am a junior at a university but it’s on hold to be with baby. My husband just graduated from a univ. himself. Now it’s my turn to go again. I feel that my husband is a narcissist and materialistic and it’s the opposite of me and drives me insane. We have shared one car meaning my schedule revolves aground his. Everytime I bring up getting a job or going to school (I the past) he almost throws fits and gets me not to do it. He’s kept me from interviews and accepting jobs. He’s compulsive when it comes to cleaning. He yells and puts me down. I’m never good enough. The main issue is he keeps me from my family forcing me to go behind his back to see them. He has not said one positive thing about them in over a year. We never go out…. Grandmas are not even allowed to babysit leaving me with out a break ever! Should I leave? I’m so confused. I’m tired of his bad temper and controlling ways.

]]> By: nikki http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37246 nikki Thu, 17 May 2012 17:53:33 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37246 My husband and I were together for a year before we got married. He is a few years younger than me but that has never made a difference. We had been engaged for a few short months when he started talking to a woman he works with, two exes, and one old fling. He hid this from me for a month, I ended up finding out by luck. Despite what my heart wanted I was going to be done with him, he cried told me I was all he ever wanted and he was just being stupid with his actions, wanted to make sure I was all he wanted before we got married. The pain I felt from his many betrayals got so intense I ended up being numb. Just kind of went through the motions, forgave him and we moved in together. Months later we got married. We have been married for three months now and I fear our marriage was over before it began. I have major trust issues and it doesnt help that he still works with the woman he attempted to sleep with ( I to this day do not know if they ever did) I argue with myself daily on whether or not to believe anything he says. He has lied so much, it's hard. He gets angry with me, says hes tired of not being trusted, but shouldn't he earn that back? I didn't damage our relationship/marriage and yet it seems as though I am the one suffering, trying to move past the past, trying to fix the present and survive the future.He used to try now he doesnt. Now he just gets angry and says "we shouldnt be together, its not what I want though" but he does nothing to change ANYthing and then says all he does is try. I convince myself my marriage is not a good one but I love this man, I truly adore him. My 5 year old son whose father is not in his life adores my husband as well. How can I leave when I dont want to, when I dont want to put my son or myself through a divorce? All I want is my marriage to work, doesnt have to be perfect, I'd settle for ok. I am still hurt by the past and I know that is a lot of our issues, but I am not hurt enough to want to leave my husband. I wonder if I can leave, I doubt I could make myself. I love him too much. I meant what I said when we got married, I made a choice. I chose him for the rest of my life. I couldnt imagine touching another man or DATING again (ugh) but we have trust issues, we cant communicate and it hurts me hes not more understanding to what he put me through. I dont know what to do where to start. My husband and I were together for a year before we got married. He is a few years younger than me but that has never made a difference. We had been engaged for a few short months when he started talking to a woman he works with, two exes, and one old fling. He hid this from me for a month, I ended up finding out by luck. Despite what my heart wanted I was going to be done with him, he cried told me I was all he ever wanted and he was just being stupid with his actions, wanted to make sure I was all he wanted before we got married. The pain I felt from his many betrayals got so intense I ended up being numb. Just kind of went through the motions, forgave him and we moved in together. Months later we got married. We have been married for three months now and I fear our marriage was over before it began. I have major trust issues and it doesnt help that he still works with the woman he attempted to sleep with ( I to this day do not know if they ever did) I argue with myself daily on whether or not to believe anything he says. He has lied so much, it’s hard. He gets angry with me, says hes tired of not being trusted, but shouldn’t he earn that back? I didn’t damage our relationship/marriage and yet it seems as though I am the one suffering, trying to move past the past, trying to fix the present and survive the future.He used to try now he doesnt. Now he just gets angry and says “we shouldnt be together, its not what I want though” but he does nothing to change ANYthing and then says all he does is try. I convince myself my marriage is not a good one but I love this man, I truly adore him. My 5 year old son whose father is not in his life adores my husband as well. How can I leave when I dont want to, when I dont want to put my son or myself through a divorce? All I want is my marriage to work, doesnt have to be perfect, I’d settle for ok. I am still hurt by the past and I know that is a lot of our issues, but I am not hurt enough to want to leave my husband. I wonder if I can leave, I doubt I could make myself. I love him too much. I meant what I said when we got married, I made a choice. I chose him for the rest of my life. I couldnt imagine touching another man or DATING again (ugh) but we have trust issues, we cant communicate and it hurts me hes not more understanding to what he put me through. I dont know what to do where to start.

]]> By: JESSICA http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37194 JESSICA Thu, 17 May 2012 03:42:44 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37194 IM GOING THOUGH IT RIGHT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN LOCKED UP FOR THE PAST 4YEARS AND I HAVE BEEN THERE ALL THE WAY WE A CHILD TOGETHER HE COMES HOME IN 5 MONTHS AND HE IS PUTTING THROUGH HELL ABOUT TRUST. NOW HES SAYING I HAVE TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST IF HE WANTS US TO WORK.I CANT BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS,THIS IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME I NEVER GAVE HIM REASON TO DOUBT ME IT HURTS AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.WHAT SHOULD I DO?????? IM GOING THOUGH IT RIGHT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN LOCKED UP FOR THE PAST 4YEARS AND I HAVE BEEN THERE ALL THE WAY WE A CHILD TOGETHER HE COMES HOME IN 5 MONTHS AND HE IS PUTTING THROUGH HELL ABOUT TRUST. NOW HES SAYING I HAVE TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST IF HE WANTS US TO WORK.I CANT BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS,THIS IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME I NEVER GAVE HIM REASON TO DOUBT ME IT HURTS AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT.WHAT SHOULD I DO??????

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37179 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Wed, 16 May 2012 22:49:34 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37179 Dear Catherine, You've been through so much lately! You're a strong woman - a survivor - and I hope you can see how resilient and courageous you are. I can't give you the help you need and deserve. You need to reach out to someone in person, and talk about whether or not you should leave your husband and how to survive this situation. I wish I could give you all the answers and support you need, but I can't. Please call a distress line or counselor. You deserve to get the help you need - please reach out in person, and let me know how it goes, okay? I welcome you to keep coming back and letting me know how you are - I'd love to know how you're doing. Remember: you CAN survive this, and be happy again. Healing is on the way...but you need to go halfway out to meet it. Blessings, Laurie Dear Catherine,

You’ve been through so much lately! You’re a strong woman – a survivor – and I hope you can see how resilient and courageous you are.

I can’t give you the help you need and deserve. You need to reach out to someone in person, and talk about whether or not you should leave your husband and how to survive this situation. I wish I could give you all the answers and support you need, but I can’t.

Please call a distress line or counselor. You deserve to get the help you need – please reach out in person, and let me know how it goes, okay? I welcome you to keep coming back and letting me know how you are – I’d love to know how you’re doing.

Remember: you CAN survive this, and be happy again. Healing is on the way…but you need to go halfway out to meet it.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Catherine http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-37147 Catherine Wed, 16 May 2012 07:45:53 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-37147 I would love some advice, I am currently married with 2 teenage kids 18 and 17 and have been for 20 years. I am 39 years old this year, 5 weeks ago my male best friend of 5 years was going through some very personal family issues with abuse that happened to him as a child and I was supportive by listening and hugging him when he broke down.One night he was in tears because of the abuse he suffered as a child I reached out and hugged him, he kissed me. My husband found out and my life has been a living nightmare since. I am made to check in everywhere I go, I must provide proof of where I am all the time yet he has accused me of meeting my male best friend, and lying etc. He come clean about a trip away he had with 10 mates to Vegas which I asked him about when he returned as I had one of his friends come over and get drunk and and what he told me astounded me he said my husband was with someone in Vegas and he swore on his dads life back then that simply wasn't the case. I confronted him and he swore yet again he done nothing wrong, I asked him not to say anything or cause an issue with his friend. He promised he wouldn't say anything. He lied and I found out. He has hidden phone calls with his brother and work colleges and makes a habit of telling his mates about my best friend and I. Any friends I thought I had have walked away from me, I have no family and left for 3 weeks to stay in a hotel. I attempted to take my life twice but failed. I returned home as he begged and pleaded he loved me to give us another chance, I agreed as I love him dearly. Since I have been back home he has hidden, lied, accussed me of things that I didn't do. He told me his dead grandfather whom he has never met came to him whilst he was asleep and told him I was doing wrong again. Now he has told his friend which is or was our friends the whole male best friend incident. Not only do I deal with these friends on a work level I also have to deal with them on holidays as we have our house on the river next to theirs. I am in despair I have no one to reach out to, or support me. I have paid dearly for my error and now I am made to suffer every waking moment. Please help? I would love some advice, I am currently married with 2 teenage kids 18 and 17 and have been for 20 years. I am 39 years old this year, 5 weeks ago my male best friend of 5 years was going through some very personal family issues with abuse that happened to him as a child and I was supportive by listening and hugging him when he broke down.One night he was in tears because of the abuse he suffered as a child I reached out and hugged him, he kissed me. My husband found out and my life has been a living nightmare since. I am made to check in everywhere I go, I must provide proof of where I am all the time yet he has accused me of meeting my male best friend, and lying etc. He come clean about a trip away he had with 10 mates to Vegas which I asked him about when he returned as I had one of his friends come over and get drunk and and what he told me astounded me he said my husband was with someone in Vegas and he swore on his dads life back then that simply wasn’t the case. I confronted him and he swore yet again he done nothing wrong, I asked him not to say anything or cause an issue with his friend. He promised he wouldn’t say anything. He lied and I found out. He has hidden phone calls with his brother and work colleges and makes a habit of telling his mates about my best friend and I. Any friends I thought I had have walked away from me, I have no family and left for 3 weeks to stay in a hotel. I attempted to take my life twice but failed.
I returned home as he begged and pleaded he loved me to give us another chance, I agreed as I love him dearly.
Since I have been back home he has hidden, lied, accussed me of things that I didn’t do. He told me his dead grandfather whom he has never met came to him whilst he was asleep and told him I was doing wrong again. Now he has told his friend which is or was our friends the whole male best friend incident. Not only do I deal with these friends on a work level I also have to deal with them on holidays as we have our house on the river next to theirs.
I am in despair I have no one to reach out to, or support me. I have paid dearly for my error and now I am made to suffer every waking moment. Please help?

]]> By: Sarah http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/should-i-leave-my-husband-help-deciding-whether-to-stay-or-go/comment-page-8/#comment-36493 Sarah Thu, 03 May 2012 22:42:35 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/?p=654#comment-36493 Girl from Indonesia: welcome to American men. What you did was not a good idea, it would be better for you to return to your country and to your family. Girl from Indonesia: welcome to American men. What you did was not a good idea, it would be better for you to return to your country and to your family.

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